Jim woke up Sunday a couple weeks later at three in the morning reaching lazily for a hand that wasn't there. Coming in contact with his own t-shirt, he groggily opened his eyes, looking for the source of what had woken him. He hadn't been dreaming, at least not any of the usual dreams that ended with him waking up. It had been nice, still about Bones, but more feelings than images, more comfort than passion. Those weren't the type of dreams that woke him up.

He blinked into the night, trying to become accustomed to the darkness that surrounded him. Slowly the small outline of Joanna came into view and from the moonlight that slipped from the curtains on his windows he could see two luminous eyes peering at him unblinkingly. Some part of him registered that that was really creepy, but most of him, the dad-part of him, sat up slowly.

"What's wrong, Jo-bear?" he asked, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

She dipped her head shyly, speaking in little more than a mumbled whisper, "Sellit had a nightmare."

His lips quirked up at that. Whenever she had nightmares it was always Sellit who she blamed it on. It was one of the cuter things that she had always done. He pulled her, with the toy sehlat in her arms, on the bed next to him, asking, "Really? What did Sellit have a nightmare about?"

"The dinosaurs were chasing me." She looked up at him with bright, frightened eyes, a silent question lingering in her blue irises.

Jim rubbed his thumb across her soft cheek, unsurprised when it was wet, but still sympathetic towards the irregular plights that could take over his little girl's dreams. "Wanna sleep in my room tonight, Jo?" he asked.

She nodded rapidly, scrambling further away from the edge to settle into the pillow that Jim had just been using. She put Sellit under the blanket beside her, and then looked back to Jim, expectantly. He lay back down next to her, waiting as she quickly unsettled all the work she had done earlier to get the pillow perfect, so that she could snuggle into his t-shirt.

"Comfy?" he asked, letting his eyes slip shut.

She nodded rapidly, and for a few moments they were silent. Jim thought Jo was drifting off into sleep, and he wasn't far behind her. His breathing was evening out, and with his daughter's weight resting on him, he knew it would be deep sleep. However, Joanna spoke again, still just as quietly as earlier. "Daddy?"

"Hmm…?"

"Why doesn't papa stay the night with us too?"

His eyes snapped open immediately, and he looked down at her head, wild from when she had gone to bed with it wet. He tried to think about a good answer for her, one she would understand and that wouldn't upset her. He couldn't think of anything, though. Everything seemed too complicated to get into right now, so he just wrapped his arm around her shoulders and told her, "Ask me tomorrow, Jo-bear. Its sleep time for little pirates."

Within the next ten minutes Joanna was sleeping comfortably, but Jim only stared up at the ceiling. He knew it was his decision, but over the past few weeks it had become very apparent that he was just torturing himself. Just being friends with Bones was quite possibly the most painful thing he had ever experienced. He thought maybe he could do it, that Bones would somehow begin to lessen his visible attraction towards him.

The last two weeks had been … wonderful. Bones had been perfect, even when Joanna had thrown the biggest fit known to man about not being able to see her show one night a week ago. He had been a little freaked out at first; having never experienced the full-blown fit-throwing rage of a toddler, but after Jim had showed him how to handle her and what not to do, he had been fine. Jim should probably thank whatever lucky stars were out there that they had the same views on discipline or it could have been a little tenser.

More importantly, Bones' attraction hadn't lessened, at all, which was putting a real wrench in Jim's plan. Bones wasn't going to be settling for friendship alone in two and a half months. In fact, he was making it pretty obvious he was only just making it through Jim's waiting period.

Jim snapped his eyes shut. It was way too early to be thinking about this shit.

+ststst+

Jim was in the middle of Archer's class, doodling ships on a blank padd screen. Archer was going on about some equation that Jim had memorized when he was seventeen. Most of the students seemed a little lost, though. They all stared at Archer with scrunched up faces of confusion, their mouths hanging open and their styluses scribbling furiously away at their padds, making side-notes and corrections to the text they had downloaded.

