Chapter 7: Burned

Anyone who wished to learn about Paul would need to learn about him in his particular details. They would need to understand the deep, complex emotions that swirled inexorably within him. They would need to learn his passions, his dreams, and his pains; his passion for lacrosse, his dream of one day becoming a policeman, and the pain of his grief. His grief, which seemed to stem from his childhood, was restless as it pervaded his thoughts. This grief came from their meeting yesterday. It was as if every event that had transpired between his birth and their meeting no longer held any purpose or significance in his life. The thought of her melodic voice speaking to him sweetened his memories, but it was bittersweet. They were tainted with violence and foolish actions. He cringed at all the times he had spent with her; all the opportunities he had to establish a solid acquaintance, or perhaps even nurture a friendship.

Yet he had wasted them all, blinded by childish pretenses and stoic egotism.

Her absence from first and second period hurt him and he wondered if it was his fault. Deciding to include it as a reason, he began to conjure a diverse set of calamities that could have befallen her. He drummed his fingers against the wooden desk. Time seemed to move at a lethargic pace this morning, the clock ticking between a complete drum of his fingertips.

Maybe she's sick... Or her car broke down... Maybe a meteor fell out of the sky and landed on Josh.

He smiled wryly at the last thought and then sighed, the ticking of the clock in time with his fingers. He stared at her empty desk; no trace of her ever having been seated in the chair. His gaze was disrupted when a squarely folded paper landed on his desk. He lifted the paper and turned around; Jared had catapulted the note with a rubber band from the back of the room. He grinned and opened the small note.

Could you honestly be anymore obvious?

His grin dropped and he scribbled a rude answer below Jared's neat handwriting before tossing it behind him. The only notification of Jared having read his response was the scrape of paper being touched and a muffled laugh that reached his ears. He concentrated on the sound of Jared's pen make a soft scratchy noise as he wrote something in their note. Within a few moments the paper appeared on his desk he picked up his pencil.

Ready for the first practice of the year?

He smiled and wrote "yes" on the next line. He refolded the paper and was about to toss it behind him once again but refrained and quickly hid it beneath his textbook. The teacher's gaze had traveled the room and he waited until she was once again distracted by the voice playing in the disk player. It was a dramatic, raspy voice narrating Edgar Allen Poe's short story The Black Cat. He typically enjoyed the days they heard the narration, finding Poe's stories interesting, but today his mind was preoccupied with Jenna. He hoped she would decide to skip AP Cal and appear during fifth period. He did not think his control would be able to endure another hour of Hart twisting her precious locks around a pencil. The bell rang and he crumpled the paper in his fist.

"Definitely am." he said to Jared as he walked beside him down the crowded hall. He heard Embry's voice in the distance yelling about visual perspective.

"Me too. I've been waiting all summer!"

"I just wished she were here today. I wonder if something did happen…" he mumbled to Jared, fidgeting with his backpack straps in discomfort.

"Stop worrying," said Embry as he walked past them towards his locker, "I just had art with her."

His heart instantly warmed and a sense of relief moved calmly into his mind. She was here. She was safe. He walked hurriedly to his next period, telling Jared he'd text him. Jared waved back before being suddenly distracted by Kim's greeting. He smiled inwardly at Jared's attention span; he couldn't blame him though, he didn't have any classes with Kim this year. He searched the classroom as he walked in, but she had yet to arrive. His stomach twisted itself into a knot; partly because of seeing her and partly because he wanted to talk to her again. Yesterday's mishaps seemed to tighten the knot, however, and he was consciously aware of the quiet reluctance in his thoughts.

Saving him from his self-infliction, Jenna walked in like an angel and he almost smiled when she looked at him. He almost smiled… Her eyes were defensive and she quickly looked away, her body language signaling she wanted to avoid any contact with him. This hurt him and he stared continually at the back of her head, trying to psych her into looking back. He wondered if maybe he should leave her alone… His phone vibrated softly in his shorts and he pulled it out, watching the teacher turn away to the computer to input attendance. The screen displayed a small envelope with a flashing number one and he opened the message.

Btw, it's at the bottom in a little ball.

He stared at the message; it was from Jared. He looked towards the front of the room but Jared was facing another direction, telling a joke to another student. What was he talking about?

"Good morning, everyone." Mr. King said as he faced the class, a black bowler hat in his hand.

"As we begin our study of European history, I decided to have a sort of mini project to start off the year."

He moved his palms anxiously against the desk's edge.

"It will be worth five quiz grades and I'll hand out a sheet explaining the details in a second. It's going to be a fair amount of work so I decided to split you up in pairs."

His eyes widened and he looked over to Jared who merely winked.

"We have thirty students. I randomly put in the names of fifteen students in this hat. I will call fifteen other students, whose names are not in this hat, to draw a slip and whosever name you pull, will be your partner."

A light perspiration dotted his temples as he watched the people rise to their names and draw from the hat.

What if someone draws her name?

