Fallen leader
Many people think of me as a wise man. My family relies on my every move and decisions; if there is anything that they disagree on they turn to me for advice. First it made me extremely uncomfortable since it wasn´t really my place to tell anyone what to do. I had enough experience of that when I lived in Volterra. With time I began to embrace that role and I began to take charge although I was careful to respect everyone´s opinion. Sometimes that plan backfired; sometimes my family was so at odds that I had to take sides. When Edward had begged me to help him I had made a mistake which I had promised myself that I would never make. I hadn´t thought clearly, my parental instincts had blinded me. He sounded so helpless and frightened that I didn´t pause to think what the others would say.
My other children had accused me of caring for Edward more than them; well it was more Rosalie than anyone else. I had brushed off those accusations knowing that jealousy was all too common in my daughters' personality. But maybe she was right, maybe I cared more for him. It would explain why I didn´t even think about the fact that there might be objection from the other family members.
Worst of all: I didn´t even think what Bella would say, I had always thought that she was on the same line Edward was. I thought that she was scared and wanted the fetus out of her immediately. Apparently I was badly mistaken.
When we arrived at the airport I was more than surprised when Bella ran into Rosalie´s waiting arms.
By the terrified expression on Edward´s face I figured that he hadn´t suspected it either.
I was shocked, I was so sure that she wanted to get rid of the fetus. That she was terrified of the thing that was growing inside of her. To make things even worse was the fact that Rosalie took her role as her personal bodyguard very seriously. Neither I nor Edward could come close to her which was very inconvenient considering the fact that I had to examine her to determine what we were up against.
But above all else, the worst thing was the terrified look in Bella´s eyes when we tried to reason with her, making her understand the risk she was putting herself through. Her arms cradled her stomach as if she was protecting it from a threat, from me and Edward. My heart crumbled in tiny little pieces at the sight, the girl- no; the woman who had stolen my son´s heart, the woman who had become my daughter had cringed away from me. How could I be so irresponsible? What kind of person was I?
Most importantly, what kind of father was I?
Things went from ash to the fire when we arrived home. Lines were drawn; Emmett had rushed to Rosalie´s side and Esme had hovered over Bella. By the expression she gave me I knew she was not on my side of the line. Alice and Jasper had drawn back, standing in the furthest corner of the living room.
I stood rooted beside Edward; I had promised him to help him although I would not do so without Bella´s permission.
Things became ugly, the moment I had been dreading became to reality when Edward finally snapped.
"This is none of your business Rosalie; this is between me and Bella." He snarled at Rosalie which stood in front of Bella. Her eyes flashed, fire burning deep in her dark arises.
"Then why did she call me Edward? Huh, can you tell me that?" Edward growled fiercely, pain edged in his expression. Bella´s actions had wounded him deeply. Rosalie stood put while she continued.
"No, you can´t, can you? No, you just think of yourself and your own needs. Did it ever occur to you what Bella wanted? Of course not, because you are the perfect Edward who thinks that everyone does what he wants. You irresponsible, selfish-"
"Shut up Rosalie." Edward screamed at her in uncontrollable rage.
"If there is anyone here thinking about their own needs, it´s you. You wouldn´t help Bella if it weren´t for your own craving for a child. You, who didn´t even want her in the family, who hated her." He was losing it, his eyes were wild and he was in a half crouch like he was about to attack. Emmett seemed to see it too because he etched closer to Rosalie drawing out his full height. Rosalie stood like Edward, ready to attack if needed. She snarled at Edward.
"How dare you mention that? That is a part of the past; at least I am willing to help Bella. You don´t know what it is. It could be a baby, your child and you are willing to kill it." Edward paled but kept his hard expression nevertheless.
The tension could be cut with a knife, neither would bend, both ready to attack. It had gone too far, I had to stop them before this would turn into a fight. I was about to speak up when a low voice came from behind Rosalie. "Would you both stop?" Rosalie turned around. Bella´s pale fragile face appeared, her expression terrified although there was determination in her dark eyes.
Edward´s expression softened a bit, his jaw slackened and the fire in his eyes ceased. Instead a more pained expression crossed his face. Rosalie however was still in defensive position, her eyes shooting daggers.
Bella kept her eyes on Edward for a moment until she turned her head to Rosalie.
