Here's the first pain of Christmas courtesy of the Akatsuki. Enjoy!!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters (belong to Masashi Kishimoto) or the song "The 12 Pains of Christmas"
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Sasori: -writes-The first thing at Christmas that's-
Hidan: *COUGH COUGH* -points-
Sasori:…? Oh. -.-'' -writes-The first thing at JASHINmas that's such a pain to me: finding a Christmas JASHINmas tree.
Hidan: Damn straight. ^^
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Pein: Alright guys, time to look for a Chr-I mean JASHINmas tree.
Hidan: To celebrate Jashin, it should be red, with thorns, maybe even some blood or weapons stuck in the trunk if we're lucky… :D
Konan: o.O Ok…you go get that from Jashin-world, the rest of us are getting ourselves a REAL tree.
Tobi: But…we already have a tree. -points to Zetsu-
Deidara: Oh for Pete's sake, you've known him for 2 years…isn't that getting a bit old?
Zetsu: Tobi…FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT A TREE. I'm a flower! ^^
Pein: Riiight…Let's go!
-pile into Akatsuki car-
Sasori: You know, we seriously need a bigger car.
Deidara: -Face squished to the window- -muffled-No kidding, un.
-5 minutes later-
Tobi: Are we there yet?
-10 minutes later-
Tobi: Are we there yet?
-15 minutes later-
Tobi: Are we-
All: Shut up Tobi!
Pein: -sigh- You know, the point of getting a tree is so you can have it home by the end of the first day, not 2 years later. You CAN go faster than 30 mph, especially when the speed limit is 80.
Kakuzu: Why? That would waste unnecessary gas, and something might break; leading to expensive mechanic bills.
Pein: ?? Don't you waste gas by going slower…?
Hidan: If you don't go faster, you'll have to pay waaaaay more to re-upholster this car once I cut your head off with my scythe and you bleed all over it!
Kakuzu: Fine. -meter goes up to 35-
Hidan: FUCK YOU KAKUZU!
Hidan: -grabs steering wheel; accelerates, and meter goes up to 180-
Kakuzu: What are you doing? Let go! You're gonna crash us into something and its coming out of YOUR pay check!-car swerves dangerously-
Hidan: HA! Like I even get a fucking pay check, Mister Frugal.
Kakuzu: Stop calling me that!
Sasori: O.O SLOW DOWN!!!
Konan: O.O OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!-hyperventilates-
Tobi: WHEEE!!!!
Kisame: OMG WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE! (lol George of the Jungle anyone?)
Hidan: -swerves wheel one way, while Kakuzu swerves the other way- result? The car didn't change direction at all.
Sasori: O.O
Deidara: -muffled-I can't look. -covers eyes-
Itachi: I wish I was blind.
Tobi: TOBI SEES A TREE!
Kisame: -sniff- I'm too young to die!!
Pein: -pondering intellectually -Can you even die from hitting a tree? I mean, wouldn't the tree just break…
Konan: -having a heart attack- Do you WANT to find out?
Sasori: -uses puppet strings on Hidan and Kakuzu, making them move the car to safety at the last second-
All: -sigh of relief-
-At tree farm forest place…-
Konan: -recovering-NEVER let Kakuzu drive, and NEVER let Hidan sit next to him. Just because HE can't die doesn't mean he can murder us all…
Deidara: We need softer windows, un. I can't feel my face anymore.-pokes nose-
-Zetsu pops out from the ground-
Konan: I wish I could do that…
Zetsu: What happened?
Pein: Don't ask. Now let's find our tree and go home.
-10 minutes later-
Kisame: Hey, how about this one?
Kakuzu: Nope, too expensive.
Hidan: -to owner- WHAT DO YOU FUCKING MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE RED, THORNY, BLOOD COVERED TREES? HAVE YOU NO FUCKING RESPECT FOR JASHINMAS?-brandishes scythe-
Owner: O.O
Sasori: -drags Hidan away- Excuse him, he's suffering from Totally Out-of-control Bad-mouthed Insanity (aka T.O.B.I), due to daily exposure.
Hidan: Jashin will never forgive him.
Konan: Ooh, this would look so pretty!
Kakuzu: Too expensive.
Itachi: How about-
Kakuzu: Nope.
Pein: -sigh- What's your idea of a perfect tree then?
Kakuzu: This one! ^^ -points to tiny tree-
Sasori: You cant even hang a single ornament off that without knocking it over. -.-
Kakuzu: Your point? -gets a look from Sasori- Fine. I'll keep looking.
Tobi: Look senpai! If you close your eyes almost all the way and tilt your head like this, doesn't this tree look like Zetsu?
Deidara: -WTF?- No. No it doesn't Tobi. -.-
Zetsu: How about this one? IT'S THE PERFECT ONE.
All: Wow, pretty good!
Kakuzu: Sorry its too-
Hidan: -smacks Kakuzu-
Pein: We'll take it!
Owner: Thank you and have a Merry Christmas!
Hidan: ITS JASHI-
Kakuzu: -smacks Hidan- Knock it off.
Konan: Please, for my sanity, let someone else drive.
Tobi: OH CAN TOBI? PLEASE, PLEASE! -puppy dog eyes- TOBI WILL BE A GOOD BOY!
Konan: O.O I'd rather have Kakuzu.
Itachi: I'll drive.
Deidara: You're half blind! I will.
Pein: Aren't you underage?
Deidara: So? If Tobi can drive…
Konan: Pray that day will never come. I'd honestly feel safer with Pein behind the wheel.
Pein: ^^ Thank you Konan.
Konan: ^^
And they all travel home safely, with their JASHINmas tree tied on the roof along with an angry Kakuzu. (They needed his threads to tie the tree, so they just decided to put him up there too.)
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Reviews and comments are always welcome!
-MoonlitLotus