Chapter 9: Reality Check.
The following Monday I arrive at Carmel, to find that the seniors have done nothing if not a thorough job. They had managed to find a photo of nearly every single faculty member. Each photo had been blown up to poster size, several copies made, and were dotted around on every wall and door in the school, labelled with our names for maximum humiliation. I found one of me on the door to my office, one on the wall of the auditorium, and one in the cafeteria.
Toward the end of the day. People had taken to scribbling comments over them with silver and gold sharpies. The one on my office door had 'wow Coach Corcoran was a hottie back in the day' and the one in the auditorium I noticed had 'MILF' elegantly scrawled across the bottom. I didn't know whether to be insulted or complemented.
Term ended and the summer holidays began. Rachel and I upped our visits to once a week for a couple of weeks, before she went off to Musical Theatre camp for a month. In the meanwhile I caught up on a few things, had Sarah and Alicia come to stay for a few days, and then went off to Chicago myself for a long weekend to visit a friend.
The weeks seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, it was the weekend before the start of the new school year. I had spent all day Saturday arranging the Vocal Adrenaline new auditions time table, and cleaning the house. I had just settled down with a glass of wine and a DVD when the phone went.
I picked up the handset to see the Berrys landline number flash across the screen.
"Hi Rach" I said, turning the DVD on pause and settling back ready for her customary introductory monologue.
"Shelby It's Leroy" a male voice says.
I sit up with a start, Aside from our awkward meeting at sectionals, I have only spoken to Messer's Berry and Berry twice since Rachel and I getting to know each other properly. Once was when they rang me to kindly but firmly, remind me that whatever happened, I had no legal rights, and that all decisions involving the parenting of Rachel were still their jurisdiction, which they would not waiver, and a second time, when I rang them to check it was ok to take Rachel to Akron with me for the night, in case they had me up for kidnapping.
"Leroy, why are you calling, is it Rachel? Is She ok"
"Rachel, is fine. Well not really, but, she isn't in any danger but…"
"Leroy!"
"She…..she was out all day with Finn. She came storming in about 2 hours ago, crying, and has locked herself in her bathroom and is refusing to come out. Her father and I have tried everything to get her to unlock the door and come out and talk. She keeps refusing, telling us we wouldn't understand.
We've tried everything, we've never seen her like this before. We were hoping perhaps you could come over and give it a try?"
"I'll be there in 15" I say, hanging up the phone.
I jump up, immediately hunting round for my car keys and my shoes. I manage to locate them quickly, get in to my car and zoom over the other side of Lima.
James meets me at the front door.
"Thank you for coming" he says, ushering me through and up the stairs to the second floor. " We were desperate.." he pauses, realising how it must sound, " no I didn't mean it like that, I meant, we thought may be it was a woman thing, and she might speak to you…"
"It's ok" I say, following him into the explosion of ruffles and playbills that is Rachel's room.
Leroy is sat on her bed staring at the closed bathroom door as if sheer will power will force it open. He nods to me as I enter, to cross and go stand by the door.
I knock lightly on the door. " Rachel" I say, "It's me,. It's…mom" and for some reason I feel awkward referring to myself as that in front of James and Leroy. Its as if they know I am not really worthy of the title, I am just the fake parent in front of these two genuine articles. I am also actually aware that they are listening to everything I say, as if this is some kind of parenting initiation test that I must pass.
"Go away" comes the muffled voice from behind the door.
"Rachel" I say a little louder now, as I am struck by a flash of inspiration "If you keep crying then the tears will irritate your contact lenses, which will little by little make your eyes less tolerant to them, which means by the age of 30 you will no longer be able to wear lenses, and as far as I know, the Andrew Lloyd Webber version of Eva Peron did not wear glasses."
I pause before continuing, "also, if you keep sniffing you will block your sinuses, and how do you expect to dazzle any new freshmen with your top F next week?"
