Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I just kind of have a thing for Jasper... and Jackson Rathbone... and those lips...

A/N: This is a companion to Seven Minutes in Heaven, but it can easily stand on its own. Occasionally, I will use some dialog from SMIH, but I will try to do so sparingly. This is Jasper's story, and I want it to be his own as much as possible. I hope you enjoy it.

I was fairly certain Felix was insane.

He would sit in front of his computer for what I'm pretty sure amounted to days. His desk was littered with Pop-Tart wrappers, empty Coke cans and bottles of Arizona tea, which I wouldn't have been shocked to find out that he used as pee bottles. I didn't know if he ever got up from the desk, let alone go to class, engage in live human interaction, or take care of basic human bodily functions.

I had nothing against nerds. I had my nerdy tendencies. I could tell Armani from Dolce & Gabbana with a glance, and I knew when a woman's shoes were last season. I wasn't just a fashion nerd. I knew a passable amount of information about motherboards and RAM. So, who was I to judge? But, Felix didn't just like computers or enjoy playing first person shooters and MMORPGs; he literally didn't do anything else.

Granted, I wasn't in the room a lot of the time, so it's possible he just did it to avoid me, but even when Alice came over, she couldn't coax him out of his shell. Normally, Alice could have a total stranger wrapped around her finger within minutes, but I'm pretty sure Felix was too afraid of me to even give Alice a chance.

I had moved in early in the morning the first day of Freshman orientation week. My mom and Rosalie were helping me unpack while my dad stood as still as a statue awkwardly in the middle of the room. After he helped me build the loft, there wasn't much he felt comfortable doing. So, the first thing Felix saw when he walked into his dorm room was a retired Colonel barking out complaints about how many clothes I had, after Rosalie and I couldn't get everything to fit.

I'm pretty sure it was a subtle dig at my sexuality on dad's part. On the surface, he seemed okay with me being gay, but he really wasn't capable of teasing me about my love of clothing or my fashion magazine addiction the way mom and Rosie could. His bitterness still kind of came out. But, Felix and his mom didn't know that, so they probably just thought he was a dick. Well, sometimes he was. Luckily, I kept my never-to-be-realized teenage dream of becoming a fashion designer to myself.

Nevertheless, Felix's mom politely introduced herself and thanked dad profusely for putting the loft together. Felix's parents were divorced and I got the feeling that his dad wasn't in the picture much. As if in contrast with his mom's gregariousness, Felix didn't say a word. After my family left, he still didn't seem to open to conversation, so as he set up his computer, I finally just decided to be blunt.

"Hey, Felix. I'm gay. I hope that's not a problem."

"You?" His expression was a mixture of shock and embarrassment. At least he didn't seem repulsed.

"Yeah," I said dryly. "That picture of Megan Fox on your desktop does nothing for me."

"Oh, uh, sorry, should I..." he trailed off, blushing furiously at the poster of Miranda Kerr he had put up beside his desk.

"Dude, relax," I tried not to laugh. "You can put up all the pictures of swimsuit models you want. T&A doesn't do anything for me. I just thought you should know. In case you wanted to switch roommates or something, before you get too settled." I shrugged as I spoke, even though I was really nervous wreck inside, all the while trying to bite my tongue on the comment about the David Jones swimsuit Miranda was wearing being two seasons ago.

I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to hide from my sexuality anymore now that I was in college. Felix didn't know it, but he was the first stranger I had told I was gay. I was actually really proud that the words came out so easily. Even though I didn't know Felix and had a feeling that we weren't exactly going to become best friends, I really didn't want him to reject me as a roommate, especially because of my sexuality.

"Why would I switch roommates?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"I don't know, you know. If it makes you uncomfortable or offends you."

"Oh," he said flatly. "It doesn't bother me. I'm not religious or anything." Then he just shrugged and turned back to his computer.

All in all, it wasn't a bad coming out experience.

