Maggie Jay drove them to the Shipyard early the next morning. It had taken a few trips. Jim kept insisting that he had left something of Joanna's at the apartments, which really irritated Maggie. He was sure she thought he was stalling, and maybe he was. There really were things that he had forgotten, though. He had been in such a mad rush to pack her clothes, barely managing to grab a few things for himself. He hadn't packed her favorite blanket, and she would need a snack for the trip.

After the fourth time Maggie had to turn the hovercar around, she had threatened him with bodily harm if he even breathed a word about the apartments again. Jim didn't doubt it at all. She was so desperate to get him out of Riverside. It would almost be insulting if he didn't know that she was doing it out of some weird maternal instinct for him. She had even gone as far as to call the Shipyard to make sure that the shuttle didn't take off until he and his daughter were there. She didn't want to risk the off chance that Jim would try and make them late on purpose, which was really, really smart of her.

He wasn't sure how she had commanded such a tall glass from a Starfleet employee, when she only worked at the local hospital, but Maggie Jay was one hell of a woman. He was pretty sure it had involved bribery and some form of dinner promise. Jim knew a few of the Shipyard crew knew Maggie Jay from the hospital. It wasn't a hard thing to imagine one had a crush on her.

As they came closer and closer to the Shipyard, the mammoth of the ship being built there, Starfleet's newest and almost shiny ship came into view, the U.S.S. Enterprise. She was gorgeous, even halfway bare as she was. Jim had often thought about the ship being constructed not thirty minutes away from his house.

He knew a lot about constitution class ships from his readings, and had been more than a little shocked when it had been announced that this one would be built in the middle-of-nowhere, Iowa. It seemed a little surreal, even to Jim. He knew all the things that were going into making this lovely lady, and there were some things that he was pretty sure no one in Riverside had even heard of, but Starfleet was assured that Iowa was the perfect place. Lots of wide open spaces, Jim assumed sardonically.

He turned around in the passenger seat, seeing Jo wide awake next to their bags. She was holding one of her toys, a rendition of a sehlat that his mother had oh-so-sweetly sent for her second birthday. Nice gesture, but he had told Jo it was from Michy when he gave it to her. She and Marc were more her grandparents than Winona could ever be. Jo also had her favorite blanket with her, a dark blue quilt with starships, suns, and planets embroidered onto it.

She was making her sehlat dance to the music on the radio, her small arms jerking the toy around spasmodically. He smiled at that, before saying, "Jo, look out the window!"

She looked up at him briefly, looking out her window when Jim pointed. Her face against the artificial light cast off by the ship displayed her pure look of awe. Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened. Even her sehlat fell uselessly to her lap as she twisted in her car-seat to get a better look. She gasped loudly, and from the corner of his eyes, he could see Maggie Jay trying to look behind her seat to see Jo's face.

"Daddy, it's my ship!" she said, pressing her little finger against the window.

Jim lifted his brows at her, his grin expanding even further. "Your ship?"

She nodded exuberantly, her loose, brown curls bouncing around her shoulders. "Yeah, my ship," she repeated. "I'm a pirate…and that's my ship, and…and Sellit is my pilot."

Sellit was her sehlat. She couldn't quite pronounce the word correctly, though when she saw the word she knew what it was. She picked up her toy, and pressed his face against the window, telling Sellit, "Look, it's my ship!"

Maggie and Jim both chuckled at her, Jim returning to face the front as they continued speeding toward Jim and Jo's future.

Jim was still nervous about going, still unsure about the variables involved. He had looked up as much as he could after he had packed the night before. It hadn't been that helpful, really. The page had offered helpful tidbits about the different tracks, and specialized testing in case you didn't know where you wanted to go. It mentioned a few things about dorms and suites, but it never really mentioned if there were things for parents, or care for children. Jim suspected Starfleet tended to try and pull in the young ones more than people like him.

Pike had only snatched him up because of his brain and who his father was. He doubted every Starfleet recruiter did that. However, he hoped Starfleet had something to offer him and Jo, because the more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of San Francisco. He didn't even mind the idea of Starfleet as long as he could find some posting that could keep Jo with him.

The farther Maggie Jay took him away from Riverside, the brighter this idea shined in his mind. His irritation and general dislike of Pike was waning. He still felt like the man was only after him because of who his father was, but he had looked at his file, and had seen his police file, and read about Joanna, and he had still told Jim that he could be an officer in four years. Told him he could have his own ship in eight years, too, but unless that ship let his little girl on board he seriously doubted he would take it.

