Sam reluctantly takes Melody off my hands the next morning again at nine thirty. He's not happy with the fact that his 'kid free' week, while the boys are off at camp, turned into helping me baby sit. I remind him that Kim and Jared will be back in the morning, to pick her up and I won't try to pawn her off on him again.
Early for my meeting with Claire, I decide to take a jog on human legs. Since my transformation I haven't exercised once. Patrol kept me fit, but running on two legs has a different feeling; a little more constrained. Although I can't get the speed I'm used to in my furry form, I jog at a good human speed along the crescent of First Beach. The cool water crashes against the smooth rocks, and the sun shines tiny rays through the overcast clouds.
Once I reach the end of the beach I take a small break, slipping off my tennis shoes and wading into the shallow water. The temperature is cool against my body, and I take my hands and splash some of it against my bare chest. After A few minutes I check my watch. I still had and hour, I could go back and shower before meeting up with Claire.
Turning back, I appraise the shoreline. On the opposite side of the shore line I can make out two figures sitting on the rock Claire and I used to share. Squinting my eyes to see who's on it, I see Summer's very blonde hair, and next to her my body knows right away. It's Claire. Knowing that Claire tells Summer everything, I quickly slip my shoes back on and head the opposite way into the woods next the sand. Once concealed I run, human, full speed to the other end. It takes a few minutes, and I'm breathing heavily from the run, but it's worth it. I can hear Claire and Summer talking from about twenty years away. Choosing a tree, closest to them without announcing my presence, I climb it and rest, breathing quietly so that I can eavesdrop.
"Well at the house, I wasn't really in control of it. He kissed me," Claire explains to Summer. "But then in the forest, I really just couldn't help myself, and the second I thought of Nick I stopped it."
Summer laughs, "You know you should really stop falling into people's faces."
I lean my head against the tree trunk and close my eyes for less distractions.
"Should I tell Nick?" Claire asks apprehensively.
God I hope she doesn't. I'd rather she break up with him than him with her. I wouldn't want to be the reason for her being unhappy.
"I don't know," Summer replies. She obviously doesn't want to tell Claire to do something. She wants Claire to make her own decisions. I was wrong about Summer. She doesn't influence Claire as much as I thought she could.
There's a silence, just the sound of the waves coming in and out on the beach. I open my eyes and peer down at the rock, to see if some nonverbal communication is going on between the two of them. All I see is that both girls are staring out at the water in contemplative silence. They're both so different physically. Claire dark, short hair, dark skin, compared to Summer's platinum blonde with tanned skin, exactly the kind of girl who Embry adores. Each wearing light tan shorts; Claire in a red tank top, and Summer in gunmetal zebra print. But they're both so similar in their mannerisms, that it's hard to explain.
Claire's voice sounds uncertain when she speaks again. "Summer? Do you think you can be in love with two people at once?"
"No, but I did have the same intense feelings for both Jeff and Matt Hardy," Summer jokes.
There's another immeasurable pause.
"Nick asked me to marry him," Claire says clearly as a statement of fact, still staring out at the water.
My heart sinks to the lowest level it's ever been. I clench my eyes shut and remember that she said she loved him last night. So stupid. I'm fighting a losing battle. Each time I think I'm close to getting used to her hurting me, it gets worse and each blow is as painful or even worse than the last.
When I open my eyes I see that Summer's response is simply a look, that I'm not sure how to explain.
"Yeah," Claire replies looking down. I can't tell whether it's sarcasm or something else saturating her tone. She looks back up towards the water. "I told him I'd think about it."
"Lord knows you don't think enough Claire," Summer says taking the words practically out of my head. "So if you do agree to this do I get to throw you a bachelorette party or did last night with Quil qualify as one?"
They both laugh, and I smile too. Summer knows how to make a serious conversation less tense.
"Whenever I decide to do put on the white dress, you can of course have your way with my bachelorette party," Claire laughs.
