Pain- Chapter 8

Addiction

"...YAY! I finished FR, so I will be starting a new slash story called, "Addicted Innocence." Hopefully, I will come up with a better title, but ah well. R&R? Oh, and keep in mind that this story is already two chaps over what I first expected, so I'm not sure how many more will be left. Once I organize the details a little better, I'll let you guys have a rough estimate...One more thing: thank google one more time for the infor about the pills; I kept the name out though because I was afraid that I'd type it in wrong or I got some inaccurate guidance."

Spencer Reid stared out of the window of his apartment as his partner slept on the bed they had been sharing for a few weeks now. He sighed as his eyes droop closed, but sleep never came to him. Ever since he had been taking his new pills, he had had trouble sleeping- even when the packet said 'may cause drowsiness'.

Derek Morgan woke up and quickly realized that Reid was staring out of the window again. He wished that Reid would adjust to the pills more easily than he was, but he understood how hard it was- both mentally and physically- for him to be so dependent on a pill that could change his whole mood. Ever since the Tobias Hankel case, Reid had been terrified to become dependent on a single pill, and he knew this pill was no different.

"Still can't sleep?" Morgan asked lazily, still half asleep.

"No." Reid mumbled, sounding extremely exhausted as well.

"Maybe we should talk to Dr. Issac about it; this could be a sign that something's wrong, and maybe he'll want to try a different pill." Morgan suggested as he finally got off their bed.

"Yeah; we have an appointment- er a follow-up, really-about how the pill is working. I think it's next Tuesday."

"Oh, that's good. In the meantime, though, we have to get to work." Morgan reminded.

"I know." Reid responded with a grim face. He didn't know how he would manage to get through the day as tired as he was. "Do you want to use the bathroom first?"

"No, that's okay. It is your house, so you go first. Besides, I wanted to call my neighbor to see how Clooney's doing."

"Oh, sorry about that."

"Don't be, Pretty Boy. Clooney's never had competition before, so this is a good thing for everyone." he smirked.

"I better be winning; I'm not going to let a dog beat me!"

"Trust me; I may like Clooney, but you're prettier." he called out as Reid entered the bathroom. Morgan snickered as he dialed his neighbor's number, satisfied that he had annoyed Reid before 7 am- a new personal record...

Luckily, the team didn't have a new case that day., which made it the perfect time to tell Hotch about what the therapist had told Morgan and Reid. After dodging fellow team mates, the couple made their way to Hotch's office, gently tapping on the door when they reached it.

"Come in." Hotch called out.

Reid offered Hotch a nervous smile and Morgan kept a serious face as they walked inside the office.

"What is this about?" Hotch asked. "The therapist?" Reid and Morgan nodded, getting an approving nod from Hotch. "What did he say?"

"He said that I had a mild case of depression and prescribed a new pill to me. He said that he still wanted to see me once in a while to check and make sure I'm making some progress, and he also suggested that I bring Morgan with me for emotional support." Reid said quickly, not liking that he had to share such intimate details about his psych to his boss, fearing that he could lose his job.

"Is the pill helping?" Hotch asked, earning a sigh from Morgan and a worried glance from Reid.

"I-I don't know yet. Dr. Issac said it would take some time to work, but all it is doing right now is keeping me from sleeping." Reid admitted.

"Really? I always thought they made you more tired..." Hotch mused.

"Well, I am more drowsy, but I just can't sleep well."

Sensing that Reid was nervous and afraid, Morgan glanced at Hotch, as if asking him if he could touch Reid. Recognizing the look from when they were on the jet the night Reid was almost raped, Hotch nodded. Morgan pulled Reid closer to his body and wrapped his arms around him. Reid nuzzled closer to his chest, trying his best not to collapse right there from exhaustion.

Hotch examined the newly-found couple for a second, taking in how comfortable Reid looked for once with someone touching him. Morgan, so far, had proved to be one of the best things to happen to Reid he had really helped the younger man come out of his shell.

"Well, I hope you are able to sort things out with him, but in the meantime, keep in mind that Strauss doesn't know about any of this." he warned. "None of us are willing to tell her, knowing that she'll separate the team. We all work so well together, and I don't think any of us are willing to change that."

"We know, Hotch." Morgan started, pausing before continuing. "And we don't want the team to break up either."

"Alright; good." With that, Hotch nodded dismissively. Morgan let go of Reid and started toward the door, but Reid hesitated for a moment. "What is it?" Hotch asked.

