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AN: I apologise for taking so long to update. I write other stories as well as this one and to top it off my laptop broke a while back and was deemed irreparable. I'm lucky enough to have a great fiancé who could tell how lost I was without it so he bought me a brand new one now and now back in business!

I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Couples Therapy

My Own Personal Hell

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EPOV

I tried for hours that night but it was still no use. I couldn't sleep, just like I hadn't been able to for the past three weeks. It had been three weeks since Bella and I had separated and it was the worst three weeks of my life.

Bella still hadn't contacted me.

I knew that my family had been in contact with her, everyone of them apart from Rosalie pitying me enough to at least let me know how she was doing. I don't know whether they were being entirely truthful with me or not. On a number of occasions I had begged them to ask Bella if there was even the slightest possibility of her being ready to speak to me anytime soon, to which they had all told me that they'd forgotten to bring it up, or it simply wasn't the time to.

Rosalie, however, was not as diplomatic. Her response was straight to the point. "Sure I asked her for you Eddie, and she said that she can't even face the prospect of being within a metre of you without wanting to vomit."

I knew that Rosalie hated me for how I treated Bella and I completely understood that, but surely she had to know that I was already dying inside without her snidely comments. She even seemed impressed with how Bella was being resolute with her plan of staying away from me.

This was my entire fault which made it like a million times worse, but how many times was I going to be flogged for it, by a member of my own family at that? Even if it was what I deserved.

Every time I closed my eyes all I could think about was how bad I had managed to fuck my life up. My marriage was only just over four years old and already I had caused it to go into complete meltdown. The amount of pain that I now realised I had caused Bella over the past year was making it difficult for me to breathe. I had to make it up to her somehow.

But would she even let me?

I had been completely on edge lately, especially when I heard knocks on the front door. I never wanted to answer it in case some snooty bitch or stuck-up prick asked me to, 'Sign here please. Oh, and consider yourself served.' The thought had crossed my mind that the same snooty bitch or stuck- up prick could also turn up to my office should Bella have requested it. Not that I'd give a shit how it looked. My career was at a low point seeing as how I didn't have enough concentration lately to be able to draw a stickman, let alone design a building.

Divorce.

The word made me shudder in fear. I couldn't bear it if that was the way she decided to go, and it pained me to know that she would have every right to take that route after what I did to her.

I sighed in defeat and sat up knowing that another sleepless night was on the cards. There was no point in trying; I wasn't going to visit the land of nod anytime soon. I pulled the covers aside, swung my legs over the bed edge and flicked on the lamp by my bed. Leaning on my hands my gaze fell to the floor as I took a few deep breaths. I looked up and took in the surroundings of the room that I had grown up in; it wasn't familiar to me anymore. It was my own personal heaven when I was at school, but all its purpose was now, was to contain me while I was going through my own personal hell.

Carlisle and Esme told me before I moved out that I would always have a home wherever they were should I ever need one which was good to know, and I felt lucky to have such fantastic parents. The problem was this could never be my home anymore.

This wasn't my bedroom.

This wasn't my home.

My home would only ever be with her. My wife. My Bella.

I couldn't get her out of my mind or just how badly I had fucked things up either. Why couldn't I have just confronted her the night I had saw her and Jake? Then all of this could have been prevented and we would have just gone back to arguing about my shifts at work.

"Because that would have been the grown up thing to do you dumb fuck!" I spat to myself bitterly. Shaking my head I finally stood up and sluggishly made my way downstairs.

I walked into the kitchen not bothering with the light, the full moon outside giving off plenty, and headed straight towards the cupboard where I knew the spirits were kept. I took out a bottle that had already been opened along with a glass.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" a voice asked making me jump.

I turned around and saw Carlisle sat at the kitchen table looking at me with concern.

I swallowed hard and took a few moments to allow my heart rate to get back to normal. "It's not polite to sneak up on people," I said blatantly ignoring his question.

"You walked straight past me Edward, your brain is clearly somewhere else," he said folding his arms. "I've been down here for a while."

I slowly unscrewed the cap on the bottle of whiskey. "Well I know why I can't sleep. Where's your stress?"

Carlisle stood up and slowly approached me. "I'm worried about my son."

I snorted then poured some whiskey into the glass. "I'm not sure I'm deserving of worry or concern, no matter how much it's appreciated."

Carlisle sighed as he watched me shoot down the whiskey in one go. "How about I give you something to help you sleep?" he asked, the doctor in him shining through.

"I think I'm supposed to suffer," I replied, and then poured another drink.

"You're not going to find the answer to your problems in the bottom of that bottle, Edward."

