"...You find out who our friends are when they ask you if you've gone insane :) hehehe...Thnx everyone! Now, read on if you need to be convinced that I haven't. Er, read anyways! Oh little fun fact: I had to rewrite this three times because my laptop hates me and refuses to save anything!...Oh, warning for 'mild language' toward the end/middle..."

Pain-Chapter 11

Secrets

Aaron Hotcher sped through the freeway, his mind going as fast as his car was. 'I hope it isn't as bad as it was last time,' he thought. 'No, don't think like that! He's earned my trust; he wouldn't hurt anyone intentionally.'

But Hotch couldn't help but feel a little panicked. What if he had? What if it was actually worse this time? He pushed the thoughts out of his head, though. He needed to concentrate on getting to his agent before something bad happened.

When Hotch finally pulled into the Athletic Enthusiasts parking lot, he stopped his car and quickly ran into the gym. He flashed his membership card at the man standing at the door, and he received the nod that signaled it was okay for him to go in. once he was inside, he darted tot he too-familiar area. Once he saw the man he was looking for, he dropped his coat on a near-by chair and took the punching bag that laid to the man's left side.

"What happened?" Hotch asked.

"I really messed up." Morgan grunted between aggressive hits to the poor punching bag that now had more that its fair share of scuff marks and rips on it.

"Morgan, what did you do?"

"I hurt him, Hotch. I hurt him!" With every word he spoke, his hits became more and more frequent and hard.

"Reid?" Hotch guessed. Morgan just nodded. "You hurt Reid?"

"Damn it Hotch! I hurt him! How the hell am I going to face him again? He probably thinks I'm a monster!"

"You need to tell him that truth. He'll understand. I mean, he told you about his scratches. I's obvious he trusts you; maybe it's time to trust him back."

"It's not that simple." Morgan argued, shaking his head.

"Yes it is; it's you who's making things so complicated." Hotch interjected.

"No Hotch, I was an idiot for letting him get so close I should have known that I would have just ended up hurting him!"

"The more you keep talking like this-acting like this- the more you let him win. He tried to destroy you, Morgan. Are you really going to let him win?" This time, Morgan didn't answer. All he did was continue punching the bag in front of him to death, imagining the man who had hurt him so much.

"Who's going to win Morgan, him or you?" Hotch asked again, this time sterner.

At one point or another, Hotch realized that he wasn't going to be getting a response from Morgan. See that he was just wasting his time, he left the gym. He didn't want to, but since Morgan wouldn't talk to him, he at least wanted to stop by Reid's apartment...

Hotch made it to the apartment in a few short minutes due to him driving thirty miles over the speed limits. There weren't any cops or any other cars around, and he wanted to see Reid very soon,so he figured that he could let it slide this once.

"Reid, it's Hotch!" he called from the door. No answer. "Reid? Spencer!" Still, no answer. After a few minutes of standing in front of Reid's door, he realized that he had a spare key to Reid's apartment. Feeling like an idiot, he unlocked the door.

"Reid!" Hotch shouted as he paced through the apartment, looking for his youngest subordinate. Finally, he reached he end of the small hallway and found Reid. He was curled up on his bed-his chest bare- and Hotch could see some of his leg poking through the sheets-also bare, but also bloody. He sat down next to Reid and gently touched the crying man's shoulder.

"Spencer, are you okay?" he asked quietly, trying not to alarm him. Reid just sniffled and pulled the covers off of his leg, making Hotch realize that he was entirely naked. He examined his leg and the scratch marks on them. "Did he do this?"

"No, he just did everything else." Reid replied, sound broken and afraid.

"I thought you were over the scratching."

"I-I scratch when I-I'm afraid a-and..."But Reid never finished the sentence; his tears covered up his voice.

"Shh, it's okay Reid. He didn't mean to hurt you. You know that." Hotch soothed.

"I-I know." Reid repeated, as if trying to convince himself it was true.

"Is it okay if I hug you?" Hotch asked, not wanting to scare him even more. Reid just nodded. As afraid as he was of being touched right now- especially of Morgan touching him- he really wanted the comfort. He had become so used to it ever since Morgan started dating him, and now he wished that Morgan was here again.

Hotch wrapped an arm gently around Reid, taking notice of Reid's shaking hands. Reid let his body lay stiff against Hotch as he tried to slow down his breathing with little success.

"Where are you hurt?"

"He-he slapped me on the face an-and kicked my stomach."

"Can I see your stomach?" Reid was reluctant, suddenly taking stock in the fact that he was naked. "Do you want to put some clothes on first?"

"Yeah." Reid admitted.

"Alright, I'll be in the living room. Just tell me when you're done and we can go back to your bedroom."

"No, I-I don't want to go back!" Reid said, clearly panicked.

"Okay, we can go in the living room."

"Sorry. I just...just..."

"I know Reid." Hotch reassured as he closed the bedroom door.

