Title: Dancing With the Demons,
Results 2
Author: redsrule1
Fandoms:
Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I
did not make up the characters, shows, the Rumba, or the Quickstep. I
just teach how to do them.
Pairings: Gen
Characters: Just about
everyone
Author's Notes: Thanks to my super-beta, yourlibrarian.
Summary:
Nine couples, ONE winner, and this week another couple leaves the
show
Dancing
With The Demons
Results Show Two
(Music stikes a low chord and sustains it throughout the opening.)
ANNOUNCER
This
week, the competition heated up as our "Bottom
Two" survivors rose to the challenge.
(Episode
clip.)
(HARMONY and GILES dance an intricate series of quick hops
and kicks, then move smoothly into more traveling moves.)
(Clip ends.)
ANNOUNCER
…fortunes fell…
(Episode
clip.)
(ANYA trips over XANDER's leg and falls, banging her nose
into the Judges' Table.)
(Clip ends.)
ANNOUNCER
…and
the judges laid down the law!
(Episode clip.)
(DARLA and
LINDSEY stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table.)
WESLEY
It
counts as a lift and is illegal!
(Episode clip.)
(SPIKE
and FAITH stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table. Edited clips from
the judges' comments roll.)
OZ
Dude, you gotta read
the rules, man.
DRUSILLA
Shame, shame!
(Clip ends.)
ANNOUNCER
And through it all, last week's
surprise leader showed that it wasn't just a fluke!
(Episode
clip.)
(Split screen with the Judges' Table on one half and CLEM
and BUFFY backstage with ILLYRIA on the
other.)
DRUSILLA
Nine.
WESLEY
Nine.
OZ
Nine.
(Clip ends.)
ANNOUNCER
But tonight, another couple must
leave. Who will it be? Find out tonight on DANCING WITH THE
DEMONS!
(Theme music plays as the video introductions for all nine original couples roll, then the live camera pans across the eight remaining couples standing on the stage in costume.)
ANNOUNCER
Live, from Hollywood, this is
DANCING WITH THE DEMONS: THE RESULTS!
Music ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA standing at the side of the dance floor.)
LORNE
Hello, and welcome to DANCING WITH
THE DEMONS: THE RESULTS! I'm Lorne, your host.
ILLYRIA
I
am insulted that I should even need an introduction, let alone have
to repeat it on every show.
LORNE
Some of our
viewers may be tuning in for the first time, Muffin.
ILLYRIA
(Cocks
her head, considering this.) Why are they tardy? Have they only now
been released from their wage bondage? Or have their wages not been
sufficient for them to purchase a television device? Or perhaps the
advertising you humans seem so fond of was too insufficient or
ineffective to apprise them of the scheduled transmission of this
program?
LORNE
(His smile at the camera
unflinching.) All excellent questions, Illyria.
ILLYRIA
God-King
of the Primordium.
LORNE
(Still smiling.) And
tonight we're going to answer another excellent question: which of
our eight remaining couples will be eliminated? The judges have
spoken, and you--
ILLYRIA
(As much to herself as to
anyone else.) I question the wisdom of our sponsors investing in
advertisement on a program whose own advertising was inadequate to
ensure that those who are interested will be informed enough to tune
in at the proper time.
LORNE
(Visibly forcing the
smile now, and talking louder.) The judges have spoken, and
you at home have spoken, now let's let some of the people who were
watching the dances from our studio audience speak. (To DIRECTOR) Who
is working sound? Can we explain the concept of cutting off a
microph--
(Cut to montage of Audience Interview
Clips.)
--------------------------------------------
(MAYOR WILKINS, D'HOFFRYN, and THE MASTER stand facing the camera with the dance floor in the background.)
THE MASTER
I'm glad
that Darla was not eliminated last week. It has been a long time
since I have seen her dance.
D'HOFFRYN
That was
quite the routine they did. What a move! Essentially a handstand on
her partner's shoulders.
THE MASTER
I would expect
nothing less than excellence from Darla.
D'HOFFRYN
Where
were you last week, anyhow?
THE MASTER
When I was
resurrected, I was told that someone hadn't seen the adverts in time
to bring me back for the first episode. Naturally, those were the
last words that entity ever spoke. What did I miss in the first
week?
D'HOFFRYN
You missed the Witch in a skimpy
two-piece costume.
THE MASTER
That's a shame.
