A/N:

oh I'm sorry for the wait. I promise I'll never take that long again. Schools out...which means more time to write. Alas here it it...

(I'm also working on a one shot to explain Embry's parentage). :]

I knew I had made it to Canada, beyond that I slept, too tired to go on. Eyes still closed, I feel something near me. Not something, someone. Shit. Leah told.

Leah didn't say she wouldn't tell me. That's not a voice I hear in my head everyday, or was it in my head. It sounds vaguely human. Wait it is human. Slowly opening my eyes, I see what exactly is going on.

Jake what the hell are you doing here? I think annoyed.

"You're going to have to phase for me to actually hear you. I'm not in the mood to go wolf right now," Jake says.

He's sitting a few feet away, bare chest wearing those ratty old cut off jeans. I stand and phase, just for the convenience of being able to tell him off. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"You know I told you running would never really help right?" Jake says in a kind manner. I wonder if he's anticipating me kicking his ass or not. He rolls his eyes, the stares me down. "Put some clothes on."

I only do so because it's uncomfortable to be nude around someone when they're not. "You never answered my question," I scold him, hate running through my voice.

"First things first," he says patting the ground next to him for me to sit.

I sigh, sitting down roughly beside him, bending up my knees and wrapping my arms around them. "You know I don't want to talk right now?"

"We're not having a conversation. We're having a history lesson."

Until now I was pretty sure that Jake was never going to grow up. But now he's acting all fucking adult. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Since when is he a grown up.

"A long time ago, the Cullen's and I left. And after Sam stopped phasing, Leah and Seth, they went back to the original pack. And Brady, Colin, and all the rest stopped phasing as well and went on with their lives. The only one's who stayed had a reason to stay," Jake pauses for a moment to sigh. "I continued to phase because of Nessie. Embry's too attached to give it up, though I think he's getting close to wanting to, but he knows that you'd be alpha. And in your current state, he's not going to allow that to happen. Leah, well I never thought she'd be one to stay. She told me once that she was going to stop phasing as soon as possible, and here she is, werewolf to this day.

"Which brings me to you. You stayed because of Claire," he says matter-of-factly. "Now that we've got those facts established, here's your history lesson. When I ran away from Bella, from everything, nothing got better. I was just running in circles. Which is why I'm not going to allow you to run away and mope."

"Jake, there's one essential difference in that little history lesson. You didn't imprint on her," I say, not looking at him. I continue to look straight ahead in to the forest surroundings.

"True," Jake breathes. "But being here, does it make it feel like she's any further away?"

He had a point. She felt closer than ever just thinking about her. But thinking of her brought back the memory of her face when she stepped into that car. How her dark hair covered her cheek. How I resisted the urge to run over and tuck it behind her ear. Shaking I try to breath to recover from the anger the memories bring forward. I remember that phasing back and forth that quickly was making my muscles ache.

Jake appraises me for a moment, his face reading part compassion, part satisfaction that he had made a point. He reaches his arm next to me out and places his hand on my shoulder. For a long moment we're still. For me I am locked in the memory of her words that final time, but Jake seems to be locked in a memory too, but it doesn't look as if he's pained by it.

"Now, I'm here to drag you back home," he begins, standing up and stretching. "And I know you don't want to come with me, but you're going to. You can't just let the world stop because you want it to. You've got to get ready to teach. Plus, you're going to need to save Leah."

Still sitting, I look up at him questioning. "Save Leah?"

"Yeah, when Embry finds out that you ran off, I'm pretty sure he's going to chew her out real good. So let's not implicate me in that too," he chuckles on the last part.

We phase and begin to run back to La Push. Mark is on patrol for the first twenty minutes that we're running, but his thoughts don't scold me, they just simply recap what Embry's done since I left. First he screamed a little when he figured it out. Then he went out to the bar. Mark didn't detail on what happened after that, just that it involved some blonde girl with an accent.

I'm thankful that Mark's mind is relatively pure. He's good at keeping his thoughts about things to a minimum and never has a personal commentary on everybody else's actions. I wish I didn't rag in him so much for being young and new to the pack. He's a good kid.

The trek back home seemed shorter that the run up to Canada, probably because Embry was at home waiting to rip me a new one. Jake seems complacent to run, but I know that's the thing he loves most about being what we are. He loves the speed, the freedom of running. I wish that I could have that feeling. When I run all I feel is her. Her presence is all around me every time that my paw makes contact with the ground. And she doesn't even like the fact that I am a wolf. She hates what I am. Why do I even return to this form?

Because if there wasn't the smallest bit of a chance that she would come back to you, you'd want to be her age.

Leah's voice pops into my head. I really don't know where all this high philosophy comes from, especially from her, but it makes sense.

And in a time where nothing seems to make logical sense, she adds.

You don't have to be smug about it, I retort.

She's quiet after that.

Jake and I make it all the way to the reservation before phasing back to human. Human clothes feel so much more natural. I hadn't gone wolf so much in a very long time. Walking feels nice. Somehow now I prefer feet to paws, which is weird because when I first found out about being a wolf, I was so excited. Time apparently changes everything.

