A/N:
Tada! I'm feeling inspired...
The knock at my front door makes me jump and flip off of my couch instantly. I had crashed there last night after my shift and had set an alarm for eleven so that I could shower before Claire might arrive. She hadn't given me confirmation that she would come to see me, but I figured I'd be ready if she came. Feeling slightly disoriented from my sudden jump from sleep, I look at the clock on the television. Twelve fifteen. Shit. The knock at my door comes again, more violently this time.
"Just a second," I call groggily. I had crashed in my sweats and probably look like a wreck right now, but I run my fingers through my hair roughly and stumble towards the door.
Inhaling deeply, I pull open the door. My breath is practically knocked out of my at the sight of her. Claire's hair is out of her face, pulled back in a pony tail. Her red fall jacket is zipped up all the way to her chin, protecting her from the cold. Claire stares but doesn't smile, her expression simply blank.
I gesture for her to come in and slowly start to shut the door behind her when a well manicured hand slaps down on it level with my face. My eyes follow down the arm of this assailant and straight to the face of Summer.
"He gets us out of bed for this and then he doesn't even shower to see us. Great!" Summer announces her arrival, pushing through the door, flicking it shut with her zebra print heel, and stepping into my house with the click-clack of her shoes on the wooden floor. Her hair was different, still blonde and long but now with streaks of electric blue.
I forgot how much I loved Summer… sometimes. Yes she had gotten Claire and I together in the first place, but she is also an interesting child. In my relationship with Claire, I discovered that Summer has a lot of pull with Claire's relationships. Meaning that if Summer is getting bored with her boyfriend, she encourages Claire to feel the same way. Example A: Summer gets rid of Embry, Claire gets rid of me.
"Summer, good to see you," I say trying to disguise my annoyance with her presence in my house.
"Yeah," she says making herself at home on the couch, and flicking on the television. She scrolls through the dvr and turns on a very old Wrestlemania that Embry had taped a billion years ago. "I'll stay out of your way. "
I turn back to see Claire who's standing directly in the center of the kitchen, arms folded across her chest. Her expression isn't impatient like her body reads, actually she seems bemused. Still shocked I walk over to be in conversational distance from her.
"Here let me take your jacket," I say stepping forward to take her coat. She lets me help her out of it but turns her head away from me as she shrugs out her arms. There's a glint of the same color blue at the ends of her hair, the exact color of blue that toped Summer's head. I slide her jacket over the back of one of the chairs, and turn back to her. I notice that she's eying my bare chest, something that she used to do all the time.
"You don't like it?" she asks touching the ends of her ponytail with her fingers.
"No, it's fun," I smile. "Summer?" I question, tilting me head in her direction.
"Moral support," she says smiling weakly. "It's good to see you Quil."
I'm taken aback by her formality. Then again I'm sure that I'm coming off the same way. I turn to the fridge, more for something to occupy myself, and grab the gallon of milk. Claire leans up against the counter and watches me, as I snatch a glass from the cupboard and pour myself a class.
"Want some?" I ask, being polite.
She simply shakes her head. I lean up against the counter opposite of her and stare at how dark her skin has grown. Her eye brows are different too, more arched so that she looks surprised. And her body. She's thinner, not grotesquely anorexic, but thin. Obviously she's lost her muscle from running track in high school. Her white long sleeve t-shirt is tight to her body, something that she wouldn't have worn before.
"How's school?" I ask to fill the pause., and averting my eyes. She had noticed that I was staring.
She presses her lips together lightly and says, " Good. It's really good." She squints uncomfortably, smiles sweetly, and then becomes serious. "Quil, I'm not one for small talk. I agree that we should get this weirdness out before it has to be displayed for the entire gathering at Aunt Emily's. What do you want from me that you wouldn't want the others to be privy to?"
Relief swells within me, she's not going to try to drag this out. I always loved that about Claire. "Umm," I stutter to begin, but then I give in and decide to ask the main question. "Are you still in the place you were this summer? I mean with the dog stuff."
I smiles and laughs lightly. "Dog stuff." For a moment she's silent, probably listening to see if Summer is overhearing, but Summer is intrigued, leaning forward examining the ring apparel of the wrestlers. After being well assured of Summer's obvious distraction, Claire turns back to me. "Quil, it really is too much for me."
"So the new boyfriend's is just so wonderfully human, huh?" My sarcasm is too harsh. And comes out too quick, I hadn't expected it to actually slip out.
"Don't be like that, Quil," she complains taking a step forward towards me. In my peripheral I see Summer straighten on the couch, obviously listening. "Can we be what we were before this summer?"
"You mean see each other once and a while, where I have to force you to come see me, or when you need me to save you," I retort. Obviously my anger has come through. It's been bottled up for way too long.
"Okay, more than that. Friends?" Her question seems resolved, like she knew that was what she wanted before she even came here. I know she doesn't plan to give me any more than that now.
I exhale, more than defeated…disappointed. I became hopeful the moment she came through the door; but now I know she came here with an agenda; to make sure that things were still the same. She looks so sure of what she's saying though, something that she did not display when she was ending it with me. College has obviously brought her confidence, and if it wasn't bothering me so much, I'd find it so damn hot. She's too cute. My mind is wandering too far, and Claire waits patiently in silence.
I focus once more, and carefully choose my next move. If I ever want to have Claire in some form or another, I have to be nice. "Claire," I begin pausing to exhale and make sure Summer is still captivated by Jack Swagger being clearly horizontal in a replay of a Divas verses Swagger match. "I don't really see how you can be okay with the dog stuff when I'm you're friend either? What's the difference?"
"Bella was right. I should stay away. It hurts you more for us to try to even be friends. I just thought that you would be whatever I want you to be, so I tried that," she sighs, slapping her arms down by her side.
