Chapter 6 -

As I flung my arms around him, I felt Edward cringe away ever so slightly – he was trying not to hurt me I could see that but it couldn't be helped, him not loving me was sure to hurt, deeply – and then his strong arms were around me rubbing circles on my back, trying to soothe me. Yes of course what would the human think of a vampire sobbing uncontrollably? But I couldn't slow the sobbing, I didn't sob with grief – OK I partly sobbed with grief – but also with relief, love, longing, despair, anger, terror... all the emotions that had built up inside of me since becoming a vampire, each sob set a tiny portion of emotion free. There was a small, logical part of my brain, getting bigger and louder every second, yelling at me to stop with the crying already and stop wasting time, but I couldn't... I just couldn't. So, by the time I had finished and looked up at Edward I felt drained, calmer, more under control, but drained.

He looked back at me with concern, ah how caring he was no wonder I didn't deserve him and no wonder he didn't want to be with me. While I had been crying, Edward had steered us to some smart chairs at the other end of the room to the human. I looked down at my lap, hiding the pain on my face, it would only make him feel guilty, he shouldn't feel guilty. I was just his desperate ex, I wouldn't want whoever he was with now to get the wrong idea, he deserved happiness, he deserved another love, it must have been easy for him to find someone, he was perfection incarnated.

His fingers gently tilted my head back to look at him, "Bella? Are you all right?"

"Yeah, sure," I lied, he didn't look convinced – he still knew my face too well – but he didn't say anything more.

I couldn't look away and neither did he, there were no thoughts in my head there was just him, and that was all I was sure of, and there probably wouldn't be a him for much longer. But to stop myself from going crazy again, I didn't think about that, I concentrated on the present, enjoying the moment.

We couldn't really leave here until it was dark outside, which gave us a few hours, and then the flights home. Did I want to enjoy the moment when I knew he would leave again? Would it not be better to prepare myself? It probably would be better if I mentally prepared myself, and I did try honestly, but my will power just wasn't enough.

Edward and Alice had a brief discussion about how to get home, but I couldn't listen. I didn't really hear the words Edward was saying, just the sound of his voice. Then Alice, left I kind of wondered where she was going and my eyes reluctantly left his face for a brief moment before they were caught up in his gaze again.

"Where's Alice going?" I asked.

"Oh, I think she went to distract Gianna... to give us some privacy I think," his crooked smile played across his face and I was instantly distracted by the shape of his full lips... the way one corner of his mouth turned slightly upwards...

And then I heard what he was saying, I was confused, why would we need privacy? Oh, OK, Alice was being a good friend to me and making sure no one was around when I broke down. I hadn't known it would be this soon. Maybe I didn't have those precious few hours ahead of me where I got to be with Edward. I was about to beg him to wait, just until we got back to America, then I would leave him alone. It would just be to hard for me if he said it was over now and I had to sit in the same room with him for a few hours at least. Then I stopped myself that was being selfish, he had already given me much, much more than I had any right to expect.

I was glad at least Alice was still fond of me. I probably wouldn't be able to stay with Tanya's family either, because Edward would be there. I could feel the familiar hole waiting to burst open once again, only this time I wasn't sure I would be able to survive the explosion.

A brief look of dread and pain crossed my face, Edward saw it and faltered, "I could call her back if you don't want to be alone with me," he said saddened and subdued. He picked up a lock of my hair and started to play with it, not looking at me, he was … strangely and unexpectedly vulnerable.

Of course I wanted to be alone with him, just not if he was going to crush me again, I sighed, "I don't know," I admitted.

Edward was confused and worried, anxious, "Are you afraid?"

I was shocked, "No, of course not!"

He took a deep breath, "What is it then? Am I too late? Have you moved on? That would be understandable and quite fair... to be expected," he trailed off.

"What?" I didn't know what he was saying, was he too late for what?

