Title: Dancing With the Demons,
Results Show 3
Author: redsrule1
Fandoms:
Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I
didn't make up the characters, the music, the shows, or the dances. I
just live them sometimes.
Pairings: Gen
Characters: Just about
everyone
Author's Notes: Thanks to yourlibrarian
for the beta.
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and you choose
who becomes the champion!
DANCING
WITH THE DEMONS
Results Show Three
(Music strikes a low chord and sustains it throughout the opening.)
ANNOUNCER
A
new beginning with a new judge...
(Episode clip)
(DROGYN
sits at the Judges' Table.)
DROGYN
My neck remains
sore from my death and I am still somewhat disoriented from my recent
resurrection. Ask me no further questions.
(Clip ends.)
ANNOUNCER
…a new attitude…
(Episode
clip.)
(LORNE standing beside the Judges' Table.)
WESLEY
It
was a great routine.
LORNE
But…?
WESLEY
No
"buts". Just, "it was a great routine."
LORNE
You
got anything to say about the heel leads? The unsteady
frame?
WESLEY
No. Nothing at all,
Lorne.
LORNE
You're not gonna make it through this
whole program.
WESLEY
I'm enjoying my sixty minutes
of popularity, Lorne.
(Clip ends.)
ANNOUNCER
And
a new leader emerged from the pack!
(SPIKE appears on the stage, wearing a Royal Navy officer's dress uniform and strikes a dashing pose, chin held high.)
ANNOUNCER
The
competition is heating up, but someone must go! Who will be
eliminated tonight on DANCING WITH THE DEMONS?
(Theme music plays as the video introductions for all nine original couples roll, then the live camera pans across the seven remaining couples standing on the stage and steps in their dance costumes from the most recent episode.)
ANNOUNCER
Live, from Hollywood,
this is DANCING WITH THE DEMONS: THE RESULTS!
(Music ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA standing beside the dance floor.)
LORNE
Hello, and welcome to DANCING WITH
THE DEMONS! I'm Lorne, your host.
ILLYRIA
And I
am Illyira, God-king of the Primordium.
(LORNE glances quickly at ILLYRIA, surprised. ILLYRIA stares unblinking at the camera. She reads the teleprompter with what she believes is melodramatic enthusiasm. The result is speech that is just this side of flat.)
ILLYRIA cont.
Tonight we will discover which
of our contestants will move on to the next round, and which will go
home.
LORNE
(Still taken aback.) Tha-- that's right,
Illyria. But to start out, we have our first report from the newest
members of our crew, who are going to take us backstage to catch a
glimpse of what goes on behind the scenes. It's Dawn Summers and the
Groosalugg!
(Cut to filmed
report.)
--------------------------------------------
(Shot of DAWN holding a reporter's microphone, and standing alone in the backstage interviewing area, with the familiar couch in the background.)
DAWN
This is Dawn Summers along with
the Groosalugg behind the camera, and we're reporting today from
backstage at DANCING WITH THE DEMONS. After the end of Round
Two, one of the show's judges, Drusilla, had the tables turned on her
when she was "eliminated" from the show. We asked
Head Judge Wesley Wyndam-Price to explain
why.
--------------------------------------------
(Shot of WESLEY sitting behind a desk. The words "Wesley Wyndam-Price - DWTD Head Judge" are superimposed at the bottom of the screen.)
WESLEY
I don't actually have anything to do
with Drusilla's sacking.
DAWN
But you're the Head
Judge, are you not?
WESLEY
I am, but I have no say
over the hiring or firing of the judges. That comes from higher
up.
--------------------------------------------
(Cut to DAWN, backstage standup.)
DAWN
"Higher up."
So someone more powerful than the Head Judge wanted Drusilla gone.
And not just Drusilla. In addition, beloved sound engineer Reg was
also given his walking
papers.
--------------------------------------------
(Shot of a middle-aged man and woman sitting in a room with audio equipment. "Harold Green - Sound Engineer" superimposed on screen.)
HAROLD
None of us could believe it when Reg
was fired. He was the best engineer we had.