MAYOR
WILKINS
It was indeed a shame. There's no reason for brazen
costumes. Your Darla has been well dressed throughout, as has my
Faith. Although I have to say that there was no reason for her
costume to be as sheer as it was. Probably trying to curry favor with
those judges.
D'HOFFRYN
(Jerking a thumb at MAYOR
WILKINS so that only THE MASTER can see, as if to say "what's
wrong with him?") I thought Faith's costume was rather nice.
Buffy looked cute in that wig and flapper dress, too.
THE
MASTER
(Bristles at BUFFY's name) I'm afraid I was at the bar
during that routine.
D'HOFFRYN
Oh. Yeah. Sorry, my
mistake. Hey, Anya did a nice job, too.
MAYOR WILKINS
She
did indeed. They did a nice quickstep. I certainly hope they
disinfected that wound and cleaned up and sterilized the table,
though.
THE MASTER
I liked her costume,
too.
D'HOFFRYN
(Nodding) The skirt was somewhat high
cut.
THE MASTER
Drusilla was right, however. The
costume was better with the
bloodstains.
--------------------------------------------
(VI, RONA, AMANDA, CHAO-AN, and KENNEDY.)
VI and
AMANDA
(Chanting in unison.) Save Spike! Save Spike! Save
Spike!
CHAO-AN
(In Mandarin.) Is that a battle cry?
Do we slay the vampires now? They are on the dance floor and in the
audience.
RONA
What's Chao-An talkin'
about?
CHAO-AN
(In Mandarin. Points at SEBASSIS.)
And the witch is doing evil spells with the horrible demon. We must
stop them!
KENNEDY
Yeah, I liked Willow best,
too.
--------------------------------------------
(JOYCE SUMMERS and PRINCIPAL SNYDER.)
JOYCE
Buffy's in
first place again! And wasn't she adorable in that costume?
SNYDER
I
see Harris was making a complete mess of things again. They're all
troublemakers. And Rosenberg! Who knows what she and that demon were
conjuring up out there.
JOYCE
And it was nice to see
Rupert do so well.
SNYDER
Nah, it was just sympathy
points for that airheaded partner of his. She was in school with
them, too. At least she was too vacuous to cause much
trouble.
JOYCE
Why are you sitting next to me,
anyway?
--------------------------------------------
(Montage ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA.)
LORNE
Now it is
time for us to reveal to three couples whether they are moving on in
the competition, or if they face elimination in the Bottom
Two.
ILLYRIA
(Staring unblinking at the camera.)
That is correct, Lorne. Now begins the tedious drawing out of the
revelation of the dance results for the purpose of artificially
building tension and the selling of more advertising of questionable
effectiveness. (Looks directly at LORNE, and with a note of pride in
her voice) I am learning how television functions.
LORNE
God,
I hope so. --I mean, you sure are, you little ray of sunshine, you.
And let's find out if we're going to bring a ray of sunshine to three
couples, or a cloud of gloom! Xander and Anya!
(Cut to XANDER and ANYA as a spotlight hits them. ANYA is wearing a band-aid on her nose that she doesn't really need. She nervously grabs XANDER's hand.)
LORNE cont.
You had a nasty surprise at the
end of your routine. Did the viewers also give you a nasty surprise
and send you to the Bottom Two?
(Pause. ANYA squeezes XANDER's hand tighter. A grimace of pain begins to creep across his face.)
LORNE cont.
They did not. You're going to the
next round!
(ANYA smiles, drops XANDER's hand, and points to her bandage and nods. XANDER rolls his eye and opens and closes his now-freed hand as the spotlight fades from them. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA.)
ILLYRIA
Gunn and Cordelia.
(Cut to GUNN and CORDELIA as a spotlight hits them.)
ILLYRIA
cont.
Your performance this week has only slightly improved
upon last week's lackluster performance and this was reflected in the
judges' scores. Yet the audience's votes were enough to save you from
the ignominy of the Bottom Two. You will return next week. Please be
better prepared.
(CORDELIA puts her hands on her hips and shoots an indignant look at ILLYRIA. GUNN smiles resignedly and shakes his head as the spotlight fades. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA.)
LORNE
Harmony and Giles!
(Cut to HARMONY and GILES as a spotlight hits them. She bounces nervously, while he smiles mirthlessly.)
LORNE cont.
The judges
liked your Quickstep enough to put you in second place, just one
point behind the first place couple. Did the viewers agree, and send
you to the next round?