He looked up, guilt written across every line of his face, the pain was almost as bad as in the tower with Jane, "I know I've hurt you terribly, and that was… in excusable of me. But I want you to know that I had no idea what I was leaving behind, the werewolves, Victoria, Laurent, if I had known I would never have left I swear! Its just you, anyone else would be safer once the vampires left town, but you and your incredibly bad luck, I should have known, I should have been there, what I did was criminal, Bella, I feel truly horrible, it makes me sick to think of what could have happened... what did happen," he finished morosely.

"Edward," this... was going... to hurt, "this is not your fault, its mine, I'm the one with the incredibly bad luck, you can't blame yourself for what you weren't around for," his eyes dropped back to my hair in his hands, I pulled his face back up to look at me, my face betrayed nothing but grim, painful, sincerity, "You're and incredibly caring person and I know you can't help but feel guilty, that's why I know you'll be happy where ever you go and whoever you're with" ouch... painful... throat burning... "but you cant let this guilt stop you from living a full life, seriously Edward, what were you thinking? Going to kill yourself because you felt guilty that you didn't protect me"– he cut me of then.

"You think I did this because I felt guilty?" he hissed at me incredulous, I was already in a downward spiral of pain he just... sped it up a little, he wasn't killing himself over me and there was no way I could save him.

"Oh, OK, I get it, you don't have to say any more," I turned away from him.

"Bella?" he sounded confused, what did he think I meant?

"It's OK Edward, I get it, really, you don't have to say any more."

"No, Bella you don't understand."

"Sure I do, it was all just a big misunderstanding."

"No, really Bella, listen," he took my face in his hands and looked me straight in the eye, "I went to Italy because I thought you were dead, I felt guilty too but that wasn't the reason I came."

I frowned, "I don't get it."

"Bella? I couldn't live in a world where you don't exist, it has been pure hell for me these last few months, and it was all I could do to live without you a minute at a time, I was going to come back anyway, I just wasn't strong enough to live without you. But then when I heard you were dead I had nothing to live for any more. I love you Bella."

"What?" I couldn't understand what he was saying, I searched for hidden meanings in his words but I kept coming up blank.

"Don't you remember what I said?" I nodded, I could recall with painful clarity what he said, I didn't want to, but here he was pulling out forbidden memories that had been safely kept under lock and key, memories only he had the power to unlock, the most precious, and the most painful, he could see the pain flash across my face, "Bella it was a lie!" more... pain... I could hardly think through it, "No, please listen! I lied to you in the forest because I thought I was protecting you from a world where you didn't belong in, I lied to save you, but I failed, miserably, I'm sorry there was nothing I could do to save you."

He started stroking my hair desperately, "how could you believe me so easily?" he asked horror struck. He was tugging on my heartstrings, my eyes prickled with the tears that would've been there if I was human.

I shook my head, "don't," I pleaded.

He hesitated, horror being replaced by barely concealed desperation, "What do you want? If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?" I dithered unsure, he would know I was lying but if I told the truth it would make him feel even more guilty, "don't try and spare my feelings Bella, I promise no more guilt."

"Erm..." I hesitated even more.

"Please?" he pleaded so desperately, his eyes seemed to search my soul for the answer, and my body just caved in, mind screaming at it to shut the hell up.

"I want my stupid birthday never to have happened," I blurted out.

His face was composed, he was determined to keep the guilt from showing, "Am I too late?" he repeated one of his earlier questions.

"Are you too late for what?" I asked still dazzled by the unconscious power – that hadn't abated one bit since my birthday, in fact I think it had actually increased – of his liquid gold eyes.

"For forgiveness... for your love," I was speechless, I sat there in total shock, I had not been expecting this.

He kneeled there stroking my face in his warm comforting hands, yes I could forgive him, there was nothing to forgive, I never blamed him for anything, and he had always had my love, from the moment I saw him in that first biology class, only I didn't know it at the time. His touch seeped through my skin and turned me to jelly. And as I unfroze, my expression turned from shock to love, I was so full of love it threatened to crush me, even with my new body.

"No," I told him the most obvious thing in the world.