"Uh...Nothing. J-Just, thank you." Reid stammered. He wanted to tell Hotch so much more than just thank you, but he couldn't find the words or the breath to tell him. Sensing Reid's inner-conflict, Hotch smiled.

"You have nothing to thank me for." Hotch said. "You two are good for each other, and I won't let Strauss break that up."

"That's not what I met." Reid said, but knowing deep down that Hotch knew that,too.

"I know." he reassured. Reid smiled before letting Morgan guide him out of the office, ready to start his paperwork for the day...

Tuesday came sooner than Reid and Morgan realized, and they almost missed their appointment. Luckily, their case was local, so they didn't have to fly out of the state, and they easily rescheduled it for 8 pm, when the team had some down-time before starting the next day bright and early.

Reid explained to Dr. Issac about his body's reaction to the pills. The doctor scribbled down notes as he listened intently to what Reid was describing. When they were both finished, Dr. Issac looked up to Reid and Morgan and started explaining what he thought was happening.

"Spencer, I understand that you were once addicted to drugs due to a case you had awhile back, correct?" Both Morgan and Reid nodded. "I believe your mind is sending warning signals to your body that the drug may be dangerous and addicted, and considering that you have refused to take any narcotics ever since the accident, I think this is highly likely to be the case here. Also, the anxiety caused from the worrying may have a part in this. I remember you mentioning last week that you were afraid of becoming too dependent on any type of medication, saying 'once an addict, always an addict'. Am I correct?" Reid nodded. " I think that once you realize that these pills aren't dangerous when taken regularly by the recommended doses, you'll be able to sleep better. In the meantime, I am concerned that the pills aren't yet helping you. Usually, these depression pills start kicking in at their full strength in two weeks, and it doesn't seem like they are. I have also heard of rare cases where depression pills actually reverse their effects, simply meaning that instead of helping with depression, sleep, and other such side effects, they aggravate them. Now, I don't know if this is the case, but I don't think it would hurt to try something else for a while. Would that be alright with you?"

"Of course; I don't feel any less, uh, high strung or unrelaxed than I did without the pills, and I agree with you." Reid said nervously. He was afraid that this would happen after reading a few online articles about depression pills. And, knowing his luck, he had already guessed a few days ago that they weren't helping at all.

"Great; I'm writing you a prescription for a newer pill that I have heard great things about. These have reported to take more time to kick in and have more side effects that will eventually go away. Now, I don't know how extreme this side effects may be, but I figure that every pill has a few side effects, and almost every report I've read about this pill has a high success rate, so why not give it a shot?"

"I understand." Reid nodded. The doctor smiled, glad that his newest patient was one of his more understanding ones; he figured this was because he was much smarter and better educated than the others. Dropping his thoughts about Spencer, he handed over the prescription with a smile.

"I hope this helps. Until next week, Spencer and Derek." he dismissed with a reassuring nod.

"Thank you." they replied. With that, they left for the car...

"I should have realized the signs sooner. My body was telling me that I was afraid of becoming addicted, but I chose to ignore it." Reid sighed from the passenger seat.

"Hey now, don't do that to yourself. You know just as much as I do that the human subconsciousness is all about mixed-signals and that you were probably receiving more than one of them. Cut yourself some slack Spencer; it's the least you deserve." Morgan said as he stopped for the red light. He reached over to his new boyfriend and gave him a gentle kiss. "We'll figure this out-together- and that's a promise."

"I know." Reid responded."It's just, I hate not being in control of my own thoughts, you know? I keep thinking of all these different things at the same time, and I just want to stop thinking for a few minutes and sleep without a dream- or nightmare, I should say- for once. It's just..." Reid pause, trying to think of the right word to use, "frustrating." he finally said.

"Yeah kid, I know how hard this must be for you, and I just hate seeing you this way. Hopefully, this new pill will help. But for now, I think we should get you home and try to sleep." Morgan said as the light turned green.

"Thanks, for everything."

"Don't thank me Spencer; you know everyone cares about you and only wants to help you get through this." Morgan said, 'everyone' referring to Reid's therapist- who had proven to be more than helpful- himself, Hotch, and the rest of the team.

The rest of the car ride was silent as Reid stared out the window, praying that everything would work out in the end...

"...So for a few chaps- if not all the remaining ones- are going to be about Reid finding something that works and recovering from everything. And I apologize for the paragraph-long authors notes, I just wanted you guys to know what I know so far, and so far, this is all I know. Hehehe...R&R?"