On the other hand, Felix and I never really became friends. Eventually, I got over myself and realized that it wasn't my being gay that was the issue, it was the fact that the kid drove me crazy. I was a neat person. We lived in such a small space, it only made sense that everything should have a place and go back in that place when not in use. Felix, on the other hand, was practically allergic to this philosophy. He would leave books and papers everywhere, the only sign that he actually went to class. Not to mention, he just threw his dirty clothes into his closet and did laundry so rarely that they spilled out of it. The smell from his side of the room wasn't particularly pleasant, like old gym socks that have been soaking in hot dog cart water.

The first time he left a pizza box on the futon over night when it still had a couple slices left in it, I let it go. He asked me the next day if I thought the slices had gone bad. Then, he looked at me like I told him Santa Claus wasn't real when I said it wouldn't be a good idea to eat the leftover slices after they had been sitting out like that.

The second time he did it?

I lost it.

I'm not sure what would have happened if Felix hadn't returned to our dorm room when he did, but as it was, he found me with a huge trash bag, violently throwing all of his garbage into it. The empty cans, bottles, and food wrappers were first, but then, I started indiscriminately throwing papers into it.

"What are you doing with my Bio notes?" he shrieked. It was the first time I heard him raise his voice.

"Clean up your fucking shit!" I bellowed back. "Or it's going in the fucking garbage. I can't live like this! You're disgusting!"

"That doesn't mean you can throw away my property!"

"Property? Your collection of empty cans? Your moldy pizza? Your old, crumpled up math homework? How do you not have leprosy?"

By this point, I had dropped the garbage bag and was glowering down at Felix where he still stood in the doorway. I had a good 6 inches of height on him, and he was more than a little doughy, so he knew there wasn't a damn thing he could do to win this. Lucky for him, our RA heard us shouting and intervened shortly thereafter. We had to sit in his room – a neutral location – for a mediation session where we both "calmly and rationally" made our complaints. Eventually, I had to agree not to touch his stuff unless it was in the shared area of our dorm room, and he had to promise that he would make an effort to be neater and do laundry at first sign of odor.

He still left an army of cans on his desk, but he really did make an effort after that. I discovered I only had to glare at him, and he got the picture. It made our relationship hang on the balance, but that seemed fine with both of us. I still went over to Alice's room to escape a lot.

Of course, I loved Alice to pieces, but one of the additional reasons for my frequent visits was because I quickly learned that girl's dorms smelled a lot better than boy's dorms, like cucumber melon lotion and microwave popcorn. After living in the swamp ass fog that pervaded my all-male dorm, my nose enjoyed the respite. Alice's roommate was an art major, so their room was decked out in bright colors and some of her original artwork, but it wasn't gaudy or uninviting. It was just enough to make me that much more annoyed with Felix's slovenly existence. Though, I managed to get away with putting up a Fight Club poster in our room. Luckily, it had enough cred that no one suggested I had it up more for Brad Pitt's sake. At least I got away with putting up something to counteract Felix's increasing harem of bikini models.

The other guys in my dorm were all right. Collectively everyone on my floor hated our RA, so we had to ban together to get away with shit. The only two I really befriended, though, were the guys who lived next door, Paul and Jared. They had known each other in high school and were both just really chill.

They had a huge flat screen and way too many gaming systems. Once Paul found out that I was better than Jared at Madden NFL, he invited me over all the time to play, so he could vicariously rub it in to Jared. They were also big sports fans in general, so they always invited me over to take advantage of their ridiculous media set up. It was comfortable hanging out with them, they were just... normal. Which is why I was nervous to tell them I was gay.

I told myself I shouldn't have to tell them, because it wasn't really a big deal. No one introduces themselves by saying "by the way, I'm straight." With Felix it was different since we lived together, I told myself, but I was just rationalizing. I knew I spent more waking hours next door with Paul and Jared than I did in my own room, and I felt like I couldn't truly be friends with someone unless they knew that part of me. So, to half-assedly keep my promise to myself that I wouldn't hide, I never pretended to like girls the way I did in Forks. After they noticed that I spent a lot of time with Alice and asked me if she was my girlfriend, I told them 'no' and that she wasn't my type. I couldn't let her be my beard the way she kind of was in high school.

