Author's Notes: I hate being sick. Even if it is just a common cold. The weather keeps changing and it's messing with my system! GAH! Thank you everyone for 200 reviews. I'm stoked that you're all giving this a chance! Don't forget to check out the thread and ask questions. The link is on my profile.

IcelandGirl812 is greater than freaking ice cream sundaes. Seriously. I love the girl to bits and pieces and you should thank her because she's the reason you are all reading this now :) Sadly, I can't type hearts because FF will get rid of them but if I could, I'd type out more than a few. Another quick shout to iponeddyou (aka Mrs. A Little Less Than Before, LOL) for supporting me and my writing so much. I love you both!

Disclaimer: Hmm... Nope, still don't own it.

A Little Less Than Before

Chapter Five;

All the Small Things

Bella Swan

I sighed heavily once Edward shut the car door behind himself. Without a second to spare, I peeled out of the parking lot and tried to keep myself together. I would never be able to get over Jasper if I kept crying every single freaking time I saw him and Alice together. So for once, I sucked it up, pushed the emotions into the back of my head, and focused solely on the road ahead of me.

I won't lie, it was hard. My insides were begging me to pull over and shed a tear or two to avoid keeping it pent up inside. That stupid ripping, clawing, horrid pain was back and the only thing that ever seemed to ease it even slightly was holding myself as I let all of those emotions get the better of me. Slowly, the reality of their marriage was becoming clearer. Every kiss was one step closer to forever. Every passing day made the "I do" more reachable.

A heavy sigh escaped my body as I stopped at the red light and sucked in a deep breath. Hold it together, Bella.

Secretly, I was sort of hoping Alice and Jasper would pick the church because I had always fancied the idea of getting married in a lavish hotel like the Fairmont Olympic. But of course, Alice and I must have had more in common than I thought because she picked that as her wedding location. She was absolutely ecstatic when they told her they had a Saturday open in June. I couldn't help but smile at her regardless of how heartbreaking it was for me.

Then it hit me - she booked my desired location and had the man I've loved for eight years. Alice was going to live out my dream wedding. Mine. A wedding is one of the most important events in a woman's life. So, of course I was happy for her. Honestly, utterly happy because if it was what she wanted, she deserved it. More than anything and more than any other person, she deserved it.

I choked back a sob and screamed aloud in frustration.

No. No, no, NO. I shook my head and gripped the steering wheel harder. Tears were not going to make Jasper love me the way I wanted him to. Feeling sorry for myself wouldn't change the fact that they were going to get married in a few months. So I needed to stop running to that as my solution because it definitely wasn't solving anything at all.

I was so mad at myself for almost resorting to tears again as I pulled into the lot of my apartment complex. With a huff, I pulled down my visor to try and fix any bits of my makeup I had smudged and was surprised when a yellow post-it was staring back at me.

"Edward Cullen" and a number. "Edward Cullen". Number.

My eyes widened in realization as I peeled it off the visor mirror, unable to fight back the enormous smile that formed on my face. I was feeling so down not even five seconds ago, and because of a small piece of yellow paper stuck to my mirror, I was all smiles. He sure knew how to make a girl blush. Once I reached over to unbuckle my seatbelt, I saw a green iPod left behind on the passenger seat. It wasn't mine and the only other person who had been in my car was Edward.

And if music was as important to him as it was to me, I'm more than sure he'd be wondering where in the hell he had left it. I punched in the numbers of the post-it and hesitated with pushing the call button. I could've easily dropped it off or given it to Alice to avoid calling him so quick, but...

He left me his number.

That had to mean something, right?

I unlocked my door and slapped the sticky side of the post-it onto the bulletin board that hung on my wall. Once I finally had the nerve to actually hit the call button, I held my breath and actually hoped he wouldn't pick up.

"Hello?"

Play it cool, Bella! Laugh, or crack a joke or... something. "Leaving your number on a post-it on my visor?" I asked humorously. "Very original, Edward."

"That was quick. Haven't you ever heard of the two day rule?"

"Two day rule?" I raised a brow. "Care to clarify?"

"When you get a number, you're supposed to wait two days before calling them to avoid looking desperate."

"Desperate, huh?" I laughed again. "Actually, Edward, for your information, I was just calling to let you know you forgot your iPod in my car."

He was silent as I inwardly cursed myself. I am a total idiot.

I added, "But because I don't want to look desperate, I guess I should just wait two days before giving it back to you?"