Jim noticed that his cakette was doing well enough, only pulling faces every now and then, but mostly seeming to comprehend what Archer was babbling about. Jim was kind of proud of that for some reason. Gave the brainless, macho man stereotype a bit more depth and fleshing out. He almost felt the need to actually learn his name instead of calling him 'cakette,' but thus far it was only a passing fancy.

He startled a little when something rubbed against his leg, rolling his eyes when he saw Porthos sniffing around. The dog was really smart, but each time class was held was like a new experience for Porthos. He would jump off of his pillow and start sniffing the large floor before the tiered seating structure, and sometimes even wander up the seating structure to the girl who always brought breakfast with her to class. He mostly did that part so she would give him food, because apparently she was a sucker for the puppy eyes.

He reached down and rubbed the long, floppy ears for a second, enjoying the softness between his finger tips, but Porthos grew bored quickly. He wandered over to his master, who walked around like he was performing on stage. Archer ignored him mostly, save for stepping over and around him, while the canine trailed in his wake.

When it became apparent that he was being ignored in favor of giving the lecture, Porthos barked. A few of the students who had been scribbling on their padds furiously jumped at the noise that reverberated around the auditorium. Archer just looked down at the dog, reaching down to pat his head, before returning his attention to the class.

"Make sure you get that in your notes, too," he said. "There will be extensive essays over his additions in the next test." It wouldn't have surprised Jim if Archer actually managed to fit that into his test. The man was insane. "And…"

He paused again as his own padd trilled on the desk, alerting him that he had a message. Archer rolled his eyes and ambled over to the device, reading the message with what Jim swore was a 'Jesus, Chris.' He gave a longsuffering sigh, turning to Jim with a mild glare; as he often did when interrupted in class. For a man who had claimed he was keeping Jim, he often seemed very unimpressed that the cadet was there. "Kirk, go see Captain Pike."

"What?" Jim asked, wondering what the hell Pike would want with him when he knew he was in the middle of class.

"See Pike! Get out of here. Put your seat in the corner. Meander your way to Captain Dictator's office…" He stopped, looking thoughtful for a moment, before Porthos barked again. He frowned down at his precious beagle before demanding, "And take Porthos with you."

Jim rolled his eyes. "Jim Kirk, dog-walker at your service" he griped as he moved his chair, the one with his name under it, into the corner where it rested when he wasn't in the auditorium. Then he went over to Archer's desk, pulling out a drawer, which held all sorts of random and irrelevant goodies, including Porthos' leash. "Come on, your highness. Let's go see the captain."

Archer smiled at him, patting Porthos' back as he walked by.

The walked took twice as long as it normally would have, due to the fact that Porthos sniffed every tree within his sight and urinated on at least half of those. By the time he got to the heavy wood door, Jim swore he was going to hack into Archer's computer and fuck with his presentation for payback. He felt the need to use a Bones-ism and rant about how he was a TA, not a damn doggy-sitter. He knocked twice.

He was more than a little surprised when the door was yanked open and a Pike-hand grabbed him by the front of his reds, yanking him in. He almost thought that he was about to be black-bagged, but then he heard a scratchy but exuberant, "Daddy!"

He froze and looked down at Joanna who was walking towards him looking all sorts of pathetic. When she was at his side she thrust her hands up into the air demandingly, completely ignoring Porthos, a strange occurrence indeed. He picked her up immediately before he looked at Pike who was scrutinizing him something fierce. "What is she doing here?" he asked the captain.

"I was going to ask you that as well," Pike said, his gaze demanding. "I got a call from Sandcastles saying that Joanna Kirk was sick and that neither of her parents could be reached."

Jim pulled Joanna away from the shoulder she had snuggled into, checking her for the fever that warmed her forehead and cheeks. She hadn't had that this morning, he didn't think, but he hadn't expressly checked. She had seemed fine, acting her normal cheerful self. When he heard that Pike had received the call, he paused. "What?" he asked, reaching for his communicator, before he realized that it had died on the way to Relativistic Physics. He also remembered that he had forgotten to tell Pike he would be called if both he and Bones were out of communication. "Oh! Yeah, about that…I put you on the contact list."

