When All Seems Lost
Chapter 3- Ryan and Cate-Truth and Consequences-Part One
"I'm need to to be truthful with me Cate, and tell me what's going on- beginning with why Baze showed up, looking like a man on a mission. I saw how he looked at you. He wanted to stop the wedding, didn't he? Why would he do that, unless he thought you felt something for him, too?
"I chose you, Ryan," Cate answered softly. "And as for Baze, he's respected my choice, at least until today."
"I need you to know something, Cate," Ryan said, calmly. "I spoke to Lux before the ceremony, and there seemed to be some uncertainty about whether or not you and I really belonged together. I told Lux to talk to you. I know what happened after the talk. What I need to know is what went on between the three of you- you, Lux, and Baze, yesterday."
"Where do you want me to begin, " Cate asked in a trembling voice. "Honestly, Ryan, my emotions have been put through the ringer in the past twenty-four hours. I thought I finally had things sorted out."
"So you're saying---"
"I'm saying," Cate interrupted, " that I'm not certain of anything anymore besides the fact that I love you."
"I believe that Cate, I really do," Ryan responded. "But I'm also a safe port for you- no strings attached, no complications, no real risk involved."
"There's where you're wrong," Cate challenged. "There is risk involved in any kind of commitment, especially marriage."
"But some relationships are riskier than others," Ryan countered. "That's why I need to know what went down between the three of you, starting with you and Baze, yesterday, when you hid out from the rehearsal dinner by escaping upstairs. You and Baze were having a conversation, when I appeared on the scene."
Cate tried to squelch the fear that was rising up from the pit of her stomach. She clenched and unclenched her fists, and tried to slow down her breathing.
"I told him that I felt like the party was more of a "roast than a toast", and Baze chided me for having left you to fend for yourself. I told him that I hadn't grown up, that I was afraid to marry you. And you know what-Baze encouraged me. He told me what a great mom I had turned out to be. Then he brought up Lux."
"Lux? What about Lux?"
"Baze said that Lux was the one who didn't want me to marry you; that she wanted the three of us to be a family."
Ryan leaned back on the car seat and closed his eyes. This conversation was serving to validate his insecurities. Nonetheless, he had to see this through if he ever was to be able to move forward with his life.
"I have to admit Cate, that when I barged into your house yesterday morning, I felt like I was intruding on a private moment. I tried to tell myself that it was nothing more that the bond the three of you shared by you being Lux's parents. Deep down, I was afraid it was something more, but I pushed those thoughts away. Continue please."
"After the party, when we were home relaxing, I told Lux what Baze had said. She denied it, saying that Baze was the one who didn't want me to marry you. She said he had admitted having strong feelings for me. I went to bed, and tried to forget what she had said. If Baze didn't say it, then it wasn't real; at least that's what I tried to tell myself. After tossing and turning for several hours, I went to see Baze. He was up on the roof. He'd never gone to bed."
"And?"
"And I told him that I was confused, that I didn't know what to think or feel. Lux was telling me one thing, and he had told me another. So I asked him out right if he was in love with me, and he denied it."
He told you he didn't love you?"
"That's correct. I stood there a few minutes, without talking, and then I went home.
"Hurt you didn't it, to be rejected by Baze again, when you were starting to feel something for him other than platonic feelings for the father of your child."
"How dare you try to analyze my feelings! You think you know everything about me! You know nothing!"
"There in lies the problem, Cate!" Ryan snapped back. "I only know part of you! I'm not sure if you even really know yourself, and the thought of facing the hidden part of you, is terrifying! You wouldn't be so angry if I hadn't hit a nerve!"
Cate began crying. Ryan pulled her to him, and she laid her head on his shoulder. He patted her on the back.
"I didn't mean to make you cry, Cate. I just need for everything to be out in the open. Pushing everything under the rug isn't a way to start a marriage. You were still undecided this morning, weren't you? What did Lux say to you to change your mind?"
"She said, (sniff, sniff), that (sniff), if Baze didn't have (sniff) the courage (sniff, sniff) to tell me how he felt, that he (sniff) would never be (sniff) the man I wanted (sniff) him to be (sniff)."
"Blow your nose," Ryan gently said, as he pulled out his handkerchief, and handed it to Cate. "It seems he somehow gathered the courage to stake his claim, although he was too late."
"Where does this leave us?" Cate asked timidly, wary of Ryan's answer.
"We are going to the reception, and Baze is going to have the chance to say his peace to you. I want you to call him and invite him."
"That's not necessary."
"Lux!" They yelled in unison. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough, "she answered. "I invited him. Hey, let me in, slide over Cate. Champagne anyone? I think we all could use a drink."