Shock and silence begin to wear off as I pull into a parking space.
"Quil? Q? You there? You human? You wolf?" Jake's questions are hollow in my head as I try to breathe calmly so that I don't phase and ruin the new truck.
"She did what?" I finally ask.
"She went to see Claire."
Switching the phone to my other ear, I hold it to my ear with my shoulder, and place both hands firmly on the steering wheel. I want to badger him with a hundred questions after I finish pummeling his ass, but all I can mange to ask one thing. "What?"
"Well, it was more so that she ran into Bella on campus one night. I don't know why she was there but she said something to Claire."
I grind my teeth. "What exactly did she say?"
The light posts in the parking lot begin to illuminate, and a hazy mist rain encases the parking lot like a creepy horror movie. How suiting. This is like a creepy horror movie. Werewolves, vampires, half-breeds, and one innocent human being abused by all of us. I can only imagine what kind of reaction Claire had to Bella.
"See that's the kicker. I don't know because she won't tell me. But she did say that it was something that she wished she would have had known when that whole stupid drama went down with her and I a thousand years ago. So it has to be uplifting," he chuckles over his last statement, more out of nervousness than out of humor.
Great. Just fucking great. I have no idea what has been said to Claire.
"Jake, why did she talk to Claire?"
"That damn bloodsucker-ouch- Edward," he corrects, obviously Nessie didn't like his terminology for her father. "Edward was reading my mind again and he informed Bella of our little conversation, the one in the woods. Bella and Edward had gone to LA for something; I was back here with Nessie. They ran into her and Claire recognized Bella. Bella thought it would be rude not to acknowledge her. They ended up playing mini golf with one of Claire's friends, Danny."
Still wanting to physically tear Jake limb from limb, I give in to doing the next best thing. Tear him apart verbally. "So basically, Jacob, you have no fucking clue what was said, what exactly happened you just know the basic outside gist of what happened. She's coming home tomorrow and I'll probably run into her and I don't know exactly what she said or what went on. Plus she was alone with two vampires and a human! You're an asshole Jacob Black!" I forcefully take the phone in my left hand and scream into it, directly in front of my face, while still gripping the steering wheel tightly.
When I place the phone back to my ear there is silence for a minute. I can only hear my breathing and Jake's silent guilt. Then, a three knocks on the glass of my driver's side door interrupts the quiet. I turn, alarmed by the sudden sound, and stare into the face of a very concerned Emily.
"Jake," I say sternly. "I have to go. I'll call you later to ream you out again."
"Okay. I'll hold you to it," he says and then disconnects the line.
I roll down my window to meet Emily's tare once again. Her scarred grimace is more evident when she's worried. I can tell. It's the same look she gets when Tripp or Laker come home with a skinned knee, that heals a little too quickly. Since my mom left, Emily became like a mother to me. Though she practically was before. She fed me almost every day until Claire was fifteen. That's when my dad and I learned to cook, though I still am a much abused babysitter for her now, therefore I'm always welcome to dinner at her house at least twice a week.
"Hey," I say calmly, my voice deep and rough from yelling.
"So Jake got a hold of you?" she asks her voice understanding.
"You know?" I ask more out of confirmation.
She simply nods and then asks, "You want to join me? I've got to pick up some last minute things before Thursday and I don't everything to be gone tomorrow."
Her voice sounds so light, almost forced kindness. There's no doubt in my mind that she heard me yelling at Jake in the car. I nod, rolling up my window. We hit a light jog into the grocery store to avoid getting soaked by the now pouring rain.
In the bread isle, after a few minutes of small talk, Emily instigates the conversation between us about Claire. "I found out you know. From Claire. About her conversation with Bella."
"Oh," I say lightly squeezing a loaf of wheat bread to check it's freshness before putting it into my basket.
"Claire came to see me tonight when she got home. Said she wanted to talk to Sam and me before she saw you. She told me about her conversation with Bella."
"Emily," I plead. I know now that Bella has disclosed everything to Emily and Sam as a way to gauge my reaction before seeing me over her break at home. The ache, I'm dying inside to know everything that's happened. "Please tell me what happened."
"I'll tell you this and only this. I can only tell you what happened as far as I know, but I won't tell you how she's feeling. It's up to her to express that to you. "
That's a low blow, but I'll take what I can get. "Okay."
