Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Couples Therapy
Session Two
****
Bella's Point of View.
Edward and I both went to the next therapy session after agreeing that we didn't want to give up just yet, no matter how hopeless it seemed. He seemed so genuine when he asked me last Saturday night, or rather early Sunday morning, to keep going to our sessions. He seemed so... desperate. Edward really made me believe that our marriage was important to him.
And I was stupid enough to have fallen for it.
This week, we quickly went back to the way things were in reality, him being a complete an utter prick, and me being bitchy and sarcastic.
Our therapist Karen was pleasantly surprised to see that we went back so soon, especially after the last one ended the Saturday before. It was only when we got there, and found out that the topic for the day was going to be our physical relationship, did I wish I hadn't bothered.
Great. How did you talk about an aspect of your life that was none existent? This should be interesting.
"It goes without saying that the problems you're experiencing will ultimately affect your sex life also," Karen told us.
"What fucking sex life?" Edward laughed maliciously.
"Are you honestly going to sit there and blame the fact that we haven't so much as touched each other in months on me?!" I asked hotly.
Edward had an undecipherable smirk on his face. "You know what? I'm to blame for everything else that goes wrong, so why don't we just blame me for this too?"
"You know I hear that a couple's chances of having sex are dramatically increased if they're in a room together for longer than five minutes," I pointed out snottily. I noticed Edward clenching his jaw and keep looking straight ahead. "What, you're not going to talk now?"
"Is there any point?!"
"Wow, you're a hero," I spat.
"Ok," Karen held up a hand. "Why don't you tell me about the last time you were intimate with each other?"
Brilliant. Chew down on that big boy.
"Yeah Edward, why don't we?" I said folding my arms across my chest.
It wasn't going to make me look good, but, it was going to make him look so much worse.
Edward shifted awkwardly and cleared his throat. "I'm not sure I'm...entirely comfortable with talking about this."
Tough. "He fell asleep." I leant forward and plastered a fake smile on my face for added effect. "Whilst he was still inside of me."
I leant back into my seat and saw out of the corner of my eye, Edward gripping the side of his chair arm.
His knuckles went even whiter if that was possible. He slowly turned and stared at me callously. "You knew that I had worked a thirteen hour shift. I was exhausted and pleaded with you the next morning, not to take it personally!"
"How could I not take it personally?!" I asked in disbelief. "I told you that I wasn't in the mood in the first place and you insisted on it. We only did it because you thought it was what was expected of us."
"What do you mean, expected of you?" Karen enquired.
"It was our anniversary," I replied.
"I see," she said and wrote something down.
I laughed at the stupidity of what had happened and looked at Edward. "You know, you didn't see our anniversary as an important enough reason for you to take a day off work to spend with me, yet you saw the need for us to have sex, when it was clear that neither of us wanted it."
"That's not true," he tried to argue. "I wanted you. It had been so goddamned long since we'd...been together, and all I was trying to do was to make you feel special and wanted, to feel close to you again."
"Edward!" I raised my voice loosing all patience. "You. Fell. Asleep. On top of me! You failed in your quest to make me feel special and wanted. You failed fucking miserably."
"I said I was sorry like a thousand times!" he too raising his voice.
I shook my head and said nothing back, trying desperately to calm myself down. My mind went back to three months ago, when what we now refer to as 'the incident' happened. It was probably one of the most humiliating experiences in my life, and I'm like the clumsiest person on the planet. On reflection, I think it was also the final straw.
Our shrink was going to love this.
3 Months ago
The clock on my bedside table read 10.13pm, and I was in bed alone. Again. Only this time instead of being pissed off, I was absolutely fucking super pissed off. It was our fourth wedding anniversary and I had only just heard my husband, who had been at work since 8.00am this morning, walk through the front door.
All week he had been coming home at around 7.00pm, which was still late I guess, but better than the usual hour he'd stroll in on most days. Then, today of all days, he had to go and be the super insensitive prick that he'd been accustomed to being most of the past year. I turned the light off and lay on my side, my back to where Edward would be laying soon. I heard him enter the bedroom and I closed my eyes immediately feigning sleep. He didn't turn on the lights, believing my little show. He undressed in the dark, the only light in the room coming from the bedroom window, and climbed into bed behind me. I didn't want to argue with him tonight. I was severely pissed with him, but, it was like smashing my head against a brick wall when I tried to talk to with him about it. I really was beginning to feel as though I had no energy anymore to fight with him.
Then something strange happened.
