Author's Notes: I'm back! I'm so sorry for the delay in updates. I was focusing on finals and now that they're finally over, I am back. Yaaay! Hello, Stranger has not been updated in quite some time, but believe me, I'm working on that chapter vigorously and it should be finished tomorrow or the next day. I'm so sorry once again! But hey, 500 reviews! *Squeals* Thank you so much everyone! I don't think you all realize how very excited it makes me to read and receive your reviews. I love you all!

Voting at the The Cullen Awards ends tomorrow, so go cast your votes if you haven't already! I'm up for a few awards, so if you feel I deserve it, go ahead and vote! Like I mentioned before, I'm up against really stiff competition, so I won't mind if I don't win because it's enough to have been nominated :)

IcelandGirl812 rules at being a beta. She managed to read, correct, and send this chapter back to me in less than twenty-four hours without her laptop! Erica is freakin' amazing, I'm telling you. I laabbss her like you don't even know!

Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight, but sexy ass Edward fucking Cullen owns me. Bwahaa!


A Little Less Than Before

Chapter Eight;

Knock You Down

"Sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down; just get back up when it knocks you down."

Bella Swan

My brows furrowed as I hurled my phone halfway across the room in frustration. Alice finally decided to leave a voicemail asking to meet at the usual so she could apologize to me the right way. The last thing I wanted was to listen to something I already knew she was going to say. Couldn't they just leave me alone for a little bit? Wasn't it obvious that I was upset and just wanted time to myself?

Jasper called shortly after. I didn't even have to get up from where I was sitting to know it was him because his ringtone gave it away. If possible, I was even more pissed off at him than I was at Alice. We had known each other for years and never once had we kept secrets from each other. But when it came to the point of him dating someone else, he felt the need to hide it from me? It made me wonder if it had happened in the past. Were there any more girls he had dated behind my back, or any other secrets he was keeping from me?

Damn it all!

I turned my body on my bed and stared at the framed picture of Jasper, Alice, and I at a party from a few years ago. I kept it because even though all of us were drunkenly smiling at the camera, that night still held a special place in my heart. It was the night all of us drank together the first time. It was the night that started our weekly get-togethers on Fridays at the usual.

It was the night, in my opinion, when Jasper and I accepted Alice into our best friend twosome.

Best friend.

Suddenly remembering everything that had just went on within the last few hours, I grabbed the frame and forcefully smashed it down so I didn't have to look at it anymore. It was childish of me to do so, and I might have even cracked the glass, but at that moment, I really didn't care.

How could they have done that to me? I knew they felt guilty since they kept calling, but still. How did they manage to look at me for an entire year, knowing that they were lying and yet not losing control of their words even once?

I slapped my arm over my face and forced back all the emotions fighting to break through. I had cried more in the past few weeks than I ever had in my entire life, and it was really beginning to wear me down. I hated feeling so weak and vulnerable and knowing it was my best friends who were the cause. My bottom lip began to quiver, and I forcefully bit down on it, eager to maintain at least some of my fucking dignity. My eyes wandered back to my phone lying on the floor. Alice wanted to talk. Jasper wanted to talk. Everyone just wanted to talk and apologize, and I really wasn't sure if I was ready to deal with hearing why they even lied in the first place.

I groaned and slammed a pillow over my face while trying to ease the ripping ache inside of me. It would be one hell of a long night.

"You should have seen her when I got back to my parents' place though. She looked like one of those kids on time out. I swear, I should have bought her a cone hat and stuck it on her head or something." Edward shook his head with a laugh and took a sip of his orange juice.

He ended up calling in the morning to see how I was doing because we, apparently, had made it past the two-day mark. Once he asked me to meet him for breakfast, I knew I should have said no. I was a mess, my eyes were swollen, and I had one hell of a headache from all the thinking I had done the night before. I should have realized persistence probably ran in his blood because he didn't give me an option and told me going out would help.

I stabbed at one of my pancakes and sighed, still trying to decide whether or not I'd meet up with Alice to listen to her apology. Regardless of how much I really did want to know why she kept it from me, I wasn't sure if I was ready to face the truth again. "Do you think I should go?"

Edward hummed in thought as he stole a piece of cantaloupe from my plate, ignoring my rants as he popped it into his mouth. "You should. Chew her out for keeping it from you and make her pay for your cocktail. Take advantage of her acting like this. I mean, I got to yell at her and mess up her hair, and she didn't yell at me once. Normally, she'd pounce on me and would probably gouge my eyes out because she's one violent-ass midget."