There is a pause, then the sound of shuffling inside, followed by a click as the door is unlocked. I take this as my cue to invite myself in to the bathroom shutting the door firmarly behind me as I do.
Rachel is sat on the floor, leaning against the bath tub, legs drawn up against her body. Her face is red and puffy.
"Oh sweetie" I say, sitting next to her, and drawing her in to a hug. "what's the matter? You've got your dads all worried."
"I know" she sniffs "and I feel bad, but they just don't understand."
"Do you want to tell me? Would that be easier?"
"It's Finn…he..he.."
"Yes?"
"I caught him. Kissing Quinn. After he swore blind he felt nothing for her, and then he goes and kisses, her…which I would be angry about normally…but I especially can't believe that he did it today of all days"
"Today?" I ask confused.
Rachel sniffs, " Today was our special day"
"Special day? Its not your anniversary is it?" I blunder on, and no sooner have I said the words than my brain connects the dots, and I suddenly realise I really do not want to hear the answer to this.
Rachel looks up shyly, "It was the first time, we , you know..did it.." she stutters and my theory is confirmed.
Two thoughts hit me at once. The first pleases me, that Rachel is secure enough in our strange mother/friend hybrid relationship that she feels comfortable talking about this kind of thing with me, not that I feel comfortable with hearing it, but that is by the by. The second saddens me that Rachel is so isolated from the females in her peer group, that she couldn't feel she could talk to them about this.
"what exactly happened?" I ask, "not with the…you know..but.."
"I went over to Finns today, we had it all planned….and we…well…you know….and then afterward we were really hungry so we decided to go get food. We went to Applebees, ate, and then Finn went to pay the check, and I went to the bathroom, and then when I came out, I saw him there, in the parking lot, kissing Quinn. I went up, slapped him round the face, and then got a cab back here…and now everything just hurts..my eyes..my throat..my head…my heart…down "there"…."
"Ok" I say, pushing her hair out of her eyes and giving her a squeeze "Once step at a time. First, lets deal with the physical pain. I think you should take 2 ibuprofen, and get a hot water bottle. That should take the edge off the ache" I say, gesturing to the area in the vincinty of Rachel's lap. "I'll get your dads to make you a honey and lemon drink, that should help with your throat."
"as for your heart….Rach…I'm not going to attempt to try and explain away how or why Finn did what he did, or give you a load of platitudes. I really am not one for giving any one relationship advice, given that I was more or less married to my job for a very long time. What I will say, is that when you feel ready, when you feel calmer, ask Finn to explain why he kissed Quinn. Hear him out, that's all I am saying. You do not have to believe him, you certainly don't have to forgive him, or get back together with him, just give him 5 minutes to say his piece. All I know is that in the past, I have cut people out of my life because I have not stopped and waited to get all the facts. That way whatever happens, you can know you made your decision fairly."
Rachel sniffs, and nods her head in agreement, wrapping her arms around me for a bigger hug. I kiss the top of her head. I contemplate the merits of launching in to a he's-not-good-enough-for-you-anyway lecture, and then decided against it. "How about you take a nice warm shower, and then come out and see your dads."
Rachel looks up panicked "You aren't going to tell them what I just told you are you? Daddy isn't overly fond of Finn, and Dad would never let out of the house to date again if he knew we had…."
"Rach…" I reassure her, stroking her hair " I am not so old that I have forgotten my teenage years, and how my dad reacted to some of the guys I used to date. I am not about to walk in there and tell them that Daddies little girl had sex. I will just tell them that you had an argument with Finn. If you want to divulge any more than that is up to you. Ok?"
"Ok" she agrees, and I stand up, pulling her to her feet with me.
She starts the shower, as I step out in to the bedroom.
Leroy and James jump up, and are looking at me as if I have just successfully completed a hostage negotiation in the middle east.
"She's just taking a shower," I say, "then she'll be out."
"what is it? Is she ok?" Leroy asks.
"She had an argument with Finn..the first one…she just needed someone to talk it through with. She has calmed down now..though I would brace yourselves for several days of brooding, and some more hysterics as she works things out.."
