Author's Notes: Yay! Thanks everyone who decided to give this a shot! Just like I mentioned, I'm super excited about this one and I'm glad to see that a lot of you are excited for me! So, I'm off to enjoy the last bits of my spring break. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

"Eons" of love to IcelandGirl812 (LOL, it's an inside joke between us) for being a great beta and for fixing up the errors in this chapter for me. Not only is she one kick ass beta, but she's an even better friend and I can't thank her enough for the comfort with errr, issues going on in my life. I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about, Erica. Thanks so much for everything, love you lots!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight!


A Little Less Than Before

Chapter Two;

Chasing Pavements

Bella Swan

"So Bells," my father took a long swig of his beer. Only my father of all people would drink a beer on Christmas day, "How was Christmas Eve?"

Really, dad? Okay, here goes. I kept thinking I was going to get an engagement ring, but instead I watched the man I love propose to my best friend. I spent the entire night crying and drinking to try and relieve my sorrows, but it didn't really work. So now I'm going to be the maid of honor at a wedding I wish I was the bride for, and I've got a killer hangover.

I wiped my mouth with the napkin beside myself and smiled as warmly as I could, "Fine."

Liar.

Charlie smiled as well and poked another bit of food onto his fork. "Well that's good to hear. Jasper and Alice doing well? I haven't seen the two of them in ages."

I wanted to throw my spoon at his head, but it wouldn't be fair since he had absolutely no idea to begin with. Maybe he'd get the hint if I just put it out there and told him. "He proposed to her last night, actually."

"No way!" Charlie boomed, taking another long swig from his beer bottle. "That's great! Give them my blessing. When's the wedding?"

"June," I replied, trying to distract myself by swirling the mashed potatoes on my plate side to side.

He kept talking about how he had seen it coming, and by the time he finished his beer, I had had enough. Was I the only one who this came as a shock to? For years I always thought Jasper treated Alice and I exactly the same.

He never looked at her like he was in love with her. The last thing I was expecting him to do was propose to her. And yet, Charlie says he saw it coming? Was there something I was missing all those times Alice and Jasper came over for dinner at my dad's house? Had Charlie caught them in a questioning state at one of Alice's gatherings I dragged him along to sometimes?

I really couldn't figure it out.

But then again, maybe I did see it the whole time and just refused to believe it. Was that the case? I wasn't too sure.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding and decided there was no way I was going to be able to hold myself together even though I was miles away from them. I could only imagine how much worse it would be when I'd actually have to face them again.

I made up some stupid excuse and told my dad I wasn't feeling well. I gave him his Christmas present and locked myself up in my old room on the second floor until I'd be forced to go back down for dinner. I heard him hoot and howl once he opened his gift, ringing up his best friend Billy Black not even seconds later. My dad was the easiest guy in the world to figure out sometimes. He kept hinting on some new fishing pole every time we talked on the phone, so I jotted the description down one day, and I was good to go.

I was so glad the water works hadn't started when Charlie came busting into my room to say thank you, and that he loved me. It was always a bit weird when he showed his affection, but I loved him too much to fault him for simply being a loving father on Christmas day. My parents were divorced, so I always had to go back and forth between the holidays, but I eventually got used to it.

I always seemed to enjoy Christmases with my father more because they were simple. It'd be just my dad and I in the house, which I enjoyed because I didn't have to deal with anybody I didn't know. Just my father, who I loved dearly. It was also a lot easier to visit him since he was only a three-hour car ride away from Seattle.

My mom and stepfather were back in Phoenix; I made a note in my head to give them a call later to see if my presents arrived without any trouble. Shipping cost an extra thirty bucks, yet it was worth it if I knew they had something to open from me on Christmas morning.

Eventually, I trudged myself out of my room to make us dinner. We ate in silence and just enjoyed each other's company as we did for years and years before I moved out to Seattle for college. The weekend with my dad helped distract me enough, but now it was time to get myself back to reality.

Back to the reality of Jasper and Alice getting married in six months.

I almost swerved off the road as the sudden realization of it hit me. I was going to have to face them both sooner or later. They were my best friends. I was the maid of honor, plans had to be made, and of course we'd have to meet up at our usual on Friday.

The four-day weekend of pent up emotion got to me, and eventually I pulled off to the side of the road and just let myself cry for a while to get it all out. I wanted to be strong for Charlie because I knew he knew absolutely nothing about how to comfort his brokenhearted daughter and losing it in front of him would just cause discomfort for us both. And since he was still back in Forks, lounging on his couch watching the television, I pressed my forehead against the steering wheel of my car and let the tears roll.