"How about you wait to give it to me until we have lunch together sometime this week?"

My eyes widened at his words, almost tripping over my own feet as I steadied myself with a hand to the wall. "Are you asking me out, Mr. Cullen?" I cringed at my horrid attempt at flirting. Why did I care to challenge him? He was hot, single, and was asking me of all people out. Stupid, Bella!

"I believe I am, Ms. Swan," Edward replied with a chuckle. "Just for lunch, though."

My eyes drifted over to the bulletin board that was plastered with pictures of Alice, Jasper, and me together. We were all so happy and so content with the way things were before the proposal came along. But, everything would be changing within a matter of months, and it was something I needed to start getting used to. I would never accomplish anything if I didn't at least try. Even if I was absolutely horrible at flirting and making my attraction towards someone known, I had to try. "Well then, just for lunch it is."

"When and where?"

I had to think about it for a second. I couldn't pick one of the usual restaurants Jasper and I ate at because then I'd only be thinking of him. After racking my brain for a place, I gave up. Almost every place in Seattle reminded me of Jasper. There was no use in me picking the place. "Surprise me," I said with a sad smile. "Goodbye, Edward."

"Goodbye, Bella."

I sighed after I hung up the phone, knowing this lunch with Edward was my first step in a very long journey ahead of me. It would not be a date, that much I was sure of. But, it was a small stride in the right direction for me.

You can do this.

Not even five minutes after Edward and I hung up, my phone started ringing and let me know it was Jasper. I arched a brow and answered, "Hello?"

"Hey, Jezebels," Jasper greeted. "You home now?"

My heart swelled involuntarily at the sound of his southern voice as I plopped myself on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. Stupid heart. "Yup. Are you and Alice back at her parents' place? I thought you guys wanted some alone time?"

"Nah, we changed our minds because we were craving some of those fruit tarts," he explained. "Oh and hey, are you busy later tonight?"

I quirked a brow. "Umm. Not sure yet. Why?"

"I was just wondering if I could swing by your place to hang out? We could put on a scary movie, share kettle corn? Just like high school."

I laughed and wondered what could have ever brought our adolescent years back into his head. Hadn't we both agreed those were years we'd rather not revisit? "Texas Chainsaw Massacre so you can scream like a girl again?"

"It was ONE time, Jezebels. Let it the fuck go," he chuckled loudly. "You supply the drinks, I'll get the corn?"

"Sounds good, Jazz. Should I pick up some diet for Alice?"

"I'm not sure yet if Alice is going," Jasper paused. "Unless... you want her to come along?"

What the...? I shook my head and put any irrational thoughts out of my head. It didn't mean anything, it didn't mean anything. "Um. Oh, no, I was just asking. If it will just be the two of us, that's...fine. But, if Alice wants to come along, that's fine, too."

"Alright then. I'll see you around eight?"

"Sounds great."

We hung up, and I couldn't understand how two good things could happen to me simultaneously. I wasn't going to question why he had the sudden urge to hang out with me one-on-one because it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Of course, I'd never do anything to try and sabotage what he and Alice had, I just really, really missed the "us" time. I couldn't even contain how excited I was to finally just spend some time with him and only him.

I still had about three hours until he'd show up, so I had to find some kind of a way to kill time until then. As much as I wanted to get all dressed up and do my makeup all nice like the previous day, he'd definitely notice and of course would probably ask. I mean, we were hanging out in my apartment to watch a scary movie and snack on kettle corn and cherry cola. That wasn't really an event you'd get all dolled up for.

Eager to make time pass quicker, I tidied up my apartment and washed all the dishes. After I finished cleaning, I was still left with an hour and a half, so I figured I might as well pick up the soda. A nearby grocery store was a convenient, ten minute walk from my apartment; I grabbed a pack of root beer and a pack of cherry cola and was on my way back in no time.

After a quick shower, I changed into some comfortable clothes and ran the towel through my hair briskly to get it to dry. A little bit of makeup couldn't hurt, right? I brushed on some mascara and practically sprinted to the door when I heard knocking.

I held my excitement together as I opened the door and saw my stud best friend, looking as handsome as ever even though he just had on a Seattle University Redhawks sweater and regular, loose-fitted jeans.

I couldn't help it. I lunged at him with a squeal as he chuckled and picked me up off the ground, gently swinging me side to side. "Damn Jezebels, you act like we haven't seen each other in months! You missed me that much in only a few hours?"