I rolled my eyes. "Look, this isn't a regular thing. I haven't had one in days so just cut me some slack okay? You know I don't do the sleeping pill thing, they make me feel like shit for the whole day afterwards."

"And a hangover is so much better?"

I quickly drank what was in the glass and then put it on the counter before raising my hands in the air. "Fine, you win. I'll go back to bed like a good little boy."

Carlisle didn't think much to my sarcasm and grabbed the bottle from the side of me. He screwed the cap on then put the whiskey back into the cupboard, before coming to stand in front of me once again. He put his hands in his robe pockets and looked me in the eye but said nothing. I stared back at him before quickly realising that he was waiting for me to say something. Anything.

I was expecting it to be honest. I'd more a less shut myself out from the world the past few weeks. I went to work, came back to Carlisle and Esme's, and then spent the remainder of the day and night holed up in my old room. I didn't eat much, I was on more of a liquid diet and I certainly didn't sleep. I knew that I looked like complete and utter shit, but that was exactly how I felt. And what I deserved.

I looked to the floor not being able to take his stare any longer. Shaking my head, I soon laughed sardonically at the current state of my life.

"Edward?" Carlisle said concerned.

I raised my head and sighed. "I have absolutely no idea...how to live without her."

"That's apparent to everyone," Carlisle commented. "Just what do you plan on doing about it?"

"What can I do?" I replied sourly. "You know she won't even talk to me and it's been three weeks."

"May I suggest that you go and see her yourself, instead of getting daily reports from your family?"

Yeah that would go down really well. I had no idea why he had said that to me, she made it pretty clear that she didn't want to be anywhere near me and they all knew that.

"She said herself that she doesn't want to see me," I reminded him. "I can't just go over there."

Carlisle's brows furrowed. "Why not?"

"I just told you."

"So then fight for her Edward! You made this mess so you should be the one to fix it!"

"I know that," I said between gritted teeth. "But what am I supposed to do, just ignore her wishes?"

"Yes," Carlisle replied, I stared at him like he was crazy. "That is exactly what you are supposed to do, in this case. It's been three weeks Edward and everyday that you go without seeing that girl, you deteriorate just that little bit more. You said yourself that you can't live without her and I agree that you're not living. You simply exist. This can't on for much longer. "

He made it sound so damn easy when in reality it was everything but. "What if I go over there tomorrow and she slams the door in my face? What then?"

"Then you go over there again the next day."

I ran my hand through my hair as thoughts flew through my brain at a mile a minute. It wasn't that I hadn't already thought about going to see her, I thought about it nearly every minute of everyday, I was just terrified of making things worse between us than they already were.

Was that even possible?

"I don't know what to say to her," I croaked.

"I'm sure that when you see her, it will come to you," Carlisle tried to assure me. "May I also suggest that you clean yourself up a little for when you go and see her? It might help things if you look a bit more presentable."

I just nodded. It was the middle of the night so I wasn't going to look all that hot, but he was referring to the stubble on my face that I had let grow over the past few days. I only bothered to shave when the hairs became softer, it was another pattern that had formed ever since I'd left my real home and it irritated Carlisle and Esme to no end.

I rubbed my chin slowly. "Tomorrow?"

Carlisle smiled. "I think that's a good a time as any."

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BPOV

They say that time is a great healer. What a crock of shit!

I woke up on Sunday morning feeling worse than ever. It had been the longest three weeks of my life and everyday was only getting harder and harder.

No matter how much I wanted to deny it, I couldn't.

I missed him.

God, I missed him.

His family had been absolutely fantastic to me since he and I separated, every one of them dropping in on me to make sure that I was doing ok. They were all being so supportive and I appreciated it greatly, but the one person I wanted to see so desperately, was the one person that I had told to stay away.

It was all so confusing. Edward had hurt me more than I ever thought possible. He had betrayed all of the trust that I had in him, and taken advantage of the love that I felt for him. But, I still missed him.

I still wanted him.

I still loved him.

But I wasn't sure if I could forgive him.

I couldn't get the image of him and this...other woman out of my head; it was as if it was firmly implanted in my brain. I kept thinking about what she might have looked like, what she might have spoken like and of course, the intimate things that she did with my husband.

That was the worse part. What she did with my husband.

I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head suddenly in a hope to get rid of the image. It only usually worked for a few seconds but it was worth it. I pulled back the covers and got out of bed after seeing on a clock that it was nearly 9.00am. Carlisle and Esme were due in half an hour, they had took the previous two Sundays to pop in and see me and told me a few days ago that this Sunday would be no different. With that in mind I made my way to the shower and got myself ready for their visit.