It took Kim Kardashian to out me.

One afternoon, I wandered over next door. Felix was playing some game online and was shouting orders into his headset. I couldn't tune him out enough to do my trigonometry homework. Not to mention, I didn't give a damn about sohcahtoa, or whatever. So, I thought I could challenge Jared to a round of Madden instead. When I popped into their dorm room, they were in the middle of a heated debate.

"But, look at that ass, man!" Jared insisted.

"Dude, she looks like she's molded out of plastic," Paul groaned.

"No way, man. She's hot."

"You'd have to take a pickaxe to her face to get all that makeup off. Oh, hey, Jasper." Paul took notice of me standing in the doorway.

I grunted a greeting to both of them as I wandered in and plopped down on their futon.

"All right, Jasper will agree with me," Jared said.

I swallowed hard. I didn't like where this was going, but it would be really weird if I just up and walked out of the room after just coming in.

"Agree with what?" I tried to stop my heart from beating out of my chest.

This was it.

"Would you fuck Kim Kardashian? Paul says he wouldn't, but he's an idiot. She's fucking sexy as hell."

"Uh," I tried to stall and come up with the most ambiguous answer possible. "No, I'm with Paul on this one."

"What!?" Jared rolled his eyes. "Why not?"

"Sorry, she just doesn't do it for me."

"Oh, come on," he turned his computer monitor toward me, revealing a picture of her posing with Reggie Bush.

Shit. He was fucking built.

I could feel my cheeks redden.

"See! You're blushing!" Jared cried out. "You would to fuck her."

"No, no I wouldn't," I sighed and shifted uncomfortably on their futon.

They both seemed to sense the seriousness in my voice, so Paul got up and shut the door before sitting down next to me on the futon.

"What is it, Jasper?" Paul's voice had softened. "Are you a virgin or something? Waiting till you get married?"

They both knew how strict my dad was; I think they probably assumed that my upbringing resulted in prudish behavior. They obviously had yet to see Em and Rosie together. They went at it like the ship was going down in front of anyone except my dad.

"Uh..." I eloquently started.

"Because that's cool, dude, really," Paul broke in. "Jared's all talk anyway. He's only slept with one girl, and he just started fooling around her with this summer. He wouldn't have a clue what to do if Kim Kardashian walked into the room right now."

"Fuck you, Paul," Jared said. "But, seriously, it's not a big deal. We're your friends. If it makes you uncomfortable talking about sex, I can tone it down."

"Well... thanks," I started again. I stopped to take a deep breath, but it didn't stop my face from feeling hot. "I am a virgin, technically. I mean, I've gotten blow jobs and stuff, but never... you know... but, that's not why I'm... uncomfortable."

They were both looking at me with such friendly concern, I was almost reassured that they wouldn't freak out, but the doubt crept up in the back of my mind and images of my family's shocked faces came to the forefront.

"Look," Paul said finally. "You don't have to tell us anything you don't want to."

"No, it's okay. It's just... well... I wouldn't fuck Kim Kardashian for the sole reason that she's a chick."

Simultaneously, their faces morphed from confusion to slow understanding.

"I'm gay," I cut in, before they could speak.

"That's a relief," Paul exclaimed.

"Huh?" I questioned, my whole body was rigid with tension.

"I was worried that you'd gone through some horrible trauma when you were a kid or something."

"Or, that you were a eunuch," Jared joked.

This was not the response I was expecting at all.

"So... you don't care?"

"No, man," Paul said. "You can't help who you're attracted to."

I looked toward Jared, and he shrugged before saying, "It's not a big deal. One my cousins I grew up with is gay." He paused and looked thoughtful for a minute. I was afraid he was going to offer to set me up with his cousin when he broke out, "But, if you like ass, I still don't understand why you wouldn't fuck Kim Kardahsian."