(Pause. GILES mouths the word "no." HARMONY bounces harder.)
LORNE cont.
They did!
You're going on to the next round!
(GILES sighs, then cringes as HARMONY emits a squeal and throws her arms around him. His countenance softens and he pats her on the back as the spotlight fades. Cut to LORNE, who now stands alone.)
LORNE
Three
couples have made it safely to the next round, five couples still
await their fate. Let's go backstage where Illyria will hopefully
interview the three happy couples.
(Cut backstage where ILLYRIA stands next to ANYA, along with XANDER, GUNN, and CORDELIA. HARMONY and GILES walk up and join them.)
ILLYRIA
(To
ANYA.) I did not get to speak with you during the show last time. You
appeared to have taken better control of your charge.
ANYA
Yeah,
but that stupid judge says I'm leading too much
now.
XANDER
(Cringing) Ahn, I thought we talked
about not insulting--
ILLYRIA
I do not think Judge
Percy is stupid. On the contrary, he speaks the truth, even when that
makes him unpopular. A good trait in a leader.
CORDELIA
Yeah,
well at least his opinions are asked for,
sister.
ILLYRIA
Yes, unlike yours.
(CORDELIA starts to take a step toward ILLYRIA, but GUNN holds her back and shakes his head.)
GUNN
She can still kick all
our asses.
ILLYRIA
Charles Gunn speaks the truth as
well. You once proved your worthiness as a warrior. It is my hope
that you will soon prove your worthiness on the dance floor. Some
much weaker than you have risen from near the bottom to near the top.
Witness the couple standing furthest from me. They barely escaped
elimination last week, and this week they nearly topped the Leader
Board.
HARMONY
(Squeals.) I know, isn't it
great?
(ILLYRIA frowns and does not respond.)
HARMONY
cont.
(To GILES.) That's us, right? She was talking about
us?
GILES
(Wearily) Yes, Harmony. We are the weak
ones who rose to the top.
HARMONY
(Bounces and claps
her hands.) Yay! (Stops bouncing and frowns.) Hey! Wait a
minute!
(GILES rolls his eyes. XANDER snickers. CORDELIA gives HARMONY a look not seen since one of the Cordettes spoke out of turn.)
HARMONY cont.
Who do you think you're dealing
with? I'm not weak. I'm a vampire. I got super vampire strength an'
stuff.
XANDER
And a lightning fast intellect and
razor sharp fighting skills, as I recall.
ILLYRIA
Even
in my diminished state I would still destroy you with no more effort
than I would expend in crushing an insect. No bandage in the world
would be sufficient to heal your wounds.
ANYA
(Pointing
to her band-aid.) Oh! The band-aid worked well, didn't
it?
XANDER
Ahn, I told you that all the votes were
already in before anyone ever saw you with the band-aid.
ANYA
For
this week, maybe. but I figure between my band-aid and your eyepatch,
we've got the sympathy vote locked up for next week, too. I'm
thinking of staging a pratfall every week.
ILLYRIA
It
will certainly make the proceedings more interesting. However, a mere
band-aid will not suffice for long.
ANYA
Oh, of
course not. I plan to go for an arm in a sling next. (Looks at
XANDER.) Or maybe you could pick a fight with Illyria. Didn't you
just tell me before the show started that she's the worst co-host
you've ever seen and that your drunken uncle could do a better job
even if he was passed out?
(ILLYRIA stares at XANDER.)
XANDER
(Grins nervously, then points to his
eyepatch.) Back off, you don't know that it's not
bionic!
ILLYRIA
(Looks quizzically at XANDER.) What
protection would artificially enhanced eyesight give you in
hand-to-hand combat?
XANDER
It could shoot
lasers.
ILLYRIA
(Nods approvingly.) That would
indeed be to your advantage. (Looks at DIRECTOR.) I do not wish to
cut away now. This is becoming the most interesting conversation of
the entire series so far. (Looks at DIRECTOR, then waves her hand
dismissively.) Very well. We shall continue this conversation off
camera while Lorne presents yet another meaningless stalling segment.
Perhaps if we had more conversations like this, viewers would not be
so tardy in tuning in.
(Cut to LORNE.)
LORNE
While
our little bluebird of happiness talks weapons backstage, we're going
to go to our "Slime-Feast Challenge!" And speaking of
bluebirds, "Slime-Feast" now comes in a delicious new
"Bluebird" flavor! Be sure to try it, while we check in
with our "Slime-Feast Challenge" contestant!
