Disclaimer: Deep in the jungle, there is a magical monkey that farts every time someone is born, by the time that monkey stops farting, I will still not own Harry Potter.

Warning: Slash (yaoi), Femme-slash (yuri), AU-ish, Spoilers for DH.

AN: hey people, it's me again!

Chapter Six: A Royal Malfoy Pain in the Ass

Scorpius Malfoy is a pain in the ass.

There's no doubt about it. He's a pain in the bloody ass.

And Al Potter was currently being reminded of that fact.

"Malfoy!" snapped Al, frustrated at Scorpius' antics.

"Yes?" drawled the pale boy, turning away from Chase Zabini.

"Stop talking to your boyfriend and get to work!!!" he yelled.

"Okay," said Scorpius simply and promptly shut his mouth.

A few seconds passed in silence, and Al fidgeted in his seat before he couldn't take it anymore.

"Malfoy?" he whispered.

Scorpius raised a brow but didn't look up from his book.

"Malfoy?" said Al louder.

Still no answer.

"MALFOY!!!" yelled Al, attracting the attention of a bunch of nearby students. Al's cheeks burned and he slowly slouched in his seat.

What do you want?

Al started when the words appeared on his paper.

He hesitated, not exactly knowing himself, what he wanted, before he picked up his quill and wrote back.

I want you to stop ignoring me, you bloody ponce!

Scorpius' brow went up again.

Well maybe if you didn't insult me so much, I'd be more willing to talk to you.

Al nearly screamed in frustration.

Well maybe if you weren't such an ass, I wouldn't feel the need to tell you you're an ass!

Scorpius smirked.

Ah, see, but I already KNOW I'm an ass, and I fully embrace it, whereas you scoff at my asinine-ness and try to make me feel bad about being an ass, when assery is a part of who I am, and neither you nor I can change that. I'll always be an ass.

Al stared at the parchment in shock for a moment, before he burst out laughing.

Scorpius raised both his eyebrows this time, before he too, began to chuckle.

Well said, Malfoy. I agree that you'll always be an ass..although I wonder...why do people like you if you're such an ass?

Scorpius snickered.

Being an ass is all part of my charm!!!!

But seriously, just because I'm an ass doesn't mean I don't have what you Gryffindors call "good qualities." I CAN be nice....if I want to be....

It was Al's turn to raise his eyebrows.

Nice? Since when is a Malfoy NICE?

Touche..."nice" is too strong a word. How about "civil?"

I guess "civil" fits better...so what are some of these so called "good qualities," then?

Well......I may seem cold, but I care deeply about the people I love, and YES, I DO have a heart! Ummm, also, I take care of what is mine, I am generous to those in my favor, I'm also pretty intelligent, second only to Rose Weasley and I have a wicked sense of humor!

Al sighed.

Okay, well maybe you DO have some good points...

Told you so!

Hmmph! Don't let it get to your already over-inflated head, Malfoy!

You wound me, Potter! Would I do such a thing?

Hmmm, let me think....Yes, yes you would.

Well now that I think about it, yes, I would...but you don't have to say it so cruelly!

Pfft, yeah bloody right, as if you're actually hurt! You're not and we both know it!

Yeah, you're right.

Scorpius and Al looked over their conversation and burst out laughing.

"You're not too bad Malfoy," admitted Al, grinning.

Scorpius only gave a cocky smirk and said, "Is that so? Well then, Potter, it appears that you're not quite so icky either!"

"Icky?" asked Al incredulously.

"Yes, 'Icky'" said Scorpius primly.

"Okaaaay, Malfoy, whatever you say..." said Al laughingly.

"BOYS!" yelled Professor Lupin, "Get to work!"

Both boys sniggered, before saying, "Yes Professor Lupin!!!"

'Well, the hard part's over' thought Scorpius happily, before he and his new friend, Al Potter, got to work.

AN:Woohoo! Two chapters in one week! I'm on a roll!!! REVIEW!!!!!

—Regina A. DeLuna