I couldn't hold in my strangled laughter. "Sorry man, I may like ass, but not when it's attached to a woman."

"Hah!" Paul said. "You lose. Two against one. Kim Kardashian is officially not fuckable."

"Reggie Bush on the other hand..." I said slyly, cautiously testing their limits.

"Hell," Jared said, turning his gaze back to the picture on his computer monitor. "I think even I'd consider fucking Reggie Bush. He's a good looking dude."

The three of us laughed, and I finally relaxed into the couch.

"Thanks," I finally said, my heart rate returning to its normal pace.

"For what?" Jared queried.

"For not being weird about this. I wasn't exactly out in high school."

"You were out enough to do something," Paul said, referring to my blow job admission.

"Well, yeah..." I said with a smirk.

"Out with it, Hale," Jared said. "I've been listening to Paul go on and on about this Rachel chick from his English Lit class for weeks now."

Paul snorted.

"Well... there's this guy from my home town. I kind of had a thing for him in high school, but I wasn't entirely sure he was gay. Anyway, it turns out he is, and we spent some time this summer... uh... getting to know each other better." I was pretty sure my cheeks were burning again. The last time I felt this exposed was the night I came out in front of Edward.

"Did he go somewhere else for college?"

"Nah, he's here at UW."

"Well, then why haven't we met the lad?" Jared teased.

"We're not exactly together or anything," I said.

"Ah, fuck buddy," Jared nodded knowingly.

"No!" I shocked myself at my knee-jerk reaction. Edward wasn't just a fuck buddy, he was my dream man. He was perfect. But, I couldn't admit any of that to these guys, so I back-peddled. "We decided to keep things open."

Jared and Paul both looked at me like they knew I was a fucking liar, but luckily, neither of them called me out on it.

"Well, what's his name?" Paul asked.

"Edward," I couldn't fully suppress the sigh as his name spilled from my lips. I cleared my throat in a lame attempt to cover it up with some rambling. "He's Alice's brother – twin, actually. Though, they don't look anything alike. That would be too weird."

"You should bring him over some time," Paul suggested.

"Yeah, maybe," was my vague response.

Luckily, Jared got a text about meeting some of the other guys for dinner, effectively ending the conversation.

I did see Edward on occasion. Sometimes Alice would invite him over when I was there, and once in awhile he would be at the gym with Emmett. He was still as gorgeous as ever, but being in college seemed to make him light up from the inside. He practically glowed. It was hard to keep my eyes off him. Emmett mocked me mercilessly when I almost dropped a 40 lb dumbbell on my foot while checking out his little brother on the treadmill.

After he stopped laughing, he just bluntly came out and said, "Just ask him out, dude."

I shook my head and told Em to drop it. Luckily, Em knew me well enough not to pry.

I really did try not to pine for Edward too much. I knew he could do so much better than me, but when I saw him I just couldn't always hide my attraction. Even after our summer rendezvous, I ached to get closer to him. In my rare moments of being honest with myself, I could admit that what I felt for him far surpassed lust and teetered on love. I just felt like I knew him, from over two years of stealing glances and paying close attention whenever his brother or his twin brought him up, but also just the way it felt so right when we were together. But, I didn't really even know how to approach him in a way that wasn't a come on. I used the pennant races as an excuse to talk to him for awhile, but baseball season wasn't going to last forever.

So, I hid my awkwardness by surreptitiously groping him when no one was paying attention, well, other than Alice. She noticed everything.

One night, Edward and I walked back to our dorms together from Alice's room. I just couldn't help myself and pressed him up against the door of his dormitory. I felt his hard on against my hips, so I pushed my lips forcefully against his. His lips parted immediately, and his talented tongue plunged sensuously into my mouth. Unfortunately, a group of drunks guys were heading into the dorm at the time, and a slur of "fucking faggots" was enough to kill the mood.