(Cut to
film.)
--------------------------------------------
(The YARBNIE demon stands alone in a dance studio, nervously chewing on the straw of another big "Chug" soda. TARA enters.)
TARA
H-hello. You're the "Slime-Feast"
contestant?
YARBNIE
I- I suppose
so.
TARA
(Extending her hand to the YARBNIE.) Well,
my name is Tara, and I'm going to be your dance
teacher.
YARBNIE
(Tentatively reaches out to shake
TARA's hand.) P-pleased to meet you.
(ANDREW enters the room, carrying a briefcase in his left hand and a clipboard with papers under the same arm.)
ANDREW
Hello, everyone. (To the
YARBNIE, extending his right hand.) My name is Andrew, and I'll be
teaching you to dance.
YARBNIE
(Somewhat confused.
Motions toward TARA.) I- I thought she was my
teacher.
TARA
Uh, so did I.
ANDREW
(To
TARA.) Oh. I thought you were on the camera crew. Well, I don't know.
I was definitely told that I was to report to this location to teach
a-- (glances at a paper on his clipboard) "Yarbnie" demon
to dance.
TARA
So was I.
ANDREW
What?
TARA
I
was definitely told to come here and teach a Yarbnie demon. To dance.
Also.
ANDREW
This same demon?
TARA
I
guess so.
ANDREW
At this
location.
TARA
Yes.
(ANDREW checks his papers again. TARA smiles politely at the YARBNIE, who has returned to sucking nervously on his "Chug.")
ANDREW
You're
Tara?
TARA
Yes.
ANDREW
May I speak
with you for a moment? (To the YARBNIE.) Excuse us.
(ANDREW and TARA walk over to the tables at the side of the dance floor and sit down at one of them. They speak in hushed tones for a few moments, and ANDREW periodically checks his clipboard. Finally they get up and return to stand with the YARBNIE.)
ANDREW
Apparently
we were both hired to teach you to dance. There seemed to be some
uncertainty on the part of the producers as to whether you're
a--
TARA
As to whether you'd prefer to lead or to
follow.
ANDREW
(To TARA.) Yeah, that's good. (To the
YARBNIE.) So, which would you… prefer?
YARBNIE
Well,
I suppose that would be up to you. You're the teachers.
ANDREW
Yeah,
but surely you have a preference.
YARBNIE
I don't
know really know enough about dancing to say.
(ANDREW frowns, and furrows his brow as he tries to come up with another tack.)
TARA
(Smiles as she gets an idea.) I'm sorry,
but in all the confusion I forgot to ask you your name.
ANDREW
(To
TARA.) Oh, that's good, too. If we can tell from a demon
name.
YARBNIE
My name? My name is
Chris.
ANDREW
"Chris?" Your name is
"Chris?"
CHRIS
Y-yes. (Sucks nervously on
the straw.) W-what's wrong with that?
ANDREW
Oh.
Nothing. I just-- I just figured your name would sound more-- more--
CHRIS
Ethnic?
ANDREW
Demony. And,
hopefully, gender specific.
CHRIS
My race has been
on this continent much longer than yours. You're the foreigners, not
me.
TARA
Oh-- okay, we didn't mean to insult you.
"Chris" is a fine name-- f-for a boy.
(CHRIS looks at her silently, sipping.)
ANDREW
--Or a
girl.
(CHRIS looks at ANDREW silently.)
ANDREW
cont.
(Rapidly, blurting it out impatiently.)
Areyouaboyoragirl?!?
CHRIS
What?
ANDREW
Are
you a boy or a girl?
CHRIS
I'm a balancing
entity.
ANDREW
Yes, yes, my paper says that. But are
you a--
CHRIS
I am a balancing entity.
TARA
I'm
sorry, I don't understand.
CHRIS
We balance many
things: energy, temperature, even the vibrations given off by other
life forms. We also balance what you call
gender.
ANDREW
Meaning…?
CHRIS
We're
neither one nor the other. We are both one and the
other.
ANDREW
Oh! Like a top and a
bot--
TARA
I think we understand.
ANDREW
So
who's going to teach him-- her-- Chris?
TARA
I guess
we both will. If that's all right with you, Chris.
CHRIS
(Gnawing
on the straw.) I guess so.