I made it back to Seattle a blubbering mess and locked myself away from the world until I had to face it again on Friday. Jasper and Alice called multiple times to check up on me and to see how my weekend in Forks went, but I was too much of a coward to talk to either of them just yet. I needed to build walls and barricades they couldn't get around so I'd look like the happy best friend who was ecstatic for June to come around. New Year's Eve was on Monday, but I didn't feel ready enough to go partying with the two of them.

They stopped by on New Year's Day, but I made up some lame ass excuse that I was tired from bringing in the New Year to get them to leave.

I brought in the New Year with tubs of ice cream, lotioned tissues, and a tattered up notebook I was using to scribble my feelings into. I was a wreck and needed to get it together fast.

Friday came along, and I dreaded the very thought of being face to face with the happy couple again. I pulled my coat closer as the hostess led me to our usual table outside. She knew the three of us and never let anyone sit there on Friday nights except us. I was the first to arrive and decided it was my turn to order for everyone as I absentmindedly thumbed the piece of paper in my pocket.

During my time of being locked inside my own private, emotion bubble, I ended up writing a very short poem for Jasper about how I felt regarding the entire situation. I had crumpled it up so many times and cried too many tears that smudged the ink. It surprised me that the whole thing was still legible.

It was a short letter that said everything that needed to be said. A letter that made my desperation for him so pathetically obvious.

God. What the hell was wrong with me? I wanted to give him the letter in hopes of him returning my feelings full on.

Meaning, I wanted him to forget about his feelings for Alice for my own selfish benefit.

What kind of a best friend am I?

I sighed heavily and took a long sip of the cocktail in front of me as soon as the waiter placed it down. This was going to be harder than I thought.

Sooner than I expected, Jasper and Alice appeared by the table hand in hand, all smiles, and it ripped me to shreds all over again. You can do this, Bella. I plastered on a fake smile and hugged them both, apologizing for missing their calls, for not returning their messages, and for bringing in the New Year without them.

Like the wonderful best friends they were to me, they forgave me instantly and instead talked about other things. They were the best people I knew.

And I still couldn't be happy for them.

I listened to how their weekend together went, how they decorated a Christmas tree together and sang carols, and all that other good, holiday stuff. Normally, we did all this stuff together. It had been that way for four years. Bella, Jasper, and Alice.

But, things were different now. More like Jasper and Alice, plus Bella.

They were a couple now. They were an engaged couple to be married in June and there was nothing I could do about it.

And the thought of being that helpless with the situation was so fucking painful, I almost couldn't stand it.

"Oh, Bella!" Alice chimed in, pulling me away from my distant thoughts. She bounced eagerly in her seat and took a sip from her apple martini. "You remember my brother, right?"

I swallowed down the throbbing heartache that threatened to spill itself out with another sip of my cocktail. Be happy for them, Bella. Be happy. "Who? Emmett?"

"No, no. Not Emmett. The one who lives in Chicago, Edward?"

The name sounded familiar to me as I nodded and pulled my coat closer. I knew Emmett because he lived in the area and was always at Alice's family gatherings. Honestly, he had intimidated me at first because he was so tall and just plain... well, big. But after getting to know him, I found out he was just a plushy teddy bear in the body of a muscle builder. One wag of his eyebrows and a loud guffaw after I tripped over myself, and I was loving the guy as if he were my own brother.

It was the easiest thing in the world to be friends with Alice and Emmett. It made me wonder if I'd get along with Edward just as well. I'd never met him before because he worked in a successful business firm in Chicago, where he also had a very nice place. Or so Emmett and Alice said from what they'd seen in pictures. He never made it to Alice's family parties since he could never find the time to get away from his busy schedule. I highly doubted that fitting in a trip from Chicago to Seattle was easy for him with how often he worked anyway.

"Edward. Yeah, I remember you talking about him before. What about him?" I asked.

"Well," Alice began bouncing in her seat again. I had to stifle back a laugh at how she was such a ball of energy even though it was freezing. "He's going to be the best man for the wedding, so I thought it'd be nice if you guys could finally meet."

Wedding. Jasper and Alice. Fuck.

I smoothed my hair down and tried to distract myself with thoughts other than the ones swimming around in my head. If I fell apart in front of them, I wouldn't be able to use the "I'm so happy for you two" speech anymore. I decided to try my luck and use some humor to calm myself, "Best man? What, Jasper, don't have any guy friends of your own to use as your men?"

It worked. Jasper and Alice laughed loudly at that, and I ended up joining them, masking every part of me that was hurting quite well.

