When All Seems Lost

Chapter 5 -Open Hearts Can Bleed- Part !

Cate,

I lied when I said I wasn't in love with you. I was going to tell you, but I let a well-meaning friend convince me that my lack of personal achievement and a substantial bank account were more important that how I felt.

These last few months have brought meaning and purpose to my life. I have to say that you are responsible, as well as Lux. All my experiences with the opposite sex have been shallow and self-serving. You see, I didn't think I was capable of real love.

Lux showed me that I was wrong. I have spent the last sixteen years trying to bury what I did to you deep down inside of me, so I wouldn't have to hold myself accountable. You were decent, and smart, and cute, and I broke you. Despite the pain I caused you, you really made something of yourself.

When Lux became part of our lives, I started changing in spite of myself. I let myself feel. When we went on the road trip, I realized I was falling in love with you. Maybe I always cared for you, and I just was too much of a coward to admit it.

I know you have feelings for me as well. Doesn't Lux deserve a chance at having a real family? I know you felt rejected for the second time last night. If you give me the chance, I will never abandon you again.

I know that Ryan is safe and reliable. I actually like the guy. Doesn't he deserve someone who can love him with her whole heart? I believe he knows there is something between us, whether he can admit it to himself, or not.

Lux has me believing in fairy tales and soul mates. Give us a chance to be a couple, and let's see where the road leads us. Please have the courage to follow your heart and not your head. Will it be easy? No. There will be hurt and pain, and disapproval. I think we are worth it, but the decision is yours, and so is my heart.

Baze

Cate Cassidy Thomas clutched the tear-stained letter to her heart, as she continued to sob. She had read it three times. The third time was the deal breaker. She knew she couldn't stay married to Ryan.

"What am I going to say to Ryan, Lux?" she asked between sobs. "I can't go back out there and pretend to be the loving wife. I want to run away!"

"Neither of us can, Cate."

"Ryan! What are you doing in here?"

Ryan Thomas stood before her, resignation on his face. He sighed wearily, just as older women entered the restroom. Lux rushed over to the stunned matron and pushed her back out the door.

"Sorry, but you are going to have to hold it just a little longer."

The dazed woman walked back toward her table without a word. The band was playing and dinner was served. "Ryan's doing," Lux thought to herself, as she sat down at the table reserved for the wedding party.

Two minutes later, Cate and Ryan took their places at the table. Cate's eyes were red and puffy. Ryan's demeanor was calm, but somber. Dinner was a quiet affair. Neither the bride or groom said a word; concentrating instead on their meal.

More than one guest wondered if they were attending a wake instead of a wedding reception. Alice rubbed her forehead and sighed. Math glared at Baze, who didn't flinch.

"You know something, don't you?" Jamie asked, his tone accusatory. "What did you say to Baze last night?"

" I did what I thought was right. It doesn't matter anymore. I guess things were bound to come to a head with or without my interference."

"You're talking in riddles, Math. I'm confused."

"Cate and Baze. They are bound to each other, even with everything that has happened over the last sixteen years. Ryan knows it too."

"I still don't understand."

You will. Look at Ryan. He's tapping on his champagne glass."

"May I have your attention," Ryan said, with his voice trembling slightly. " Cate and I would like to thank you for attending. However, I must confess that this marriage was a mistake from beginning to end.

Cate, you tried your best, but we never had that deep connection that ties you to someone for life. Your soul mate is in this room. It is up to you and Baze to make a life together with your daughter work. I will relinquish you legally as soon as possible to begin your new life.

Lux, forgive me for ignoring the bond you three have. Cate, I think I knew yesterday, we were never meant to be. I was just not man enough to admit it."

Ryan paused to lift his champagne glass in the air. "Please do not feel sorry for me. I made my own bed by letting this marriage happen. To Lux and family."

He raised the glass to his lips and drank, draining the glass. The guest were too stunned to react with the exception of Ryan's mother.

"I knew she wasn't good enough for him."

"Shut up. Evie." Ryan's father stood up and faced down his ex-wife, who was watching him with wide-eyed surprise.