"Really?" he asked sarcastically. "I hadn't figured that out yet."

"I meant to tell you when I did it. But I think that was the day we started…"

Pike raised his hand to stop the cadet. "Jim, I don't wanna hear it. What's done is done, but I'm a little old-fashioned. I need warning about the fact that I may end up watching a toddler. Asking would have been nice too, but I'm beginning to understand that you don't really ask for much, so I'll take what I can get."

He didn't sound angry so much as frustrated, which was completely understandable. Jim really should have remembered to tell him.

Shaking his head, he told Pike seriously, "I'm sorry. I'll take her home now."

Pike's attention sharpened on him. "Don't do that," he demanded. "You have classes."

He was confused. Pike had called him out to yell at him, and then send him back to class? Well, actually, now that he thought about it that was a very Pike thing to do. Jim sighed, "Look, I'll return Muttley here, and then take her back. It's no big deal."

Pike looked down at Porthos, obviously having only just realized that Jim was playing slave to a canine. He rolled his eyes. "Jon is such an ass," he said, but apologized when Joanna turned her head to look at him curiously. Pike shook his head. "I called you out to ask if there was anything I needed to know about the sick-y. Do you have medicine for her, or should I go get some from one of the admirals? When does she eat? Does she have a set nap time?"

Jim's brows flew up at Pike asked these questions. "You're going to watch her?" he asked incredulously. He looked down at Jo and then back to him, apprehension clear on his face.

He shrugged. "I got nothing better to do, and she's a charming young lady."

"Have you ever watched kids before?"

"My sister's. Don't worry. I'm not gonna feed her to a lion." The smile on his face was calming, and Jim slowly nodded and began answering the questions he had been asked earlier. By the time he was done, and Pike was holding his arms out, Joanna was mostly asleep on his shoulder, and Porthos had wound the leash around his legs two times.

Jim jostled his daughter a little, pulling her to semi-consciousness. "Jo, you're gonna spend the day with Captain Pike, okay?"

She nodded groggily. "Okay, daddy."

He nodded at her with a small smile before handing her over to Pike. He cradled her in his arms and took her over to the small couch that was against the wall beside his desk. Jim watched as he put one of the couch pillows under her head. When she was asleep again, and Jim had unraveled the leash from his legs, he asked, "Did you call for Bones?"

"Yeah, but they're apparently having a test."

"I'll tell him when he gets out," he offered. "Come on, Snoopy. Let's get you back to your actual slave."

He heard Pike chuckling as he led Porthos out of the office.

+ststst+

He was waiting outside Bones' classroom when he got out. While he was waiting, he spoke to a pretty, young blonde who was balancing both exploratory science and medical science tracks. Apparently the test had been pretty simple but tedious. Christine, as he learned her name, worked with Bones at the medical unit on Fridays, and though his bedside manner needed some work, she liked him well enough.

She left to go to her next class, an exploratory lecture class about the connection between viruses across the known universe. It sounded fascinating, if absolutely disgusting. As she was walking away, Bones exited the class, turning his communicator on. He paused when he caught sight of Jim leaning against the wall outside.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked as he walked up to him. He shut the communicator and put it in his pocket, without checking it for messages. "Thought you were TA-ing with Archer."

Jim shook his head. "Jo's sick. Thought I'd come tell you before your next class."

Bones' expression morphed to concern. "She's sick? Where is she?"

He looked around as if expecting her to come out of the woodwork. Jim felt a smirk taking his lips. "Pike's watching her so we don't have to miss classes."

His attention snapped back to Jim, eyes narrowing, and he asked incredulously, "She's with Pike?"

Ah, the animosity for the captain had not waned. Good to know, however, it was sorely inconvenient at this moment in time.

"Don't worry. He promised he wouldn't feed her to the lions," he said lightly, trying not to further the irritation Pike seemed to command with Bones. It didn't work; not in the slightest. If anything, a scowl darkened Bones' features. Jim sighed. "What is your problem with him?"