"Oh shut up, you pompous cowboy. Can't I be excited to see my best friend?" I laughed, smacking his arm lightly as he set me back down on my feet.

"I'm kidding, darlin'. I'm excited to see you, too." He bent down and pressed a chaste kiss onto my forehead before heading into the kitchen to microwave the kettle corn.

Jasper always kissed me in places that didn't mean anything more than "I love you as a friend". Kisses on the cheek, forehead, and the top of my head. A kiss that symbolizes friendship, a kiss that shows you care without coming on too strong, and a sweet kiss that was nurturing because he feels protective of me.

Yeah, I looked it up a while ago because I was curious to figure out whether or not there was ever something more there.

There never was.

Another knock came at my door, and I arched a brow, curious as to who that could have been. I didn't order in for delivery, so maybe it was one of my neighbors needing to borrow my phone because they locked themselves out? I walked over to the entrance of my apartment and opened it.

"Hi, Bella."

My heart sank at the sight of Alice at my door. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love her to bits and pieces.

But, I was really hoping that for one night, Jasper and I could go back to the years when it was just the two of us. I wanted to have the me and him time we used to have all the time before June could drag him into an entirely different lifestyle. And even though I was hurting and wanted to rant and stomp, I sucked it up and invited her in with a genuine smile. I should have known Jasper would have asked her to come along. I shouldn't have even mentioned the diet cola thing.

But as much as I wanted to fault him for bringing her, I knew it wouldn't be fair. Jasper loved Alice and just wanted to be around her as often as possible. You can't help wanting to be with the people you love, right?

It was the exact way I felt towards him.

"Thanks for waiting, Jazz!" Alice huffed. "Ass."

"Not my fault that taking the stairs was faster!" Jasper laughed, emerging from the kitchen with cold sodas and a bowl of the kettle corn he had just microwaved. "You don't mind do you, Jezebels? I insisted she come because she would have been cooped up with her brothers if she had stayed."

"I tried to tell him I didn't mind sticking around at home. I mean, I didn't want to intrude on a high school tradition of yours, but he was really persistent." Alice shook her head and shoved him lightly. "He didn't give me much of a choice, so I brought chips and dip if that will make anything better?"

It wasn't her fault. I never suspected it was.

I took the items from her and placed them on the small coffee table in front of the sofa to give her just as big of a hug as I gave Jasper. She giggled her signature, tinkling laugh and hugged me back. "If this is your way of telling me you love me for getting your favorite, I love you too."

Jasper smiled at us and plopped himself down on the couch, shoving a handful of the just-made kettle corn into his mouth. "Now, my two favorite girls get to see me scream like a bitch."

"I can't wait," Alice laughed as she settled in next to him. They cuddled up against each other and where did that leave me?

Alone.

Like I always felt every time I was around them now.

Alone, because this was Jasper and Alice, plus Bella now.

"I'm going to get some pillows from my room," I informed them. "I'll be right back."

They nodded at me as I shut my bedroom door quietly behind me. Fuck. I ran my hand through the front of my hair and sighed quietly.

Damn it all, Jasper. I should have known this would be happen. It was a stupid thing to wish for, to think he missed the "us" time and all the small things about our past like I did. Fuck. Fuck!

"Jezebels, get in here! The movie's starting," Jasper called out from the living room.

Hell.

I grabbed the pillows and a blanket and shook my head because I could deny him nothing. I would do anything for him. Love makes you do crazy things, insane things. Like being in a room with the man who is in love with your best friend while pretending it doesn't hurt like hell even though it does.

Even though it really, fucking does.

And then acting like nothing is wrong because you love them both too much to ever get in the way of their happiness. Because you love them both too much that their happiness is so much more important than your own.

Love makes you do crazy things. Insane things. Things in a million years you'd never see yourself do. But there you are doing them... and you just can't help it.

Once I walked into the room with an armful of fluffed pillows, they smiled at me, completely oblivious to the amounts of pain I was trying to mask. I was getting so good at it that it was even beginning to surprise me. How it was getting easier for me to always hold back the tears back around them, I won't know.

He patted the spot on the sofa next to him, giving me that stupid smile I liked so much.

And because I was so eager to be near him even though it was so wrong, I took the spot he offered on the couch and basked in the warmth his body was exerting.

Stupid heart.