Edward invited me out the next day, but he had some sort of gay and lesbian club meeting to go to. He told me I could come along, but I just wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea. I had told a couple more people on my floor I was gay, as well as a couple girls in my classes when they tried to flirt with me. But, I wasn't really ready to go the whole activist route. Yes, I wanted to not be discriminated against and wanted to be afforded the rights of straight people, but I simply didn't feel comfortable drawing more attention to myself and being put up on the chopping block to do it.

Sometimes I would ask Alice, not very surreptitiously, to invite Edward to come out with us when we went to parties, but if she did, he never came with us. Alice always said he was busy studying, which I could believe when we went out on Thursdays, and sometimes even Wednesdays, but Friday and Saturday? No one studied that much.

I certainly didn't.

My classes were terrible. I was a pretty good student in high school, but I just didn't anticipate how hard college was. I was only a general studies major and was taking Gen-Ed courses that would apply to practically any major once I made that decision, but the amount of homework I was given was absolutely ridiculous. Pages and pages of trig problems took me forever, and then there was the freshman composition class that literally had us turn in a piece of writing every time class met. They weren't supposed to be long sweeping epics or anything, but still, it was a lot of busy work, and I had a really hard time finding the motivation to even bother.

There was always something else going on around me that better held my attention. I knew I was supposed to care about my classes, but I just didn't.

I did go to class most of the time, but other than composition, they were all big lecture classes, and it was pretty easy to slink down in the back and take a nap, or secretly listen to my ipod. I'm not sure why all professors seemed to speak in monotone, but the lull of a droning academic reminded me of the buzzing of insects on a summer day. It was unfortunately very relaxing.

I talked to Emmett about it once in a rare serious conversation. I knew he wasn't always the best student, but it wasn't because he wasn't smart. Emmett was actually one of the smartest people I knew, but if something wasn't fun, he just didn't want to do it. I think that was part of the reason why he was an education major; if he got to be around kids all day, then he'd never feel fully grown up. He told me classes were supposed to suck, which was good to hear, but he also advised that I had to get through all the basic courses so I could take what I was really interested in. The problem was, Emmett knew what he wanted to do. I had no clue.

I really felt like I was wasting my time, not to mention my money. My biggest fear was I was going to be in debt for years and would have nothing to show for it.

It got to the point where the only thing I would look forward to was going out with Alice. She was a social butterfly and seemed to know everyone. She could always come up with a party to go to on any night of the week. She knew some people in the fraternity scene, and of course, Rosie was in a sorority, but since those were more tightly watched and regulated, we usually ended up at house parties being hosted by friends of friends.

I didn't really drink all that much in high school, but it was partly because I was afraid of doing something stupid, like revealing too much about my sexuality around people I didn't want to know. I also got a little touchy feely when I was drinking, and I didn't want to slip and turn a friendly hug into a more-than-friendly grope. But, I was less concerned with it here. It was a big enough place, even if I did something stupid, it was likely I wouldn't see most of these people ever again. Not to mention, it was likely no one would remember anyway.

It was getting close to Thanksgiving break and the end of the semester, so Alice and I wanted to let out a little steam before we had to get serious and study for finals. Well, before Alice would get serious. I was kind of counting on just sliding by. Anyway, we were at some house party, being hosted by a guy in one of Alice's business classes who was trying to put the moves on her. My role at parties like this was to pretend to be with Alice until she scoped everything out. If she saw someone she was interested in, I became Alice's somewhat over-protective brotherly figure she found a way to ditch. If she decided she definitely wasn't interested, then I became her prudish boyfriend.

This night, I was the over-protective brother. She disappeared almost immediately after we arrived. So, I made nice with the keg after handing a couple bucks over to one of the party's hosts for a cup. When he handed me the red plastic cup, our eyes met for a little too long, and I realized he was checking me out.

He wasn't bad looking, with soft, brown hair that was shaggy, curling around his ears, and deep brown eyes. He was wearing tight jeans and a v-neck sweater that was way more snug than a straight man would ever wear. Neither were designer, but he looked very put together. I winked at him and then chugged my beer, quickly imploring him for a refill.

