Disclaimer: I own nothing, especially not the quotes I've 'borrowed'.

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'Houston. We have a problem!'

'Is there anyone in the area?'

'Hellloooo?'

As he listens to the ramblings of two voices through his headphones, RO can't be sure if it's all a prank. Removing his headphones, he places the radio on full audio so everyone on the bridge can hear it as he calls for Mike's attention. 'Ah boss, you might want to listen to this.' Mike, along with every other sailor on the bridge and the newly arrived Buffer, lend an ear in as the wild ramblings continue.

'Calling out to all the world. Are you ready for a ...? What's the next line?' said one voice.

'I don't know – I can't remember!' said another with a raucous laugh.

As everyone shared a grin, Mike picks up the handset. 'This is HMAS Hammersley. Are you in trouble?'

'Yes indeed we are,' shouts the first voice.

'Is this a Mayday?' responds Mike.

'Mayday – that's what the word is bro! I knew it had something to do with the months,' said the first voice once again as another voice could be heard indistinctly in the background.

'Your problem being?' continues Mike.

'We can't seem to get it up and running. I've ever had problems getting it up before.' Charge lets out a snort that he tries to cover up with a cough, raising his hand in apology at Mike's subsequent look in his direction.

'Just to be clear, you are having problems with your boat's engine?' clarifies Mike.

'Sounds corny and seedy but yes indeedy,' sings the first voice, before the other joined in. 'Give me the simple life.'

'What is your boat name?' asks Mike, trying to gain some useful information.

'Jack the Fisher – and not just any Jack. It's Jack the Fisher II,' declares the second voice imperiously.

'What do you reckon happened to the other one?' mutters Santa to the side before Buffer responds. 'Probably got ripper'ed up!' Mike rolls his eyes at the joke as he focuses on getting something out of these two – most likely – idiots. 'Where are you?'

'Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning.'

'How about some coordinates?' specifies Mike as all laugh around him.

'You mean you want us to look at the map or something?' responds voice number one increduously. The Hammersley crew can hear mutterings, shouts and laughter as they assume both gentlemen are attempting to converse about their position - clearly unsuccessfully. Hearing nothing useful, Mike asks them to describe all around them. 'What do you see?'

'Nothing but sea, sea, glorious sea! All around us that's all I see! Oh hang on, we might have a little bit of a bushland to the right of us, but eh, it's just blocking our view,' says Will in a throwaway manner.

Right.

'What's your name?' asks Mike deciding to try a different tack.

'My name dear Captain?' queries the first voice. 'Will Tremayne at your service.'

'Who is with you?'

'Sawyer Na...Nara...couple of v and s and ys in there. Why do you have such a complicated last name...?' Conversation fades away as it appears their two people in trouble are having a heated debate about Sawyer's last name. 'Please tell me you've found them Nav?' Mike was in pain as everyone tries unsuccessfully to contain their amusement at the situation.

'Sawyer N it is!' declares Will as he comes back over the line.

'Have you been drinking?' probes Mike.

'Right you are guv'nor,' responds Will.

'No point in saluting. He can't see you,' adds Sawyer in a 'duh' tone.

'It's the vibe of it my man,' Will reasons. 'Gotta salute the big man.'

'Focus,' says Mike uselessly. 'Got something on the radar boss,' calls Nav as Mike turns to her. 'Oh thank God,' he mutters under his breath.

Equipped with their position, Mike holds the radio to his mouth and speaks into it slowly and clearly. 'Do not try to do anything funny,' he orders. 'We'll get to you as soon as possible and help you with your engine troubles.'

'Sir yes sir,' responds Sawyer smartly, though his statement lost a lot of its credence as the last 'r' rolled on for a while longer.

'Well crew, looks like this is going to be fun,' said Mike with a grin. 'X pipe the orders for a boarding party. And Charge, grab your toolbox.'

'Right-o, sir,' said Charge as he rubs his hands together and advances toward the stairs. 'Let the party begin!'

Shaking his head in amusement, Mike turns to his soon-to-be Executive Officer. 'And Santa – you're leading. Good opportunity for you to show me what you're made of.'