"Hey, Bella?"

I turned towards Alice, arching a brow as she held her phone out to me.

"Edward wants to talk to you."

Out of curiosity, I grabbed the phone and walked into the kitchen to hear him better. "Hello?"

"So, Alice wasn't lying when she said she was headed over to your place."

I laughed softly and opened the bag of chips she had bought, pouring them into a large bowl. "Why would Alice have lied about going to my apartment?"

His musical laugh came from the other end. "Emmett and I figured she and Jasper were in need of that alone time they were talking about earlier."

I inwardly cringed, not wanting to even think about that.

And then I remembered the reason as to why he probably called Alice. "Did you want me to give your iPod to Alice since she's already here?"

"Are you trying to weasel your way out of lunch with me, Isabella?"

Jeez, even my full name sounded amazing coming from his lips. I snapped back to reality when I felt something on my hand. "Aw, crap." I didn't even notice that I had been completely missing the bowl and poured spinach dip all over myself.

"So you were!" Edward accused with a laugh.

"Oh. No, no that's not it at all," I said, placing my hand underneath the running water of the sink. "I was just surprised that you called me Isabella and kind of... spilled my food all over myself, and errrrm, yeah that's embarrassing. Shoot." Great going, Bella. "So, you didn't call Alice for your iPod?"

"No, I called so I could see if she was really at your place and then have a valid excuse to talk to you if she was without breaking the two-day rule."

I froze and tried to think of a witty line to say back. "Oh."

As soon as that one word came out of my mouth, I slapped my forehead. Goddamn it, Bella! I was so freaking horrible and awkward with all of this that I couldn't even think of something remotely interesting to say back to my best friend's super hot brother who was clearly hitting on me. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Damn that Jasper again for being the only guy I've ever really talked to! Being so in love with him is the reason why I can't flirt with another guy without sounding like a complete moron!

"Edward, get off the phone with Bella and save your smooth moves for when you take her out!" Alice yelled loud enough for him to hear from her spot on the couch.

He groaned. "That's my cue to hang up otherwise I'm sure my pixie of a sister will murder me for intruding on your best friend bonding time. So, I'll see you soon, Bella."

We hung up shortly after as I made my way back to the couch with the chips and the dip. Alice smiled knowingly when I handed her phone back to her. "Edward and Bella sitting in a tree-"

"Alice," I growled, not wanting her to go any farther with the rhyme.

"F-U-C-K-"

"Mary Alice Cullen!" I shrieked, clamping my hand over her mouth as she giggled crazily beneath me. She hated it whenever I used that against her, and I hoped this time was no exception.

She peeled my hand off her mouth and beamed up at me, completely unaffected by my usage of her entire name. "You know, I've always wondered, why would two people be sitting in a tree in the first place? Like, do they have a ladder or do they just climb up there like monkeys?"

I laughed at Alice's randomness and noticed Jasper was entirely focused on the screen in front of him. Usually he teased Alice and I for being such girls, but this time, he remained silent and didn't say a word. When he caught me looking his way, he smiled and patted the seat next to him again.

And as much as I wanted to sit in that spot and cuddle against the half of him that was still mine, I needed to say no. The constant battle between what my heart wanted and what my heart needed had to stop. I had to try. He looked at me quizzically as I sat beside Alice instead, snuggling into the blanket she was curled underneath.

I couldn't look him in the eye because that would send me all the way back to square one. I couldn't afford to get stuck inside square one again.

Damn it all, Jasper. Even though you're so unaware of it, we both know I need to fall out of love with you. And it would be so great, so goddamned wonderful...if you would just let me try.

End of Chapter Five

Author's Notes: For those of you who have read Hello, Stranger and noticed I always alternate between EPOV and BPOV every chapter, I just wanted to make it clear that that is not how it will work with this story. If it needs to be BPOV five times in a row, it will be. Or if it needs to be EPOV for four consecutive chapters, it will be.

Don't hate Jasper, please. He's an idiot, yes, but I still love him. And! He's pushing Bella into the waiting arms of Edward, so that has to count for something, right? If you're really eager to get some questions answered, come on over to the forum and chat it up with me, why don't you? :)

Next chapter is Bella and Edward's lunch and more wedding errands! I'll try to avoid too much angst, but I can't make any guarantees. Plus, this chapter wasn't too heartbreaking right? Right?

Reviews are quite lovely, and so are all of you for reading :)

-BB