"Jesus, Jezebels, give me a break!" Jasper chuckled heartily. "You know you and Ali are my best friends. I can't very well ask you to be my best man because well, you're not a man, and Alice already called dibs for you to be her maid of honor."

"Plus, I love my brothers dearly, so I had to include them in the wedding somehow. And I think they'd hate me forever if I forced them to be my bridesmaids in dresses and all, so I settled for the next best thing."

We all laughed again at the thought of big, bulky Emmett in a frilly gown.

"Well, that makes sense I suppose," I mused, taking another short sip. "So, how is this whole meeting thing going to work if he's all the way in Chicago? Is he flying out for the wedding?" I suddenly hated that word.

Alice clapped her hands together, and her big, brown eyes filled with excitement. "That's the thing! The company Emmett works for now is looking for new employers, and since Edward's been thinking of moving back to Washington, Emmett recommended him! He turned in his résumé and got the job. So, Edward's moving back here in two weeks at the latest."

Jasper and I laughed at her exuberance. It must have been really exciting for her since she never got to see Edward. I think I remember her telling me once that the last time she really ever got to spend time with him was when she graduated college, and that was already three years ago. He couldn't even stay long either.

I decided to throw it out there and ask when Alice waved for another round of drinks. "So, Jazz, why Edward for your best man and not Emmett?"

He chuckled and pressed his hair away from his face. "Alice flipped a coin."

I busted into giggles at that point because it was so her. I could even picture the scenario in my head. Her flipping the coin while holding her breath and sighing in relief when it was over and done with. As much as I envied her, I loved Alice with every part of my heart.

Jasper and Alice, plus Bella. I needed to get used to that.

"So what do you think, Jezebels? Are you excited to meet him?" Jasper asked, circling his arm around Alice's shoulders.

I knew he didn't mean to hurt me by doing so, but I couldn't help looking away and diverted my attention to my newly filled cocktail glass. Usually, Alice and I sat next to each other, and Jasper sat across from us. It was the way it always was. Until now. Another thing I had to get used to. Jasper and Alice, plus Bella.

"Are you excited to meet him? He is your best man after all." I turned the question back at him and tried to laugh, though it came out sounding awkward and stupid. Hopefully neither of them noticed.

"Yeah, of course I'm excited to meet him," he grinned. "I've always wanted brothers, and now I get two. It'll be nice to finally get to be able to hang out with guys for once. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the hell out of both of you. But maybe now people will stop looking at me as if I'm the gay tag-along best friend! Shit."

For another time that night, I let out a long heartfelt laugh and soon, all of us were in fits of tears together. I was genuinely enjoying myself and felt a little better about everything.

A little.

Yet it still hurt so much at the same time. I realized then that there was no way I could give him the letter. I'd never be able to forgive myself if I was the reason why either of them was unhappy.

I loved Jasper too much to make him decide.

And I loved Alice too much to betray her like that.

All I could do for both of them was just, be happy.

I was still working on it, but I'd get there. Eventually. I would.

Once it became a little too late to still be lingering outdoors, we exchanged our goodbyes and promised to see each other next Friday as we always did. Alice and I made arrangements to look for new dresses for the engagement party they were throwing sometime around Edward's arrival.

That meant I had roughly around two weeks to prep myself into being the golden best friend who would have to retell their love story over and over to people I didn't know. Great. I made a mental note to myself to pick up some waterproof mascara sometime before then. I'd bet anything I'd need it. As soon as our drinks were paid for, I waved and shuffled through my purse for my car keys.

"Hey, Jezebels?"

I turned back to my gorgeous best friend who had his arms open for a hug. With a laugh, I placed myself against him and felt the warmth all around me. He held me there against him in front of our table for a while, just enjoying the moment. I assumed Alice had gone to the car because she was nowhere in sight.

"I never asked for your opinion on all of this. I feel like such an idiot since I never even ran the idea by you first. So, tell me the truth. What do you think?"

I closed my eyes and thought out my words carefully.

As much as I wanted to tell him I loved him and wished it was me he had given the ring to, I couldn't. As much as I wanted to put my eight years of built up feelings out there for him to grab, I couldn't. Marry me instead, I wanted to say. Love me instead, I wanted to say.

I love you, Jasper. More than you'll ever know.

There were so many things I wanted to tell him, so many things I wanted to show him.

But I couldn't because he's happier now than I've ever seen him before. Alice made him feel that way. Alice made him feel the way he made me feel every day without ever trying.

Alice. Not me. Alice.

There were so many unspoken words my heart was aching to tell him. But none of those things were the right things to say.