"Rosalie, please. I need to speak with Edward." She pleaded. Rosalie looked at her, hesitating a bit, her hard gaze softened a bit. Then she looked at Edward, she sighed then nodded. Edward stepped towards them but Rosalie lifted a finger "Ah, wait a minute Edward. With one exception, we will stay close and don´t even think about trying something." Edward nodded and she moved away, Emmett trailing behind.
Edward walked carefully towards Bella in slow painful steps. She gazed sadly into his face, hesitating before she wrapped her frail arms around him. He sighed as he buried his head in her hair.
"It will be all right Edward" she whispered faintly. His body tensed and he lifted his head up
"Bella, please see reason" he pleaded. "This is dangerous, we don´t know what it is that is growing inside of you." He caressed her cheek gently "I know that you are scared but you don´t have to be. Carlisle and I can take care of it easily, we-"
Bella put a hand on his lips, silencing him. "You´re right, I am afraid. But I´m only afraid of losing our child, I know you Edward and you couldn´t harm our child." She said firmly.
Edward´s face twisted in agony "Please don´t do this Bella. I can´t lose you, I…I just can´t" the pain in his voice tore my heart to pieces. I wished I could help him, that I could make everything go away.
"Edward, I won´t change my mind. I won´t let you harm our child." She said determined.
Edward squeezed his eyes shut "Bella" he said in defeat. By the sound of his voice I could hear that Bella had won- for now. I knew my son, he wouldn´t give up until he got his way.
Rosalie had moved slowly towards them her patience on its edge. "All right you had your moment, let her rest." She said sternly. Edward glanced at her warily "Rosalie, would you stop with the attitude. She is my wife." Rosalie´s face turned grim, an expression which didn´t suit her beautiful face.
"Well you´re not doing much of a job as a husband." Edward growled furiously. Emmett took his place beside Rosalie. "Don´t you dare, you are crossing the line." They stood against each other ready to attack. Bella who had hovered behind Edward walked forward her hands pressed up, standing between him and Rosalie. "Stop it, both of you. You aren´t making things any easier." She said angrily.
Her face was even paler than before, her legs shaking slightly from exhaustion. She had probably not slept in nearly two days and by the look of it had little nutrition. This was draining her out yet Edward and Rosalie seemed oblivious of the fragile girl standing between them.
I couldn´t bear to stand by, I had to interfere. I should have done so I walked towards them and stopped where Bella stood, her palms against Rosalie and Edward who both had murderous expressions.
"Edward, Rosalie this will do. Can´t you see what you are doing to Bella?" I placed a hand on Bella´s shoulder receiving a low hiss from Rosalie. I gazed warily at her "Rosalie, I thought you knew me better. I would never do anything unless Bella agrees to it." I reassured her, she looked shamefully down.
"Now Bella, you look exhausted but I would like to examine you before you go to sleep." Rosalie opened her mouth as if she was about to protest but Bella was quicker "It´s all right Rosalie, he is just going to examine me." She looked pointedly at her. Rosalie sighed and nodded her head, then she glared at me.
"Carlisle if you will try anything, so help me God." Rosalie growled. I sighed "Rosalie, calm down. I am only thinking about her health, if you want the child safe then I will have to do my job." I said sternly.
She frowned but kept silent, she walked to Esme which stood few feet away.
I examined Bella as thoroughly as possible. Her state was even worse than I expected, it seemed that the fetus was taking her nutrition. It was growing quickly too, there was already a small bump forming, appearing like she was few months pregnant instead of few days. The most unnerving thing were the bruises that were forming on her extending stomach. I knew that she couldn´t possibly make it through the whole pregnancy, the fetus was growing too quickly taking every substance she needed.
She fell asleep soon afterwards, Rosalie hovering close by.
The house fell completely silent although the intensity still lingered. Esme decided to do some late grocery shopping for Bella and Alice and Jasper decided to go out to hunt. I knew that they just wanted to escape the tense atmosphere between Edward and Rosalie.
I decided to use the time while everything was calmer to do some research, knowing that the next few days would require my presence. Although Edward and Rosalie where at complete odds I knew that they wouldn´t do anything reckless without my permission.
So I took leave into my study trying to sort out through my books. I was in the middle of a Latin American history book when I heard a low knock on the door. "Come in" I said absentmindedly.