"Ryan needs both of us, and demeaning Cate won't help. Come son, lets get out of here- the three of us."

Ryan stood up and with as much dignity as he could muster, walked out of the room; his parents close on his heels. Lux seized the opportunity to make an announcement of her own.

"We, that is, my mother, father and I, realize how upsetting and confusing this must be to all of you. Please know each of your gifts will be returned. I just can't give you an exact date. I ask that you respect the privacy of Cate, Ryan, myself, and Baze during this very difficult time for all of us. This wedding reception is officially over."

Guests appeared to be temporarily glued to their seats in shock. Feeling lost, Cate looked to Lux for direction. Lux helped her out of her chair, and they walked over to Laverne and Baze's table. Baze noticed that Cate was ashen, leaning heavily on Lux.

Laverne had consumed plenty of champagne. However, Ryan's declaration had sobered her up faster than any patent remedy. She now took stock of her daughter's appearance. Cate appeared to be near a breakdown. Laverne rose to stand on one side of her, while Lux stood on the other.

"Laverne, we need to get Cate- I mean-Mom, out of here. She doesn't feel well."

"I can see that. Cate, we will have the limo take us to my house for tonight," she stated. "Is that all right with you?"

"Yes, mother," Cate replied. She turned her attention briefly to Baze.

Are you really going to stay this time?"

"Always. Forever. Whenever you're ready, Cate. Take some time to get yourself together. I'm just a phone call away."

The look that passed between them said more than words ever could. Lux felt like she was viewing something intensely personal passing between her parents. She had to look away.

"We need to go, Cate, " her mother urged, as she tugged on her arm, breaking the spell. Lux, her mother, and grandmother walked quickly through the lobby, avoiding the stare of onlookers.

Cate felt numb. Her body seemed to be on auto pilot. Once they were in the limousine, she began to feel nauseous. The moment she stepped out of the car onto her mother's lawn, she lost the battle with her nerves. She dropped to her knees, violently emptying the contents of her stomach on the grass.

She was dimly aware of being pulled to her feet and ushered into the house. Cate collapsed on the living room sofa, drawing her knees up to her chest. There were low voices coming from the kitchen, followed by the sound of someone rushing up the stairs.

Muffled profanity and startled exclamations came from the direction of Abby's room. Over the next hour, Cate allowed the members of her family to help her undress, shower, and get into bed. She was glad for comforting familiarity of her childhood room.

She didn't open her eyes when someone came into the room, and sat down on the bed. That someone was quickly identified by the scent of her perfume. Lux. Cate sighed and opened her eyes. Lux's baby blues were full of concern.

"I've brought you something to help you sleep, Mom."

Cate sat up like an obedient child, and downed the sleeping pill with a full glass of water. She lay back down, and Lux pulled the comforter over her shoulders.

Lux?

Yes?

"I like it when you call me "Mom." It makes me think you've forgiven me for letting you go."

"I have, and we are going to get through this as a family," Lux asserted.

"My good girl," Cate mumbled sleepily. "Will you stay with me awhile?"

Wouldn't want to be anywhere else," Lux replied, snuggling up to her mother's side. " I love you."

"Right back atcha. " Cate yawned and moved closer to Lux, who suddenly realized that she really home, both emotionally and physically. They all would be tested in the days to come. She was ready to deal with anything.

Cate's breathing became rhythmic and slow. Lux felt her eyelids become heavy. She allowed herself to finally relax, as sleep claimed her too.

The bedroom door cracked open just a bit. Laverne peered inside.

"Are they asleep? Abby asked, looker over Laverne's shoulder.

"Yes, and so should you be, young lady. Your sister is going to need your support.

"I know." Abby cocked her head to one side. "As crazy as things seem now, at least it's all out in the open."

"Thank goodness. Things have a way of righting themselves."

Abby snorted. "This sage advice comes from a woman who has been married four times."

"Yeow! That hurt!"

"Go to bed, Abby!"

Okay! Gee, getting touchy in you old age, Mom."

Abby ducked and ran for the stairs, as a shoe sailed by her head.

Good night, Mom."

"I am not old!"