'

Hotch walked into the living room, settling down on the couch. He had a feeling Reid was more emotionally pained than physically, and he knew that Reid and Morgan were going to need a lot of help learning how to trust each other after this. He just wished that Morgan would tell Reid what was wrong with him.

Suddenly, Hotch heard the door open.

"Morgan, what are you doing here?" Hotch asked, jumping off the couch.

"I have to talk to him!"

"No Morgan, not now. He needs some time."

"Screw time, Hotch; I have to talk to him!"

Before Hotch could stop him, Morgan rushed to the back of the small apartment, ready to barge into Reid's bedroom...

Reid stood in front of his mirrored closet door, taking in the sight of his battered body. He desperately wanted to have his clothes on, but he couldn't find the will to move. Somehow or another, he ended up on the floor. He wrapped a small blanket around the lower half of his body and started crying.

A few minutes later, he heard his door being opened. Morgan took in the sight of his boyfriend, curled up on the floor wearing nothing more than a transparent, thin sheet. He couldn't take it anymore; he had caused him to hurt and cry, and now it was his job to fix it. But he couldn't do it; he needed to leave before he lost his mind.

Reid looked up at Morgan with sad, teary eyes as Morgan left the bedroom. "He always leaves..." Reid whispered...

Morgan tore through Reid's apartment and out the door so fast the Hotch almost didn't see him do it. When he did see him, though, he ran out after him.

"Morgan! What the hell is your problem?" Hotch hissed, stopping Morgan before he entered his car.

"What do you want me to say, Hotch?" Morgan shouted back.

"I want you to tell your boyfriend that you still love him! I want you to tell him that he isn't a selfish pile of shit! Do you know how you made him feel, Morgan? Do you know what your actions have caused him? This is EXACTLY why you needed to talk to him before this got out of hand! We both knew that you'd end up snapping at one point or another, and the least you could have done is talk to him and tell him why!"

"It doesn't matter now, Hotch! I've fucked this up too badly to fix. How could he ever forgive me? How could he ever look at me again without thinking of a disgusting man who tried to hurt him?"

"You know just as much as I do that he'd forgive if you told him the truth. You can't keep lying to him, Morgan. He deserves to know the truth." Hotch intercepted, finally losing the anger from his voice. He was sick of yelling to try to make sense for Morgan. It was time Morgan stopped being a moron and finally admit what had happened to him.

"I know Hotch!" Then, Morgan finally sighed, knowing that he had been defeated. "I know." he whispered.

"Morgan, he needs to know what happened. He needs you right now. He's in his bedroom crying because of what you did to him, Morgan. And you can fix it! We both know you can! When you tell him, you'll both feel so much better, and you know that I'm right."

"I should've told him when we first started our relationship. I can't help but feel that if I had just told him, he wouldn't be crying right now. My-my pretty boy wouldn't be hurting." Morgan could've cried right then and there, but he refused to. Not until he knew Spencer was going to be alright, at least.

"Come on; let's go back to his apartment. You can wait in the living room and I can make sure that he's alright and ready to talk. Okay?"

"Alright Hotch, let's get this over with." Morgan nodded. With that, they walked back to Reid's apartment, all the while preparing themselves mentally...

"Spencer, can I come in?" Hotch asked as he knocked on Reid's bedroom door.

"Yeah." he whispered.

When Hotch walked in, Reid was still laying on the floor, absent-mindedly cleaning the blood off his leg. He still only had a thin sheet covering him up, which both surprised and scared Hotch. He made a mental note to ask Reid why he had been naked to begin with.

"Hey Spencer, Morgan's here. He's ready to talk to you."

"He-he's hiding something, isn't he?" Hotch nodded. "Will-will it explain why he hurt me?" Reid asked, sounding hopeful.

"Yes Spencer, it does. He should have told you before you two started a relationship together, but it's too late for that now. You should know that he still loves you, probably more than you could ever think. I know that it's no excuse for what he did, but you have to understand that he never meant to hurt you."

"I- I figured as much when he left. He looked s-so sad." Reid sighed. "Will you help me, uh, get dressed? I'm having a hard time moving my leg." he blushed.

"Of course Reid." Hotch said with a reassuring smile. He knew that Reid wasn't comfortable with the whole idea of getting dressed with Hotch's help, but he was glad that Reid was at least willing to relieve help.

In a few minutes, Hotch had Reid dressed and headed toward his small living room...

Morgan managed to give Reid a small smile when he entered the room. It wasn't returned.

"Tell me, Morgan. This has gone on far too long." Reid said, starting the conversation.

"When we were in your bedroom, you weren't the only one who panicked." Morgan admitted. "After...after you told me you wanted to stop, I remembered something I would have rather not have remembered."

"What memory?" Reid asked, having a bad feeling he knew what it was.

"I always thought that I was gay. I hung out with women all the time to throw off any suspicions, though. In Chicago, I just didn't want anyone to know, but when I joined the FBI, I was afraid that I may not be hired or some other stupid crap like that. I have had a few boyfriends, but the last one I had was the year after I joined the BAU.