"Why couldn't she have told us" James smarts.
"It doesn't matter" Leroy interjects, "All that matters is that Rachel was able to talk to someone. On that note, Shelby we have something to ask you."
"Go on" I say, my curiosity piqued.
"We have the American Law Society AGM and Conference in Seattle next month. Usually Rachel goes to stay with my brother and his wife, but they are having a few problems at the moment, so we don't really want to impose. We were thinking that may be she was old enough to stay by herself this year, but what with all this, and this Finn on the scene in general, I'm not sure if it would be a good idea. So we were wondering, whether she would be able to come stay with you for a week? It would just be Monday to Friday?"
"Sure, yes that's fine."
"Really? Because if its a problem, we'll get her grandmother to fly in."
"No, really, I would love to have her."
And its true. I really would be happy to have Rachel come stay for the week. Though at the same time, I begin to get a bit nervous as I think about it more and more over the course of dinner, that the Berrys invite me to stay for. I am not an easy person to live with, and I realise that domestically I am set in my ways. That comes from having lived on my own for the past 8 years, which is in contrast to the times in New York, when there would be 3 of us sharing a 2 bed apartment.
Stop worrying about it, I tell myself, in the car on the way home later. Just put fresh sheets on the bed in the guestroom, stock the fridge with Soy Milk, and remember to make sure there is sufficient hot water for the 2 of us. Rachel is 16, how hard can it be?
3 weeks later.
Monday
I arrive home to the sound of Barbra Streisand booming so loudly I can hear it in the drive way when I step put of my car. Opening the front door I am nearly deafened by the sound of 'Funny Girl'.
"Rachel" I call, needlessly, because no one could possibly hear anything over the raging decibels.
Heading upstairs I enter the guest room to find Rachel doing stomach crunches, mouthing along to the words of the music, which is blaring from the mini-hi-fi system that I moved up from the living room for her.
"Rachel" I stomp my foot on the ground, the vibrations causing her to look up and notice me.
"Oh hi Mom" she yells, "How was your day?"
"Good thank you." I shout "Have you eaten yet?"
"No"
"Ok, then there is spinach pasta bake in the freezer, I'll warm that up."
"sounds fine."
"Do you think you could turn the volume down? I can't hear myself think."
"sure. I'll be down for dinner soon."
I turn and make my way downstairs, to the thump thump of Barbra who does not seem to be quietening in the least. "Rachel" I scream, "The volume!"
"Oh yeah, sorry." comes the reply. And I swear she turns the volume down by one measly point.
Sighing. I set about reheating dinner, and suddenly Rachel's offhand comments about the Berrys neighbours filing a law suite, no longer seem to far fetched.
Tuesday
There is a flash storm in Lima. Thunder lightening the works. I got home to find that every single light in the bottom floor of the house and most of the top floor, is turned on. Its like a beacon in the darkness.
I follow the sounds of clattering to the kitchen, where I find Rachel, apron on, with every spare work surface covered in flour, or some other such pan or baking equipment.
"Is there any reason why this house has more lights on than the Las Vegas strip?" I ask.
"I don't like lightening" Rachel replies. "If I turn all the lights on then it is less noticeable when the lightening strikes outside."
I've had a long day, and I don't really want to start questioning the logic. Instead I settle for "and what's all this about" gesturing to the mess formerly known as my kitchen.
"I'm making my famous I'm Sorry cookies" Rachel says " I upset Tina by offering constructive criticism of her interpretation of On My Own. Apparently there was more criticism and not enough constructiveness. I'll clear it up don't worry"
"Thank you" I say, and go up stairs to take a nice bath. When I come back down, Rachel is on the phone to her fathers in the living room. I sneak in to the kitchen to find half the kitchen has been cleaned and the other half still a mess, with a mounds of dirty crockery piled high in the sink. I'm assuming her phone rang when she was half way through.
