22. With Great Brightness comes Darkness
"Ygraine? Are you alright?" asked Lornán quietly, placing her hand gently on the Queen's arm.
Ygraine sat with her hands folded in her lap, resting on the forgotten book that she had been reading to her. She had been staring blankly at the open pages for some minutes and now she looked up in surprise, confused to find herself still sat by the bedside of the Duchess.
"Forgive me," she said with a resigned smile, "It appears I am distracted today my dear."
"Please don't concern yourself;" replied the Duchess, squeezing her arm reassuringly, "Is there something troubling you?"
Ygraine's said nothing, her eyes roving guiltily over Lornán's swollen belly as her hands played absentmindedly with the hem of her sleeve. Lornán sighed sympathetically as she took in the direction of the Queen's furtive gaze and placed one hand apologetically on her stomach.
"I'm so sorry Ygraine… if it is too hard for you to-"
"No, no of course not," interrupted the Queen hurriedly, "I'm sorry… I shouldn't wallow in my own self-pity."
"Don't be absurd, it has not yet been four months, you are bound to find it hard," said Lornán reassuringly, "Has Gaius found anything close to a remedy yet?"
"Nothing," said Ygraine in frustration, throwing her head back in her chair dejectedly, "He pours through thousands of manuscripts, subjects me to more and more tests and degrading examinations and still cannot accomplish something that hundreds of peasant woman manage every day."
"These things take time to-"
"I do not have time!" bewailed Ygraine, throwing up her arms in despair, "Uther must have an heir and if I cannot provide him with it he is sure to tire of me."
"Nonsense," chided the Duchess, "Uther would love you even if you could never bear him a son."
"You do not know that… maybe now he loves me but… who is to say that will not change when the council begins to pressure him."
The truth of these words, evident by Lornán's own troubled past, hung heavily in the air.
"Do you think that a remedy to counter Abraith's magic is possible?" asked Lornán tentatively.
"At this stage I'm beginning to lose hope," she replied, shaking her head suddenly in agitation, "But enough of my woes, I have been neglecting you Lornán, are you comfortable? Can I summon Emma to fetch you something?"
"Please do not fuss," laughed Lornán dismissively, "I am fine I assure you."
Ygraine settled down once more beside the Duchess, half-heartedly attempting to find her place in the book she had put aside, before glancing up once more, "Is it… do you feel the same with this child as you felt with Morgause?" she asked impulsively, "I mean… is there the same connection you felt?"
Lornán lifted her eyes slowly to meet Ygraine's, appearing to battle with some internal conflict as to whether or not to confide in the Queen. Making up her mind, she eventually took a deep breath and leaned in closer to her, her eyes flicking quickly from side to side as she summoned the courage to speak.
"In truth… it is not the same at all," she replied sadly, her voice barely above a whisper, "and I am greatly troubled by it."
"In what way is it different?"
"With Morgause it was as if I could see her right in front of me before she was even born," she explained in a rush, her emotions spilling out of her in a torrent, "Her very nature sang out to me… "
"And now?"
"I am a seer Ygraine, I should be able to see at least something of my unborn daughter but there is nothing… just darkness."
"But you could see that your child was a girl?"
"Yes…" she replied, casting her mind back, "In the beginning it was so clear, she was like a light burning inside me but now… now everything has changed and I fear what this means for my baby."
"Have you spoken with Gaius about this?"
"Oh you know Gaius, as much as he studies the medicinal enchantments he is a man of science… he simply reassures me that the baby's heart beat is strong and healthy and I should not worry so."
"In a way maybe he is right," counselled Ygraine gently, "all this fretfulness cannot be good for you or your child."
Lornán reached out suddenly, grasping the Queen's hands in her own, her eyes bright with anxious, unshed tears, "What if she does not survive the birth? What if… what if the darkness I see means her death?"
"Hush now," Ygraine told her firmly, placing the palm of her hand soothingly on Lornán's cheek and wiping away her tears, "You cannot allow yourself to think like that for the sake of the baby, you will only serve to exhaust yourself further."