We reach the small clustering of green trees just outside the main road, a drizzle of rain falling lightly through the greenery. The moisture enriches the scents in the air, and I smell it sooner than I thought I would in my human body. Almost a group. Two maybe three of them.

Jake senses my tension but remains calm. "It's just Nessie, Edward and Bella."

"They're here?" I exclaim.

"All the Cullen's came, but they're on their own land. Just the three have been on our land and that's because I'm a hypocrite if I get testy about it," he chuckles punching me on the shoulder. "Don't worry, they're just passing through."

"Why are they all here?" I ask after a moment. I'm a little alarmed that the entire group of bloodsuckers would come up here. For all I knew they were spending time in Brazil, studying the rainforest or something.

Jake sighs. "Eh, we're moving up to Alaska with another coven for a while. Then I think Bella and Edward have decided to start up at Dartmouth second semester."

He's so calm with the presence of the Cullen's on a daily basis that I don't know what to do. Even when we ran into Bella and Alice, I felt uneasy. Less with Bella though. I knew her a little when she was human. Even so, his ease with the stench. My nose cringes from this small trail, how could he handle the scent firsthand day after day.

"The same way you are still phasing day after day," Jake says as if he's reading my mind. "Sorry I could tell by the way your nose cringed."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

Jake shrugs. "I mean I stay around Bella and Edward so that I can be with the girl I love. I survive the smell for her." He laughs before continuing, "I barely even notice their scent anymore, it's so familiar. But others, others I do recognize. You know I miss this right? The reservation. Forks. Those were the times when I had brothers I miss it. But there's nothing really left for me here is there?"

He looks down at his feet as he walks now. Somehow I know it's true. Everyone's moved on, Billy's died years ago, and his life is purely tied to Nessie. "I guess you can't just have love in your life can you? You have to friends."

"Yeah. I wouldn't give Renesmee up for the world, but I would like to have my brothers back or at least see my brothers more often."

Strolling slowly back to my house I see Leah and Mark waiting on the front steps. Leah's arm is around Mark's shoulders comforting him in some way.

"Jake, don't do stuff like that!" Leah scolds. "Mark could have gotten hurt. Warn me next time before you do that."

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you that they would be coming on our land," Jake replies, repentant.

"It's fine," Mark mumbles. "They're back at your house by the way. We had to centralize the scent away from us somewhere."

Mark doesn't even look at me. He does not give my an apologetic look like everyone else does who looks at me and for that I am thankful. Without a parting word, I turn to head back to Jake's, hoping that Embry's distaste for the Cullen's was strong enough to keep him away from there. I wasn't fully prepared to feel his wrath or whatever he was going to do to me for running off like that. Jake follows at a distance, still appraising my reactions I suppose. He knows I'm thinking of her.

We pass the main road for a moment, and that's when I see her. I smell her. I feel her presence. Summer's Dad's big yellow jeep passes by, both Summer and Claire in the car music blaring 1980's rock, as they whip around the small bend. Watching their car, I see Claire look back with those same apologetic but hurt eyes. And then she's gone, just like before.

Jake had his hand on my shoulder trying to restrain my shaking. "Hey man, come on. Snap out of it."

His voice seems so far away and the heat begins to ripple through my body. I try so hard to resist but the pain, the anger, the heat simply rises and I burst. He's right behind me, phasing on the fly, a Jake specialty.

Quil!

Embry's voice is fuming in my head. A long string of profanities and what he might do to me when he sees me comes through his mind. Some good visual pictures too. I had to hand it to his creativity. After about thirteen seconds of profanities he reads my mind as I run through the spongy, green forest. He sees what I just saw, and sees that Jake is running at an appropriate distance behind me.

Sorry, he thinks a little ashamed of himself. I'll wait to chew you out. I gotta go.

And then his thoughts are gone, phased back apparently. I run but I can't handle the supernatural wolf. I phase back. Standing naked in the woods is apparently what I'm going to have to do for the moment. Jake skids to a halt behind me and phases back smoothly.

"You okay man?" he asks calmly and slightly out of breath.

I exhale deeply.

"I guess not," Jake says. "This is partially my fault you know. I convinced her to give you a chance. That first day that you told her. I didn't think she would ever do this. As hesitant as she was, I thought she liked the idea of making you happy. She liked you, I could tell in her eyes. And I think she still does. By the look on her face, you're not the only one who's hurt."

"You should have never convinced her. You should have left it alone, Jake!" I scold. I'm too confused right now. So many things stimulating my mind with so many different emotions, I just want to hit him.

"I think you would have missed your chance at happiness though. I think you're better off having at least that small period of time with her."

"Maybe."

Silence encases us for a moment, until the sound of paws running interrupts. Mark phases and tosses both Jake and I a pair of sweats. I was starting to appreciate my pack more and more. It seemed that the moment she was gone, my pack was there. I guess I'm lucky to have them.

After putting on the sweats I sit down on a large rock next to a tree. I put my elbows on my knees and I place my head in my hands. Breathing, that's all I can do now. He face summed it up. She's resolved into not being with me at all. She's leaving to go to college in a short time and she won't be around.

I guess I had to go on. At least breathe. I owed that to my pack, to my brothers, and Leah.