Chapter 2

Carol

Carol opened her eyes, as the sun was shining into her room. It was really silent in the house. She rolled out of bed to look for the girls. The little babies were still asleep. Carol took the opportunity to take a relaxing bath. She felt better after it.

Diary

Good morning, sunshines!

Today is really a beautiful day and I think you two feel that too. You're really good girls and I have a lot of time for myself. Thank you for that!
You just went back to sleep again and I love to look at you, when you're sleeping. My girls are the most beautiful and the sweetest babies in the world.
But now I want to tell you how our story is going on.
When your daddy and I weren't together anymore, I was only working more and more. My whole life was work. I didn't speak much with your dad, only when it was necessary. I was mad with him. But he didn't care.
For my enthusiasm at work I became head nurse. I am really good at this job I think. And I was dating Dr. John Taglieri. Everybody called him Tag. He was a very handsome man, he fulfilled all my dreams. He was in love with me. And I was still in love with Doug.
My life wasn't funny anymore. All the time my mother annoyed me and Tag wanted to marry me. I didn't want anything like that. I always thought, ok, that's life, but it became too much. I couldn't stand it anymore. I wanted to scream and to cry, but I was too weak and nobody could help me. So I took that pills that would bring my life to an end. My little ones, I really wanted to die.
Today I'm so thankful that I'm here, that I'm living. Even if it's really hard at the moment, I'm glad that I'm with you right now. My friends at County didn't give me up. They saved my life.
Your dad was really sad. He thought that it was his fault, but it wasn't. Maybe a little but as I told you, there were so many things that were awful that time.
He came by to apologize and to start new with me, but I didn't want to. I was too scared to get hurt again. But I still loved him more than anything...

So I was still together with Tag and we (or better, he) wanted to marry. Can you imagine that your mum was wearing a white wedding dress? Isn't that funny?
Don't worry honeys, Tag and I didn't marry. I think you two would think he's boring. I mean, I liked him, but he was boring. He wasn't the one I was looking for.

Today I ask myself what I was thinking then. Why did I even go out with him, when I wasn't ready for it? Just imagine that he would be my husband now. Oh no, please forget that!

Anyway, it was your daddy who was there for me again, to tell me to go on with my life. I just wanted to be happy and he said that I will be happy one day. He was right.
He became again a good friend for me and I could laugh with him again. It felt so right. But before we were together again, some time went by.

Babies, my life was finally okay again.

Carol

As she was reading her lines, she had to smile. She felt good at this moment, but it still hurt when she was thinking about Doug. She saw him every time when she closed her eyes. She missed him. It hurt when he called and she heard his voice. She wanted to be with him, together with their daughters. But she was too proud to take that flight to Seattle.
Her daughters gave her the feeling to be needed. Two little helpless babies and their sad, helpless, exhausted mother. Daddy wasn't there to help. She was alone.

Diary

I'm so sorry! You were crying, but I was sleeping. I heard you very late. Your heads were already red and I think you're mad with me now. I'm sorry.

I even don't know if I do my job as mother okay. But I try. Really hard.
Now you're looking at me with your beautiful big eyes. The most beautiful eyes in the world. What are you thinking girls? I would give everything to know that. You're so beautiful, I'm in love with you two. Dou you miss your daddy? I do. I love you and I love your daddy. He called today. Do you want to know what he said? He loves you too! And he misses us. It's so nice that he's thinking about us. He asked, if we're coming to Seattle, to visit. I said that I don't know it. He was sad and I'm sad too.
Why doesn't he come to live with us? Maybe he's still disappointed that I didn't go with him. I don't know why I stayed here. I just wanted him to stay here. Why did he have to go to Seattle? Why did I stay here? I don't know. I'm sorry.

But now I want to go on with our story.

The wedding with Tag wasn't meant to be. Thank god. That was the best thing that could happen then. Maybe you wouldn't be here when we would've married. I'm glad that we didn't. My life was making sense again.

I bought a house. Our home. But I tell you, this house was really a mess. Everything was broken. The heating wasn't working, there were holes in the roof. But I loved this house. It was my first self bought house. And there was Shep. He was a paramedic and I was in love with him. Yes, I really was. He was so funny and charming and a good dancer. We danced in this house to my old records. But he wasn't the one for me and our relationship was over as soon as it had started.
I didn't feel bad with that...now I was free and it was great to be single again.

Your daddy and I got closer, as friends. We went back to our room at the hospital basement and talked. I have some great memories about this room. We were there very often when we had a break. I don't know if this room is still there. I think I have to look for it again some time. Your daddy was my best friend then. Susan was gone and I really missed her. I missed talking with her and laughing and having fun. Now I did all of that with your daddy.

He helped me a lot. For example, he helped me, when I was doing this exam in medicine. He listened to me when I was telling him about the kidnapping in the grocery store, where I was in. I can remember that he was the only one who supported me when I wanted to adopt Tatiana, that little Russian girl.
He was always there for me and he cared about me.
He made a surprise birthday party for me; although he knew that I hate my birthdays. All our friends were at my house and called "surprise": I really was surprised. Your daddy only grinned and then I knew that all this was his idea.
When I was blowing out the candles I made a wish. I wished that I could fall in love again. I looked at your daddy who was smiling at me and then I knew that I didn't have to wish for it. It just had happened. I fell in love with your daddy again. And from that day on I really wanted to be together with him again.

He surprised me after a date with Toby Mintz on the porch. And there he kissed me. It was unbelievable. It was...amazing. This kiss was magic. I melted in his arms. My heart was jumping and I felt so happy that he was there. I didn't want to stop holding him and kissing him.

And still I was scared that he wouldn't be there in the morning. But this time he was there. He didn't leave and he watched me sleeping.

Your mum and your dad were inseparable again.

Now you two are sleeping again. You look so sweet when you're sleeping. I just made a picture of you with our camera. When you're older you can look at them to see, how sweet little babies you were.
I'm going to get some sleep too. I'm very tired. I wish you a good night. Baby kisses for you, I love you two!