Part Two: The Torture
Chapter Ten
My first emotion is shock. Then jealousy. Then confusion.
Katniss's face appears on the screen, looking utterly astonished. She stares at the floor and the camera goes back to Peeta and Caesar.
Peeta doesn't even know Katniss, does he? Then, a horrible pain stabs at my body. What if Katniss and this boy had been in love for so long, and Katniss just decided not to tell me either because she was too embarrassed, or thought I couldn't accept it. The thought of Katniss keeping something from me like that is unbearable. I've told her everything always. My heart feels like its plummeting down a cliff to shatter as I think of the next thought. I've told her everything except that I love her.
"Oh that is a piece of bad luck." Caesar says earnestly.
The crowd is whispering amongst themselves, feeling bad for Peeta. Strange, I didn't think they had feelings at all.
"It's not good." Peeta says.
My jaw is clenched tightly, along with my fists. I don't want him to be with Katniss at all. One of them will die, so it shouldn't matter. They can't be together because there can only be one winner. But what if Katniss does love him in return, and she decides to forget everything back home and die alongside him nobly? I couldn't take it. There would be no way I could watch that and go on into the rest of my life.
I shake my head. Why am I thinking like this? Katniss might not even like Peeta back in return. Also, this could be a trap. Peeta may be doing this just so he can get sponsors. Or, Peeta wants Katniss to trust him so he can kill her. If he does that and comes home alive, I'll make sure the rest of his life is a living hell. However long I allow that to be.
"Well, I don't think any of us can blame you. It'd be hard not to fall for that young lady." says Caesar.
I know exactly what he means.
"She didn't know?" Caesar asks.
Peeta shakes his head. "Not until now."
The camera goes back to Katniss who is blushing profusely. It definitely doesn't look like she knew until now. And the Katniss I know isn't the most talented actor in the world. Well, she isn't to me, but to the rest of the ignorant Capitol, she probably is.
"Wouldn't you love to pull her back out here and get a response?" Caesar asks the audience.
The crowd roars and screams. I don't know if I want to hear her response or not. If she says that she doesn't love Peeta back, it will relieve me. But if she says that she does, then it will add to my jealousy, anger and confusion.
"Sadly, rules are rules, and Katniss Everdeen's time had been spent." Caesar says. "Well, best of luck to you, Peeta Mellark, and I think I speak for all of Panem when I say our hearts go with yours."
No, not quite all of Panem.
The crowd roars, in love with Peeta Mellark. His declaration of love for another tribute has really got them going. He's going to be getting a lot of sponsors.
The television flashes to something different, and I lean forward to turn it off.
"Well that was interesting." I say bitterly, heading to my room.
I try to rest because I won't be getting much sleep during the Hunger Games, but find myself unable. I want to sleep, I need to sleep, but the anxiety and the knowledge that I need to sleep is keeping me awake. Then, I'll try to relax but I never drift off. The Hunger Games is on tomorrow. The real games begin. I'm not ready, but Katniss better be.
I wake up, having probably gotten a little over an hour of sleep. I force myself out of bed, straining to summon the energy that I don't have. I try to get ready to go hunting, but I can't think about hunting right now. Too many things cross my mind, and all at once. I try to solve one problem, then another pops up before I have the chance. Worries buzz around in my head like insects trying to pry at my brain and just eat me alive. I want to just sit here and let them eat me, so I won't have to deal with any of them. But I can't let that happen. I can't slip away and abandon my family, sort of like Katniss's mom.
I'm not trying to offend Mrs. Everdeen, but ever since her husband died, she sort of isolated herself in her own cold world of misery and mourning. It's been a few years now, and I know Katniss is still mad at her. I only realize now how hard it must be, mother and daughter splitting up while unforgotten, unforgiven things still lie between them.
I have to hunt early today, because the real games begin right around lunchtime. I won't be able to leave the television after the games begin, so I might as well hunt first. The people of the Capitol might be experiencing similar feelings. They won't be able to leave the television because it's just simply so exiting. I won't be able to leave because I need to make sure my best friend is alive. I will have to hunt today. I bet the people from the Capitol press a magical button that delivers them as much food as they desire. And if there's left overs, they probably just throw them away.
But wait, if they eat so much, they might get fat! Oh, no! I think in disgust. They probably either puke it all up in the end or get surgery done. Oh, the woes of the Capitol.
I leave a note for my mother and head for the woods. School is canceled today because this is some sort of sick holiday. Nobody in District 12 will be celebrating, except maybe if the tributes last a whole night.
I crawl under the fence in the woods. I pick up my bow but I realize that my hands are shaking. Katniss could die in a few hours. I could see her die in a few hours. After all I've been in denial that my best friend will not have to go into the arena, I'm going to watch it today.
This can't be happening, I think. Why me? Why her?
I try to hunt, but end up pacing so carelessly that all the game flees from my path too quickly. I check a few of my snares and pick up a single rabbit and two squirrels. I pick some berries and greens, but then it's time to head back. I have to trade the small amount of what I have before the games begin.
Where's Katniss right now? Probably in the Stockyard. The Stockyard is what the people in the districts call the launch area where the tribute stay right before the games, so they can be launched into the arena. Launched into their almost certain death. The "Launch Rooms" or, Stockyards, are sealed after the games so people from the Capitol can come on vacations to each of the arenas. Lovely. They find it fun to visit the exact places where innocent children met their deaths. Sometimes, there's even reenactments that tourists can participate in. How pitiless and disgusting can you get? There is no limit for the people of the Capitol. When they look into the mirror, they don't see the atrocious, repulsive creatures that they really are. They see the small wrinkle on their cheek that needs a touch-up.