The stars may have shined brightly for all of his life, and at one point he may have dreamed about being amongst them, but they could shine brightly from Earth, or a space station, or even a colony on some other planet. As long as he could keep Jo with him, the stars could shine from a distance, and he would never want for anything more.

He hoped that Pike wouldn't offer him something like this without considering his daughter. The captain had looked so unimpressed with him last night, when he had used Joanna as his reason not to leave Riverside, not to do something better with their lives. Surely, Pike must have known how important Jo was to him, and wouldn't have told him to enlist in Starfleet if he wouldn't be able to keep his little girl. She was his life.

As the Shipyard grew closer and closer, Jim looked back again to see Jo still staring at the ship with wonder in her eyes. He felt that same wonder, too, bubbling quietly amid all the other emotions that were threatening to consume him. The emotions making him want to ask Maggie again if this was a bad idea. It was still there though, twisting inside his chest with hope.

+ststst+

Maggie took them to the shuttle where Captain Pike was, having been directed by the man at the gate. The captain was standing directly in front the shuttle entrance, probably to greet and congratulate those boarding his vessel. She pulled the car up close to him, the employees moving out of their way with hardly any notice at all. When she parked she turned to him, her eyes serious, but glossing, and she looked like she wanted to cry.

"Next time I see you, you had best be wearing one of those ugly red suits, or so help me I will smack you from here to hell and back. Got it?" she asked and he knew the answer with out hesitation.

"Yeah, Maggie." He took a deep breath and looked out the windshield. Pike seemed to be staring straight at him, a small smirk pulling at his features. Jim couldn't help but smirk as well. Old dog looked so smug, like he had won the Cochrane Intergalactic Peace Award. Jim rolled his eyes, before he looked back at Maggie. "You gonna be okay without us?"

"Are you kidding?" she asked with a watery smile. "I may throw a party. Invite everyone over and then hold Marc down so Michy can shave that damnable moustache off."

He smiled too, reaching over to give her a quick hug before he exited that car and walked around to grab Jo. He pulled open the back door and untangled her from her car seat. Setting her on the ground with her blanket and sehlat behind him, he reached back inside. "Get out and hug Jo, Maggie Jay. It'll probably be a while before you see her again."

The nurse quickly jumped out of the car, as if she hadn't realized what sending them away from Iowa had really meant until he said that to her. As she bid her goodbye to Jo, he grabbed his duffle and Jo's bag before shutting the door. Maggie was kneeling on the ground with Jo, blanket, and sehlat pulled against her tightly, kissing her temple.

"You be good for your daddy, okay?" she told his daughter, brushing her hair behind her ear.

Jo nodded, looking concerned and confused. "Okay, Miss 'Curdy."

Jim smiled at her, even though she was focused on Maggie Jay at the time. He felt his own heartstrings pulling at leaving this woman, who had been more like a sister and mother to him than anyone else in his entire life. This was one drawback of leaving. Maggie Jay couldn't just pack up and leave like he could. She had to stay behind in Iowa.

She had more friends than he did to be sure, but that didn't make sending one off any easier.

She pulled herself to her feet again and gave him one final appraising look. She looked, for a moment, like she would give him another hug, but she must have decided against it. Instead she said "Call me when you can…or send some sort of missive. Let me know you're okay. I'll have your things there soon."

He nodded, waving when she got into the car. Jo waved too, her blanket and sehlat being held closely in one arm while she wiggled her arm wildly. He grabbed her hand slowly and turned towards the shuttle, where Pike was still waiting with a curious look on his face.

Jim cut off any awkward questions, not wanting to explain Maggie Jay to anyone, and not really feeling like Pike had the right to know. He strode forward, toward his future and escape, and he felt a smirk pulling at his lips. Four years to be an officer, Pike had said. Jim was smart, he was a genius. And he had incentive. He owed it to Joanna to build the best possible life for them.

"Four years?" he asked with an actual smile forming on his face. "I'll do it in three."

Pike smirked at him, looking down to the little girl in front of him, who was dragging her blanket on the ground. "Are you Joanna?" he asked kindly, kneeling down to her level as Maggie Jay had done earlier.

Jim briefly glanced behind him to see her hovercar still there, and her face looking at the scene worriedly. When he looked back, stomping his own anxiety back down, he could see his daughter nodding, looking up at Pike shyly through her eyelashes.