We turn to ascend the next isle and Emily beings to pick up odds and end. "Look for Paprika," she says standing in front of the spices. "So Claire was out on campus for the night with some friends after a movie. She ran into Bella outside the movie theatre. They got to talking and went out to mini golf. Claire's friend, Danny, came with them because I guess he didn't feel comfortable letting Claire go off alone with complete strangers at night and I'm guessing neither did Claire, if you know what I mean."
She picks up a gallon of skim milk and places it in her basket, shivering from the cool of the grocery store refrigerator, and smiles to the man who passes us. "Anyway, Bella took Claire aside and spoke to her."
"What did she say?" I interject, desperately. Desperation has never been a part of who I am, except it seems when it comes to Claire. I shiver at the thought of Claire being alone with Bella, a vampire, without me to protect her. Even though the Cullens were supposed to not be dangerous, it still doesn't sit well with me.
"Basically, she told Claire about the whole Jake and Bella and Edward situation and how she felt about it from her point of view and how Jake felt about it. She said that if Jake had imprinted on her, that she doesn't think she could have broken his heart like she did. But if he had, and Edward had come back, she would have still ended up with Edward, but only because her hold on him was too strong. Stronger than her hold on Jake.
"And also she told her about Sam and I. And- well," she pauses, obviously debating with herself as to if she should tell me something. "You know I really liked Bella. She really seemed to like Jacob and she was really accepting of everything, you know. She was great company, but she broke Jake's heart. But in the end he got his happy ending."
"Yeah Bella was nice, but now she's different, I guess."
"You know," Emily says leaning down into a refrigerator case. "You don't give Bella enough credit. I think she's done something very nice for you, even though you won't like it at first…I think you'll like it in the end."
"What do you mean by that?" I retort quickly, alarmed by her opinion.
She rolls her eyes at me. "I mean that I don't believe Sam's crap about preserving the blood line. I mean I believe it but I think that you're affection for Claire will be returned in some way in the future."
"I hope you're right."
We finish gathering our groceries, Emily insistent on not giving me anymore information that she already has. I help her get all of her bags securely into her car. "You know you should let Jacob off the hook and Bella too. She didn't go looking for Claire, it was a run in, and she wanted to be polite. No harm done. Bella and Edward have a clean record in our books."
"Okay," I agree. "I'll try."
At home I throw the instant pudding mix on the center of the counter and the whip cream into the fridge. Jake and Emily's words have not quite sunk in, but I try to interpret and comprehend them. Bella was in La Push the day Jake and I came back. So she probably saw how distressed Jake was from seeing me, but obviously she didn't seek Claire out.
I guess Bella was just being nice, but that doesn't excuse her from being more than simply polite to Claire. She didn't have to express her opinion about my relationship with Claire.
I take a quick walk into the woods outside my house, still contemplating what exactly Bella said. Once I'm sure I am out of view of anyone from the road or from the small grouping of houses including my own, I take off my clothes and phase to begin my small shift of running the perimeter.
Hey, Mark's voice says dully. I've got nothing. How long you on for?
Four, then I'm crashing until three and picking up another shift then. Are you running on thanksgiving?
Yeah. Being the youngest has its disadvantages.
I chuckle, barking. We're silent for a moment, but I know that Mark is just listening to my problem with Jacob and Bella.
You know you can't really know what happened until you talk to Claire right? And she'll be at Emily's for dinner on thanksgiving. You can talk to her then. You can sort things out then. Mark's thoughts are always so rational. Of course we'd be able to talk or at least sort things out at a family dinner. And sure Claire really wants to sort things out with me.
Don't be like that, Quil. Mark clearly senses my apprehension and hostility in my thoughts.
She's got a new boyfriend, Mark. How are we supposed to talk with everyone there? Hmm?
Fine, Mark's mood now on edge with mine. I gotta crash. See you soon.
Mmkay.
Mark's departure is hostile, but I ignore it. Obviously I have bigger problems. I run the perimeter at full speed. It had been a while since I'd pushed my wolf form to its fullest potential, probably since Claire left and I ran to Canada. My path takes me around the edge of the reservation past Emily's house, and following the beaten path of my brothers, and sister, out in passing distance of Claire's house. Usually, I avoid this sight and take an alternative route, but today I see the house, knowing that she must be inside, or at least living there while she's on break from school.