So I didn't say them. I held my tongue, shut my mouth, and swallowed down the pain...

Because while you love her with all your heart,
my love goes unnoticed and tears me apart.

...and instead went with what I knew would make him even happier.

Because I was his best friend, and I knew he wanted my approval more than anything. As much as I wanted to give him that, I just... couldn't.

But I could pretend.

I could pretend like it didn't shatter my world, because he was worth it.

And as long as it made him happy, that's all I cared about.

"What are you talking about, Jazz? You already know how I feel." I tried to fight back the traitorous tears I felt forming, using every ounce of strength I had to keep my voice steady. "I love you and Alice more than anything. I'm thrilled for you both. I couldn't be happier."

His arms squeezed around me tighter, and I knew I had picked the right words. It didn't matter that they were a total lie, and it didn't matter that my heart was breaking all over again.

He was happy.

All too soon, he pulled away and his grayish blue eyes softened at the tears on my cheeks that I hadn't even realized were there. Jasper lifted a hand to my face and used his thumb to brush them away, smiling at me like he always did. Like he did every day for eight years. His other hand caressed the heart-shaped lock and key pendant dangling around my neck. "That means everything to me. You're still my number one girl, you know that right?"

Damn. Don't break down, Bella. Don't. Two minutes. Give yourself two minutes and you can cry all you want, but not now. "You're still my number one guy, Jazz."

"I better be." He chuckled and brought his lips to my forehead, placing a chaste kiss where my brows were furrowed. "Love you, Jezebels. I'll see you again soon."

"Love you too, Jasper." More than you can even imagine. "Drive safe." I held myself together the best I could as we went our separate ways for the night, quickly wiping away any tears that managed to escape as I hopped into my car.

I never thought hearing Jasper say I love you would hurt me so much. He said it countless times over the years and I never realized until then... that he never meant it the same way I did.

Jasper loved me, of course. That much I was certain of. But the love he had for me and the love he had for Alice were two very different types of love. He loved Alice the way I loved him. For how long he felt the way towards her, I didn't even know. I wasn't ready to know. I didn't want to know.

Two weeks.

I had two weeks of Bella time to lock all my feelings for Jasper into a box only I had the key to. Two weeks to perfect a believable smile, and two weeks to get used to feeling knives in my stomach every time I saw him kiss her the way I wanted him to kiss me.

I can do this. They're my best friends. They deserve everything I can do for them and more. I can do this.

My fingers ghosted over the necklace I had on and like a baby, I pressed my face into the steering wheel and sighed in utter heartache as more tears fell. I wish someone had told me falling in love would hurt so much.

Maybe I would've shied myself away from it if I had gotten a proper warning beforehand.

This love was physical and emotional pain all wrapped into the most hurtful thing I'd ever endured. At least with a broken leg, you slap a cast over it and give it a few weeks. Then you're fine again. No more pain, no more suffering.

How do you fix a broken heart? I can't open my chest up and put a Band-Aid there. There was no magical type of medicine I could swallow to soothe the searing ache that wouldn't dissipate. The only person capable of healing me was the one person who couldn't right now.

All I wanted was him. I had never wanted anything so much in my life.

And the one time I really, truly wanted something... I couldn't have it.

Worst of all, I couldn't even steer myself away to get over it all. I couldn't give myself a clean break from Jasper because he was my best friend and so was Alice. I can't let my heartbreak be the reason as to why I'd ever abandon the two of them.

It's not like I'd ever have the courage to abandon Jasper anyway.

Coward.

There was no easy way out with my situation. I fucked myself over, and now I've just got to hold my head high and deal with it.

A love story gone wrong.

Same old tale that everybody knows.

One heart holding on, the other letting go.

"You're still my number one girl."

And those words echoing in my head alone were enough to leave me sobbing in my car for what felt like an eternity.

Two weeks, Bella.

Get your shit together.

You can do this.


End of Chapter Two

Author's Notes: Poor Bella. Don't get mad at her for crying, guys. It's hard for her. And, if it'll make things better, Edward makes his lovely self known next chapter, so yay! Can I get a Team Edward? TEAM EDWARD! :)

Now before I get shanked, it's not that I'm anti Team Jasper, it's just that I much rather prefer him with Alice. And! In his defense, he is not a jackass in this story. Just very, blind. More about their history will be revealed as the story progresses. You can't expect to figure it all out, people! Rome wasn't built in a day you know! ;)

So if you're liking this story as much as I am, let me know! Reviews? I'd love them, and love YOU if you left one! Thanks guys!

-BB