Pike nodded too. "I'm Christopher Pike, Joanna. Are you ready to go to Starfleet?" At her half-hearted shrug, the captain smiled. "You're going to have a lot of fun there, young lady. You better get excited. Are you excited?"

Slowly, she began nodding, but as Pike continued grinning at her, the speed of her head increased, and Jim for a moment swore she was going to give herself shaken-Jo-syndrome. She began beaming as well, holding Sellit to her chest tightly as if to contain herself from squealing with delight. Pike nodded again.

"Good." He looked up at Jim again. "Meet me after the shuttle lands, Kirk. I can get you started in the right direction."

Jim almost let out a sigh of relief, but instead he tilted his head, saying, "Thank you, sir."

He looked back at Maggie Jay's idle car and waved one last time.

After watching Maggie Jay drive away, he nudged Joanna towards the shuttle's entrance, helping her up the steps. He registered, just barely, as he kept his daughter from tripping over her blanket and keeping hold of their bags, that Pike's smug look was back. Jim allowed himself a small smile too, finally in the shuttle and feeling a little of his anxiety running out of him. Pike was obviously going to help him, and he obviously knew that Jo and he were a package deal.

Jim looked around briefly before he found a few free seats. He made towards them, but stopped just as quickly when he realized there was a low beam that he had nearly slammed his head into.

Jo looked up at him, confused, when he suddenly jerked them to a stop, looking like she wanted to shout, 'what the fuck?' She didn't though, and he shrugged at her, feeling a little ridiculous. Then, with her still looking up at him like he had tattooed 'silly' across his forehead, he ducked under the beam and steered them both to their seats, raising his brow when he saw Cupcake and his cakettes.

He thought about saying something to them, and just barely managed, pulling Joanna closer to his side, and watching their eyes widen as he herded her along. He rolled his eyes as he settled Jo in one of the seats and settled their bags under their chairs. He made sure to keep her bag more accessible, just in case she wanted the one of the fruits he had packed for her.

He sat down in his seat, taking the harness behind her and adjusting the straps to where they would hold her securely. He was so preoccupied with his task that he didn't notice the person coming towards them, though he was more than aware that he was getting stared at by various people, until she was practically right on top of them. He looked up sharply, Joanna only half strapped in and staring up at Uhura with cautious eyes. She met his gaze evenly, giving him a gracious smile before it travelled to Jo.

Jim was a little confused. By all rights, and Jim's own logic which dictated she should hate him after last night, she should be staying away from him. He had continued a fight, was almost positive that he had grabbed her chest, and had gotten her and all of her cadet buddies kicked out of the bar. If he were her, he would be just a little pissed.

She wasn't, though, or at the very least she was pretending not to be.

"She's adorable," she said, settling herself in the free seat next to Joanna. She smiled at Jo warmly, exuding calm and approachability. "How old is she?"

Jim looked between her and Jo, before going back to his mission of getting his daughter strapped in without trapping her blanket or her sehlat. "Ask her."

For a moment, she almost looked uncomfortable, but she covered it quickly, asking Jo, "How old are you, sweetheart?"

Jim resisted the urge to tell her that Jo was perfectly capable of understanding people when they didn't talk to her like an inept child. There was no need for Uhura to raise the octave of her voice, and she didn't need to smile like an idiot. Uhura was obviously comfortable around children, but she just had different operating skills around them, and Jim could let it slide for now. However, if Uhura continued to talk to Jo in the future, he would eventually disillusion her. He had seen too many children, five and above, who continuously talked in a baby voice and that just wouldn't do. Not with Jo.

Joanna bit her lip, ducking her head down a little while still looking up at the cadet. When she didn't speak for a few seconds, he gave her a gentle nudge. She was a little shy when it came to new people, though she warmed up to them quickly. Slowly, her left hand twitched, rising from its grasp on her stuffed sehlat to hold up two fingers.

"Two," she said quietly.

Jim smiled at her proudly, rearranging her blanket around her so that it didn't bunch uncomfortably. "How many months is that, Jo-bear?" he asked.

She looked up at him, but when he told her encouragingly to tell Miss Uhura how many months were in two years once more, she said, "Twinny-four, but I'm firty-two monts. Daddy says I'll be tree soon."

If possible, Jim's smile grew at that.