The light in her bedroom flicks off as I slow to get the full view of the house. A faint glow of the television, flickering, from the family room out onto the lawn illuminates Claire's silhouette as she moves into that room and cuddles up on the couch next to a female figure, who from a closer glance, recognize as her mother.
I'm at the perimeter of the woods outside her house. If it were daylight, she'd be able to see me, but the night's light disguises me. Watching her, even in wolf form makes me feel like a pedophile, stalking from the woods outside a girl's home. Wasn't that what I always was? A pedophile? Loving a two year old girl the moment I saw her?
It felt like it now- now that I had those feelings for her, but it wasn't like that then.
And I want to see her, and figure things out. She left and everything stopped without resolve. I know I want to avoid awkwardness, the stares, and the weak smiles that everyone will give on Thursday and work things out before hand.
Standing like a creep- in wolf form- I realize that it'd be better to get everything over with before Thanksgiving dinner with everyone there. I turn rapidly, know that I would return in only a few minute. Pushing myself hard against the moist forest floor, I run full speed to my house where I acquire a pair of sweat pants, a pen, a piece of paper and a zip-lock bag.
Sitting down quickly, because I know that I'm still on duty and Embry would literally kill me for taking off like this, I write a note;
Claire,
Just because I know we both want to avoid the public awkwardness if we do this on Thursday, would you mind seeing me tomorrow at noon at my house?
-Quil
After rereading it twice, I fold it in half and put it into the plastic bag. Tying my sweats around my ankle I phase on the run, and make my way back to her house.
A light snow begins to fall, when I'm halfway there, but it doesn't stick to the wet ground. The unseasonable warm fall has prevented a sticking snow.
Thinking of my letter, I note that if it worked once before, it has to work again. I have to get her to see me, at least to evade to awkwardness with everyone. If anything I just need that. That, and I need to see her, to get the answers to the questions I have for myself…life what the fuck is this boyfriend nonsense she's got going on? And what she wants and needs me to be. The past few months I've really had no other purpose than to survive. I want to know what she wants from me. I need to know what she wants from me. I need this more than I need to know about the drama Bella has caused. I'm sick and tired of trying to make it through everyday, just having conversations in circles about her with Jake, Mark, Embry, Leah, my father, Emily, Sam and practically everyone else. I need to talk to her, without everyone else watching.
Once I arrive in the forest outside her house, I phase, and throw on my sweats. With the plastic bag containing my letter held firmly between my teeth, I scale the small tree next to her window, an easy feat even for a human boy, and place the letter on her sill. I'm sure she'll see it.
Once back running the perimeter, I dwell on how she'll respond, which fills my thoughts for the hours left on my shift until I trade off.
A/N: (A long one...for the consistant reader)
Okay..I'm late again. Sorry. Lack of inspiration. (and lack of presence of my muse...she's kinda needed for this story. )
This has been very dificult for me lately, writing. I was stuck on plot for a while, and then I realized how much I really hate this writing style. I had read a book written in the style and therefore when I started Words I used it...which had to fall over into Unlucky as well. Obviously, it's not really written in that style any more, though it is still written in the present tense. I'm fining it hard to return to the original style that i had started with and for that I apologize. It really bugs me when an author does that. I never meant for it to do that but with time, it evolved. In addition, writing in present tense, personally, is like physical labor. I absolutely hate it, but as I believe fanfiction is a place to also try new things and grow as a writer I tried it. Ugh, I shudder at how much it aches to write like this.
Now that I have overcome my lack of vision for plot in this I an promise I'll write faster. I will complete my Quil/Claire story that I have to tell in it's entirety, but the writing I know is poor...for my standards at least, and I will try my best to return to it's original style, though I can't promise anything.
For Summer lovers (not just the season):
she will return...and in a really good way.
I have two large outside writing projects that I'm working on as well, so bear with me, if I drop off the face of fanfiction from time to time. I will finish my Quil/ Claire story before the end of the season though, hopefully before August.
I'm sorry once again for the terrible direction in writing this has taken and I'll try to improve that.
-c.c