I adjust my position on the branch to glance at my watch. I still had ten minutes until I had to meet up with Claire. Was Summer going to be in on our conversation? Like a baby sitter so that Claire wouldn't do anything that constitutes cheating.
"I have to get back home, heading up to the cabin with the family for the Great Cabin Bash, which is my name for the family beer fest, which you would call a family reunion," Summer says sarcastically. She hops off the rock and brushes the back of her tan shorts like there might be some for of dirt on them. "If you do decide to say yes to that proposal, you can certainly tell me as soon as possible, so I can call my friend at the Chippendales immediately."
She departs with a laugh. She walks down the beach a slight way , and then heads back towards the dirt lot. Claire remains still, her knees brought up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them, staring out into the crashing waves.
Quietly I descend the tree that has become my perch, and jog towards the dirt lot to see Summer's yellow jeep departing on it's way towards the main road. I head back up towards the beach, coming from the direction Claire would expect me to come from. I calm my face as I approach her, trying not to think about the fact that Nick has proposed, clinging to that strand of hope that she'll tell him no.
I can tell she can hear me as I approach and take what was formally Summer's spot to the right of Claire, but she doesn't turn to look or acknowledge my existence. Bringing my knees up I copy her position waiting for her to set the tone of our conversation.
"Do you ever wear a shirt anymore, Quil?" She asks dully, and she continues not to look a me.
"Working out, didn't want to be too hot," I shortly retort. Apparently she just didn't want to be nice today.
She sighs and rests her left cheek on the top of her knees, to stare at me. "I didn't mean it like that," she breathes. "I'm just saying it's making it harder for me to be around you when you have to be half naked all the time."
Inside I smile, but on the outside I look at her and ask, "Harder how?"
She shakes her head slightly, still in her relaxed position. "It's possible, for everyone else in this world to think that more than one person at a time is attractive."
"You think I'm attractive?" I ask slyly and slightly surprised.
"Shut up, Quil! You already knew that. I told you that ages ago," she says smiling, picking her head up and playfully slapping me on the arm.
I laugh along with her.
She becomes serious quickly though. "Quil, what an I going to do with you?" she ponders running her hand through her hair. She inhales and exhales, and I can't help but marvel at how beautiful she looks when she's doing the simplest things.
"Quil, I have to tell you something. And don't freak out. Don't get upset until everything is out on the table," she says seriously and nervously at the same time. "Nick has asked me to marry him."
She holds her breath like I'm going to flip a new one, or she's just gauging my reaction waiting for an explosion or something. She appears as if she feels slightly guilty. All I can think of is to tell her the truth. "I know."
She stares, puzzled.
"I heard you're conversation with Summer. Or part of it anyway. I'm sorry for eavesdropping. It was wrong," I apologize, trying to sound sincere, and I was…for the most part.
She shakes her head, and I can't tell if she's angry or what. "I'm mad; feeling a bit invaded, but at the same time I can't be now can I? I eavesdropped on you before. Knew it had to happen sometime in reverse."
"Quil, I haven't given him an answer because of you," she explains. Hope swells within me. "Since I've gotten back things have been weird. Seeing you, reminds me of all the immature reasons I had for leaving, but at the same time I can't just forget the past four years I've had.
"I mean I see Nick, and I'm in love with him, but then I see you and there's something there too," she says taking her gaze towards the sky.
Yes there is something there. Finally she's coming around. Can I shake her to make her gain some sense?
"Quil, it's really nice to be around you. I mean it feels normal," she says looking back at me. "You did ask me though where I got my tattoo though."
"Yeah," I murmur, lost in her face for a second. A coherent sentence was just not going to make it's way into my mind. In addition, I'm shocked at her sudden change in subject.
"I'm sorry I never answered that question," she begins. "When I was in Italy, I ran into Jake. When I explained to Nick who he was later that night when we were alone, he was angry because he thought that you and I we're secretly still talking because Jake had mention your name."
"Secretly?" I ask interrupting her.