"That's right" he said. He caught Uhura's eye, caught the thinly veiled shock that stared at him, and for a moment he wondered exactly whose kid she thought he had been strapping into the seat beside him. Not only did he come off stupid, but apparently he looked like a kidnapper too. He scrunched his brows looking at her in askance as he reached behind him for his belt. She swallowed, and looked away from him for a moment before she smiled at his daughter again.

"That's really amazing. You're so smart, Miss Jo-bear."

Joanna nodded, having been told that several times by Jim and Maggie Jay. "I know."

Jim couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. His Joanna would have no self-esteem issues when she grew up. She was more self-assured than most teenagers he had met and she was only two. "Yeah, my Joanna is gonna be President of the Federation when she grows up, huh, baby?"

"Uh uh, I'm gonna be a…a pirate!" she exclaimed a smile spreading across her face finally as she squeezed her toy tightly to her chest. Her feet kicked wildly, seeing as her excitement had grown about being a pirate ever since she had seen 'her ship.'

Both of the adults laughed at her sweet enthusiasm, and her smile only grew at the positive attention. Her giggles joined their laughter, and Jim had enough of himself to realize that a few of the cadets around them were chuckling as well.

"Close enough," he told Jo, running his hand along her tresses. He cast his blue eyes up at Uhura, and saw that she was looking between them, trying to be inconspicuous but failing completely. His smile relaxed into a smirk. "I never did get that first name."

She pursed her lips, trying to repress the smile that threatened her features. Shaking her head, she left the seat she had taken to return to the one she had vacated earlier. Jim chuckled to himself, and checked Jo's restraints one more time, making sure she wouldn't flop around in case anything when south.

When it jostled her around she glared up at him, whining, "Daddy!"

He jostled her a few more times just to see her cute pout. He gave her a smile when she batted his hand away, and as always her pout and glare both melted. A smile began forming on her lips, even as she folded her arms around her sehlat in her classic 'I'm mad, daddy!' look.

He stopped when a commotion broke out from the front of the shuttle, and he looked around to find where it was coming from. It was a man and a woman, and it looked as if it was coming from the direction of the bathroom. Most of the words were a garbled mess until finally the small, but sturdy ensign came out all but pulling the much bigger man behind her by his ear.

"Sir, you need a doctor!" she insisted haughtily, glaring up at the man and looking for all the world like she wanted to hit him.

The much bigger man barely let her finish her sentence, growling out, "I don't need a doctor. Dammit, I am a doctor!"

Jim froze. He recognized that voice. Over the past three years he had dreamed of that voice, had remembered that voice. He knew it as if it had been fucking tattooed onto his heart. He tried to get a better look at the man's face. The structure was right, even under the layers of clothes, and he should know because he had mapped that body with his hands, lips, and mind. He couldn't get a good look at his face though; the man's head was tilted down to look at the woman snapping at him.

He looked down at Joanna, feeling a nervous shake beginning, and his stomach dropping out. He felt sick. He couldn't fucking believe it. There was no way Bones could be here. It was impossible. He was somewhere in the southeast, with his wife, and probably other children by now.

Oh, god…children!

He had their daughter here. There was no way Bones wouldn't know it was his daughter. Fuck, Joanna practically looked just like him. She had the same lips, same cheek structure, and their hair was the exact same color. He would know the second he saw her. There could never be a doubt in his mind. Bones would see Jim, see Joanna, and even with the rarity of male pregnancies, Bones would just know.

He swallowed nervously.

He had never prepared for a day like this. He had never expected to meet Bones again in his life. What was he going to say to him? How would he explain Joanna, or the fact that he had never contacted the man? He wasn't ready for this, mentally or physically. It had taken all of his reserves to actually get on the shuttle. To face not only a surprise meeting with, literally, the man of his dreams, but also the father of his daughter after three years of no communication.

The ensign had finally had enough. She yelled, "Sir, sit down, or else I'll make you sit down!"

Jim glanced around the shuttle, but to his mentality's dismay, the only open seat left was by Joanna, and Bones was heading straight for it. Jim almost felt the need to look away, like if Bones didn't see his face, then he wouldn't recognize him. He couldn't, though. He had to make sure he wasn't mistaken. He had to make sure this was actually his Bones, and not some look-alike, if that was at all possible. As the man came forward, his features became clearer, and though he looked like shit, with his wild hair and scruffy scowling face, it was definitely Bones, his Bones.