I laughed at the way he bashed his own sister and swallowed down the food in my mouth.

"Oh, and because she knows you're entirely pissed off at her," he reached into his coat pocket and threw down a huge pile of save-the-dates, "she didn't want to ask you to help her with these, so instead she asked me. Thanks a lot, Bella."

"You're so very welcome," I smiled angelically. "I'll help you with them though. Just don't tell her. You'd probably mess something up anyway, and I'd fear for your life if you messed up Alice Cullen's save-the-dates."

"You know, just because I'm a guy, and I'm not the best at picking colors and matching outfits and all that girly hoo-hah, it doesn't mean I'm bad at everything."

"Oh? So, what are you good at then?"

Such a bad question to ask such an insanely attractive guy. I'm sure my face must have turned five different shades of red as soon as that utterly gorgeous crooked grin of his made itself known. To distract myself, I shoved a piece of fruit into my mouth and chewed on it slowly.

"There are a lot of things I'm good at, you know," he chuckled softly. "Like... convincing people to buy my company's shit. Playing piano, I'm really good at that. I can play baseball pretty well. I'm a good runner. I can beat out Emmett in beer pong, surprisingly."

My face slowly must have returned to normal as I listened to him list everything but what I was thinking.

"I've been told I'm a good kisser as well," Edward smiled as he licked some of the fruit's juices off his lower lip. "I could show you sometime, you know, to prove I'm not a complete failure at everything."

I choked on whatever it was I was chewing as he laughed and pushed my glass of water towards me. "I'm kidding! Unless, I mean, you want me to or something." He took one look at the expression on my face and chuckled loudly once again. "Okay, okay, I get it! Sorry, I couldn't resist."

Slowly, my coughing died down as I swallowed down some water to try and alleviate the burn now lingering in my throat. He kept asking if I was okay, and all I could really do was wave him off and let him know it was fine. Edward had been trying to make me feel better and get my mind off of the whole Jasper and Alice thing as often as he could. I was glad and appreciated that he was doing his best to make it easier on me because no one else was even trying.

It was nice to have that sense of comfort.

Once the waiter came and placed our bill in the little leather folder, both of us reached out to grab it. I didn't know how I wasn't able to get it before he did because it was placed closer to me. He smiled and slipped his card into the little flap, waving it around to mock or gloat, I wasn't sure. "Looks like you owe me another non-date, Ms. Swan."

"Do I even have a choice?"

"No, not really."

We both laughed and got up once the waiter brought back Edward's card and a receipt for him to sign. He took me back to my apartment and we made arrangements to go out again sometime in the next week. I walked up the stairs and down the hall of the building, still contemplating whether or not I would go to the usual to meet Alice.

In the entire time I had known Alice, not once had we gotten into a fight that made either of us want to ignore the other for more than an hour or two. I really wasn't sure how she would act if I showed up to listen to her side of the story.

Once I shoved the key into the knob and pushed the door to my apartment open, my heart felt like it had stopped. I could see something on the kitchen counter from where I was standing. Something that was most definitely not there before I left for brunch with Edward. I threw my keys on the floor and walked over, seeing a bouquet of wildflowers and a pink box from a place I knew very well.

I grabbed the card tucked inside of the bouquet and read quietly to myself,

Jezebels,
You have every right to be mad at me for however long you choose to be. It was wrong of me, and I realize now that the one thing I was trying to prevent was the one thing I made happen by keeping quiet for so long. I know a bouquet of your favorite flowers and a dozen of those cupcakes you love so much will not change your mind, but I'm hoping you'll at least give me the chance to let you know how very sorry I truly am.

I used the emergency spare you gave me to get into your apartment because hurting my best friend is one hell of an emergency - at least to me.

Give me a call when you're ready to talk.

-Jazz

I sighed and put the card down on the table, opening the box in curiosity of whether or not he actually remembered what my favorites were. Inside and neatly aligned were three rows of cupcakes. Four lavender, four red velvet, and four triple threat cupcakes.

He got it right.

With another sigh, I picked up the flowers and put them into the empty vase sitting by my phone, filling it with water before I set it back down in its normal spot. Jasper knew me so well. He knew me better than any other person did. He knew my favorite color, that I talked in my sleep, that I hated the smell and sight of blood, my favorite flower, and every other little detail that people tend to ignore when befriending one another.