I downed that one pretty fast, too.

"Want something a bit stiffer?" the brunet said coyly, after he handed someone else a cup full of cheap lager.

"Maybe. What do you got?"

"You like whiskey?"

"Depends on who's pouring."

He didn't say anything in response, but he walked slowly across the kitchen to the pantry. He reached in the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels. When he reached for it, his sweater raised up a little, revealing a sliver of smooth, tanned skin. I was almost 99% certain he did it intentionally. On his way back toward me, he stopped at another cabinet, opening it to pull out two shot glasses and pushing his ass out unnecessarily as he leaned forward.

He brought them back to the counter I was leaning against and poured them both, gesturing at me to pick one up. I did. He picked up the other and then brought to lightly touch mine in a toast.

"To new friends," he said with a knowing smile.

"To new friends," I responded. I didn't even know this guy's name.

I tossed back the amber liquid and set my shot glass down in front of him. He quirked an eyebrow at me, and I nodded. A little voice in the back of my mind told me that if I wanted to remember the events of this evening, I should slow it down a little, but that voice sounded a little too much like my father for comfort.

A couple shots later and things were starting to get a little fuzzy. It was nice.

The still unnamed brunet had been inching closer and closer to me as the evening progressed.. It turned out that he grew up in Oklahoma, and we were talking about how obnoxious Longhorns fans were, when he put his hand on my forearm. I stared at it for a second, until his eyes found mine. I think they were asking for permission. I didn't respond, but whatever he saw in my eyes was enough.

"Wait right here, Tex," he said softly.

He left the kitchen quickly and came back dragging some pudgy blond guy behind him.

He started giving orders to the blond, "Watch the keg. If someone wants a cup, take their money. Hand them a cup."

The obviously inebriated blond blinked and nodded.

They chatted for a minute before Mr. Oklahoma turned his attention back to me. He cocked his chin toward the entrance to the kitchen. I took this as a signal to head toward it. I felt him close behind me as I left the room.

"Upstairs," he whispered behind me, gently guiding me to the staircase.

I didn't see any reason to argue, so I headed up the stairs. My balance was a little shaky, so I gripped the railing tightly the higher I climbed. It seemed to take forever to reach the top, but once I was there, I had an internal celebration for the completion of my quest. Apparently, Oklahoma wanted to celebrate, too, because the next thing I knew, I was being pressed up against a wall and his lips were on mine.

I was really too slow-wittedly drunk to seriously object, so I tried to just go with the flow.

Unfortunately, I started to lose those pleasant drunken feelings when his tongue started to probe my mouth like a sloppy machine gun. I was about to shove him off me, but then he turned his attention to rubbing my cock through my jeans, and I got distracted by the sensation in my groin. I tried to turn my head in hopes of getting the jack-hammering tongue to stop its attack when I thought I saw a shock of bronze hair out of the corner of my eye. Unfortunately, once I got the Okie to take his tongue of my mouth, I could only see a figure walking down the stairs. The build was just about right for Edward.

There was no way that he was at this party, though. Was there?

It was at that moment that a pair of wet lips pressed against my neck and a warm hand closed around my cock, rendering my distracted thoughts officially done. I had no recollection of him even unbuttoning my jeans. Even with the whiskey coursing through me, he got me off against the wall of that house party pretty quickly. I was too drunk to care if anyone else walked passed us. I vaguely remember spinning him around and returning the favor before Alice somehow retrieved me.

I'm not really even sure how I made it home, but the next morning I woke up with the world's worst headache, fully dressed on the futon in my dorm room. It was preferable to waking up in some strange guy's bed... or covered in my own vomit. I did, however, feel like I had been hit with a train.

Alice came to check on me later that day. Apparently, she was nursing a pretty bad hangover, too. So, we walked to McDonald's and gorged on french fries as if that would ease the pain; actually, I think it did help a little. Alice filled me in about our walk back to campus the night before, which supposedly involved me whipping it out and pissing behind the landscaping in front of her dormitory, in front of a few giggling onlookers, no less. We agreed to not seriously party again until finals were over.