So far, thankfully, no one had drawn hers but the number was reaching ten and his name still had not been called. He discreetly wiped his palms against his shorts. He was finally called at thirteen and released the breath he had been holding. He walked slowly past her desk, her leg moving quickly out of the way before he could brush against it, and approached the hat. There were two papers left; his golden ticket was folded in an irregular sphere, just as Jared promised. He quickly reached for that one and unfolded it, calling the name out as everyone else had.

"Jenna Young." he said with a smooth grin.

He watched as her eyes widened, the horror at being his partner swirling in their depths. Though he kept his grin, he could not ignore the stab that pierced his heart.

The wind was cool against his face as he jogged back into the school parking lot. His stomach growled at his hunger. Emily had a sandwich the size of toaster prepared for him but it did not completely fill him. He ignored it and walked towards the locker rooms, flexing his muscles in anticipation.

There was something wistful and slightly comforting about the locker room. Its coolness permeating the air and relaxing the body after an intense workout. He loved opening his locker and reading the scribbles and writings left by students from previous years. It humbled him almost; reminding him that there were many who enjoyed sports and used his locker, and there would be many after him as well. He smiled as he pulled on his gear, Jared knocking on the door of his locker to signal his arrival. The moment Jared pulled the remainder of his clothes, he shut the locker door and leaned against.

"How did you know?" he asked skeptically, unsure of Jared's tactics.

"Detention," he stated simply, fixing the wrinkled hem of his shorts, "King had me write out the names and put them in the hat then let me off early."

Paul merely shook his head and shoved Jared before walking out. Amazed as he was, he could not control the feelings of happiness that sprung from being her partner. For two whole weeks he would be able to spend time with Jenna; converse with her, laugh with her, and try and erase a past a scarring past. Thoughts of his childhood brought with them once again their wretched pain. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind, as he stepped onto the field. Though he tried to think of her smile, the sadness in his heart began to affect his game. Coach yelled at him to wake up and he made a play for the ball, effortlessly evading a check. It was a clear shot and he was sure he saw the goal's rope splinter.

They were given a five minute break and he wiped the sweat from his brow. He took the opportunity to search the bleachers as he walked towards the water pipes. There were only a couple of people, soccer boys taking rest and a few cheerleaders. He waved at Embry, Brady, and Jacob as they kicked around a soccer ball, their practice jerseys already stained with dirt. His grin soured, however, as he drank the warm water, its particular flavor disgusting. They were soon called back onto the field and he stretched his neck muscles, feeling a crick forming.

Practice ended at five thirty, their coach saying it was only the first practice. He deposited his racquet in the basin by the door and cleaned the perspiration from his face with his shirt, thankful for his mother's consideration in buying the cotton type. The muscles in his back began to burn with soreness and he decided to take a shower, his mind in a blank post-workout daze. The rest of the team soon followed his example, complaints about soreness soon filling the locker bathroom. The heat of the bathroom served to relax the tense muscles in his back as he breathed in the clean smell of soap. He reached a bottle of shampoo from Jared's white rack and poured a fair dollop into his palm. Its clean, mint scent was refreshing and cooled his scalp. It also served to clear his thoughts, allowing him to concentrate on the sound of flowing water... and Jenna...

He waved goodbye to his teammates and picked up his bag, leaving the sanctuary of the locker room. The air was brisk and cool, the smell of imminent rain lingering. He decided to take the longer route, enjoying the solitude and tranquility provided by the school grounds after hours. Only a few students remained on campus, waiting to be picked up or for the after-school bus. He missed Jenna. The expression she gave him earlier today had left a deep mark on him. He did not want her to think of him as something to be feared, or worse, a monster.

He ran a hand over his face and through his hair, the stress of his predicament becoming unbearable. A sweet smell suddenly caressed his senses and he looked up instantly, following the scent to her. It twirled around the school but it was strongest from the circular area where they had met yesterday. As he neared the area, a breezier, more masculine smell invaded his nose. He stood behind the storage room as he watched the scene, his lip curling up in revulsion.

He held her hands in his, their fingers intertwined. He had first kissed her forehead, then her nose, and then both her cheeks before her lips. To anyone else, it appeared gentle and sweet. He smiled and kissed her cheek against, hugging her and resting his chin atop her head. But to him, it was sickening and vile. He gripped the edge of the building for control, the cement fissuring beneath the pressure. She held his face between her hands and kissed the corner of his mouth, holding their foreheads together.

He released the building and began to walk away, his body quivering violently. He began to walk faster as he felt a scorching feather tickle his spine. He shook his shoulders, their movements sporadic and pushing him to transform. He clenched his fists, twisting his face into a frown as he concentrated.

Stay in control... Stay in control... Stay in control...

He parked his car unevenly in the driveway and jumped out, his clothes ripping at his change. He channeled his fury into his run, blocking out the patronizing voices. But when he stopped, he could not control the sadness that soon consumed him...