So how was it that he knew all of that about me, but was absolutely blind to the fact that I was in love with him, and that it'd hurt me beyond belief if he lied to me about dating someone else? How could someone who knew me so well know me so little at the same time?

I grabbed a triple threat cupcake and licked some of the frosting off, smiling in contentment as the flavor lingered on my taste buds. If anything could put a smile on my face, it'd be the chocolate, buttercream frosting on top of Cupcake Royale's moist chocolate cake. I pulled out my phone and pressed the buttons to create a message:

Jasper sent me flowers and cupcakes. Want some? Haha!

With a quiet laugh, I pressed send, and the text was on its way to Edward's phone. Within a minute or two, my phone beeped to let me know I had an unread message.

After what he did, I was expecting more. Cupcake Royale? I might just stop by to swipe one. Alice is nervous as hell, planning to stand her up tonight?

I thought about it for a minute.

No. I'll talk to her. Dying to hear why she kept it from me anyway.

His reply was quick.

You're not the only one. Better save some of those cupcakes just in case. I'm only a few blocks away if you care to share later, you know. I love me some Cupcake Royale.

I laughed and typed up my response.

Keep your phone on, I might just call you.

Then I might just answer. Good luck.

Thanks, Edward.

I looked at my cell phone and realized I was more than half an hour late to meet up with Alice. Once I glanced out the window of the taxi, I knew I was already in the area and figured there was no turning back now. After a good pep talk to myself in the mirror and another cupcake or two, I managed to leave my apartment and get into the cab I had called. The cocktails we drank were never enough to make me even slightly drunk since they were drowned in fruit juices and soda and various other things. Tonight would be a different story though. I needed the drinks, and I wasn't willing to risk a DUI because of it.

The cab stopped at the curb in front of the Zig Zag café as I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what was to come. I paid the amount my trip had cost and got out. Once I went to the front, I told the hostess I was looking for an Alice Cullen, and she led me outside to our usual table.

She was staring at that expensive, heart-shaped diamond ring on her finger and didn't even hear me approach the table. I wondered why exactly she was looking at it so longingly and almost hightailed it out of there because it felt like she was showing off.

Just get it over with, Bella.

I cleared my throat to pull her out of her thoughts. She turned to me and her big, brown eyes widened at the realization that I was standing in front of her. Without a word, I pulled the chair out and sat myself down, placing my purse behind me as I folded my hands in my lap and waited.

Alice chewed on her lower lip and played with the coaster in front of her. "I, uh, ran into Rosalie a few minutes ago."

I arched a brow, thinking Rosalie would still be in New York for a while. I wanted to ask, but didn't want to make her think she was off the hook. "Oh," I answered lamely instead.

She nodded and shifted awkwardly in her chair. "I told her about the... wedding." We both grimaced at the word. "And errm, asked her to be a bridesmaid. Do you think she'd look good with Em? I'm thinking of having them walk down the aisle together. I mean, they're both really tall and-"

"Alice," I interrupted. "Stop that. Stop rambling about your wedding for one freaking second and tell me why the hell you and Jasper thought it would be a good idea to keep your relationship a secret from me."

The waitress picked that moment to place our drinks down. With a sigh, Alice rubbed her hands on her forehead, and took a deep breath in and then out. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"That's because you weren't thinking, Alice," I berated. "I just don't get it. Why the need to hide it? Why the urge to keep it from me for a whole entire year? What good would have come out of that?"

"We didn't want to hurt you, Bella."

My brows furrowed. "Does me running out of your save-the-date shopping in tears ring a bell?"

Alice flinched slightly at the tone of my voice, and I briefly wondered about whether or not I was being a little too harsh. Those thoughts left my head as soon as I remembered the reason why I was so upset. Lie after lie after lie for one entire year. Remember that, Bella. Grow some backbone.

"I'm an idiot, I know," she started, wiping underneath her eyes as she blinked up at the night sky. "Jesus Christ, Bells, I really didn't know it would be like this. When he first asked me out, I wanted to tell you so bad-"

"Then why didn't you?"

"Just let me finish, and you can ask me anything you want later. Please?" Alice pleaded, taking my silence as a confirmation to continue onward. "I wanted to tell you, but Jasper said he didn't want to hurt you by making you feel like a third-wheel or something. And then we were going to tell you a week after, but it got out of hand, and before you know it, I'm blurting it out to some lady I don't even know because I was too caught up in the moment. Please believe me when I tell you I know I'm in the wrong, and that I'm so fucking sorry for it."