"I don't have a problem," Bones denied gruffly.

Jim gave a humorless snort. "Bullshit. If you didn't have a problem, you wouldn't be protesting so much. Pike offered so we wouldn't have to miss classes. I thought you'd be happy about that."

Bones cast a glance around, aware of all the cadets that were milling around. A few threw them curious glances, because according to Uhura he and Bones were number three in the gossip ratings, right after the new Russian genius and the highly questionable substance being tested in Science Lab Eight. Mostly, the fellow cadets left them alone, too busy trying to get from point A to point B to really notice them. Bones sighed, though, as if they were the center of the hallway attention and told him, "I don't want to talk about this right here."

"Okay, you wanna go out on the quad?" Jim asked, only feeling a little smug that he could use that on Bones the way the doctor had on him in the mess hall. Bones glared at him, obviously not so impressed with that little turn around. Jim gave him a cocky smirk, deciding to drop the Pike-thing for now. He reached out, without thought, and rubbed Bones' arm, saying, "I'll see you at lunch."

+ststst+

At the day's end, he lounged next to Uhura in Intergalactic Ethics, not really paying attention to the professor, instead choosing to consider the day. He had kept his padd on all day, sending random messages to Pike to ask about Jo. Mostly she seemed to be okay, she spent her time between sleeping and 'pestering' the captain, according the messages he had received. She still had a fever, according to the last message Pike had sent, but she had been having an imaginary conversation to the 'stuffed seal with legs.'

Jim had already made an appointment with her new pediatrician for the following morning.

Jim had forwarded most of the messages to Bones, who after their half-way argument that morning had been fine to ignore most things that had to do with Pike. Jim would really pay to know what made Bones so pissy about Pike, but until it became a real problem he would leave it alone. Some people just rubbed others the wrong way.

Still, it irked.

From beside him, Uhura hissed, "You're pouting."

He jerked back to himself in order to favor her with an irritated glare. He didn't know why she had suddenly decided to comment. Usually she was silent throughout Intergalactic Ethics, even though she was clearly just as bored as Jim was. She wasn't even looking at him! "I'm not pouting!" he whispered back, intent on keeping the instructor unaware of this small conversation.

She passed him a glance, giving a small but derisive snort. "Please. If your lower lip stuck out any further, birds would perch on it."

"I'm concentrating," he said, intent on returning to his padd where he had closed down the message from Pike, pulling up Starfleet Protocols and Regulations, and more importantly ignoring the woman next to him.

Uhura was apparently very comfortable with the politics and workings of the Vulcan government, because she continued on with the conversation, despite the fact that in normal circumstances she would have just rolled her eyes and left him alone. "You have never concentrated in Intergalactic Ethics."

"I'm not thinking about Intergalactic Ethics," he told her, holding his padd up to show her his current studies. She glanced at it, read a few lines then nodded, pacified.

They were silent for a few moments, Uhura mostly paying attention to their instructor, and Jim not even pretending to pay attention. He had slumped further into his seat next to her, practically sprawled out and about three inches from kicking the Tellarite in the tier in front of him. He was careful not to actually make contact with him, though. He had made that mistake once about the second week into the semester, and though Glaf made an effort not to bring it up, the Tellarite had demanded a public apology for an hour after it had happened. God bless Uhura for coming up with a suitable 'treaty' between the two of them.

Speaking of her…

"Will you suck your lip in?" she demanded more than asked. "You're worse than Joanna."

Jim rolled his eyes. "Out of all of my 'irritating' traits, that's the one you focus on?"

"It makes you look pathetic."

"Does the wounded puppy look turn you on or something?" he asked her with a teasing leer.

She was unimpressed. "You're not cute," she told him with a tempered glare.

"I am hot."

A disbelieving snort escaped her almost without consent. She turned away from him with a small shake of her head, asking, "Why does Len put up with you?"

