Chapter 5

Good morning little ones!

A new day is coming sweeties! I have the day off until afternoon, so we can spend the whole morning together! That's great, isn't it? I'm happy!

This night you didn't sleep much. Tess was awake and Kate was sleeping and then you two changed. Kate was awake and Tess was sleeping. I think you wanted to prank me, didn't you? But I'll forgive you. I can't be mad at you!

We have to go shopping. Our fridge is empty! So, as soon as you're awake we're going to the grocery store.

The day before yesterday Luka was here. He made our water boiler because we didn't have warm water.

Luka is such a nice guy. And he likes you two so much! And I think you like him too.

Oh, you're awake! Let's go shopping!

Here we are again! It's so cold outside…I can't wait for summer!

I just fed you and now you're satisfied again. That's great. Tess the sleepyhead is sleeping again and Kate is babbling loudly. That's funny, I have to laugh so much looking at you! You're such a sunshine! Your sister doesn't even notice anything!

My little ones, time is over. I have to go to work. I'll put you in your warm Eskimo suits and then we'll go to grandma. Oh hello Tess, you're awake now? Did you sleep well? I hope so!

Hey! Here I am again!

That was a hard day…I'm very tired. You two are sleeping too and hey, both of you! How nice!

Today at the hospital was flu day. So many sick people! And Abby is working now in the ER! She helped when I was in labor.

And there was a little boy and just imagine, his mother made him sick! You see how crazy it is in the ER. Sometimes I ask myself why I'm doing this job. But I love my job, I like being a nurse very much.

I wanted to study medicine some time ago but I think that's nothing for me. I didn't want to become a doctor…

I'm curious what you'll become. I think most of the parents want that their kids do the job they did. So, I think if that happens, Tess will be the nurse. That would be perfect for you. And Kate, you'll be the doctor. Maybe in the ER or maybe a surgeon. You're looking for action.

But I don't want to tell you, what job you have to do later. That'll be your decision.

And now I'll bring you to your bed. Hope you don't wake up when I'll carry you to my bed. I allow you to sleep in my bed with me this night. I love it to have you by my side. And I'm very tired, so I'll go to bed too.

Good night, sweeties!

Carol

Carol closed the book and looked at her daughters. She smiled. Finally her life was getting better again. She didn't think of Doug that often anymore, although she missed him.

Tess and Kate gave her power.

Carol stood up and carried the babies to her room, where the three of them fell into a deep sleep.

Diary

Hi Sunshines!

Yesterday somebody was visiting us! It was grandma Sarah! She's daddy's mother and I didn't hear from her for a long time. Suddenly she was standing in front of our door.

I was really happy to see her. We laughed and hugged and I almost had forgotten what a nice person she is.

She brought you so many presents! Now you have new blankets, new teddy bears, new clothes and new toys for the bath tube. When you're older you have to say thank you to your grandma!

Sarah saw you for the first time yesterday and she said that she's already in love with you.

We talked a lot about daddy. She said it's a pity how things went and she's missing him too. Earlier, your dad and I visited her often, just to drink coffee with her, or having dinner. And we talked about earlier and I remembered all the great things that happened with your daddy. I told her about our "secret room" in the hospital, where we were went to talk and have fun, when we didn't want to work. I told her from the trip to California where Doug's dad died. I remembered so many things again. Every single story. Your grandma told me a lot about daddy, too. She told me that your daddy told her that he never met such a wonderful person like me, when he met me. His thoughts are nice, aren't they? She told me from his first day at school, how he cried because he didn't want to go to school. She remembers the day when he told her that he wanted to be a pediatrician.
She spoke about his first motorbike accident, about his first girlfriend, how much he wanted to go for a trip to Europe and how much he wanted to marry me. Until yesterday I didn't think that this meant so much to him. Now I know it, but now it's too late I guess. I said sorry to Sarah but she said that she understands me. That it isn't easy with your daddy.
We talked until late in the night and she helped me to bath you. She misses daddy as much as I do. But somehow it doesn't hurt so much anymore. I think I learned to live with it. I'm happy with you. Your grandma said that everything will be okay again. A happy end. I wish nothing more.

Hey little ones!

I'm sorry that I didn't write in here and tell you all news. The last few days were just awful.

It was Valentine's Day. In the hospital everyone was happy, we got cards, bonbons, cookies and everybody was hugging the other.

Too bad that there was coming an ambulance because there was an accident.

It was horrible. The parents of Julia and Robbie were dying. It was so sad and all the time I had to think about you. I just wanted to go home to be with you.

But before that there was a big party and we had blue cake and loud music. I didn't like to party so I drove home to you.

You two were sleeping and suddenly my cell phone was ringing. Abby called me and told me terrible news. A patient stabbed Lucy and Carter. Just imagine that! Lucy didn't make it.

I went to you, put you out of your cribs and I took a seat with you on our rocking chair. I cuddled you and cried. Again I just cried. But that's all so sad!

I wasn't best friends with Lucy. Sometimes she was really annoying and unsure about what she did. But after some time we were better together. I just had to be patient with her, she was just a med student.

One time we had a really nice conversation. She told me that she didn't want anything more than to become a doctor.

And now she's gone. That's just not fair.

You see how quickly life can be over. I try to enjoy life as long as it goes and I try to show you how nice it can be.

You should be happy about every day you get in your life.

I called your daddy on Valentine's Day. It was great to hear his voice. I put the telephone to your ears and your daddy told you something. And you smiled! Yay!

In this moment I was wishing again that he was here with us. I can't change it, but I miss him so badly. I love him and I think I can never change this feeling. It will always be here. He's everything for me.

I love you, more than everything in the world. I tell you that about a hundred times a day just that you don't forget it. I love you!