She massaged her temples before going on. "And then the whole proposal thing. He told me he wanted you to be there because it was a really big decision for him and that you were there for every important event in his life. But, I also asked if he even considered it coming as a shock to you because you had no idea we were previously dating. And then for him to propose all of a sudden - wouldn't it be weird? He didn't consider that, I guess. I'm sorry, Bella. There's no excuse for what Jasper and I did, I'm so sorry."

I averted my eyes elsewhere because I could just feel the constricting pain making its way back to my heart and the tears prickling the backs of my eyes. After the talk with Edward and the pep talk with myself, I was really beginning to think I could make it through tonight without feeling like my heart had just been run over by a truck.

I was wrong.

This whole fiasco was Jasper's idea.

He didn't want to hurt you, she'd said. Jasper asked Alice to keep it a secret because he didn't want to leave me out. Jasper proposed with me being there, thinking he was doing the right thing, and not even knowing how much it would leave me broken because he was so clueless to my feelings.

Because while you love her with all your heart, my love goes unnoticed and tears me apart.

Jasper was too busy looking the other way to ever notice the way I gazed at him. Too preoccupied with Alice to realize I loved him all along. And too in love with her to be ever, maybe, possibly, in love with me the way I was with him.

And that hurt more than anything because it pretty much finalized the fact that Jasper never did and never would love me in the way I was secretly wishing he would.

Fuck. I swallowed down the lump in my throat and told myself to be strong. My apartment was only a ten-minute car ride away. There was no way I was going to break down again and let Alice know just how much this entire situation was affecting me.

"If you don't want to be the maid of honor, or even participate in the wedding at all anymore, I'll understand," Alice sighed, taking a drink from her green colored drink. Probably an apple martini. Those were her favorite. "I'll cry my eyes out, but I'll understand nonetheless."

I slammed my glass down a little too hard, not even taking a sip because her words shocked me. "You think I don't want to be your maid of honor?"

When she didn't answer, it annoyed me further. "Alice, how could you think that? You've been my best friend since we were in college. Yeah, I'm pissed off at you, but that doesn't mean I'd bow out of your wedding because of it. You should know me better than that, what the hell?"

"If I was being the best friend I should have been, I would have told you about Jasper."

I sighed heavily and was really starting to dislike the point this conversation had taken. Alice and I had never had a conversation like this. "Alright, fine, do you want me to take myself out?"

"No!" Alice quickly replied. "I just figured you wouldn't want to be anymore because of this."

I reached over and grabbed Alice's hand in mine. She calmed down slightly as I let out another breath and picked my words carefully. "I'm still going to be in your wedding. But, it doesn't mean that I forgive you because I don't. Not yet, at least. You and Jasper both have to realize that lying about anything to anyone for that long of a period of time is bound to be bad news."

She nodded slowly, releasing her bottom lip from between her teeth. "Are you going to talk to Jazz?"

"I plan on it," I replied, looking at my untouched drink. "Now that I know hiding it was his idea."

Alice was quiet for a bit before she spoke up again. "Bella, can I ask you something?"

I looked at her and nodded my head.

Her hand tightened in mine. "Remember before, when I used to ask you if you had a thing for Jasper?"

My body froze. Fuck.

"I used to think that you did. And if you do, or ever did, you need to tell me," Alice said quietly. "I need to know, Bella. Did you, or I mean, were you ever in love with him? With Jasper?"

I absentmindedly stared at the cocktail she bought me, running my finger along the rim as she waited for me to answer her question. There was a part of me that wanted to throw the damned drink in her face for everything she had just admitted to me and walk away with my head held high.

But the other part of me, the more dominant part, the part that loved her unconditionally, would not let me do such a thing. As angry and as hurt as I was, it wasn't all her fault.

She knew all along, but didn't care to ask me. But then, I kept it a secret in fear of it all backfiring on me and ruining the friendship Jasper and I had built. So, who was to blame? Who was the one to point the finger at for making this whole situation so much more complicated? Me for never saying anything or her for knowing, but never confirming?

I shook my head slowly, wondering if she'd catch that. "No, Alice," I started, "I'm not, nor was I ever, in love with Jasper. I've told you that before."

Alice watched as I brought the glass to my lips to take a sip. I would need another drink after telling that big of a lie.