The door opened and Edward walked in, his jaw was set and his lips formed a thin line. I had anticipated his visit, knowing that he was angry with me.
"Edward" I sighed, placing my hand on his shoulder but he brushed it off. I tried to conceal my hurt but I knew that few things escaped Edward.
"Why? Why didn´t you do anything? I thought we had talked it through" he whispered angrily.
"Edward, we were both too hasty. We… I, didn´t think about Bella´s opinion of this. I can´t do it without her permission." I soothed but that seemed to anger him even more.
"Carlisle you know that she doesn´t understand the risk, we have to do something. You can´t just…"
He trailed off breathing in and out trying to calm himself then he continued "I can´t lose her, she won´t survive this and I… I can´t do it, I just can´t." he said in defeat.
I couldn´t bear to see him like this, if there was anything that I despised the most was seeing my family hurt.
"Edward, I know but this is her body and I can´t force her to do anything. I wish I could help you more, it pains me to see you like this and if I could I would try to convince Bella how severe the situation is
I would but I don´t think she will."
"Then why don´t you try, she won´t listen to me" Do you think she will listen to me? I asked him. His face hardened "Just do something". He wasn´t thinking straight, overcome with emotion.
"I am not" he answered my thoughts angrily. "Edward you need to calm down, why don´t we talk about it later when you have calmed down." I suggested but I knew immediately that it was the wrong thing to say.
"You won´t do anything then? I thought I could trust you." He whispered. I stepped closer but he moved away "Edward, please" I begged him but he didn´t seem to listen. He walked back and forth "I thought that we had an understanding; you promised me.""I´m sorry son, but I won´t change my mind". He stopped abruptly and glared at me "You have failed me Carlisle" he said darkly before he stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him leaving me nailed to the floor. It was as if he had slapped me across the face, his words echoed in my head. Those hurtful words stung as if he had ripped a part of me with him. Those words brought back memories I wished to forget, the same words my father had spoken to me all those years ago.
"Carlisle, you have failed me" my father´s belligerent voice echoed through the stone walls of the little church. His face was stone hard his black eyes accusing. "But father they may be innocent, how can one judge them so easily?" my former self asked him back. I had been twenty years old and my father had assigned me to lead the hunting party, in search for beings that were impossible to kill. That was the view I had at the time, my father saw sin everywhere he looked.
My father´s face turned red "Carlisle, there are sinners everywhere. Those are not people, their soles can´t be saved." He cried out. "But every life is precious, we must be cautious." I argued back. My father´s face turned from red to purple "Precious? Carlisle we live in times of sin we must rid the world of that filth. Do you want to end in the eternal flames of hell?" he cried out. I looked down, at that time hell was the thing people feared the most. The church had provoked fear amongst people for centuries, if you didn´t serve God you would end in hell, that was the course of the world. In fear of my father´s words I had followed his orders and searched for the monsters he had searched for his entire life.
My memories of my father were all in haze lurking in the deepest corner of my memory. The memories that I had showed me a bitter man who was blinded by his believes. I had never been good enough for him, no matter how hard I tried to please him my efforts were never good enough.
The shadow of the words my father had uttered in that church had followed me until this day.
Although my father´s words had wounded me deeply it was nothing compared to the pain I felt when Edward said them. I had always been afraid that I had changed Edward too young, so I had tried to guide him in every way but now it seems that I had failed miserably.
I took a shaky breath and sat down and buried my head in my hands. How many mistakes could I make? I had failed my son, disrespected my daughter in-law´s wishes and driven my daughter even further away. Mistake after mistake and here I was even more at loss than before. Had I done something? Was God punishing me for something? Maybe I wasn't meant to be happy. Maybe I wasn´t meant to have a family. As I thought of this I realized that maybe my father was right after all, maybe I was a complete failure.
A dry sob filled the air and it took me a minute to realize that the sound came from me. I tried to stifle it by putting my fist in my mouth. There I sat overcome with the tension my shoulders shaking with silent sobbing.
Outside the sun disappeared behind the clouds and the rain began to pour, a lightning struck the sky as a fallen leader sat by his office desk crying for his loved ones.
I know that this is a very heavy chapter and that Carlisle has very dark thoughts in it but I think that with his past that he must have doubts of himself. I hope you like it.
Please review.