23. Promises Made
Gorlois the Younger stood rigidly on the battlements of Camelot, his eyes staring out unseeing over the panorama that lay before him in the moonlight. His hands gripped the hard stone of the wall as his body was buffeted by the wind, his jaw set firmly against the onslaught of the elements.
Many hours had passed since he had first fled his wife's chambers and made his escape to this spot and in his mind he saw himself become the stone that ran beneath his fingers. His mind closed down to the thought of future joy and happiness, his stomach churning at the idea that this would ever again be possible. Instead he imagined the cold, hard, unshakeable stone seeping into his blood and settling into his bones; slowly engulfing him, changing him into a stark reminder of lost love… a bitter personification of grief and wretchedness. To Gorlois, his heart was already as hard as the stone beneath his feet, grinding inside his chest painfully. He felt at one with the gargoyles and grotesques that adorned the castle turrets, their gnarled and twisted faces somehow comforting him in his misery.
"Gorlois?" sounded Uther's voice, blown sideways by the wind as he stepped out onto the walkway. The Duke made no reply, nor indeed gave any indication that he had heard the King, his eyes fixed stoically on the dark line of trees in front of him.
Uther said nothing more, simply waving away the guards that accompanied him with a curt nod of the head before silently joining Gorlois on the battlements, his gloved hands resting lightly on the stone wall beside the Duke's.
The minutes stretched past vacantly, neither man speaking as they both dwelt on the loss of Lornán; Uther's presence enough to support his friend without words.
Eventually, as the bell tower announced the changing of the midnight watch, the Duke cleared his throat thickly, "Will you… will you give me an assignment Uther?" he asked, his eyes twitching with masked emotion, "There must be a rebellion in need of disbanding, an enemy encroaching on Albion's soil… anything… just something far from here…"
"Gorlois, do you think it wise to-"
"I beg you," interrupted the Duke fiercely as he grasped Uther tightly by the arm.
Uther placed his hand gently on his friend's shoulder as he attempted to sooth him, "You must give yourself time to grieve my friend."
"No!" cried Gorlois, his voice choking with misery, "I cannot continue thinking on it… it is too hard. She completed me Uther – in every way. The day you rejected her was the happiest day of my life!"
An uncomfortable silence grew between the two men like a chasm, both men standing awkwardly apart from one another as those words hung frozen in the air.
"Forgive me," muttered the young knight eventually, hanging his head dejectedly, "I don't know what I'm saying…"
"No," rejoined Uther quickly, "You are right, I did reject her. I should have stood up to my brother but at the time it seemed impossible… that is no excuse, I know," he said, shaking his head remorsefully, "but I do regret how I treated Lornán more than anything and-"
"You regret?" interrupted Gorlois, his eyes wide with disbelief.
"Yes," replied the King, ignorant of his friend's outrage, "and you have no idea how thankful I am that she found such happiness with you."
"How thankful you are?" he repeated angrily, his lips trembling with rage, "My, what pretty words are these my Lord?"
Uther said nothing, simply staring at Gorlois in confusion as the Duke continued his tirade, "How easily they slip from your tongue when it is too late to speak them to Lornán herself."
"Gorlois I-"
"Do you not know how difficult these past few months have been for her, returning to court?" demanded the knight hotly, "Always feeling your disdain for our relationship and putting up with the gossips forever speculating about our status at court… and only now that she is dead can you say aloud that you were happy for her?"
Uther stared wide eyed at the Duke, a hundred emotions flashing across his face as he struggled to justify being spoken to in such a way with the pain his friend was obviously feeling.
With a sigh the King nodded slowly, his blue-grey eyes full of sympathy and regret, "You are right of course... my pride made things difficult and for that I am truly sorry."
Hearing Uther's honest, heart-felt words knocked the air from the Duke's hate-filled sails and in an instant his anger had dissipated, his shoulders sagging visibly, "It is too late for apologies Uther," he replied sadly, "She is gone… and I fear I shall be empty forever."
"Not completely empty," contradicted the King, "for now you have a daughter to think of also."
"Morgana…" breathed Gorlois weakly, his eyes widening as he thought of his new-born child for the first time, "Her name was the last thing that Lornán whispered to me before…" his words trailed away leaving his sentence unfinished, the pain in his eyes telling the story his words could not.
"You must go to her," said Uther, nudging the Duke toward the stairway.
Nodding slowly, Gorlois began to walk toward the door before turning to the King once more and gripping his arm tightly, "I am all the child has," he said urgently, his eyes boring into Uther's, "You must promise me that if anything happens to me, you would look after her."
Uther stared earnestly at his friend as he placed his right hand over his heart, "I pray that this will never be necessary…" he replied grimly, "but you have my solemn oath that if anything should befall you, I would of course care for your daughter as if she were my own."
A/N ~ Just a short chapter this time, the last one kinda took it out of me a little bit!
Just wanted to say thank you SO much for my small band of faithful reviewers as we hit the 100 review mark:~ Mnemosyne77, WitchyWeasel, Foxie Roxie, Mel1592, Pink Koala, Christina B and Darkenwood. I'm really plowing ahead with the plot-lines now and I don't think that I could have done it without your encouragement and support so thank you! Also a big thank you to White As Snow who is brining up the rear on the story but is still reviewing each and every chapter that she reads which is so amazing - thanks everyone... :D x