A lie for a lie wasn't going to solve anything. Two damned wrongs didn't make a right, I knew that.

But, they were getting married in June regardless of whether or not I came clean about my feelings for Jasper. Telling him or her wouldn't make him fall out of love. Throwing it out there wouldn't postpone the wedding. Admitting it would not make a difference, and to be absolutely honest, I was much too scared to throw my already messed up heart out there for either of them to damage any further anyway.

It was just easier this way.

And my life needed a little bit of that.

"You're sure...?" Alice asked, scanning my eyes and face for any hint of deceit. "Because I don't want any more secrets between us two."

I shook my head and plastered on the mask I had been working on since Christmas Eve. "I'm sure. Trust me."

She stared at me a while longer before heaving a sigh in defeat and smiling sadly, holding up her drink. "Alright, Bells, if you say so."

We clinked our glasses together, and it wasn't brought up again.

I didn't even know if she bought the lie. We just sat in silence as we sipped at our drinks, letting our spoken words linger in the chilly air around us. There was such a huge wall between our friendship now, and I didn't know how to knock it down, even though I so desperately wanted to. She lied, thinking it wouldn't hurt me, and I lied right back, hoping everything could somehow go back to normal. I didn't want our friendship to become based off lies and false hope.

I'd tell her someday.

When everything fizzled down, and when this whole thing would be long forgotten, I'd tell both of them.

Just not now.

I wasn't ready for now.

My bed was cool and soft against my skin as I laid in it, wishing I could just fall asleep already. The conversation between Alice and I ended shortly after our second cocktails. I was hoping to drink more to get my mind off of everything, but I just wasn't feeling it.

All I really wanted was to be alone.

I was staring up at the ceiling for who knows how long until I heard my cell phone make a little blip sound. It was a text from Edward.

Alice looks relieved and is back to being an annoying ass pixie. Assuming everything went well?

I replied: I wouldn't say well. I had to lie to her about Jasper. It was his idea to keep it a secret, can you believe that?

My phone beeped again shortly after. Holy shit. Give him a Bella Swan beat down.

With a laugh, I composed my text. I plan to. And hey, I'm not crying.

I told you things would get better. Uh, Alice is nagging me about the save-the-dates. How about I take you to lunch for holding it together, and you help me figure this wedding shit out?

I rolled my eyes and laughed because it's not like he would have given me a chance to say no anyway. Lunch sounds good. I'll save some cupcakes for you.

Thanks. Pick you up at noon then. Night, Bella.

Night, Edward.

I plugged my phone back into its charger and sighed. It really was nice to have someone like Edward to talk to about everything that I couldn't tell anyone else. He understood me and didn't judge me for being in love with his soon-to-be brother-in-law.

It was comforting.

I figured I could tell him the entire story while we worked on Alice and Jasper's save-the-dates. As much as it had hurt earlier, and regardless of how badly I had wanted to break down and cry, I was fine. I mean, I wasn't over it. But, little by little, it was getting easier for me to pretend it was easier.

Which meant easier just might be around the corner.

And, despite all that I had dealt with a few hours ago, that thought was enough to give me a good night's sleep in hopes that tomorrow would be a better day.


End of Chapter Eight


Author's Notes: For those of you who will be upset with Bella for not being harsher on Alice, just wait until her encounter with Jasper. And for those of you who don't have an account here on FF, I suggest you get one! I ended up disabling anonymous reviews after receiving a bunch of flames regarding this story and my other story Hello, Stranger. I don't know, I guess some people just really don't like me on here. It's okay though, I won't let it get to me!

Cupcake Royale is a real cupcake place in Seattle, WA by the way! And I chose wildflowers to be Bella's favorite flower because they remind me of hers and Edward's meadow. Kinda clever, right? ;) I included a picture of the bouquet and the link to Cupcake Royale's website just for the hell of it, so go ahead and look if you want to!

So, try and guess who's POV will be next! And if you've got any questions or just want to chat with me, head on over to the thread for this story! The link is on my profile :)

I mentioned this already, but go check out Not Like This by pomme_de_terre, which is only available on Twilighted. It's one hell of a story and the updates are very frequent! Here's the link: http://twilighted(DOT)net/viewstory(DOT)php?sid=4444

Tell me your thoughts because I'd love to hear from you guys!

-BB (For a certain reviewer who asked, BB stands for Burrberry Bugsy)