"Well, he saw a picture of you and was being stupid and jealous. Plus, Summer would never let up on how our relationship was always so damn perfect."
One day I'm going to give Summer the best present she's even received. I owe her big.
"Yeah well, anyways," she continues smiling a little. She's embarrassed, and it's an adorable look on her. "Sum' and I went out and had a few drinks, and apparently I was talking about werewolves and how they don't change with the moon, and bing, bang, boom, I've got the symbols of the phases of the moon tattooed down my neck."
I laugh, relishing in the glory of the story. I'm the reason she has that tattoo. No matter what she does, she's going to have that reminder of me on her neck for the rest of her life. I'm there permanently in ink.
"Yeah," she says laughing a little. "I'm the girl who's got a tattoo in relation to her ex-boyfriend. I'm simply a tramp. It's fantastic."
I love hearing her joke in the most light hearted way as possible. For a moment the tension that exists between us has faded.
"Quil, I don't know what I wanted from you today. I guess I just wanted to see you."
"I'm glad," I say, adoration soaking my voice. "Claire, I have so much I want to say to you, and I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to actually say it, but I'm wondering when's the right time for me to."
I stare appraising her. Trying to determine if she'll let me say anything.
She inhales, obviously resolved that she needs to hear this, and simply nods.
Here it goes this is my one chance to say it all. "Claire, I know you think I'm forced to love you, but I don't feel like that at all. You hold me to this world. You make life what it's supposed to be about. I see you and I know everything's right. I'll always give you what you want no matter what. It's in my chemical make up. And as much as I want you, as much as I need you, I'm only able to give you what you want.
"So, that's where I have to leave it," I exhale deeply before giving my conclusion. "It's in your hands. Whatever you want I'll give you."
It was a risk I have to admit, leaving it to her, but after everything I've seen in my abnormally long time, I have to hope.
Claire leans back on her arms, but her knees remain tucked close to her torso. She breaks away from my stare. "I have to think about that," she says.
"Lord knows you don't think enough Claire," I laugh taking Summer's words.
"Yeah. Well, when I'm not thinking I do stupid things like cheat on my boyfriend," she says sharply. I know it was supposed to be a jab at me but I don't care. She acknowledges that this thing that's now going on between us is not just one sided.
"I should go," she says abruptly. "I told my parents I would be back soon, and that I just wanted to see the beach. We're going to go look for apartments near forks for Nick."
"Ah," I say a little disappointed.
Together we get up off of our rock and begin to walk towards the dirt lot. The sky has become move overcast and I wonder how long it will be before the rain comes back. And also I wonder when, when is Claire going to stop thinking and make a decision.
As we reach her car she notes that I don't have one, having ran here. "Do you need a ride?" she asks. I don't know if she's asking to be polite or to spend more time with me.
Not wanting it to be the first, I reply, "No. I'm going to run some more."
"Okay," she responds and I can hear the shock in her voice.
Reluctantly I turn away and head back towards the beach, but then hesitate as I don't hear Claire get in her car and drive away.
"Quil," Claire calls loudly.
I whirl around to stare back at her.
"Can I have a hug at least?" she asks with a cute smile.
I walk back, trying to keep a casual pace. I've played the desperate game too long for her. I can't do anything more than I already have. Placing my arms round her body feels natural, like everything's all right, but I have to keep my head in the reality of the situation. Her arms try to wrap around my muscular build, and she pulls me into her. I kiss her hair, and pull away leaving it at that. "How long are you going to make me suffer, Claire?" I breath.
"Not much longer," she replies coldly.
I turn to leave but I can feel her eyes still on me. "When you get around to not thinking and making a decision, you can give me a call."
And I walk away.
A/N:
I had originally imagined this chapter from Claire's POV, but I wanted Quil's story to continue. I might post Claire's pov right after this chapter so that you guys can see inside her mind for a brief moment. i don't know yet....it's mostly mindless babble.
-c.c.