A look into difference between envy and jealousy, for both Pepper and Tony. Planned to be a four-shot. Part I is pre IM1. Rating will change.

Sorry for mistakes I didn't catch. I own nothing. (:

Envy Part I

Get a grip on yourself, Pepper Potts thought, but felt like she was close to screaming it out loud. Being quite tempted by the idea that it might actually help her nerves a bit, she chose to push this option out of her mind with pressing laptop keys even harder. She was trying to focus on the screen, but was already typing the content of the current e-mail almost automatically, with her stare totally blurred, concentrated on nothing in particular. It's been now 8 years of that, why it would be any different soon?, she wondered, trying to find a reason for her illogical behavior.

She shifted in her position once more and put the laptop away, hoping that she could clear her mind from unstable, very unprofessional thoughts.

That was when uncontrollable tears started to make their way down her freckled, pale cheeks.

"Well, this is unheard of," Pepper mumbled under her nose and reached for a tissue, letting out a quiet sob. After blowing out her nose loudly, she rested her head on hands and continued on talking to herself, adding, "I really am going mental to envy these girls."

In her whole life Pepper was anything but envious. She always believed in some sort of balance in the universe, giving everybody what they deserved and worked for. You get what you give, was the rule she lived by. Hard-working, loyal, flexible and responsible, that was Pepper in brief description. With these and many other values, you could say she'd be a perfect candidate for a stable, loving mother of three and wife of some knight on a white horse, too. A normal, impeccable life was something that Pepper Potts definitely deserved and craved. But had no perspectives for.

So tears kept running down her face because she simply couldn't stop them. That stable and professional red-head was crying because she haven't cried for years, keeping emotions under the key. Some of the salty drops were produced of helplessness. Instead of knight on a white horse there was a fallen one, that couldn't live without her, but only because she's been running his entire life for him. Moreover, being involved in the world of Tony Stark couldn't mean stable, normal life. However, she took the job of his PA with full awareness of that. Back then, Pepper hoped that everything would fall into place automatically, by sometime. But it didn't. She haven't found the love, she didn't have her idyllic life with perfect family, and most certainly things have not fallen into their places. That was the cause of the other tears. The anger, the disappointment, the pain that the only important man in her life was using her, partly, to take care of the women he unscrupulously used. Time flew by, colors of lipsticks changed, sometimes frequently, sometimes not, and she was still standing by his side, pushing her future plans aside because of his irresponsibility.

Somewhere, sometime the anger turned into envy. For long and bumpy eight years Pepper was only one woman that Tony Stark did not try to seduce. Part of her was grateful for that, giving her peace at work. The other part was scaring her with doubt about herself. She wasn't pretty enough for the playboy, that's why he kept her as his employee – she would think. Oh yes, that part of Pepper was full with envy. She was envious of perfect noses, full lips and shiny hair of these models, reporters and actresses. Women that got access to him. Pepper caught herself daydreaming many times that her boss would use her just like them. Just for one night, so she could stop dreaming of ridiculous things, move on, maybe find the courage and even leave. She planned on quitting the job long ago. Every time finding it impossible to do so.

Pepper felt awful to envy these shallow girls, being used deliberately. She felt awful because that stupid alcoholic boss of hers did not deserve her, that's for sure. Yet, images haunted her, hopes gotten up, what-ifs made.

"Hello?" was heard in the hall then, interrupting Pepper's agony. She rolled her, now blooded, eyes. The last thing she wanted now was his latest conquest see her crying like a baby.

"Over here," Pepper answered, trying to put on her professional and self-confident voice, as the girl approached the living room. Thank God, she's fully clothed. Thank you, God, for this one, was one thought that came to Pepper's mind.

"The car for you is waiting outside," she continued, wiping the tears quickly off her face.

The girl looked uncertain and dared only a question after a moment of silent staring at Pepper.

"Where is he?"

"Mister Stark has already left for Europe. Do you need anything more?" Pepper explained patently, trying to stay calm.

The damn girl haven't moved an inch.

"I'm so sorry, I know it's not my business, but... I heard you crying and wondered if you are OK?" she answered with more courage.

The nerve that girl has!, flew through Pepper's mind.

"I'm fine, that is no worry of yours," Pepper informed her and looked at the laptop again, hoping it would give the girl a hint she's busy over there.

"Are you his girlfriend, Miss?" the brunette questioned again. Was Pepper supposed to ask Happy to get rid of her?

Anyway, Pepper laughed through new wave of uncontrolled tears.

"Do you honestly believe that Tony Stark is capable of holding onto a girlfriend? I'm Virginia Potts, his personal assistant."

"I'm sorry if I caused you pain, Miss Potts."

"Why would you cause me any pain?" Pepper gestured, almost nonchalantly.

"By sleeping with your boss," girl answered and lent against the wall across the hall.

"You must be the first one that is sorry about that. Most of you are disappointed that he's not marrying you right away, but are never sorry," Pepper said in true disbelief.

"Well... he's not a perfect gentleman, but you probably know that," the brunette shrugged, tilting her head to the side and gave Pepper a quick smile.

"Oh yes, very true," Pepper sneered.

"He's mechanical... I mean, when he was trying to seduce me, or in bed even... very mechanical, yeah..." the girl said, mumbling out the last words with red cheeks.

"Please, save the image for yourself," Pepper cut in at the mention of a bed.

"I'm not that kind of girl, you know? To throw myself at someone... I guess the alcohol and the aura around him did the thing," she carried on with sour smile now.

"There is no need for your excuses to me," the red-head replied with similar feeling.

"Do you love him?" girl's question was shot so quickly and unexpected, that Pepper failed to hide her stunned expression and kept her mouth open for a second.

"Excuse me? Who are you to ask me this kind of things?"

"C'mon, just between you and me. I'm trying to swallow my own humiliation here. Don't tell me you cried over some company stuff or something. I promise I'm on my way out of the high life."

Pepper sighed heavily, wondering where Tony had found her. A thought occurred her also, that it's been quite time since she had a honest conversation. Was she that mad and desperate to talk about something so sensitive with his one-night stand? Convinced, but only a little, she replied.

"I don't think I love him. He is, probably, the worst person on Earth to love. And the things I got him through, situations I've seen him in, too..." Pepper broke off, thoughtful.

"Oh, I see," the girl nodded and was about to turn for exit, when she heard Pepper continue.

"The worst part is that I don't know for one hundred percents if I do not love him, either. If that makes sense..."

"He is the worst person to love, that's for sure," brunette repeated Pepper's own words with indulgence, "Be the one that changes him or leave. Don't wake up one morning to be me. Money or no money, he isn't worth it."

With that last sentence the girl left the house.

Before Pepper's mind focused back on the work, her mind pondered whether she'd have the courage to walk away from the job that addictive to her. Maybe, Pepper hoped, she would find the power sometime in the future, before finishing her tenth year at Stark Industries. Virginia Potts certainly did not want to envy these women, now she felt pity for, anymore.

Thank you for reading and reviews. :)