I mostly stuck to that promise.

There might have been an indiscretion or two.

It turns out I needed it.

Winter break was one of the worst I had ever had. I had been looking forward to having almost a full month off of school instead of the paltry two weeks we got in high school, but when I realized that meant spending a whole month with my family, it became a lot less appealing. Rosalie and I spent the whole break in Texas, my parents joined us for most of it, since my dad was mostly retired and my mom could work remotely.

Everyone in my family seemed really anxious to find out how I was liking college. I gave vague answers and tried to sound happy, because I didn't want to sound ungrateful. Not to mention, most of my family never went to college, and I felt like I had to defend my decision to not go into the military. It wouldn't do if they discovered my lukewarm feelings toward college. I also lied about my grades. I had a privacy hold put on my account so my parents wouldn't see them. When they asked, I said I was doing fine. When they pushed, I just made up some Bs and Cs to appease them. Even that earned a lecture from dad about not living up to my potential and coddling from mom about adjusting to college. She told me that I could call home any time I needed, as if that would help.

The truth was that my grade point average was horrible, and I was very likely going to be put on academic probation. I only had one F, but my two Ds and two Cs weren't exactly stellar.

I'm pretty sure that Granny knew I was lying when she overheard me telling my parents my fake grades, but she didn't say anything directly about it to me. In fact, I'm pretty sure she could see right through all of my lies.

I always felt more at home in Texas than I did in Washington, and I was grateful that Uncle Charles let me come over to his ranch to help out. He had recently decided to start raising alpacas and needed help with some fencing. It was nice to get up in the morning and do physical labor. I could never do it for a living, but for the time being, it kept my mind off of things. Not to mention, I felt like I was actually accomplishing something.

Other than being able to work outside, Granny was really the only bright spot over break. One day after Christmas, the two us of sneaked away from the rest of the family, and she took me to the mall. I knew she was trying to corner me so that we could talk, but I didn't mind. Granny was the only person who would actually listen to me without telling me that how I was feeling or what I was doing was wrong.

"Having a hard time making the transition?" She asked me as we sat down for lunch at a small deli near the mall.

"College just isn't what I thought it would be." I could always be honest with Granny.

"Like what?"

That was all it took. It all started spilling out in waves. I told her about hating my classes and about feeling like I was wasting my time, because I didn't know what the hell I was doing there. I told her about having a hard time being comfortable with being out. Even though I had told a few people, I still didn't know what the right protocol was, if being gay meant that I had to be political about it. I didn't get into details about the parties I went to, but I told her I went out more than I really wanted to. I just didn't know what else to do.

She sat and listened to me ramble. The ability to listen clearly skipped a generation. At one point, she reached across the table and grabbed my hand, but she didn't speak until I finished.

"It's a new situation for you, little soldier. Don't try to rush into everything or expect too much. It's going to take a little while to get used to being away from home. You've always put too much pressure on yourself - your father's influence, no doubt."

"I know," I sighed.

"Have you met anyone special?" The thing I loved about Granny was that she didn't beat around the bush.

"Not anyone new."

"Ah," Granny eyed me knowingly. "Still hung up on the boy from this summer?"

"Maybe."

"Well, what's this boy's deal anyway? Is he shy? Not ready for a relationship?"

I hesitated.

"Does he think he's too good for my grandson?"

"No, no. That's not it at all. He's perfect. I just... what if I screw it up?" My voice grew hoarse.

"Oh, Jasper." She got up from the table, walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. I'm sure it looked ridiculous for a grown man to be getting a hug from his grandmother in public, but I didn't care.

"I'm only going to say this once." Granny was back to being matter of fact. "You can't know if you don't try."

"Thanks, Granny." It was all I could really say.