Usually when Edward got into bed after a day at work, he would be flat on his back and sleeping like a baby within minutes. Tonight, I felt him lean up on his elbow behind me, and press a kiss to my bare shoulder. It wasn't long before I felt his fingers tenderly move the strands of hair aside that had fallen onto my face. "Baby, are you awake?" he whispered.
His angel like voice always made me crumble and tonight was no different, no matter how mad I was with him. It was the first time he'd spoken with such affection in his tone for months, and I'd missed it so much that I wasn't ready for it to go away just yet.
I felt so damn weak. "Not quite."
"Happy anniversary," he spoke softly, before yawning quickly. I didn't reply, even when he started
rubbing his hand up and down my arm. "Honey, I am so sorry about today."
"Edward, leave it," I begged. "It...It doesn't even matter."
"I tried everything I could to get out early today," he said still rubbing my arm. "There was this big conference thing and my boss said I needed to be there, that the experience would be imperative to my growth as part of the team. It ran a little longer than I thought."
I still didn't say anything.
"Why didn't you open your present," he asked softly. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness in the room and saw on the dresser, the present that he had left for me this morning, still unopened.
"I didn't want it."
"Why not?" he asked confused.
"I only wanted you," I told him truthfully. Why did he not understand that?
His arm slowly crept up to the top of the blanket that was just above my chest, shielding the flimsy silk nightgown I had worn in a hope of surprising him. "You have me," he whispered huskily, before he started pulling it away. My arm was trapping it making it difficult for him to completely take it away from me. He eventually gave up and took my arm away instead, bringing it in between us. After pulling the blanket down, his hand went straight for my breast, and that's when I felt him lean further over me and begin trailing kisses up my neck.
It was when I felt his growing erection prodding against my backside, that I flinched and took his hand away from my breast. "Edward, stop."
"Why?" he whispered, but didn't pull away. "It's our anniversary, Bella."
"I just can't do this with you right now."
"Bella..."
I sighed and turned onto my back so I could see him better. The light from the moon shining through our window was enough for me to make out everyone of his features. "You know how I feel when it comes to this part of our relationship; it's really hard for me to be with you like that unless I feel close to you."
He smiled at me as if I was crazy, and then leaned in towards my lips. "Just imagine how close you're going to feel to me when I'm in you." He pressed his lips tenderly against mine, and it wasn't long before I felt his tongue trying to invade my mouth. I responded for a few moments but then pushed him away gently.
"Edward..."
"What?" he asked sounding a little impatient. "Bella please, we haven't made love in months, we need this."
I am officially the most stupid person on the planet. When he leaned in to kiss me again, I didn't push him away. I accepted him, and his pathetic reason for doing it. It had simply just been too long. I opened my legs for him to climb in between and gripped his shoulders. His lips never left mine as he lined himself up to my entrance. I felt his fingers glide up and down me for a bit, tying to spread around what little moist there was. What a contrast to the very beginning of our marriage, when all he had to do was look at me to get me wet. I was in the middle of desperately trying to become turned on when I felt him awkwardly push himself inside me, an action which usually made me sigh out in bliss, made me sigh out slightly in pain. Edward would generally slide in with ease, only this time it was obvious how difficult it was for me to become aroused by him lately.
His lips left mine and he buried his face into my neck, clearly not interested in looking at me as he slowly began pushing in and out. I couldn't help but tense up as he continued to thrust lazily into me, which was making this whole process very uncomfortable for me. Edward wasn't exactly average in that department but bigger, so he always use to make sure that I was aroused before I would even attempt to take him, only this time, he didn't even seem to care about that. Wait. Did I really just refer to this as a process?! Is that what our sex life has become? This was completely fucked up.
I was just about to voice my disgust and get him to stop when I realised, that he already had. He was still inside me but was no longer moving. "Edward," I said quietly.
There was no answer and he didn't make any movement either. The only thing that let me know he was still alive was his heartbeat and steady breathing.
"Edward," I repeated more firmly.
Still nothing.
I grabbed his hair tightly and pulled his head up so that I could see his face. His eyes were closed and his mouth slightly open. I suddenly felt sick.
He had fallen asleep.
I forcefully yanked his head backwards, hard enough for clumps of hair to come out in my hand. His eyes eventually fluttered open and he looked at me as if I'd turned green.
"What?" he asked disorientated.
I let go of his head and pushed at his shoulders with all the strength I had. "Get off of me!"
He looked down and saw that he was sill joined with me. Finally realising what had happened; he pulled out of me and fell back onto his arms. I frantically climbed out of bed and grabbed my silk robe from a nearby chair, then saw him looking at me worriedly.
"Bella..."