And then his lips were on mine. This was truly my first kiss. The passion was astonishing, he held me tighter than he ever had before, one hand knotted through the tangled mess that I'm sure didn't really deserve the label hair. The other hand was pressing on the small of my back, so that I was pressed tight against him, only possible because I had slid off the chair to kneel with him. My hands too were clutching him closer. This was not the like the gentle kisses I had come to know and love, he was almost rough, but he never even got close to hurting me, I liked this new Edward. I breathed in his heady scent and sighed. This was heaven. Better than being human, much better. Of course vampires didn't loose their souls, nothing this good could ever come from not having a soul.

"Bella," Edward sighed and I opened my eyes to look at him. He was grinning, I couldn't help but smile back, I wanted to smile, to have reason to smile. We both started to laugh then, everything we had been through recently just seemed so silly and unnecessary now we looked back, both extremely happy.

It was the first time in almost a year that I had felt this much joy, or any joy really. Sure I had giggled with Jacobabout something or other, but that had been light and superficial, this was deep and meaningful, something else entirely.

"Bella?" he asked seriously when we had finally stopped laughing.

"Yes?"

He tucked my hair behind one ear, "Was that you in the tower? With Jane?"

"Huh?"

"I felt the pain stop but I could still hear her trying to hurt me. You're the only one I know with a resistance to her power... so I was just wondering."

"Oh, did that really happen then? I don't know, it just sort of happened... when I couldn't get to you I had to do something, I kinda remember wishing that you had a supernaturally thick skull as well and that mine could protect you... and than I was so angry and I don't know, I just kind of flung myself out to cover you as well. And then you stopped..." I trailed off unable to complete my sentence.

"Oh," was all he said, it held nothing, no tone, no indication of what he was thinking, or feeling.

"Tell me what you're thinking please?" he smiled at the reversal of roles, usually he was the one asking for my thoughts.

"Nothing, I'm just I little surprised and glad she wasn't able to hurt you."

"And I'm glad as long as I'm around, she wont be able to hurt you, or any of you for that matter," I added on the end, I wouldn't want any of the other Cullens hurt by her either, "did Aro notice?"

"Nope."

We both grinned at each other, and soon we were kissing again. We couldn't help it, we were destined to be together, I knew that now.

After some amount of time – I had no idea how much – Edward broke off the kiss, "Alice is coming," he warned.

We sat back on the chairs and held both of each others hands.

Alice came skipping back into the room grinning from ear to ear. Edward smiled indulgently at her energy, I guessed she had been listening, I could easily forgive her though, she was my sister again after all.

"Yay!" she cried, "I knew you would work it out! I hear wedding bells!"

That wiped the smile from my face, was she serious? I wasn't ready for this! Especially so soon after I had just got him back, I was still adjusting to the idea that he loved me again. Though as I thought about it, pushing away all my preconceived prejudices about marriage – with difficulty – I could see it happening, not a big ceremony of course, just the Cullens and maybe Tanya's family, but the idea of official belonging to Edward and Edward belonging to me forever, that was motivation enough. I looked at Edward, he was in shock too, he hadn't seen this coming either. But I could see the idea intrigued him.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head at Alice. We heard faint footsteps on the other side of the door and a second later Alec stood in the doorway telling us we were free to leave and warmly welcoming us back at any time. The small vampire didn't seem so threatening now, maybe the Volturi weren't so bad after all.

We were about to leave when Alec suddenly called; "Wait!" he took off his cloak and held it out to Edward, "to help you blend in," he explained.

"Thanks," Edward said while gracefully throwing the cloak over his shoulders.

Alec had been right, when we walked calmly back across the square, there were loads of people dressed up in cloaks and plastic vampire fangs. Me and Edward walked side by side, in each others arms, unwilling to let go for even a second, and when we were about halfway across Alice announced she was going to find us some transportation and ran off.

"wouldn't it be quicker to just run?" I asked Edward.

"Yes, but Alice doesn't think that would be very romantic," he sighed.

I giggled, "like anything in Italy has been romantic."

"Alice will be Alice," Edward said grinning.