My fists are clenched so hard that I'm almost drawing blood. I think of how weird I must look right now. Walking through town with my face reddening and my fists clenched so hard I'm hurting myself. I try to pull on a straight, calm face as I head in the Hob.
I make a few trades and head to the baker's house on the other side of town. I reach the house, knock on the door and one of Peeta Mellark's brothers answers.
We stop and stare at each other, without saying a thing. What goes on between us is for only us to ever know. His blue eyes and my gray lock together, staring, silent except for the exchange of emotions that both of us solemnly acknowledge. One of us is doomed to eternal grief. We both don't want it to be ourselves, but we both don't want the other to be forever in anguish. We are linked by the sorrow that we both must go through. I don't even know his name, but I feel like I know Peeta Mellark's brother.
Finally, Peeta's brother breaks the gaze that bound us together.
I hand out my rabbit and the boy takes it into the house, returning with a loaf of bread.
"Thank you." I say. The first words between us since I arrived.
"You're welcome, and thank you, too." he closes the door and I walk away.
I head home, feeling sick to my stomach. No matter how strong Katniss is, she must be nervous as hell right now. I want more than anything to be with her, tell Catnip that it's all going to be all right, even though now, I'm not so sure myself. I'm not so sure that Katniss will return to District 12, that I will ever go hunting with my best friend again. I'm not so sure that I'll ever have a future, I'll probably end up struggling to feed both of our families for the rest of my life, refusing ever to have children so I won't have to feed them, too. Then, I realize how selfish that is. Now, when my best friend is probably going to die, I'm thinking about my miserable future. I bite down on my lip hard, scolding myself, making myself feel the small pain in my mouth. How can I think of myself right now? How can I live with myself? I'm despicable.
I head inside my house and drop the food off. Rory grabs half of the share, and heads out the door, familiar with the routine.
My head is throbbing and I sit down in a chair. But I can't stay seated for longer than a few seconds. Nervous, I rise from my chair and pace, but I can't do that for long. So, I sit down, only to get back up and pace again. Sickening more as the minutes tick by, I repeat the cycle. I can only think about what I'm going to have to witness in half an hour.
My mom hurries over to me and places a hand on my shoulder.
"It's okay." she whispers.
Sure, it's okay. I'm going to watch my best friend fight for her life in an arena, where I will be as cold as the Capitol, wanting all of the other innocent children to die if I want my best friend to stay alive. Sure, everything is going to be all right. Just like it was going to be all right after my father died. Just like it was going to be all right before the reaping.
I have always seen the empty promise in those words, the words just minutes ago, I wanted to tell Katniss. I don't want to lie to her before the games. I don't want the last thing I say to my best friend to be a lie. Even if Katniss returns alive, which I hope with every fiber in my being that she does, if she's a halfway decent human being, which at least she is, she will be forever haunted by the faces of the children that died so she could live. But they need to die if she lives. And she will live. She has to live.
I rack my brain, trying to think of the last words I said to Katniss. Then I remember. I close my eyes and take in the scene again.
I stood there, fighting against the Peacekeepers that tried to tear me away from Katniss. I started to panic, it wasn't nearly enough time for me to talk to her. Desperate, Katniss clung to my hand, begging me to not let her family starve.
"I won't! You know I won't." I had cried. "Katniss, remember I-" Then they had torn us apart before I had the chance to tell Katniss.
If Katniss lives or dies I know I must keep her family alive. The only way now I can show Katniss that I truly am her friend and always will be, is to never break the promise that I said the last time I saw Katniss. I will never let her family starve, never, ever.
Rory returns right as we're turning the television on. My breathing becomes broken and unsteady as the tubes that the tributes are placed in fly into the arena.
The arena. It changes every year, providing new obstacles for the tributes, and more entertainment for the Capitol. The crueler the arena, the more blood there is, the better the games are. The camera focuses on this year's arena. There's a clearing where the Cornucopia sits, but it's surrounded by woods in a few directions. That's good, great actually. Katniss does well in forests.
The Cornucopia is the giant golden horn that is full of supplies. It was a wide mouth and a curved tail at the end. I think the shape originated somewhere back in ancient times when people in North America celebrated a thanksgiving of some sort. The tributes are all placed an equal distance from the Cornucopa, and in the beginning of each games, the tributes rush to get valuables, creating a bloodbath to precede every game. This year, it looks like the most valuable items are on the inside, and lesser items are lined up on the outside of the horn. As much as I want Katniss to get good weapons and food, I want her to run. I want her to get away from the bloodbath as quickly as possible, and as heartless as it seems, I want as many other tributes to die right away as possible. This will increase Katniss's chances of winning, as well as give me less time to feel bad for the other tributes.
The tributes have sixty seconds to stand in their circles after the games are announced to begin. Sixty seconds to decide where to go before they are released into the violent chaos. If a tribute steps outside of their circle, they are blown up. I bite my lip. One year, a girl was blows to pieces because her pin dropped outside the circle. I don't want Katniss to meet the same fate.
Then, Claudius Temlesmith, the legendary announcer of the Hunger Games, rings out the starter of every year, with the exception of the number of the year. My stomach drops as he says it.
"Ladies and gentlemen, let the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games begin!"