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Couples Therapy

Craziness

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Bella's Point of View.

I couldn't believe this. Edward thought that I was having an affair. What a cheek! If only he knew just how often I wondered the same thing about him. Even if I was, which I never have and never would, at least I'd have grounds.

But if he saw Jake and I, in what he clearly thought was a passionate embrace at the party, why didn't he confront me?

"Why didn't you tell me that you saw us that night?" I asked him.

"Why didn't you tell me that he kissed you?" he shot back.

"I did tell you!"

"Yeah," he snorted. "Three months after it happened, Bella!"

"But I did tell you! Fine, ok it was wrong of me to keep it in for as long as I did but god Edward, we were barely spending any time together as it was and I didn't want to ruin what time we did have together with telling you about something that didn't even mean anything!"

"If it didn't mean anything, then why did you feel the need to tell me about it in the first place?!

I let out a breath and closed my eyes. "Because I didn't want to lose the only thing that I thought we had left...the ability to be honest with each other." I opened my eyes to see him trembling slightly. "It was so difficult to be away from you all the time, but I trusted you when you said that the time apart and the long hours would be all worth it in the end. I supported you because I knew how much your career meant to you. I didn't want to worry you with something that was irrelevant to us." I saw him slump down on the couch as I continued. "But things were starting to get worse between us, Edward. And as well as the honesty thing, maybe I needed to see if I could get a reaction out of you...to see if I mattered to you at all.

"You thought you didn't matter to me anymore?" he asked incrediously.

"Well if I did, you certainly never showed it!"

"Because I thought you were screwing around!"

"Well I wasn't!" I shouted getting really pissed of now.

"I know!" he yelled putting his head in his hands. "I know," he repeated quietly.

"So all of this," I said referring to our fucked up situation. "Us being miserable and our marriage going down the toilet is all because of a stupid misunderstanding!"

He shook his head slowly and looked up at me. "I wish it was."

"What does that mean?" I watched him rub his temples, clearly distressed. "Edward?"

"I thought that you and Jake were...sleeping together," he said with difficulty. "I was just so angry, I was mad at you...and I wanted to get back at you."

I felt bile rise into my throat. He was going to confirm a fear that I had for the past year I was sure. How could he? But then, he thought I did. He didn't need to come out and say it, I already knew. "Who is she?" I croaked.

He couldn't look at me. "N-n-nobody, just some woman at work...I mean she doesn't even work there...she came over from Boston to give a seminar."

"And she gave you a lot more by the sounds of it," I spat, trying to maintain my dignity. I didn't want to break down and cry in front him. I put a hand to my mouth in order to stop myself from being sick.

Edward stood up and started to walk over to me. I held out my other hand and shook my head vigorously; I didn't want him any closer.

"Bella," he said my name in a whisper. "I didn't sleep with her."

My hand dropped from my mouth. I was now utterly confused. "What?"

"I didn't sleep with her."

I looked into his eyes for any indication that he was lying. I found nothing. "I don't understand."

He held up his thumb and forefinger, and almost touched them together to show minimal space. "I was this close...but I just couldn't do it."

"So nothing happened?" I asked hopefully.

His face looked guilty again and apologetic. "Some stuff...happened."

"What stuff?" I started feeling queasy again. I hated this but I had to know.

"Just...kissing mostly."

"Mostly?" I needed him to elaborate.

"Bella..."

"I have to know Edward, no matter how much it kills me. I have to know."

He was silent for a while as if he was desperately thinking of a polite way to tell me what happened. "She...put her mouth on me a couple of times."

I looked at him in disgust. Great, my husband had had his dick in another woman's mouth. I suddenly realised that I wasn't strong enough to talk about this any longer. I had so many disturbing thoughts going round my head, and I certainly wasn't going to be able to sort through them when Edward was near me.

"I think you should leave now," I whispered. He didn't say anything. "Please Edward I really want you to go."

"You don't think we should talk about this some more?"

"I can't," I shook my head rigidly. "Not right now."

He eventually nodded. "Ok."

He walked past me and went straight upstairs to pack. I was thankful he didn't put up much of a fight.

I suddenly felt light headed, so went over to the couch and sat down. Resisting the urge to scream, I put my head in my hands and leant my elbows on my knees.

Ok so he didn't sleep with her which made me feel better. But he had still been involved in an intimate act with her, an act that was supposed to be something that Edward and I shared together and with no one else.

He still betrayed me.

He hurt me more than I think he realises, and right now I don't care that he thought I was cheating on him, it's not something that I will accept as an excuse. He should've known deep down that I wouldn't have done that to him, and no matter what he saw and how bad it looked, he should've also known that there would be an explanation. And there was.

I still loved him. God I still loved him. And as painful as it is right now, I can't help but be relieved that everything is now out in the open. I don't know what's going to happen, or if I will be able to get past this, but I do know that this changes everything. We stopped being honest with each other for a small amount of time, and our marriage suffered severely because of it.

I don't know if I'm making sense anymore, or what to do about this huge mess that has been created by him and, as much as it pains me to say it, me also.

I have no idea what's going to happen between us now, but I think that this separation is the best way to start.

I just needed some time.

Edward came down the stairs about ten minutes later with two small bags in his hand. I stood up and walked over to him.

He put the bags down for a moment and faced me. "I got all I need for today. I can come get the rest of my stuff when you're not here...if you prefer."

"I think that's best," I agreed.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Bella...I am so sorry."

I looked down not being able to bare his heartbroken face. It was taking everything I had in me not to wrap my arms around him and tell him that we were going to be fine. I couldn't tell him something that I didn't know was true or not.

I didn't even acknowledge his apology. "Listen Edward, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't try to contact me. And whenever you go visit your family, could you see to it that they let me know, so that I can make sure that I'm not there?"

He looked at me completely devastated at my requests. But just what did he expect?

"You got it," he said broken.

He picked his bags up and gazed at me. "I love you, Bella."

My heart began to beat fiercely against my chest. "Goodbye Edward."

He gave me one last heart wrenching look, then left.

I sat back down on the couch and did what I had wanted to do for so long. I burst into tears.

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