"Wait," I say a little shocked. "Bella told you to stay away from me?"
I begin to shake a little, and I try to breathe to avoid bursting with Summer nearby. Next time I see Bella I'm going to tear her head off, and possibly burn the pieces. I haven't decided if I actually wanted to commit the murder or just make her feel pain.
She exhales and admits, "Not exactly. She told me that staying around Jake when she couldn't love him back actually hurt him more. I don't want to do that to you. It hurts me to hurt you., but I can't give you what you want. It would be mean to lead you on, even though it's mean to do this as well. Calm down," she commands still aware of my shaking. Summer turns to examine what the commotion, appraising if Claire is all right. Claire gives her a reassuring nod, and Summer returns to watching the match.
"Quil, maybe we should just be acquaintances, like people who only see each other once and a while. Besides, I'll only be back for Christmas break and then I'm not coming back for the summer. I'm staying to take some classes. If we can just get through these few family gatherings we'll be okay," she says seeming resolved with this new plan.
"I don't want to go without seeing you," I complain without thinking before I spoke.
"You'll see me," I tries to assure, but I interrupt.
"Claire, what do you want me to be?" I ask her straight out. "Without what anyone else has advised you about, what do you want me to be in comparison to me?"
This is what I've wanted to know from her, more than why she dating another guy. I just need to know.
She closes her eyes, like she always did when she was struggling to come up with an answer. "Now?" she questions hesitantly, opening her eyes back up again, staring at me in full honesty. "Now, I want you to just be someone I know. I guess." She adverts her eyes away, looking at the floor, ashamed.
Her admission isn't as big of a blow as I thought it would be, though it still hurts. All I want to do is pull her into a hug and tell her it's all right, even though she's practically killing me. Her eyes keep flickering up to me, gauging my expression.
Her eyes find me again without adverting away, and mine connect back. "For now, at least," she corrects. She smiles weakly, and I remember how much she hates when others do that to her.
"Okay," I manage to mumble. She's given me a little bit of hope, for now.
"Is there any way we can manage to me civil tomorrow?" she asks, observant to my despair, but also to my hope.
"I'm sure we can, just-um," I struggle for a way to say it. "I was wondering about the boyfriend, um, just can you tell me-"
The confidence just radiates from her again. "Nick, he's really nice. We've only been dating for a month, but I really like him." She tries to be kind to me, and I can tell, but she's good at it even though it's still a blow to my moral.
"And his fraternity has the best parties," Summer say coming over to lean her elbows on the counter behind Claire, smiling. "You should come to one. Maybe that will take some of the female competition away, although I usually blow those boys away so there's not really competition."
"Summer!" Claire and I complain.
She laughs.
"Claire. Quil. Seems like weirdness is over, can we go. Embry needs a visit. He got a new yellow motorcycle, and you know his fantasy of running certain bases while driving fast things," Summer declares, glancing upward in a flirtatious manner. Classically Summer.
"Sum," Claire says sternly. "We're not done here. Two minutes. Then I'll drive you to see Embry and his new yellow motorcycle."
"Fine. I'll be in the car," she says and turns towards the door, shoes clicking on the wood floor on the way. Probably leaving scratches. "Oh it was nice seeing you Quil. And I hope you don't mind but I accidentally bought a pay per view movie on accident."
I exhale frustrated, "Depends on which one."
"Ummm…I think it was something Nicolas Sparks wrote, so you know it has to be entertaining…for you at least." Winking she turns and leaves out the door without another word, just simply laughing.
"Claire, why is Summer being so mean to me?" I ask giving her a questioning glare.
Claire stares me down like I'm seriously missing something. Damn her new confidence is so sexy. "That's just Summer's way of saying she missed you," she says mockingly.
I laugh, feeling more comfortable with her in the room now, like the elephant had vanished the moment we started laughing together. I hate that everything feels right with Claire here, even though she has no intention of being with me the way I want to be with her. "Wait! You said we weren't done here. I'm out of questions that I need to know, but not out of the things I want to know, but I'm guessing those can wait," I say knowing that any more rejection tonight would kill the small bit of hope I have now. I need to cling to that while I can. Plus, Jake told me that too much persistence with Bella drove her away at some points. I need to take things slowly for the time being. "You seemed like you had something you wanted to ask me."
"Two things actually," she admits leaning back on both arms on the counter again. "First, can you promise me, though I like Bella, that I won't get any more creepy run ins with vampires?"
"Yeah, I've been meaning to kick Jake's sorry ass. I'm sure he'll pass on the message," I say. Note to self: Kick Jake's sorry ass, then make sure the message reaches the Cullens.
She smiles, so sweetly. "Okay good. And second…Will you get your sorry ass out of this depression funk? Believe me, you don't look good at all, and I know it's not just you lacking a shower today. You look like hell. Shave. Sleep. I know that I'm the source of all this, but please if you're not at least providing yourself with self love, and hygiene, you'll never find anybody."
"You know I can't find anyone else," I murmur darkly.
"Yeah, I know. But Quil, you have to try. For me?" she says taking a step forward and placing both ands on my bare chest and looking up at me. Her touch feels so good and it takes extreme restraint to keep myself from pulling her face up to mine to kiss her.
I'm restraining myself with all my might, and fantasizing about how bold and interesting Claire has developed into in the past few months. The blue hair, the pony tail, the new, tight revealing clothing, all had their appeals. And while I'm dwelling on how much more attracted I am to her, more than ever, I miss her kiss on the cheek goodbye, her putting back on her coat, and leaving out my door.
My feet remain planted in their spot, still in shock of how much she's changed. Her confidence. But all I can wonder, in between thinking about my little grains of hope of the possibility of being with her someday, is that she might just be playing at this to make me get on with my life as she has with hers.