Chapter 6: Past Nightmare

He watched the back of her head move slightly as someone beside her passed a note to a friend. He had been staring at her the entire class period, completely oblivious to the teacher's droning voice. Due to the loveliness of the day, the window blinds had been lifted and gentle sunlight warmed the room. The light danced along her hair, the shine contrasting richly against the dark color. It was down today, held from her face by a sparkly blue headband. He had noted that she liked blue. He decided he would wear blue tomorrow and everyday following. He winced at the memory of the time he had cut it so hideously in grade school.

It had been a perfect day so far. Upon arrival to school, he had immediately searched the parking lot, cafeteria, and library, to no avail. A few minutes before the late bell, he was going to return Jared's physics book to his locker. As he turned the dial, trying to dexterously match the numbers with his large hands, he caught a note of her scent. He hurriedly looked around and saw his angel standing by her locker, retrieving a forgotten book. Motionless, he watched as she removed the book, closed the locker, and walked away from him. His heart clenched in his chest. Then the late bell rang.

It was strange how things seemed to work. In Marine Biology, he had been hoping he would be seated somewhere near her, close enough to be able to see her when he looked around. He was dispirited, however, when Mr. Roth sat him in the last seat of the row farthest from the front. She, of course, was seated in the first chair of the first row. Typical. He sighed and walked to his seat, passing down her row and casually brushing his leg against hers. Though it was for only a second, energy seemed to course through him. The moment her knee, covered by darkly washed jeans, brushed his bare knee he felt a flutter in his heart. It seemed to skip a beat.

The most fortunate thing that had passed today was that Josh Hart was absent. The first day he discovered Josh shared a class with him and Jenna: AP Calculus. It was the only class of their seven that Josh was present. As if the situation could not worsen, Josh sat directly behind her, while he, naturally, was subjected to the back of the room. The first day, when he discovered this, he burned with anger. If it were not for the sake of his reputation and the image he wished to uphold for her, he would have punched Josh when he began to twirl her hair with his pencil. She merely turned and gave him a pretty, closed smile. He watched her and tried with all his might to make her look beyond Josh at him. When she turned away he held tightly to the pencil in his hand; not even sparing a flinch when the splinters cut his skin.

Right as the teacher was about to call out the homework, the lunch bell rang and he bolted from his seat. He waved at one of his friends and watched Jenna exit the classroom from his peripheral vision. It had greatly improved. She was laughing about something, her brilliant smile seemingly illuminating the entire hallway. He smiled; everything about her was so lively and bright. It was if she hadn't one care in the world. He could never keep count of how many times she graced others with her smile. It was beautiful.

When she disappeared in the crowd he could no longer see her blue headband, he smiled and made his way to the cafeteria.

The lunch bell was like the gunshot of a race. The moment its piercing sound rang through the air, the mad dash began. Everyone raced to the cafeteria, eager to have a plate before it went cold. The halls were filled with the chorus of clattering books, slamming lockers, and feet pounding on the floor. The cafeteria doors seemed to physically swell apart as students forced their way in, squeezing between bodies in a way that seemed inhumanly possible. The lure of food was stronger than anything else after four classes of stress. His hungry stomach seemed to answer the call of mealtime as it growled loudly in the line. Some looked back and laughed; he merely shrugged and gave a comical grin in return. He had the right to be dying of starvation.

Turning around at the call of his name, he spotted Jacob in the mess of a line and waved him to the front where he stood. Raising his hands in defense at those who protested to the skipping, Jacob grinned and clapped Paul's back.

"Thanks man. How was it?" Jacob asked, referring to his class with Jenna.

"Amazing." he replied, taking a tray and placing a milk carton on it.

"Aw, how cute." Jacob responded, mockingly rubbing his shoulder in affection.

"Shut up," Paul replied, taking a slice of pizza from the cafeteria lady. He enviously watched as Jacob gave the lady a flashy smile and she placed two slices on his plate.

Catching his look, Jacob shrugged playfully and skipped in front of him to the cashier. He punched in his number and paid an extra dollar for a bag of chips. He tossed the bag onto Paul's tray and smiled.

"Happy birthday, lovebird."

Jenna sat two tables away from them, next to a few girls he knew and the volleyball guys. She had brought her own lunch which consisted of a bottle of apple juice, a sandwich, Triscuits, and a small bag of cookies. It was all neatly packed into a purple lunch bag with small butterfly designs on the front. He admired her kindness; she shared everything that came in more than a pair. She had been listening to a story a friend was retelling of a party she had missed, but now she had begun to talk. He focused on a point in the opposite wall and attempted to tune out any sound but her voice. His brow creased and slowly the noise of the cafeteria dissipated, the only sound audible being her voice. It was smooth and melodic, varying nuances of tone as the story climaxed. He closed his eyes and focused on the manner in which it sounded when vowels were pronounced or when she laughed. Her laugh was more of a giggle, sweet and tinkling like a small bell. He smiled.

He was shaken from his reverie by a large body squeezing into the small space of seat between him and the edge. Seth had somehow managed to sit down and turned to grin at his annoyed expression.

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt your creeper session?" he said teasingly and took a chip from his bag.

"Hey!" he said, staring incredulously at Seth's hand, "I'm already on a diet in this place."

"You can spare a few pounds." Seth replied, eating the chip slowly; savoring every last grain of salt.

The "diet" system was implemented by Sam last year. They were only allowed a specific amount of food to protect their true identities as wolves. Each week they had to observe the quantity of food consumed by their classmates and adjust accordingly. Even Embry, who brought his own lunch, was only allowed a basic amount. The diet was partially to blame for their decreased performance in academics during the remaining classes. Fortunately, practice began at three twenty; this gave him sufficient time to run to Emily's and gorge on second lunch.