It was uncanny how the people of his life always knew the precise question to ask him about Bones, the ones that would set off his internal monologue which he had effectively been ignoring for a week or so.

He smiled thinly at her, tapping the page over button on his padd idly. "That, my dear nameless Uhura, is the subject of great debate."

She looked at him curiously, her head tilting to the side as if she had been given a particularly perplexing Klingon word to decipher and told to link it to a Romulan word of similar meaning. With a wave of his hand, he brushed her off, returning to his reading. She didn't need to bother herself with him or his internal musings. She was a great friend, but he had enough people to 'share' in his quandary with Bones. He liked Uhura just as she was. She dealt with how he acted, not who he was, and he liked it that way.

+ststst+

Jim and Bones met after Intergalactic Ethics let out and together they made their way over to Pike's office. They were silent, but it wasn't horrifically uncomfortable. Bones was obviously still not thrilled about the fact that their daughter had stayed with Pike, but he kept most of his bitching to himself.

Jim stole a few glances at the doctor on the way over, his mind swirling with Uhura's question. She had meant it in jest, probably with an undercurrent of sincerity, but seeing as she put up with him too, he couldn't be that much of a nuisance. Bones, however, well, he wasn't just putting up with Jim. He was waiting, patiently and obviously, with unwavering feelings.

It was nice, if totally irritating.

It was nice because well…hell, who didn't want to be cared about like that. Jim could be alone, did well alone, actually. In Iowa, he had spent most of his time alone, and when Maggie Jay and Joanna had come along it had soothed a lot of the loneliness, but it didn't cure it all. They made him content, and Joanna sparkled in his life the way no one ever could. She was the light of his life, but it wasn't quite the same.

And whereas he had been fine to live the single-parent life in Iowa, and maybe just a little desperate not to make the same mistakes his mother had, Bones being here made him want to reconsider, which sucked.

He didn't want to reconsider, because it would only end up backfiring in the most glorious way ever! He didn't like to be Johnny Raincloud or anything, but he and Bones…there were just too many variables. Too many things to doubt about each other and what they felt. Jim could name a hundred things just off the top of his head that made him doubt if Bones wanted him for him, or if he wanted him for Joanna. Not to mention what Bones' problems could be. The man had only been divorced for a little over a month. He had only found out about their daughter…

Jim just didn't want to deal with it. Not really, and he could only hope that with the next two months, he would find a solution to this problem.

As it was, for the moment as they closed in on Pike's door, Jim was content to just put it on back burner again. He turned to Bones, putting his hand on the doctor's shoulder to bring him to a halt just a few paces away from the office.

"I'm not gonna have to muzzle you when we go in there, right?" he asked semi-seriously.

Bones looked shocked for a moment, before a scowl took over his face. "You haven't needed one yet, have you?"

Jim hated that he took that just a little dirtier than he should have. He quickly quashed those thoughts, instead giving Bones a warning look. This time when he reached the door, he opened without knocking, and thank God he did, because the sight that met him was priceless!

Their daughter was sitting on the ground with her knees tucked up under her with Archer's dog six seconds from knocking her over. Her sehlat 'sat' next to her, and not only Pike, but Archer too, sat to complete the loose circle, each holding one hand palm-up in the air, while the other pretended to hold a teacup. It was awesome and Jim, quick as a flash, pulled out his padd to snap a quick picture of it before they realized what he was doing.

Blackmail…thy name is imaginary tea party.

"Kirk! Don't you knock?" Archer demanded as both he and Pike turned around to glare at the man now naming and saving the picture he had taken. Jim took great delight in the fact that neither of them attempted to get up from the ground.

Joanna snapped her head up, her blue eyes a little dilated from the medicine, but her smile was radiant as Bones herded Jim further into the increasingly cramped office. "Daddy! Papa!" she yelled with her voice still scratchy. She pulled herself out from under Porthos and galloped over to them, with the dog in tow. She paused for a moment, looking between them for a moment before she decided Jim would do for the moment. She lifted her hands into the air, demanding, "Daddy, up!"