"But Ygraine, you don't understand, how can I-"
"I must insist my dear, you must not vex yourself so," commanded the Queen decisively, pushing the raven haired woman back onto the large pillows of the bed, "Get some rest, I will stay here with you and when you awake we will go to Gaius together."
Lornán looked balefully at the Queen but did not protest further, settling down meekly onto the bed and closing her eyes with a trouble-filled sigh.
As she watched the Duchess fall into a fitful and restless slumber, Ygraine's eyes dropped inevitably back to the swell of her belly. Her hand moved instinctively to her own stomach, now flat and empty as if the child she had nurtured for those few short months had never existed at all. The crushing weight of this loss settled onto her chest once more and with a heavy sigh she rested her head back in her chair and followed Lornán into the oblivion of sleep.
Strange snippets of images haunted Ygraine's dreams; a dark figure swathed in black feathers with knives for fingernails who stole babies from their mother's wombs, a small child wandering lost and alone in a barren forest… and the recurring image of a large raven, watching her silently from a distance.
With a jolt, Ygraine was pulled forcibly from her slumber, her mind befuddled and disjointed so that when she looked upon the bed she could not take in the information as first.
"Ygraine, please, something is wrong," whispered Lornán the terror in her voice finally breaking through the Queen's sleep filled mind.
The Duchess was crouched on all fours on the bed, the covers completely discarded. Her porcelain skin was near transparent and a feverish sheen of perspiration covered her body as she clutched at her stomach in pain. Abject fear swam in the pure green pools of her eyes as she stared down at the visceral channel of dark red blood that was seeping onto the stark white sheets beneath her.
It felt to Ygraine as if the whole world were moving through treacle as she yelled for the guards to fetch Gaius immediately and dispatched a further two to track down Gorlois. Climbing onto the bed beside her, the Queen was shocked at how much blood Lornán was losing and the severity of the tremors that wracked her pallid frame as she wrapped her arms around her in an effort to support her as best she could.
With a loud bustle of activity, Gaius rushed into the room, shouting at her maidservant Emma to fetch clean water and fresh linen as he moved quickly to Lornán's side. Easing the Duchess carefully onto her back he gently pressed into her belly, eliciting an anguished cry from her as he did so. Pulling up her night clothes he pushed back his sleeves and examined her quickly, a deep furrow of concern etching into his brow.
"It appears the baby is in distress," he stated grimly, "I fear we must attempt delivery now or else lose the child… however…"
"What… is it?" panted Lornán breathlessly, her hair sticking damply to her forehead.
"If there are complications we also run the risk of endangering your life my Lady."
"Proceed," said Lornán firmly, not pausing for consideration.
"Lornán I must stress how-"
"I said proceed Gaius," she snapped impatiently, "I absolve you from guilt… just care for the baby."
Gaius nodded briefly at this and lowered his head without a word, placing a fresh linen sheet before her and taking up a sharp blade. His hand poised and ready, he hesitated for a moment, his eyes flicking up at the Duchess apprehensively.
"Onslǽpan," he said in a hushed tone and immediately Lornán's eyes rolled backward in her head and she fell back onto the bed as though dead.
"What did you do?" cried Ygraine in panic as she frantically tried to waken the Duchess.
"It is a simple enchantment to induce a deep sleep your majesty," he replied gruffly, bending his head to his task once more, "I must cut into her to release the baby and have nothing to give her for the pain - but I have to hurry… it doesn't last long."
Ygraine glanced anxiously at Emma, who mirrored her own expression of trepidation perfectly.
"Come here girl, I'll need your help," commanded the aging physician categorically, "When I say so, massage the belly in slow, downward strokes… your Majesty - I'm afraid I will need you also to take hold of the baby as it is delivered."
In a daze the Queen moved into position, watching as if through a fog as Gaius quickly cut into the walls of Lornán's flesh and inserted a long rounded pair of forceps. With a nod to Emma to begin her manipulation of the belly, Gaius gently moved the child's head into position before carefully coaxing the tiny infant out into the world.
Stepping forward, Ygraine took the child from Gaius' hands as he cut through the umbilical chord, crying out in dismay to see the bluish tinge to its skin.