When we got back to school the next semester, I tried to make a fresh start, but... I couldn't. Alice had been a little preoccupied with something when we got back and spent the first weekend back in Forks. I assumed that it had something to do with a new boy toy, but if it was, she refused to reveal his identity to me.

Eventually, I cornered her and made her check out after Christmas sales with me, not that she was reluctant. Granny had given me some money before I left, and she insisted I spend it on new clothes. Alice was more than willing to help me spend it.

"So, I haven't really talked to you since we got back. How was your break, Ali?" We were perusing sale racks in Macy's as I not-so-slyly tried to pump her for information about her mysterious behavior.

"It was great in some regards, terrible in others," was her cryptic response.

I pulled a deep blue, striped button-down from the rack and held it up to my chest. She shook her head at me.

"Tell me the terrible part first," I prodded.

"Well, in a word – Edward."

"What happened to Edward?" I couldn't keep the concern out of my voice.

"Nothing. He just moped around all break. It was awful."

"Moped? About what?"

"That's not really my place to tell you, now, is it?" I knew I wouldn't get anything else out of her on the subject of her twin at the moment, so I tried a different technique.

"So, the great part?"

"Oh," her eyes sparkled at me. "You know, family, friends, food, caroling, presents, trees, pretty wrapping paper and bows... a cute boy..."

"A cute boy, you say?"

Alice's face lit up.

"But, don't even think about it, Jasper Hale. I promised him I wouldn't say anything."

"You know I'll find out."

"I know," she replied in a sing-sing voice.

It took a couple weeks of prodding and trying to pull hints from her, plus another shopping excursion, but I finally got her to confess one of her secrets to me. She was still tight-lipped about the mystery boy's identity, but she finally admitted that Edward was so mopey because he missed me.

"Why?" was my immediate response.

"What?"

"Why on Earth would Edward Cullen miss me? I'm ordinary. I'm not the smartest, the funniest, or the best looking. He could have anyone!"

"You don't see yourself clearly, Jazz," Alice said quietly. When she was quiet like that, I knew she meant business. "You might not be perfect, but neither is Edward. Trust me, I know him better than anyone. But, he wants you."

"He's gorgeous. He could have any guy in Seattle! Hell, he could go home with any gay man in the state!"

"I think he wants you for a whole lot more than that."

"I just don't see it." I said, shaking my head. "I know he was attracted to me to some extent, but you really think he wants more? From me?"

"You're obviously compatible. You like a lot of the same things. You have the same sense of humor. You're ridiculously adorable together." She put her hands on her hips and sighed. "I don't need to tell you any of this, you're just scared."

I was about to deny it, but something about the look on Alice's face made me stop. So, I owned up to it.

"Why wouldn't I be scared?" My voice was soft.

"Because, Edward just wants to love you. He doesn't want you to be anybody but yourself."

She kept going, but I tuned her out a little in disbelief. Then, she said something that brought my focus back.

"... and the way you've been avoiding him has really hurt him."

"I haven't been avoiding him!" I immediately got defensive.

She raised an eyebrow at me but didn't say anything. She and I both knew I was lying. There was really no need to bring attention to it. Luckily, she got distracted by a shoe sale and the topic of conversation didn't return to Edward.

I, however, was preoccupied for the rest of the day, turning Alice's words around slowly in my head. She wouldn't lie to me, not about something like this. He wanted me in his life? For more than just a physical relationship? He wanted to love me?

Edward Cullen wanted to be in a relationship with me.

Was I ready for that?

This was definitely something I was going to have to think about.

A/N: *Shameless plug alert*: I posted an E/J one-shot entitled "Cigarettes and Fingertips" last week that I think turned out rather well. Link on my profile. Also, I was stunned yesterday to find out I was nominated for two Slash Awards! Permanent was nominated for Best Wolf and Seven Minutes in Heaven was nominated for Best Comedy. Check out the other nominees! http://theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com Voting ends March 21. Finally, I am working on Chapter 16 of Seven Minutes in Heaven, but it is slow going. I am really grateful for your patience.