He did as she ordered; making a mental note that when she wasn't sick they would have to start working on the new bossy-pants attitude.

Jim checked her temperature, noting that she was still a little warm, just not as warm as she'd been earlier. "How are you feeling, Jo-bear?"

"Okay. I played with the doggy. His name is Poor Thos." The name was audibly broken in two words for her to pronounce it properly. "Can we get a doggy?" she asked, her face serious and tilted at a downward angle so her eyes appeared even bigger.

"No, Jo, we aren't allowed to have puppies at home." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the complete truth. He just would have to pay a pet fee and he really didn't want to deal with that.

For a moment, he thought that she might start whining, and possibly break out the waterworks. Her little lips pursed for a moment, and she stared at him, testing his mettle. When he had passed, she nodded solemnly. "Can we stay and play with Poor Thos, then?"

Jim didn't have a problem with it, but Bones' crankiness was practically attacking his back. He pretended to consider it, well aware of everyone's eyes on him, but just because he was feeling particularly obnoxious, and okay, maybe a little frustrated with Bones, he told her, "Ask papa, sweetheart."

Jim turned just in time to see Bones give him a 'gee, thanks' look before he put on his expectant look for Joanna's question.

"Papa, can I play with Poor Thos?" she asked him, her voice extra sweet as if she knew exactly how to get to the doctor.

Bones glanced at Jim with a promise of vengeance that only made Jim smile at him. Then, with a put-upon sigh, he said, "I guess."

Jo smiled and clapped excitedly then wiggled happily so Jim would put her down. Porthos hopped up on his hind legs, but never actually touched her or threatened to knock her over. Joanna put her hand on his snout and gently pushed all four of his legs to the ground with a firm, "Down."

Both Pike and Archer smiled at that, looking so proud of themselves. Jim could only imagine that they had taught her that reaction. Looking back at Bones as their daughter led the dog back to where she had been sitting before they entered, he nodded over to the empty seat that had been pushed against the wall to make more room for teatime.

"She wasn't too much trouble, I take it," Jim said as they gingerly stepped around the mess that had been made.

Pike shook his head. "No, the only trouble I had was with Jon. I can only handle one child at a time."

Archer glared.

The captain smiled at him innocently. "Jo was a little angel, though. We had a lot of fun today, didn't we?" he asked the little girl.

She nodded enthusiastically. Jim wasn't entirely sure she knew what she was agreeing to, she was so wrapped up in the beagle, but Pike smiled like she had just paid him the best compliment in the universe. When Jim glanced at Bones, it looked like he was three seconds away from spontaneous combustion. He sighed, reaching over while the older men were distracted by Joanna's adorableness. He tapped the doctor's arm, sending him a meaningful look when he had his attention.

Bones sighed, but lost the scowl, turning his attention towards their daughter as she patted the dog jerkily.

They spent about an hour in Pike's office, chatting. Well, Jim chatted with Pike, and Bones mostly spoke to Archer, seeming fine to ignore the captain unless he was spoken to first. Joanna, in the rare instances she grew bored with Porthos, meandered around the room, sitting in each man's lap for a time before she returned to either Sellit or the beagle. Jim thought Bones' face might turn inside out when Jo sat in Pike's lap, but he managed to keep his tongue behind his teeth.

Jim really had to work out why Bones didn't like Pike. It had to be something for him to keep making those faces.

It was a nice visit. Jim was still happy when they decided to head back to Bones' suite, though, and Bones seemed relieved as well. He lost all traces of his sour look and even offered to take Jo to the pediatrician the next morning. Jim thought about declining the offer, but in the end agreed. Bones would be taking her for the weekend soon. He should probably get accustomed to having their daughter alone.

Jim should also probably think of something to do with his suite to himself. He really wasn't used to being alone for so long any more.

He was going to go stir crazy.

+ststst+

A/N: I'm so pleased with this chapter. You have no idea, and I hope you're just as happy with it.

(pirouette)

InnocentGuilt