'I'm indebted to you,' said Santa wryly as he nods his head and makes his way down the stairs.

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Stepping on board Jack the Fisher II half an hour later, Santa, Buffer, Spider and Charge are greeted with two men happily singing and dancing on the front of their luxury boat. With a beer (or three) in hand, they were doing what could only be assumed is their take on the rain dance.

'You feeling lucky punk?' shouts one voice, before the other voice responds equally loudly. 'Yeasureyoubetcha. P... A... R... T... Why?'

'Cos I gotta!'

'Yo Willy Wonka – we've got visitors,' whoops the man that must be Sawyer.

'Why indeed we do Huck!'

Tripping over themselves in their eagerness to reach the back of the boat, their momentum propels them beyond their planned stopping place. Will went flying into Buffer who had no time to react to the force coming at him and promptly went flying over the side of the boat and into the sea. Unfortunately for him, this was the side of the boat that was in full view of the Hammersley, and as he came up spluttering Buffer can see the outright laughter of his crewmates lining the deck.

'I'll save you,' calls Sawyer as he makes a superhero pose. And then before anyone can stop him he shouts out a giddy 'I'll be back' and jumps off the other side of the boat.

'So long and thanks for all the fish!' calls Will as he takes another drink from his beer and laughs uproariously at the whole situation.

The crew left behind on the Hammersley are beside themselves with laughter as Spider pulls off his vest and dives off the other side of the boat to 'rescue' the inebriated man singing Cheap Wine very badly. When Spider reaches the man, his beer bottle has ceased being filled with beer and now contains a lovely sea water concoction, but this does not stop the man from continuing to guzzle it down.

With both passengers of Jack the Fisher II sitting securely under Santa's watchful eye ten minutes later, both Buffer and Spider looked like wet dogs as Charge got to looking at the engine problem. But any chances of a silence - not that the chances were very high to start with - became nonexistent when their charming hosts started a shouting match.

'What do we want?' piped up Sawyer.

'Beer!' followed Will.

'When do we want it?'

'Now!'

'What do we want?'

'Engines!'

'When do we want it?'

'Now!'

'What do we want?'

'Ummm...'

'When do we want it?'

'Now!'

'What do we want?'

'Silence,' interjects Santa mildly. 'And when do I want it? Now. Do so and I might just consider not emptying out all your alcohol supplies over the side of the boat.'

'You wouldn't dare,' said Sawyer in horror. 'You reckon he's serious?' he quickly adds, looking at Will in worry.

'You want to find out?' Turning to Santa's raised eyebrow in unison, they think the better of it and tone down their musical exhibition to humming a rendition of Here comes the bride complete with a swaying motion from side to side.

Charge approaches soon after with the revelation that all this boat needed was a tank of petrol. Grinning at the now ballroom dancing duo, Charge grins as he then turns to Santa. 'You right to handle them?'

'I'm sure I'll manage,' confirms Santa.

Charge and the still dripping Buffer and Spider return to the Hammersley as Will and Sawyer complain about being left with Santa. 'I feel like I'm in the principal's office,' whines Will. 'That or facing Dad.'

'Yeah. Memories!' warbles Sawyer. 'All alone in the moonliiiiiiiiiiiiiiight... Hang on it's sunny!'

'Stuff this!' declares Will, raising an imaginary glass up in the air. 'Here's to us....'

'...one more toast...' joins in Sawyer.

'...and then we'll pay the bill...'

'Perhaps not,' snorts Sawyer as they both ignore Santa's amused look in their direction and prepare to down their imaginary drinks.

'Here's looking at you kid...'

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With Jack the Fisher II safely attached to the Hammersley, the patrol boat set course for Cairns with their tow. After checking that Will Tremayne and Sawyer Naraevsky are safely under the 'supervision' of Swain and Rhino on board their boat, Santa heads down below the deck to dump his gear.

Bumping into Mike in the hallway, Santa nods in the direction of the Hammersley captain.

'Certainly been quite a full four days hasn't it?' said Mike.

'That is has been,' agrees Santa.

There is a still moment as both men size each other up before Mike stretches out his hand.

'Welcome aboard.'

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Next Chapter: Bottoms up!