A/N: Hi all!

*Clears throat* Yes, I do realize that you may just have to go back and reread this entire story and then read this chapter. Honestly, I think this is my least favorite story that I have written. However, I do hope you will enjoy it and please leave a review on your way out! I just don't like the character of Kathleen, even though I made her up lol..

Thank you for your reviews, they really do mean a lot! They are very much appreciated!

WARNING: Just my opinion this isn't my best work…. Just a fair warning lol.. But I knew and I wanted to finish this. The fic is nearly five years old for goodness sakes!

-..-..-..-..

Chapter 3:

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

It was cold, the kind of cold that wraps one in it's embrace and will not relinquish it's hold until some time later. I sat huddled by the window, watching the ice as it fell from the sky above.

"Mama, can I go outside?"

My eyes were forced to leave the blistery winter day and focus on my four year old child that was walking around in circles about my feet.

"No you can not go out side," my tired voice said, "It is to cold out there you will freeze."

"I still want to go out there," my son wined as his brown eyes looked up at me.

"Leave me alone and go play with your sister," I replied as I turned away from him and continued my gazing out the window.

The habit has not left me, nor has the aching feeling of his departure. I sit alone, raising our two children while he is afforded his eternal rest in his grave. I sigh, knowing that my husband did not deserve me, knowing that he could have done better than me, and in the fact that our whole marriage was based on convenience.

However, worse of all it had been based on a lie; a horrible lie that if it had been another I would not have had to deceive him.

John Smith never returned from Virginia, and for four years I was led to assume that the savages had done away with him.

In a way, one had; done away with our love, done away with my love for what I realized through the years was that it truly was one sided.

Had this savage woman changed him so completely? I did not believe it, until I saw them together just days ago is when I had gotten the word that after ten years Captain John Smith was coming back to London.

I wasn't expecting for him to bring a real live savage woman, I covered my face and held the hands of my son and daughter as they walked past me. They were so close, that I could hear her laughter that sounded like a soft spring breeze as it left her lips no doubt because of some joke that he had said. Their they walked near the side of the street, hand in hand as if they had not a care in the world, as if he had no one that he promised that he'd return to in the world.

I was pulled from my thoughts as I heard a knock at my front door. Immediately, my children William and Ruth stopped playing as my little girl made her way to stand on wobbly legs beside me. I still sat at the window, watching the sky until the knock came again.

"Mama someone is here," William spoke and my eyes flickered down on him.

"Open door?" Ruth inquired her little face looking up at me. It was clear my children wanted me to do something, however in my current state I didn't really care.

After a moment and another sharp knock I warily stood up as William and Ruth ran to the door. Walking over to the wooden door that Jack had carved himself, I fumbled with the lock as I hushed the two children.

The door opened, and it took me a moment for my eyes and heart to believe what I was seeing. There he stood; his blond hair covered by a hat however his blue eyes were still as bright and alive as ever as they gazed upon me.

"Who is it mama?" William asked as I started to shut the door.

"Kathleen please wait," he said as the door was nearly half closed. I cleared my throat as William and Ruth gazed at the man from behind my skirts.

I let out a breath, watching the steam it created in the frigid air before I spoke, "What do you want?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing," he said as he wrapped his coat more securely around him, "I wanted to see you. I have heard that-"

"You have seen me," I started as I began to shut the door, "Now, may you have a good afternoon."

I was angry. I was angry, hurt and cold. I felt empty, my heart long ago freezing over as soon as I had heard of his marriage to a savage.

"Go back to your whore," I snapped an icy tone to my voice, "Captain John Smith."

I watched as he gasped, rather it was from my words or the frigid air I could not tell nor did I care as he spoke through gritted teeth, "She is not a whore. Nor is she a savage or any other name that you are thinking of calling her. She is my wife, she is my life."

"Then go back," I countered, "Go back! Go back to your wife; go back to your comfortable home, your kids, your word, your life! I waited for you!"

I was yelling and I knew it. I was also aware of my two children behind me slightly whimpering however I paid no mind to that fact.