Pulling on rubber gloves, and muttering something about teenagers and messes, I begin to tackle the washing-up, wondering at what point in time I turned in to my own mother?
Wednesday
I step out of the car to find no glaring illuminations or blaring music. So far so good.
Opening the front door, I can in fact hear nothing, which makes me wonder if Rachel is home at all.
As I enter the living I am disabused of that notion, by finding Rachel and Finn sat on the couch, making out.
Finn it turns out, was an innocent party in the whole Quinn kiss thing. He had been walking back to his car, when Quinn, who had also being eating at Applebees had followed him out, and pretty much jumped at him and kissed him, with Rachel arriving before he could throw her off. Quinn it seems had been going off the rails slightly since giving Beth up, and had desperately been trying to rebuild her life as to how it was pre-baby gate. Finn included. This story had been corroborated by a very tearful Quinn, an upset Finn, Puck, and Santana, who had been with Quinn that day, and had followed her out to try and stop her.
Fortunately for me ( and them) they were both fully clothed, and things hadn't got too heated.
I cleared my throat.
"Mom" Rachel jumps apart from Finn. "What are you doing here?"
"I live here" I reply
"No I mean, this early"
"VA don't practice on a Wednesday" I remind her.
"Oh yeah"
"Erm" Finn interrupts " I should be going" he leaps to his feet.
"Do you want to stay for dinner?" I ask
"No, its fine, I should be getting back any way" He kisses Rachel on the cheek and high tails it out of the room.
"Why didn't he want to stay" I ponder.
"He's a bit scared of you" Rachel replies. " He finds you quite intimidating. I've said that you're just a big softy really, but he doen't believe me."
" I am not soft" I say, ruffling her hair "well, perhaps with you a bit…but I do have an image to maintain." I kiss the top of her hair and go change my clothes, all the while trying not to contemplate what I might have walked in on if I had been 20 minutes later.
Thursday
I get a phone call just before last period, from the School Office over at McKinley. Rachel is in some kind of trouble, and Figgins wants all the parents in his office pronto.
I run round the halls trying to get someone to cover my last lesson. By the time I succeed and drive over to McKinley, the meeting has already started. Entering the room I notice Rachel, Finn, Puck, Kurt and Tina are sat sullenly in the chairs. Mr Schue is off to one side, that Cheerleading coach on the other, and what I can only assume are Puck and Finns mothers, and Tina and Kurts fathers are stood behind.
The cheerleading coach is in mid-tirade.
My plan to sneak in unnoticed is blown when I accidentally trip over the waste paper basket, causing all eyes to turn and look at me.
"sorry I'm late I say." Noting that Rachel sinks down further in her chair at the sound of my voice.
"See" Sue Sylvester gestures to me "They've even gone and caused damage to Carmel High school. What have they done this time? More tyre slashing.?"
"What?" I say confused " they haven't done anything to Carmel?"
"Then why are you here?" Sue asks
"Because the Office phoned me and told me my daughter is in trouble?" I say, gesturing to Rachel.
"Your daughter..huh…well that is interesting" I can see Sue take a minute to file that piece of information away for future use.
"What is going on here?" I ask.
"Well you see Sally, I don't take too kindly to .." and Sue launches in to an explanation that involves the Glee kids, a fog machine, 2 rubber rings, the Cheerios, some green paint, a seed sprayer, and vandalism of school property. I'm not entirely sure. All I can fathom is that Sue wants the Glee kids to be suspended. Her and Will argue. Figgins calls time, says he will not invoke a suspension, but asks us to take our respective Offspring home, and deal with them as we see fit.
I step out in to the hall and am greeted by a contrite looking Rachel. "What are you wearing?" I ask, taking in her appearance. She left the house this morning in a plaid skirt, white blouse and a grey cable knit jumper with knee socks, her hair in a pony tail. She is now wearing skinny jeans, and a low cut and overly revealing spaghetti strap top, her hair loose and curling at the ends.