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RPOV

I had gone to my parent's house that morning intent on going with them to see Bella. I hadn't dropped in on her for a few days after being busy with work that week and decided to accompany my parents. Imagine my shock when they told me that they wouldn't be going to see her that morning and that Edward had gone instead. To say I was pissed at them would be an understatement. They knew as well as I did that Bella was particularly fragile at the moment and that coming face to face with her cheat of a husband could push her over the edge.

"I can't believe that you would do that to her," I told Carlisle disapprovingly. "It's like an ambush!"

"Your mother and I felt it was an appropriate step to take," Carlisle said calmly.

"For him?" I asked venomously. "Or Bella?"

"For both of them," Esme answered. "Rosalie, we know that you think very little of your brother right now and we understand why, but them avoiding each other is not going to help solve their problems."

"She said that she doesn't want to see him right now and you guys setting her up like this is totally disrespectful of her wishes. What if it blows up in your face?"

Carlisle put an arm around Esme. "We fully expect it to, Rosalie. But we believe that we've done the right thing."

"They needed a push," Esme added. "They can't keep going on this way. Both of them are miserable and your father and I refuse to let it continue any longer."

I couldn't believe this. "Your last idea didn't work out too well did it?"

Carlisle cocked his head to the side. "On the contrary, we think it did."

"Are you kidding me?" I asked thinking they were crazy. "Or have you forgotten that couples therapy was what caused this mess to begin with?"

"How do you work that one out?" Esme asked.

"It got them talking to each other!" I replied as if it was obvious.

"Which is exactly what they should have been doing all along," Carlisle said. "Their marriage was falling apart and the only way that they could even have a chance of saving it was if they finally talked honestly to each other, no matter how painful it might have been for them."

I snorted. "Really? Because all I saw it do was expose Edward for what he really is, a liar and a cheat."

"He made a mistake Rosalie," Carlisle said.

"That's a fucking understatement," I snorted.

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BPOV

I had taken a quick shower and had only just finished getting dressed when I heard the doorbell ring. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for what I found when I opened it. I was expecting Carlisle and Esme, but instead, I came face to face with the person my heart had been aching for the past three weeks.

"Edward?" I croaked, my heart thumping inside my chest. "What are you doing here?"

He looked at me for a few moments before clearing his throat, he looked terrible. "I had to see you."

I had to remember to kill Carlisle and Esme for this later. My stomach suddenly felt as if it was in my throat. I had to be strong. "Edward, I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to see you."

"Yeah, I know," he said sadly, sounding completely broken. "It's just...it's been three weeks now, and I thought...I don't what I thought." Edward looked down to the floor, assumingly hoping to buy some time so that he could think of something to say to me. "I miss you," he whispered.

Inside I was jumping for joy, but he had hurt me so much that an 'I miss you' was simply not enough for me to let him know how I still felt about him. It was so unfair. How could he have treated me like he had and still manage to make me go weak at the knees when I saw him?

I snorted. "Give it time, it'll pass."

"No it won't," he said quietly.

I shook my head. "And just what is it that you expect me to do?"

"Talk to me."

"About what?" I fired back.

"Anything," he said desperately. "We can talk about anything you want, just as long as we...talk."

"No."

"Bella, please?"

"Please what?" I asked, noticing that my voice had risen significantly. "What is it that you want?! What, do you want me to act as though nothing happened?! Do you want me to act like you haven't betrayed every promise that we ever made to each other?! "

"No, I just--"

"Because if you do think that then you're living in a fucking fantasy world!"

"Look, I know I messed up," he offered pathetically. "And I swear I'll make it up to you."

"What if I don't want you to make it up to me?"

Edward looked at me clearly troubled by what I had just said.

"What?" he asked in a whisper.

I closed my eyes briefly in order to compose myself. "Have you got any idea what it's like for me to be this close to you right now?"

He fidgeted slightly and looked to the ground. "No."

"It makes me feel sick," I told him flatly. "I have this image of you with this woman in my head and no matter what I do, I can't make it go away. All your presence does is make it worse."

"She meant nothing," Edward stated lamely.

I looked at him like he was dirt. "And yet, she was worth running our marriage. Thanks Edward, that makes me feel so much better."

"Bella, you know that I thought you and Jake--"

"I don't care what you thought!" I yelled. "You should have known that I would never have done that to you!" I watched as Edward was stunned into silence. He knew he couldn't really say anything to that and so remained quiet for which I was thankful for. "I want you to go."

"Bella..."

"Please. Just go," I pleaded, before closing the door on him.

I had no idea what to do next.

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