ANDREW
Y'know, that had
better be a "diet Chug!" Our bonuses are tied to how much
weight you lose! And aren't you supposed to be drinking
"Slime-Feast,"
anyway?
--------------------------------------------
(Film
ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA.)
LORNE
It's so hard
to sort things out sometimes, isn't it? But now it's time to reveal
to three more couples whether they are moving on to the next round,
or moving down to the Bottom Two.
ILLYRIA
Since none
of the first three couples were sent to the Bottom Two, it is only
logical that one and only one of the next three couples will be.
Otherwise, there would be no suspense when the fate of the final two
couples were announced. Knowing that, it is also unlikely that the
first couple announced now will be sent to the Bottom Two, or there
would be no suspense as we announce couples two and three. I am
correct.
LORNE
You are correct, but maybe we
shouldn't have told the audience that, Cupcake.
ILLYRIA
I
was not asking for your validation. However, it is true that by
pointing that out I have heightened the tension of the
show.
LORNE
(Nodding.) You are indeed very
good at that.
ILLYRIA
Clem and Buffy!
(Cut to CLEM and BUFFY as a spotlight hits them. They immediately give each other a hug and begin celebrating their advancement to the next round.)
ILLYRIA cont.
For the reasons I have
discussed earlier, you are moving on to the next round.
(The spotlight fades. Cut to LORNE.)
LORNE
Darla and
Lindsey!
(Cut to DARLA and LINDSEY as the spotlight hits them.)
LORNE cont.
Lilah and Angel!
(Cut to split screen with DARLA and LINDSEY on one side. On the other side, a spotlight hits LILAH and ANGEL. ANGEL is still unable to stop his reflexive flinch at the sudden bright light. DARLA, steadfast as ever, smiles mockingly at him.)
LORNE
Darla and
Lindsey, the judges placed you near the bottom of the Leader Board
for performing an illegal, albeit spectacular, move. Was the move
spectacular enough for the viewers to rescue you from the Bottom
Two?
LINDSEY
That was the plan.
LORNE
Lilah
and Angel. The judges thought you danced well, but without the edge
that you had the first week. Did the viewers think you danced well
enough to get to the next round? The couple definitely moving on to
next week is…
(Pause. LILAH shoots a challenging glare at LINDSEY. LINDSEY glares at ANGEL. ANGEL glares at DARLA. DARLA smiles confidently at the camera.)
LORNE cont.
…Lilah and
Angel. Darla and Lindsey, that means you are in the Bottom Two.
(Now DARLA glares at LINDSEY. LINDSEY throws it off with a shrug. LILAH gives ANGEL a just-slightly-friendlier-than-congratulatory hug as she steals a glance at WESLEY out of the corner of her eye. The spotlights fade. Cut to LORNE, who is now standing alone.)
LORNE
Let's go backstage to Illyria, who is
there with the three couples who have just learned their fate.
(Cut backstage to ILLYRIA, who is standing next to CLEM and BUFFY. DARLA and LINDSEY join them, followed by LILAH, who is leading ANGEL by the hand. XANDER, ANYA, GUNN, CORDELIA, HARMONY, and GILES are all sitting on or standing around the couch in the background.)
ILLYRIA
(Eyes CLEM suspiciously.) You
are excited?
CLEM
(Nods furiously, ears flapping.)
Oh, yes, yes!
ILLYRIA
(Taking a step away from CLEM,
she addresses BUFFY.) You have been the leader for two weeks now,
although I do not know why this is any more of a surprise than anyone
else being in first place would be. Do you believe that you can
maintain your position in the coming weeks?
BUFFY
Clem's
a good dancer. I couldn't have asked for a better partner. I don't
know if we'll always be in first place, but I think we've got a good
chance to go all the way.
ILLYRIA
What bionic weapon
do you wish to have installed on your person?
BUFFY
Uh,
I think I'll just carry a stake, thanks.
ILLYRIA
I
am not surprised that you are thinking of food. It looks as if you
have not eaten for some time.
BUFFY
And yet I'm
still bigger than you.
ILLYRIA
(Motioning toward
ANGEL) I do not need to be an ever-expanding hulking brute to wield
my power.
ANGEL
Hey!
ANYA
(To
XANDER) I'd noticed that, too, but you once said that I shouldn't say
things like that.
XANDER
That's very good, Ahn. You
now have more people skills than the recently-resurrected,
several-thousand-year-old God-king.
(ANYA smiles, pleased with herself.)