"It is a girl, but she is not breathing," stated Gaius quickly as he turned to attend to Lornán once more, "clear any mucus from her mouth then hold her face down on your palm and strike her firmly on the back – don't be afraid."
Her hands shaking with adrenalin; Ygraine followed the Physician's instructions to the letter and was rewarded with the sound of the child's first plaintive cry struggling out from her tiny lungs.
Drying her off and wrapping her snugly in the fresh linen, Ygraine carried the child across to the bed, aware that the Duchess was beginning to stir, "Lornán look, she's a girl – you were right, you have a daughter!"
Through heavy lidded eyes, Lornán stared up at her newborn, desperately struggling to drag herself out of her forced stupor, her face drawn and deathly pale. Sitting carefully beside her, Ygraine gently placed the child on the new mother's chest, supporting the baby's tiny weight for her. The Duchess gazed lovingly at her daughter, her eyes brimming over with tears as she bit her lip to choke back the excruciating pain that washed through her.
"You will always be the light… that burned… inside of me my precious one," she whispered, her voice broken and disjointed with the effort of speaking as she stroked weakly at the dark shock of hair that adorned the girls head, "I shall name you Morgana… my great brightness…"
Silently, Gaius rose from his position and stepped back from the foot of the bed, his hands and arms painted a shocking shade of red, his eyes betraying the truth they all knew, deep down…
"Gaius?" said Ygraine, looking questioningly at the older man, not wanting to admit what she saw in his eyes.
"I have done all I can my Lady… I fear though that it is not enough," he began, his voice deeply morose, "the bleeding continues inside where I cannot reach…there is just too much blood lost I… I just cannot I…"
"What do you mean you cannot – you must!" cried the Queen in despair.
Lornán reach out for Ygraine's hand, her fingers intertwining limply with the Queen's, "What it means Ygraine is that I finally understand my visions..." Ygraine stared down disbelievingly at the Duchess – she could see that her eyes were full of sadness but a calming peace seemed to had fallen over her, "The darkness does not mean my child's death…" Lornán continued, "it means my own and-"
"No!" objected Ygraine emphatically, "You must not talk of such things…"
The Duchess pulled the Queen's head toward her, bringing her lips closely to her ear, "Ygraine… my children will be without a mother, there is no escaping it… promise me… promise me you will care for Morgana and continue to visit Morgause…"
Ygraine pulled back from the Duchess and stared intently at her face, her eyes searching miserably for some sign that the inevitable was not to be. With great reluctance, the Queen eventually nodded her head in acceptance, tears flooding her face as she choked back her grief.
"Take her," instructed Lornán weakly, her arms dropping limply to her sides, "Please Ygraine, take her from me and care for her… "
Lowering her head once more, Ygraine kissed the Duchess tenderly on the forehead, smiling reassuringly through her tears as she carefully lifted the child from her chest, "You have my word my dear…"
As the Queen stepped back from the bed, the baby Morgana ensconced safely in her arms, the sound of heavy feet echoed in the corridor. With a loud clatter, Gorlois burst into the room, glancing briefly at the child in Ygraine's arms before rushing to his wife's bedside. Dropping to his knees, the distraught knight drew Lornán into his arms, resting his head tenderly on hers.
Ygraine stood rigidly on the spot, unable to tear her eyes away from the heart wrenching scene. She watched Gorlois lovingly stroke his wife's face, whispering soothingly into her ear until finally, the Duchess was still; her body lying limply in his arms.
The anguished cry of desolation that ripped from Gorlois' throat filled the room as he clutched desperately at Lornán, gripping her tightly to his chest. His fingers roved her face, searching for some sign of life as he pressed his lips to hers, pushing his breath into her in the hope of reviving her in some way. His cries of grief startled the small child in Ygraine's arms and her tiny cries of distress mingling with her father's.
Ygraine looked on silently, tears flowing freely down her face as she stood, enveloped in the cries of husband and child. Husband morning the loss of his cherished wife, child bewailing a grief she was too young to understand… and yet would be with her always.