She sighs. "I got slushied. That's what started the whole thing off, its like the assassination of Franz Ferdinand and World War 1. I didn't have any spare clothes, so Tina lent me some jeans and Santana lent me a top. Its most annoying, boys have been talking to my chest all day."
I resist the urge to comment, or offer her a sweater.
"well what's my punishment" she asks
"That's not for me to decide." I tell her, It's down to your dads."
"but they don't know do they?"
"Well, I'm guessing they do, as the office said they had phoned them first and then James told them to call me."
"Oh daddy is going to be so angry….you seem remarkably calm though."
"Rach, given some of the things I have done over the years, I am in no position to cast the first stone. But that doesn't mean to say I condone what you did. Come on, we are going to be late."
"where to?"
"Vocal Adrenaline rehearsal. You are coming with me."
"Do I have to?"
"Yes. You are coming where I can keep an eye on you. Besides, I don't have time to drop you off and go back again."
"fine." Rachel acquiesces, not that she has much choice in the matter.
We reach Carmel, and I march in to the auditorium, Rachel trailing in my wake. Vocal adrenalin are milling about waiting to begin.
"Right. Quit talking and listen up" I bark, with my coach Corcoran face on. "We're going to be working on the u2 number again tonight, because on Tuesday you sounded like a tone deaf Cats Chorus, I am surprised the windows didn't break. Anyone not keeping up will…..erm..Mr WestWood do you have something you would like to share out loud?" I glance in the direction of one of my new freshman recruits who has been whispering to the girl beside him during my little speech.
"I was just asking Felicia who that girl is" he stutters pointing to Rachel, who is sat beside me, pretending to look bored but in reality is busy lapping up every detail about our set list. I must have a word with her about that.
"For those of you are new, This" I put my hand on Rachel's shoulder "is my daughter Rachel, the rest of you might remember her from when you indulged in an act of petty bullying and assault before regionals. She is here to watch rehearsals this evening, and I expect you to extend her the courtesy you would to any visitor to this school , so help you if you do not. Now…go down a redbull each before we begin.."
I sit back down to find Rachel glancing at me. "what?" I ask.
"It's like having my very own Barbie doll, you come in several different versions for every occasion, there's mom!Shelby, cuddly!Shelby, and just now there was Dictator! Shelby. I haven't seen her for a while."
"well that's how I get results. Just don't go telling them about Cuddly!Shelby, it will ruin my reputation." I wink at her, before turning my attention back to VA.
Friday
It's been a long week. Following the music, the mess, the make out session and the meeting, I am almost scared to open the door on Friday night and see what I find.
With some trepidation I step inside, and am greeted by the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack playing at you can barely hear it, background level.
I smell garlic bread, and I wander in to the kitchen to find Rachel stirring a pot of Quorn Bolognaise. The table has been set for dinner, and all the pots and pans used in the making of the bolognaise have already been washed up and are draining on the rack.
"what's all this?" I ask
Rachel hops over and kisses me on the cheek. "Dinner. I thought I would cook us a nice meal for my last night here."
She returns to the hob, and stirs.
Before I can help myself, a tear roles down my cheek. "Why are you crying?" she asks.
"I'm not" I say, batting it away. "I Just…I just used to dream of coming home to something like this. Usually I just come back to an empty house….I guess for everything that has happened this week, I have enjoyed coming home to someone…I didn't realise how much I missed it.."
"Even with the noise and the mess?"
"Even with the noise and the mess" I tell her, going over and wrapping my arms around her from the back. "I'll miss you."
"I know" Rachel says confidently.
"Cheeky!" I give her a little push.
And I will miss her, though I can also say, I will be looking forward to the return of calm and order chez moi. Deep down, though I might have been tearing my hair out, I have enjoyed playing the part of an active parent. I must have been the only person in the room on Thursday, who secretly enjoyed being there, just fulfilling a mundane normal parental role, like all the others. …..
A/N : This was the penultimate Chapter. Next one will be the last.