"You," I choked on my tears as I spoke, "You, I put everything aside for you and more! My dignity, my virtue, life, potential husbands, friends, family everything all for you! I waited for you to return to me and after two years and no word from…"

I allowed my voice to trail off as I gazed at him.

"What did I get from it?"

My voice was soft now as I sighed, "Two kids I can hardly support and a dead husband."

"I'm sorry," John said after a moment, "I am very sorry. I had no idea, no clue you took our affair that seriously. I am very sorry Kathleen, I, I honestly don't know what to say…."

"Say nothing," I replied, "Just go."

"I want to make it up to you," he started as I took a step back.

"No," I replied, "There is nothing you can do but leave and allow me to get over this. You have said all that you come here-"

"I did not say a word," he cut me off as a gust of wind blew his hat off. I watched as he plucked it out of the air and grinned, "Can you please let me in your damn house so as I won't freeze?"

I stayed silent as I ushered him in to my home. I shut the door and then proceeded to add more wood to the fire in the fireplace.

"It is a nice place," he commented as Ruth made her way towards him on unsteady feet.

"Want to play? I have doll house-"

"Go to your room William and take your sister with you," I commanded as John sharply looked at me. I paid no mind as I watched the kids go to my oldest child's room and shut the door.

"Kathleen… The kids, they're only-"

"Until you have some of your own do not lecture me on my children," I snapped as I took a seat at the fireplace. I gazed on as John sat down across from me and ran a hand through out his hair.

"Pocahontas and I do not have any children."

"Hmm," I began, "How long have you two been married?"

"Almost nine years," he replied as he sighed, "I know it is hard for my wife to-"

"Ha," I interrupted him with a bitter laugh, "Consider yourselves blessed."

John's eyes widened at my remarks, "How can you say that? Your children look so beautiful and-"

"They are not yours," the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, "I wished, I prayed, pleaded I just wanted… Jack, he never was, never was, I never loved…"

I saw John's look turn from bewildered to disgusted, "Do not take your choices or my choices out on two innocent children. Now, I admit that perhaps I should have written you-"

"Should have?" I yelled as I stood.

"Sit down and shut up for two moments! You are selfish Kathleen, moody, out for just yourself…"

The captain's voice trailed off as I listened with a look of shock upon my countenance, "You, you are everything I am no longer. That is what Pocahontas taught me; how to live and how to love."

"John, I do, I love-"

"Love those children," he said as he made his way over towards the door, "Love yourself, your children need you. I am so sorry for hurting you however do not make those kids suffer for something that was years ago. I know it was my mistake that is why I had to see you. I heard from Thomas about Jack and I'm sorry."

I swallowed hard as I watched him open and then shut the door. I stood in my parlor for what seemed like hours; hearing his words and footsteps fade away in my mind.

I sighed as I sat back down in the chair that was facing the one he had been sitting in moments prior. I placed my head in my hands, blinking back unshed tears. Jack had loved me; despite everything I knew he loved me. Even when I was cold to him for no reason and would push away his affection he had still remained with me.

As I allowed the tears to fall I reflected back once more on John smith. These were the things I hated him for; the fact that he was not only correct in everything that he had said but the fact that he had someone that would be with him until the end of their time with one another.

'You had that with Jack.' A voice whispered to me as I stood from my chair and headed towards the kitchen.

I knew it was going to take time. I was going to try and feel love for my children and try not to be so harsh around them. The fact that Smith was right made me angry yet cleared my head.

"Perhaps I just needed to hear it from him," I said out loud as I bent to retrieve a pot from the cabinet.

That face to face meeting stuck in my mind as I made the dinner for myself and children. As I set the plates around the table William handed me a piece of parchment.

"Ruth and I drew it," he said as he looked up at me, "So you won't be sad no more."

I smiled as I slowly bent towards my son, "Thank you for drawing the flowers, you did a good job."

These were the things I also loved John for. For showing me what was right and what was wrong in his few words to me.

-..-..-End Of, "The things I hated him for."-..-..-..