"His name was James. He was a big guy, but he seemed nice enough. He was attractive and muscular, and at the time I thought that he'd be nice to get to know, but I quickly learned that I was wrong..."

Morgan walked side-by-side with James, who was telling him about his family. They both smiled and laughed at their stories until they were ready to head back in for the night.

"Hey, do you want to head over to my place?" James asked suggestively.

"Yeah, sure." Morgan smiled, glad that he seemed to it. He was hoping that he would be, and he couldn't help but be exited to be going upstairs with the man.

When they entered the house, Morgan frowned. His eyes skimmed over to a bag with a suspicious-looking substance. He had a feeling he knew what it was, and he knew that it was time for him to leave.

"Hey, you want a hit?" James asked as he picked up the bag.

"Uh, no thanks. Actually, I think I need to go back to my place-" Morgan started, but James cut him off.

"It's the weed, isn't it?" he asked.

"Sorry man, I just need to check on my dog."

"I don't appreciate lairs." he snarled, suddenly pulling Morgan onto his bed.

"Hey man! The hell?"

"If you're not gonna come willingly, I'll take you by force!" he spat. It was obvious that the man was high, and that scared Morgan.

"You don't have to do this.." Morgan started.

"I do."

Before Morgan knew it, he was wearing nothing with a weed addict on top of his body.

All through the night, James screamed horrible names at Morgan- calling him stupid, disgusting, a slut, and a mouthful of other horrible words that Morgan hoped he would never help to repeat. That wasn't even the worst pat, though. Afterward, he beat the hell out of Morgan and repeated the names over and over and over, all the while spitting on him repeatedly. By the time the whole situation was over, Morgan was black and blue head to toe, littered with bite marks, bruises, and scars, was bloody everywhere, and was completely and hopelessly exhausted. He couldn't move, think, or feel anything for hours. Finally, James grew tired of playing with Morgan and threw his body in the dumpster behind his house.

Morgan didn't have the strength to move out of the dumpster for a few more hours. At first, he was reluctant to because he was still naked and he was was still...upset...about what had happened. He fiercely wiped the tears from his eyes as he tried his best not to cry anymore. He lifted his body up with his weak arms. As soon as he was out of the dumpster, his body hit the ground. He didn't even attempt to get up, he just stayed on the ground and covered himself with his hands. He fell to sleep a few minutes later, just slightly aware of a familiar figure hovering over his body...

When Morgan woke up, he was in the hospital with a blanket wrapped over him. Apparently Hotch had found him in the alley and had rushed him to the hospital. Later on when he asked Hotch about that blanket, he told him that he knew that he'd be cold from the shock.

Reluctantly, Morgan told Hotch what had happened, know it was the least that he owed him. In return, Hotch had agreed to keep the event quiet with the team. Hotch knew how bad the situation had messed Morgan up, but he couldn't say anything about it at the time.

For a few months, Morgan and Hotch talked about what had happened after work but for no loner than ten minutes each time. Each month, they talked less and less until they stopped talking all together.

Not even half a year after the incident, the Carl Buford case came into play. The event further screwed up Morgan, making things more and more difficult for him. Only Hotch noticed how hard the events had been for Morgan, and he wished he could just tell someone, but he knew he couldn't.

That was when Morgan's 'anger issues' came out.

For the first few weeks following the case, Morgan went to the gym and brat the hell out of anything that he was allowed it. He would get so angry that even when Hotch came by he would either punch Hotch or scream at him and continue to punch something else. Luckily, his anger became more manageable, but he still didn't have total control over it.

Hotch demanded Morgan take therapy, saying that he needed to get control over himself before it started affecting his work. He went to anger management for a while, but it only seemed to aggravate the situation. Eventually, Morgan was prescribed a pill that he was supposed to take everyday for it.

The pill didn't last long, of course. Morgan took it for about two months, and each day he seemed more in control, so he thought that he didn't need it anymore. He kept the pills, but he hadn't used them since. He could see the change in himself almost immediately. He was on edge a lot more than he was without it, he was more easily upset, and, all in all, he had less control over his anger spouts. He knew that he needed to take the pill, but it made him feel like less of a man, so he decided to deal with it on his own...

Just as the story ended, another knocked made everyone jump. Reid looked fearfully from Morgan to Hotch before standing up to answer it. When he did, a smile braced his face. Morgan and Hotch couldn't tell if it was a sincere one of a faked one, but either way they were glad to see him doing something other than crying.

"Oh, hi Mrs. Fran..."

"...She just always shows up at the wrong time, doesn't she? Well, I for one am amazed that this chap is the size of three! I debated about making the flashback a chap of its own, but then it would have been an open ending, and I don't like those. Pleaz see my profile pg for an extended AN's. Oh, for those who are interested, by new M/R is going to be up tomorrow and will be called 'Addicted Innocence.' R&R if you hate me a little less/more now :)..."