Chapter 8

Babies!

You won't believe where I am right now! I'm sitting in a plane on the way to Seattle. I'm going to visit daddy and I really need to find out if there is still an "us". How I made that decision? I'm going to tell you.

Today a really sick woman came to the hospital. She had cancer and nothing could help her. Her whole family was there; her husband and her daughters.

Mr. O'Brian just wanted that his girls could say good bye to their mother. Her kids weren't there when she stopped to breath. So I asked Luka for help that Mrs. O'Brien could breathe again. We weren't allowed to do this, but I wanted that the kids could say good bye to their mother. Then I talked with the older girl. She said that it wasn't fair that her mother was dying. She wanted to have a real family, not only a dad. I was thinking that she was right. It wasn't fair. Then they said good bye to their mother. It was so sad.

When the woman was dead I wrote the chart and then Mr. O'Brian came to me. What he told me opened my eyes. He asked me if I believe in soul mates. He said that he didn't believe in it earlier, but now he does. He never will love a woman like he loved his wife. I listened really carefully to his words. And then I knew that I was believing in soul mates. Your daddy was my soul mate. I just wanted to be with him. STAT. I finally realized it.

I ran through the hospital like a crazy girl to get my bag and then I searched for Luka, to say good bye. The words I said to him are still in my head.

"I have to go find out. If he's still in love with me... because... I'm still in love with him. I am. I've been in love with him since I was 23 years old. He's everything to me. He's my life. I feel complete when I'm with him and I feel empty when we're apart. He's the father of my children... and he's my soul mate."

I know that we're meant for each other. I feel it. I won't forget those words, ever. Then I went out of the hospital. I brought you to grandma and booked a flight on the phone. Everything was really crazy. I asked you to wish me luck. I hugged you two really tight and then I drove to the airport. I almost missed the plane! Thank God I was running like a mad through the airport.

Yes, my little ones. Your daddy is my big love. Now I'm sitting here in the plane, on the way to him. I'm happy. I just ask myself why I didn't do this earlier. I always knew it, but why didn't I realize it earlier?

I'm really nervous. What will daddy say? Do you think that he still loves me? I'll find it out. Cross your fingers for me. I'll tell you what happened.

I am SO HAPPY!

Do you want to know how it went?

I landed in Seattle. Then I rent a car and I was on the way to daddy. I was so nervous! I didn't know what would happen. Your daddy has a big house, a real beautiful house. I knocked on his door, but nobody opened it. I started to panic…maybe he wasn't at home, maybe he's at work and I'm standing here, not a clue where to go. I didn't know what to do in that moment. But then I heard something in the garden. I went around the house. Daddy has a big garden. You'd like it here, sweeties. And there he was. My heart was beating crazy quickly. Your daddy has a boat. It looked like he was out on the lake. Yes, daddy lives on the lake!

I went some steps down to him when he recognized me. I smiled. He was standing there looking at me. And then he started to walk to me. He didn't say hello or something. He just asked about you!

And then, finally, he hugged me and we kissed. My sweet little babies, finally I'm able to kiss daddy again. I was allowed to feel his lips again. Did I tell you already that I love to kiss him? I wanted to jump around like a crazy chicken, but it was so wonderful in the arms of your daddy. I didn't want to let him go. He picked me up and we laughed and we cried. But this time it had been tears of happiness. He whispered and "I love you" in my ears. YAY!

Your daddy still loves me. Now we are in his big house. He showed me every single room. Just imagine, daddy has a room for you too! He told me that he went out to furnish a sweet girl room for you when I told him about your birth. There are two little cribs right now, a changing table, hundreds of soft toys, animals on the wall, a CD-Player and a rocker. Like at home in Chicago. When I saw this room I had to cry again. Surprise. It's so beautiful. There are pictures of us everywhere.

I'm lying in the arms of your daddy right now. He's playing with one of my curls while he watches my writing. I'll let him read this diary, if he wants to but first I have to stop fancying and writing to you. My babies, I am so happy. I feel good. He asked me, how long I'll stay. And I said, forever. I don't want to go anywhere. I want that he never lets me go anywhere. Finally I'm able to kiss him again. Finally I'm able to fall asleep beside him and awake beside him. I want to have my second most wonderful night.

Your daddy said sorry for about a hundred times. Sorry that he left us. But I had to say sorry, too, because it was mostly my fault. He forgave me and I forgave him. Because now I am with him and I regret nothing. I want to forget the last year without him.

We decided to get you two tomorrow. Daddy book two tickets for tomorrow and he got one week off. He can't wait to see you again. I'm really excited!

Now I'll stop to write. I want this wonderful night to begin!

We're coming!

Daddy and I are sitting in the plane! You'll see your daddy soon!

Yesterday night was wonderful. It was even more wonderful than the last one. It was so romantic. Your daddy doesn't stop to kiss me. And he's still able to bewitch me; to look into my eyes like in the past. Do you know what he said? He said that he's sorry that he didn't hold his promise. He wants to make it good again. And he will hold his promise from now on. I love him. My big love. And I can't wait until we're with you!

Daddy's sleeping at the moment. I almost forgot how sweet he looks when he's sleeping. I think he's tired because of last night. I'm tired too. But I don't want to sleep. I'm scared that this is only a dream. But this is too beautiful to be a dream. And if it's really a dream I never want to wake up again!