Jim could have sworn his heart stopped. He swallowed thickly, trying to whet his suddenly dry mouth. He felt like his shaking could be felt throughout the entire damn shuttle. What made it even worse was that Bones' argument with the woman had gathered the attention of some of the other cadets and now they were watching to see what other lovely and fun things the southern doctor did.

They were going to have an audience, and Jim wasn't keen on that idea.

Bones collapsed into his seat with a grumble, and Jo now turned her frowning face up to him, leaning over towards Jim for protection. He had enough of himself to grab her hand, offering comfort as much as he was leeching it from her.

He needed to be calm. He needed to be rational. He needed to do damage control before the damage even happened.

They would talk. Jesus, would they talk, and Bones would probably yell. Jim was prepared for that, but not here. Not in front of these people and not in front of Jo.

Bones looked around him as he pulled the straps of the shuttle seat over his shoulders. His eyes, the same murky green that had haunted Jim's dreams, glared at everyone, until they settled on the seat next to him, where Joanna was sitting and staring up at him cautious eyes. The small frown that worried between her brows was the mirror image of the one Bones adopted when he saw there was a child sitting next him.

Bones' gaze travelled over, up to Jim, and though there hadn't been a doubt in Jim's mind that he would be remembered, the instantaneous recognition the flared in Bones eyes was almost startling. He stared at Jim for what felt like eternity, and Jim wouldn't deny that he soaked up as much of Bones as he could in the scant seconds it really took. Then, he looked back down at Joanna.

Jim could see the wheels turning in the doctor's mind, realization, denial, disbelief, and something Jim wasn't entirely sure of, but it looked an awful lot like hope. It all came to him in maybe a half a second before Bones' face just shuttered. He went completely blank, save for a slight pursing of his lips and that ever present frown between his eyebrows.

"Not here," Jim said in a loud whisper, not proud to admit it, but he was begging for the other man to just hold on to that blank feeling for the next two hours. To just wait until they could get somewhere private. "Bones, not here."

"How old is she?" he asked with a calm that did not bode well for Jim.

He didn't do what he had done to Uhura. He answered for his daughter, quickly and quietly, staring into Bones eyes as if that could convey the plea better than actual words could. "She's almost three."

He could see the man doing math in his head. It wasn't hard to do. They had met in March of 2252, add nine months, plus three years, there could be no doubt in Bones' mind by now. "She's mine," he said faintly, turning away from the two of them, clearly taking deep breath.

Jim ignored the physical ache that move caused, knowing that what the doctor was feeling had to be a million times worse, and thousands of times stronger than the panic Jim was feeling. Jim didn't know what his ex…playmate was doing on a Starfleet shuttle, but he had a pretty good guess that it wasn't to find Jim and their daughter.

"Bones…" He almost reached out to comfort him, to rub his shoulder like he had down almost four years ago. He refrained, though, holding onto Jo's hand a little tighter as she hugged her sehlat and looked between them, wondering what was going on.

"Jesus, Kid," he said, thickly. He took a shuddering breath and leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling until he must have realized that was a bad idea too. Jim wasn't sure, but he thought he may have heard Bones say something about aviophobia. Looking up at the ceiling of the craft he was terrified of, not helping. He groaned, before he turned back to Jim with a mixture of irritation and loss. "I may throw up on you."

He looked down at Joanna again, his eyes soaking her up, before he suddenly grabbed onto the restraints tightly and squeezed his eyes shut.

The shuttle was taking off, heading towards San Francisco and an entire new bottle of problems Jim would have to sort out other than Starfleet. He put those thoughts away, quickly, as he heard Joanna's laughter and giggling. She looked around wildly, unsure of what was going on, but knowing that they were moving. She felt it, and unlike her father, she was in love with the sensation. She clapped wildly, and her blue eyes glittered with excitement.

Jim could hear a few of the other cadets laughing at her young exuberance and excitement. However, he could only look between his daughter's bold-faced happiness, and the sliver of green eyes that stared at him. Bones' mouth was sealed shut, but in that small sliver of eye contact, Jim could see that all too familiar, yet all too imagined and dreamed-of look that said, 'You are in so much fucking trouble.'

Jim supposed he should be happy that Bones had to work so hard no to throw up. Their scene would at least be delayed until San Francisco…or until Bones had emptied his stomach contents. It was terrible Jim knew, but he really hoped the aviophobia was working full-force.

+ststst+

A/N: But look! Bones is there, and won't the next chapter be so much fun!

(hammertime!)

InnocentGuilt