"No!" I spat hotly, desperately trying to tie my robe. "God, you make me feel sick, do you know that?!" He reached out to me but I stepped further away from him.
"Bella, I am so sorry."
"Don't!" I said fiercely. "I don't want to hear that word come from your mouth ever again, you got me?!"
I saw him pull back the covers and get out of bed. I thought he was going to just storm out, but he went and switched on the main light in our bedroom. I scoffed when light lit the room and I saw him standing in front of me stark bollock naked. Quickly turning around to the window, I shut the curtains rapidly then turned back to face him. "Will you please put some goddamned pants on?!"
He huffed but obliged my request. He walked into his closet and pulled on some jeans, then started to approach me.
I held up a hand. "Don't come near me or I swear to god, I will scratch your fucking eyes out!"
He stopped and grimaced. "Aren't we going to at least talk about this?"
I stared at him incredulously and pointed to the bed. "You actually want to talk to me about what just happened there?!" He slowly glanced at the bed then back at me. He said nothing. "I didn't think so."
****
"I wanted to give up there and then," I said truthfully. "I was so close to doing so, but I didn't have anything left in me that night."
"Then what happened?" Karen enquired.
"Things didn't change, not that I expected them to. Edward and I more a less stopped talking to each other all together. And that's how the past few months have remained, well, until we started coming here that is."
"And what made you come here?" Karen asked.
"Edward's parents knew that we were having trouble, and they suggested this as a...last resort kind of thing."
"Why did you agree to it?" Karen asked.
I shrugged. "I wanted to see if there was anything left for us to save."
Karen smiled. "Do you think there is?"
I glanced at Edward and he looked at me expectantly, his eyes boring into mine. My mouth suddenly went dry and my heart started to beat faster than usual. I couldn't maintain eye contact with him any longer.
I had to be honest with him and more importantly, myself.
I licked my lips in preparation for my answer, knowing it would break my heart.
"No," I admitted sadly. "I don't think there is."
I saw Edward close his eyes in what looked to be anguish, and put a hand to his head. But what I didn't understand was why? It was as if he'd gone out of his way to push me away this past year, so he couldn't be upset at the prospect of loosing me. Could he?
****
The ride home was excruciating, neither of us saying a word to each other the entire journey home. The session we'd just been to, had made things worse just like I thought it would. Sure we were being honest but was any of it really worth it? Nothing was improving between us, not even the slightest bit.
I still loved Edward more than anything in my world. But I couldn't do this any longer.
When we finally got into the house that we'd called home for the past four years, I cringed slightly, terrified of what I was about to do.
I entered the living room with Edward following me in complete silence, and put my bag down on a nearby table. I slowly walked over to the nearest window and looked out on the woods we lived near. I took a deep breath and turned around to face my husband of four years and three months.
He was stood scarily still, as if he was expecting something.
I mustered all the courage I could and looked him square in the eye, my heart breaking in two, knowing what was coming.
I licked my lips. "I think that one of us...should move out." He said nothing and remained deathly still. "I'm sorry."
His eyes didn't once leave mine.
"I think so too," he spoke hoarsely.
I wondered why he agreed so easily. "You do?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "I mean...I told you that if you gave therapy another chance and it didn't work out, that I would I do anything you wanted me to."
"Right." What else was I suppose to say?
"I'll...move out," he said sounding broken. "I'll go pack my stuff up now."
You won't even fight for me! You bastard.
"Fine," I croaked.
"Bella," Edward finally moved and came closer to me. "What happens now?"
The tears were beginning to form in my eyes at fast pace.
I shrugged and wiped away a few tears. "I think it's over, Edward."
I watched as my husband's eyes, for the first time since I'd known him, began to water. "Right..."
Please let this be a nightmare. I know I was the one doing this, but was my marriage really ending? I couldn't stand it any longer and had to get out of there.
"Will you excuse me?" I asked him sadly, my voice breaking completely. I didn't wait for any response, just walked past him in desperate need of some air.
"I saw you."
I stopped when I heard Edward speak softly. I turned around in confusion and saw him still facing away from me. "Sorry?"
He faced me and looked scared to death. "I said I saw you."
"Saw what?" I asked, having no idea what he was talking about.
He took a few steps toward me and swallowed nervously. "I saw you and Jake. You know, at you dad's party."
Huh?
"I knew all along," he said to me in a strangled voice. "Only I didn't stick around long enough to see you push him away."
My eyes widened at his confession. He knew all that time and didn't even talk to me about it. He had clearly put two and two together and came up with five.
He thought I was having an affair.
What the fuck?!