LILAH
(Patting ANGEL's belly.) That's all
right, Sweetie. We danced better than any other vampires or
lawyers.
HARMONY
Not me!
LILAH
Really?
Let's see that Waltz again.
ILLYRIA
Yes, as for you,
out on stage you hugged your partner, yet you were surreptitiously
eyeing Judge Percy. What is your interest in the Judge?
LILAH
You
call "Judge Percy" by a nickname. What is your
interest in him?
ILLYRIA
Judge Wesley is of service
to me..
LILAH
When I was still alive? Judge Percy
serviced me. And F.Y.I.? "Percy" is Spike's name.
Show a little originality.
ANGEL
I'm not out of
shape. …Am I?
LINDSEY
Sittin' behind that big desk
softened you up, Big Guy.
ILLYRIA
(To LINDSEY) And
what of you? Your willingness to use whatever means are at your
disposal has raised your esteem in my eyes, but not in the judges'. A
foolish risk?
LINDSEY
A calculated
risk.
ILLYRIA
A fair reply. But I weary of this
conversation. We have film of a more interesting interview I recently
conducted. (To DIRECTOR) Display that film now.
(Cut to
film.)
--------------------------------------------
(ILLYRIA and GLORY sit in interview chairs arranged in a "V" shape so that they face toward each other but also face the camera.)
ILLYRIA
Your Most Radiant Glorificus. I
welcome you.
GLORY
Illyria, God-king of the
Primordium. It's good to see you.
ILLYRIA
I am
pleased that you were able to join me.
GLORY
(Scoffs.)
Well, it's not like I had much else to do. Kinda stuck in Limbo these
days.
ILLYRIA
Truly, it is a tragedy.
GLORY
You're
tellin' me. You ever try to find cute shoes in Limbo? I had to borrow
these from the studio wardrobe
department.
ILLYRIA
"Borrow?"
GLORY
Yeah.
I took the shoes --and this dress for that matter-- and I "borrowed"
the wardrobe guy's head when he tried to stop me.
ILLYRIA
Foolish
mortal. Your outfit is quite pleasing to the eye,
however.
GLORY
I think I'll borrow some more things
on my way out.
ILLYRIA
Among all the deities, you
always were the most immaculately dressed.
GLORY
Thank
you. It's so nice to be appreciated. (Turns her chair to face ILLYRIA
directly.) You know, I always went to the trouble of looking my best
when I brain-sucked people, so they could tell they were being
brain-sucked by a first-rate deity, but did they appreciate it? No,
it was always just "help me" this, and "spare my life"
that, "me, me, me."
ILLYRIA
(Turning her
chair to face GLORY directly.) Minions are never cognizant of what we
go through. But then, they do not have the capacity to know our
minds, do they? Still, one would think they might at least try. But
instead it was just constant supplication.
GLORY
Greedy,
is what they are. Greedy and uncaring. "Give me this," "I
want that," "help my family and my friends."
I could have gotten all of that even if I hadn't been stylish.
But here I am, caring enough to go the extra cubit to look as good as
I can, and what did they ever do for me? They kill some animal and
leave it to rot. What am I supposed to do with that? Eww. They really
want to leave a sacrifice, how about a nice handbag or some killer
pumps? (Scoffs.) And don't even get me started on my minions. Dreg
and Jinx wouldn't know Gucci from Prada. They'd probably leave me
something from Wal-mart. I mean, look at them. You'd think they'd at
least try. I still have some hope for Gronx, though. She seems to
have some taste.
ILLYRIA
Truly, they know
nothing of our burdens. They do not know what it is to rule
all.
GLORY
Yeah, and speaking of which, what's up
with this?
ILLYRIA
(Cocks her head.) To what are you
referring?
GLORY
This show. What are you doing
here?
ILLYRIA
Like you, I do not currently have
pressing business elsewhere. I was left asleep for too many
millennia. My legions have long since turned to dust.
GLORY
So
get some new ones, honey. I'm trapped but you're not.
ILLYRIA
I
am still learning about this new world.
GLORY
What's
to know? Minions are minions. Strength is strength.
ILLYRIA
I'm
afraid that this body has forced a diminution of my
strength.
GLORY
So let the plants be your eyes and
ears. They'll give you all the information you need to take over.
Even with all the paving over, plants are still everywhere. Some
humans even keep them in their homes!
ILLYRIA
(Hanging
her head slightly.) I no longer hear the Song Of The
Green.