Lunchtime to them was a play; something rehearsed and everyone with their own part to perform. They conversed normally as friends would; smiling in their anxiety and discussing the day's adventures. The most lighthearted of the group seemed to amplify their personalities solely for such occasion. It was if they were trying to string together the entire pack; playing everyone's part for them. From the outside perspective, they appeared to be a group of very close friends, which they were, but they had not always been so. In fact, the first time they sat for lunch, it was terribly awkward. They were merely teenagers pulled abruptly from the normalcy of their lives and thrown into the hurricane that was being a wolf. The sudden, intense emotions that seemed to control every action, the feeling of submission to a greater being, and the burden of responsibility weighing twice fold upon their shoulders. In a time when self-esteem is merely budding and self-discovery is just beginning to map its course, being a werewolf can be more of a hindrance than a blessing.

Their personalities contrasted sharply during these moments; obscure tastes and differences deterring friendship. It was as if someone had collected nine strangers and forced them to share a bond only found in best friends, their sole similarity being their lupine alter egos.

Fortunately, the diffident of the group were eclipsed by the gregarious members' strident voices and crude etiquette. Though Quil was indisputably the most civilized at lunch, he could be transformed into a boor when Seth and Collin joined the table. Their boisterous mannerisms and tear-worthy jokes seemed to extract unruly behavior from even the most refined. It was not long before a kernel of corn flew by his face and across the table to Brady. He swatted it away before pretending to focus intently on his salad. When Collin was distracted, he flung a tomato slice with his fork and it landed on his shirt, leaving behind a pink stain.

"Ugh, seriously man." Collin said as he peeled the tomato from his white shirt.

Paul sighed and stood, deciding to leave before the two of them began a food fight in the cafeteria. Somehow, their lunchtime battles always escalated to the point where it included everyone else. He searched for Jenna in the crowd of leaving students and began to worry when he saw that she was still seated. He walked towards the trash bins and shot a worried glance at her as Collin, Quil, Seth, and Brady began to barrage each other with food. She had stood and smiled as one of the volleyball guys offered to throw away her lunch with his, and the fire of envy within him burned.

He easily pushed passed the crowd of students attempting to squeeze through the doors before the late bell. He walked at an even pace behind her; trying to look for an opportunity to walk past. Her friends stopped a moment by the bathroom but she waved them off, saying she didn't want to be late. He moved faster and walked past her, gently brushing his shoulder against, and touching the ends of her hair with his fingertips.

"Sorry!" he called behind him, turning and look at her face.

"Its okay." she replied, giving him a small smile.

He wasn't sure whether it was the feel of her hair or her smile, but the moment seemed to golden. Her hair felt like individual threads of silk against his skin; the smooth surface cool and soft. She had said her first two words to him. He could never count all the times he had spoken to her, all the words he had said, yet this was so new. Though it was his childhood, he felt as if it were never a part of his life. As if it was an abandoned exhibit in the museum of his life, dusty and forgotten. The Jenna of his past was erased and this new person drawn in. His feelings had transformed him; he would never be the same.

He watched as Hart kissed her goodbye and jumped in the 3:15 varsity bus. He controlled himself as she waved at him, blowing him a kiss and watching it drive away. The bus was driving them to their away game in Seattle. It had picked the boys up in the driveway by the football storage room. She was the only one left and he watched as she leaned against the wall, looking off into the distance. He took a breath and tried to calm his nerves; the butterflies in his stomach were flying in every direction. He approached her and smiled as she turned to look at him. She smiled kindly in return. He almost opened his mouth to speak, but refrained when he felt his words fall back into his throat.

"Hey," she said in a friendly manner, her smile still in place.

"Hey there." he replied and moved closer to her. He leaned against the wall near her and attempted to feel the energy between them. His nerves began to lose control once again.

"I'm Jenna." she said happily, her name rolling gently off her tongue. He smiled internally at the name.

There was a moment of silence and she looked away uncomfortably, unsure of the reason for his lack of an introduction. He looked down at the pavement; its baleful countenance seemed to hang a dark cloud over him.

"I thought you said you weren't coming back." he said quietly, keeping his gaze on the ground. He did not have to look to see her expression of surprise; her heartbeat rising sharply. But then it slowed, and she looked away. He was not sure whether she was ashamed or confused. The silence resumed its place in the exchange of words.

"My parents got a divorce last summer." she said softly, twisting her fingers behind her back. They scraped against the wall. The air between them soured and neither chose to admit the discomfort of the confrontation.

He remained silent and once again tried to control his emotions.

"My mom and I moved back here with my grandparents while we looked for a place."

"How'd you and Hart get together?" he asked tersely, before realizing the tone he had used. He sensed that she heard and understood the direction of his question.

"Josh."

"Whatever." he replied, his anger piquing at her correction. Great. Now her sentimentalities covered the addressing of his person.

"He's our realtor's son. I met him on one of the trips we took to see a house."

He could feel her anxiety at being alone with him. Another silence overtook the moment and he fought the burn in his eyes. He was not going to cry in front of her. The conversation had begun to head in the direction he wanted to avoid— accusing. He knew he was hurting her already.

"Why didn't you tell me…" he whispered, his hand gripping the inside of his pockets. When she said nothing, he glanced at her. She was looking at the ground. Her eyes searched it for the answer.

"I didn't think you would care…" she responded.

He turned and walked away, her words searing themselves in his heart. He had not wanted their meeting to transpire in this way. The burn in his heart sweltered and the pain blistered the surface of his conscious. He wiped viciously at his eyes, furious that he had allowed himself to cry. Their sting only served to remind him of the past he thought he had buried.