A/N: Sorry for the thousand digressions and the bit with the fork... I just watched Hot Tub Time Machine, which is ridiculous, but it was clearly on my mind. As for the green men... I love the Canucks. Even if it is off-season. xD

The room is spinning, I have got no choice

Be patient, I am getting to the point

I can't remember when the earth turned slowly

So I just waited with the lights turned out again

I lost my place but I can't stop this story

-Spinning, Jack's Mannequin

November 27

Lily thinks it's romantic. What Malfoy is demanding of me. Of course, she doesn't find it even slightly degrading or demoralizing. She believes this is the best sign you can possibly hope for that you're 'a good snog'. I never even really considered whether or not I was a good snog… I'm not sure it entirely matters to any males in the slightest. But of course it matters magnanimously to Lily. I always knew she was off her rocker, but every day I get more and more worried for the deteriorating state of her pensées. That's French. For thoughts. According to Aunt Fleur. I decided to throw that in there since I haven't been feeling too smart lately. I should have studied at Lunch with Lorcan yesterday, how did he know there was going to be a pop quiz in Ancient Runes? Isn't the whole point of a pop quiz that it's a 'surprise'? You know anyone who decides to be a teacher is part psychopath when their idea of a surprise is a test. I thought surprises were supposed to be things like presents and declarations of eternal love while confetti rains down. I was so unprepared that someone may actually have achieved a higher mark than me, which generally causes me to have a minor emotional breakdown. Very minor.

Gosh, I am easily sidetracked. My point was… that if I don't find someone else I can confide in who is not a nutcase, and soon, my moral corruption is only going to continue! How could Malfoy's persistent determination to destroy my life be considered in any way, by anyone, to be romantic? Perhaps she's trying to use reverse psychology on me, so that… I'm not sure if she's trying to convince me that snogging Malfoy is a good idea or not. Which of course it isn't. I would rather be repeatedly stabbed in the eye with a plastic fork than have his tongue come anywhere near the vicinity of mine.

Er, again.

Well this is slightly embarrassing, because if I raise my eyes a good 3 centimeters I can see what I myself wrote not 6 hours ago, and now I am going to have to contradict it completely. Maybe I should just spare everyone and write a meaningful poem instead of detailing my own failure as a human being.

There was once a rose in a field

that was covered in thorns

and when it rained the thorns would grow to epic heights

until one day they reached all the way to the sky

and little green men climbed down them

from a galaxy far far away and destroyed the earth

Okay never mind. I think my talent lies elsewhere. Although, maybe I should bring this along to the little poetry gatherings that that scrawny and strangely intense Hufflepuff is always holding in random corridors. It's rather sad that he's always the only one there, perhaps he would appreciate my input and then know that there is someone else in the world who cares for poetry as much as he does and then he will be prevented from offing himself and I will have saved a life.

Right so I am clearly digressing and essay ing (Franglais for trying) to distract myself from the decision that I made which I had literally no control over whatsoever. My traitorous mind decided to sell my body and my soul. For love. Which I guess sounds kind of cool and bad ass but really it's not, not even a little bit. I suppose you want to know how I managed to come to this conclusion, which differs strongly from my earlier stance on the subject.

I'd like to know too. It was Lorcan's fault to be completely honest with you. Now, I am aware that he is never never ever going to find out about my, er, indiscretions with a boy who is not him, but just in case the entire world twirls on it's axis and my boyfriend decides to actually use the lovely eyes that he was blessed with and notice a little bit of what's going on around him, I have my excuse fully prepared. It goes like this: he left me alone at a party, which he would not have done if he truly loved me. And clearly he did not find me attractive enough to be in danger of falling prey to the desire of other single men on the prowl. Which was woefully damaging to my self-esteem. I will be so upset by him finding out about my being rotten to the core that I will already be tearing up and then will not be required to cry on command when saying that last bit. Which is good because I am completely incapable of crying on command anyway. Though that would be a useful talent to have.

I cannot let him find out! If the only way to stop Malfoy from ruining my relationship is to sacrifice myself then so be it! It's even sort of honourable. But I know that Lorcan would be devastated if he found out; he's a gentle soul, he's sensitive! He's a better person than me by miles, who simply wouldn't understand how I, or anyone, could do something like what I did. I made up my mind for good when we were 'studying' in the library; at least, Lorcan was studying while I was working really hard to look like I was going over my notes and not swimming in guilt. I don't think he noticed. When, all of a sudden, Lorcan let out such a cry of despair that I forgot I was busy counting the wrinkles on my palms and looked at him properly for the first time since the incident.

Guess what the fuss was about. Just guess.

He had accidentally closed his book onto a disgusting, hairy, eight-legged monster the size of my thumbnail. An arachnid. And he was upset about it. I was silently and secretly rejoicing that the cursed thing was dead and therefore couldn't crawl into my mouth while I was asleep or something equally disgusting. Did you know that spiders actually do that? It's true. I've probably already eaten one. I may never sleep again.

So Lorcan spends the next five minutes uselessly prodding the thing with his wand trying to revive it. You'd think he'd realize that, seeing as how no one has ever brought something back from the dead before, he would surely not be able to do it and ergo should not bother trying. But no, try he did. For quite some time. It was a bit painful to watch.

But if that's the way he reacts to the death of a creepy bug thing, how would he react to the death of a relationship? To infidelity? I, for one, cannot handle that and I will not put him through that anguish. Plus he might start prodding me with his wand like he did to the book-smushed spider.

I feel like, by deciding to do this, I'm selling my soul. To Malfoy. Merlin knows what he'll do with it. I just want things to go back to normal and to stop being blackmailed! Is that really so much to ask?

-Rose Weasley. The Soul-Less Girl Who Finds Joy in the Death of Anthropods.

A/N: I have no idea why there are random French and half French half English words in here. That happens sometimes. I have no control.

Thanks for the reviews, alerts and favourites on the first two chapters! Last chapter got one more review than the one before it, I'm aiming for one more for this chapter. Progress! Thanks for reading! :)