GLORY
Oh. Wow. Seriously? Hey, if you're that
weak, maybe I can brain-suck you. Bet that would be a
rush.
ILLYRIA
I am not so diminished as
that.
GLORY
Oh. Well, I just thought, what with the
whole Co-Host thing, you know.
ILLYRIA
I
believe it is time to conclude this interview.
(Film
ends.)
--------------------------------------------
(Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA.)
LORNE
Well, that was…
interesting. --If not a little disconcerting. But now it's time for
us to find out how the rest of our couples fared.
ILLYRIA
You
are correct, Lorne. The tedious stalling is thankfully at an end and
we will now reveal the fate of our final two couples. Spike and
Faith.
(A spotlight hits SPIKE and FAITH. SPIKE has steeled himself but nonetheless flinches slightly at the bright light. FAITH smiles half-heartedly, more concerned with the possibility of elimination than with amusement at SPIKE.)
ILLYRIA
cont.
(Sighs impatiently.) I know what I am to say next so I
will not wait for the teleprompter. Sebassis and Willow.
(A spotlight hits SEBASSIS and WILLOW. WILLOW starts, nervously, forcing herself to continue breathing even though her instinct was to catch her breath and hold it. SEBASSIS gives her a fatherly smile and pats her on the back.)
ILLYRIA cont.
Of these two
couples, one will remain in the competition and one will be relegated
to the bottom two. The couple who will survive to next week is--
(stares at the teleprompter and growls) …tell me now…
Spike and Faith.
(SPIKE and FAITH smile and give each other a congratulatory high five as the spotlight fades from them. The spotlight on WILLOW and SEBASSIS turns red. Her eyes grow wide as she sucks in a deep breath and this time holds it nervously. SEBASSIS's head is raised and his eyes are narrowed regally.)
LORNE
Sebassis
and Willow. Darla and Lindsey.
(A red spotlight hits DARLA and LINDSEY. Her eyes narrow, but it is unclear whether she is squinting because of the light or glaring menacingly. LINDSEY tilts his head up like SEBASSIS and looks out of the corner of his eyes at the other couple.)
LORNE cont.
You are the bottom two couples.
If it's any consolation, it was extremely close this week. But now we
must say goodbye to one of you. The couple with the lowest combined
total of judges' scores and viewer votes…
(Pause. WILLOW steeples both hands over her nose and mouth in dread. ILLYRIA rolls her eyes.)
LORNE cont.
…by just six
one-thousandths of a point overall…
(Pause. DARLA glares at LINDSEY. ILLYRIA glares at LORNE.)
LORNE cont.
…by
only two points in the judges' scoring…
(Pause. ILLYRIA balls her hand into a fist.)
LORNE cont.
…or by
just one viewer vote…
(Pause. SEBASSIS steadfastly awaits the results. ILLYRIA turns her glare toward the DIRECTOR.)
LORNE cont.
…the couple leaving us
tonight is…
(Pause. WILLOW shuts her eyes tight. LINDSEY clenches his teeth. ILLYRIA takes a menacing step toward the DIRECTOR.)
LORNE cont.
…Darla and
Lindsey.
(WILLOW finally allows her breath to escape, and staggers slightly. SEBASSIS notices this and puts an arm around her to steady her as the spotlight fades from them. DARLA continues to glare at LINDSEY whose head whips over to look at SEBASSIS and WILLOW. He is clearly starting to say something before his mic is cut. DARLA continues stiffly holding his arm and after exchanging a look with her, he offers her his right elbow and escorts her to the Judges' Table, LORNE, and ILLYRIA.)
LORNE cont.
Well,
kids, that was a fantastic routine you had but it just wasn't quite
enough to overcome the low scores from the judges.
LINDSEY
Sometimes
you roll the dice and lose. But we did a great routine.
LORNE
You
did, but the way Darla's looking at you, you might regret it soon.
You two go have your last dance together now. And in the meantime,
we'll say goodnight for now and be sure to tune in next week for
round three of DANCING WITH THE DEMONS!
(LINDSEY leads DARLA to the middle of the dance floor as "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" by Elton John begins to play. DARLA's glare remains unflinching as they dance for a few moments, then the other seven couples descend from the stage and walk up to them. ANGEL cuts in to dance a bit with DARLA, and LILAH grabs LINDSEY with a distinctly superior expression on her face.)
(End credits.)