Chapter 9

Welcome to Seattle!

You survived your first flight! Did you like it? You looked around with big eyes, so I guess you liked it!

It was so great.

When we landed in Chicago, we drove to grandma Helen. Your daddy was nervous! Grandma opened the door and hugged us. She was happy. Then we went inside and Daddy almost ran to you! He said "I love you, I love you, I love you!" And you two were smiling and babbling and throwing your hands up like you knew what happened.

Then I went to him and I kissed him, again. And then I kissed you two, too! We're all so happy! Finally we are a family!

The hardest for me was saying good bye to my mum. She hugged us all so tight and she wished us good luck. She whispered to me that I should be happy because I have a family now and she'll be okay.

I am happy. We are happy.

But it still was hard to say good bye to everyone and everything. When we were in our house to get some things I started to realize that we would let this all behind. But I was ready. We have a new beginning now. In Seattle.

We packed the most important things. Your baby things. Clothes, pictures, the secret box, Animal Crackers, my coffee cup. Everything that we won't leave in Chicago. I said good bye to the house, which was my, our home for a long time. Then we drove to the hospital. I had to tell them, that I'll go to Seattle.

Everyone was happy to see Doug again. When I told them that I'll go with daddy to Seattle, they had to pay again because they had made bets again, when I would go. Randi won for the first time, can you believe it? Chuny said we should send the invitations for the wedding. And daddy said that he only would do that when they stopped to make bets. Everybody was laughing.

Mark and Elizabeth were sad that we were going. But they were happy too, because I decided this way. They said that they would visit us.

Then Kerry came. When she saw daddy, she had to smile. She came to us and hugged me. She really became a good friend of mine, she helped me a lot. I know that daddy doesn't like her at all, but I was really happy about her help. She said that I was doing the right thing and that she'll miss me. And that there'll always be a place for me at County. Do you think that there's a place for daddy too? Maybe. Maybe they can be friends again, too.

I'll miss County and the people there. Our friends.

Luka was in the hospital, too. He wished me good luck. I think he's still mad at me. But now I want to take car of myself and not only of the others. I am happy and that's how it should be.

We were on the promenade, too. I wanted to say good bye to Chicago. I said good bye to our City.

But now we're here, together with daddy in Seattle. There's nothing I want more at the moment. Daddy is giving you a bath right now. He's so much in love with you. And I think you're in love with him, too!

Now I have everything that I need. The two most beautiful daughters in the world and the most handsome, beautiful man in the world. Now we're a real family. I want to dance! When daddy is ready with you two I want to dance to our song. I want to hug the whole world.

My little ones…we did it!

Doug

Dear Tess, dear Kate!

It's me, your daddy. Your mum told me, that I'm allowed to read this diary and that I'm allowed to write you, if I want to. Yes, I really have to tell you some things.

I wasn't in Seattle for a long time, when a fax arrived at my office. I saw the handwriting on it and I knew that it was from Carol. I was happy to hear from her again. We didn't have a lot of contact since I was here in Seattle and I was sad about that. I missed your mum. I missed her really much. All the time I had to think about her. I couldn't concentrate on anything than her.

When I read this letter I didn't know how to feel. Your mum told me that she's pregnant.

I took my cell immediately and called her. I was so happy that we would get a baby and I didn't want more than to be with her. I told her that I'd come to Chicago. I wanted to hug her, kiss her and be with her. I wanted to lay my ear on her stomach to hear our baby and to say hello to it. We tried so long for a baby…

Your mum said no. She didn't want me to come. I didn't understand her. I was thinking so much about it. Maybe she was still mad at me for leaving Chicago. But I asked her to come with me. I was sure she would come with me. We were inseparable, we were in love. I loved her more than anything in the world. She was my SOUL MATE.

I couldn't stay in Chicago anymore and when she said that she wouldn't come with me, everything was over. I lost her.

I did everything wrong back then. Sometimes I still think about the Ricky case. Yes, I made a mistake, but this little guy was so sick. I couldn't just watch and do nothing, so I thought I'd do the right thing. I know I should've talked with your mum about everything, but instead I just ran away again. I didn't think about the consequences. For me it was just important that Ricky felt no pain. I knew that this thing wouldn't go out okay.

I loved your mum. More than you can imagine. Since she made the first step in County and uncle Mark introduced us I was in love with her. When she was sleeping I could watch her for hours without getting tired. She looked like an angel. So beautiful.

It feels like yesterday when she told me in the hospital that she might be pregnant. I panicked. What? A baby? For us? I told her to make a test to be sure. We never talked about this before and therefore I was really nervous. I didn't know if I could be a daddy.

When I came home from work this day your mum was sitting in the backyard. I was at the drugstore before to get a pregnancy test. She told me that she wouldn't need it because there was no baby on its way. Suddenly I thought that it was a pity. I imagined little Carols and little Dougs running around the house. I imagined our kids saying mommy and daddy to us. Yes, I wanted to have a baby with your mum. We wanted to have a little family. When I told her that she fell round my neck. I never saw her that happy before. And I was happy, too.

And now this letter arrived where your mum told me that I would be a daddy. And she didn't want me to come.

When I think about that now…I shouldn't have listened to her. When I look at you two now, how sweet and beautiful and unique you are…I should've been there. I should've been there when you made your first breath. I missed so much in your life and I'm so sorry for that. Please believe me, I thought about you and your mum every single second.

When you were born your mum called me and she told me that we have a little Tess and a little Kate. I was so happy. I wasn't there, but I was the happiest daddy in the world. But I was a jerk for not coming. I'm so sorry.

When I read this diary all this started to realize. I loved your mum all the time. And still I hurt her so much. I don't know why I was such a jerk back then. But I chanced. I'll never ever hurt her again. Never.

When your mum and I got together again I was the happiest man in the world. I wanted to make everything right. I was so much in love with her. Your mum is the most beautiful, cleverest and most sensitive woman in the world. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And I was so insane to let everything go.

But now you're here with me and you make me to the happiest man on the world again. I want to make good for everything I missed in your life. I am really happy that your mum came to me. She chose us.

I'm able to fall asleep with her and to awake with her. I'm able to kiss her when and where I want. Your mommy sais that I'm a good kisser but I think she's the best kisser in the world. She's unique. I love her so much. I can't stop looking at her and kissing her. She was so right; we're soul mates!

And on top of that I have the best daughters in the world! I'm happy that you're here with me. I want to tell you how much I love you. I'm happy to see you growing. I can't wait until you make your first steps, until you say your first words. How you play in the garden. Your first day in school, your graduation, your first boyfriends and your weddings. I want to see all of that. I never let you go again and I'll never leave you again. I want to hold my promise that I made to your mum.

I want to make every night special for your mum. I'll be there for you. I love you three so much. And I want to show it to you every day.

When your mum was standing in my garden three days ago, smiling at me, I knew that this was forever. I won't give that up. Thanks that you're here. I love, love, love, love, love you. I can't say it too often. I love your baby smell, your little fingers, your little noses, and your smile. I love everything on you. You're in your rockers right now and watch me writing. You're the most beautiful girls in the world. I am so happy that you're here. You're with me now and I can hold you now, kiss your cheeks and I still can't believe it.

I'm with the three most important persons in my life. I'm a lucky one!

I love your mum so much; I can't describe it in words. I loved her for all these years, every day more and more. I missed every second I wasn't with her. I want to show her every day how much I love her. And I want to marry her. I want to see her in a dress and I want to wait with you two in front of the altar while she'll walk down the aisle to us. Will you help me with talking your mum into it?

My little girls, little Tess and little Kate, my soul mate Carol, thanks that you're here!

The End