("Martha Baker - Sound Engineer" superimposed on screen.)
MARTHA
No
he wasn't.
HAROLD
Okay, no he wasn't. But he sure
was well liked. And he was…
um…
MARTHA
Competent.
HAROLD
Competent.
MARTHA
Barely
competent.
HAROLD
Barely competent.
MARTHA
Not
very good, really.
HAROLD
He didn't have a clue. But
he was trying. He tried hard. And he was learning. We were helping
him.
MARTHA
Covering for him.
HAROLD
We
covered his ass like a cheap pair of underwear. But-- but he was a
great guy.
MARTHA
We all loved him. And then he gets
the news on his birthday, of all
days.
--------------------------------------------
(Cut to
shot of a VASNU, a large, long-armed, alarming-looking demon holding
a half blown up balloon. He is standing under an unfinished banner
hanging in the back of the sound room. The banner is half decorated
with drawings of stars and birthday cakes, and it reads "Happy
Birthday, Reg, Our Favorite Sound". The balloon blubbers as it
deflates.)
--------------------------------------------
(Cut to DAWN, backstage standup.)
DAWN
We went "higher
up," to the person who runs the
show.
--------------------------------------------
(Shot of LORNE sitting behind a desk. "Krevlornswath Of The Deathwok Clan - DWTD Host" squeezed onto the screen.)
LORNE
Look,
Sunshine, I don't run the show. I'm just the host.
DAWN
Then
who does run the show?
LORNE
The Producers
do.
DAWN
And they are…?
LORNE
Evil
lawyers in charge of everything.
DAWN
What do you
mean?
LORNE
Well, Wolfram & Hart are the
Executive Producers of the show, along with the Watchers' Council.
This whole show is a joint goodwill effort by those two groups. They
do all the hiring and firing.
DAWN
And how do they
do that, exactly?
LORNE
They let us know their
wishes. Through a
representative.
--------------------------------------------
(Cut to DAWN, backstage standup.)
DAWN
And one of those
representatives is a contestant on this very show: Lilah
Morgan.
--------------------------------------------
(Footage
of LILAH sitting at a conference table speaking with LINDSEY to her
left. "Lilah Morgan - DWTD Contestant" superimposed on
screen, followed by "And Emissary of the Senior Partners"
superimposed on
screen.)
--------------------------------------------
(Cut to DAWN, backstage standup.)
DAWN
My partner, the
Groosalugg, was hired to do the actual firing. This reporter's first
assignment was to accompany the Groosalugg as he informed the unlucky
employees of their
termination.
--------------------------------------------
(Hand-held camera shot of GROO standing outside of DRUSILLA's dressing room door.)
GROO
I expect her to be a formidable
opponent. Even Angel seemed uncomfortable about doing battle with
her, and I know him to be a great warrior.
DAWN
Angel's
afraid of Dru? Wow. You learn all kinda things when you work with
people. (Narrating GROO's actions as they occur.) Mr. Groosalugg
knocks on the door. There is no answer. He is now trying the
doorknob, to see if it is open.
GROO
I will try the
doorknob to see if it is open.
DAWN
I just told them
that! Pay attention to what you're doing. I'll narrate. The doorknob
turns. It is unlocked. This is very exciting, ladies and gentlemen.
Will Drusilla be angry? Is she lying in wait to attack? What will we
find behind the door?
GROO
Nothing.
DAWN
What?
GROO
The
room is empty.
DAWN
She's not there?
GROO
Nothing
is there. The room has no personal effects at all. It has been
cleaned out.
--------------------------------------------
(Cut to DAWN, backstage standup.)
DAWN
A similar
occurance --occurred-- when Groo arrived in the audio department to
give Reg the bad
news.
--------------------------------------------
(Shot of GROO in a room full of audio equipment, talking to HAROLD, MARTHA, and the VASNU demon. The VASNU demon has his face buried in his hands, and is weeping unconsolably. MARTHA is patting him on the back, trying to comfort him.)
GROO
Reg the Sound
Engineer is not here?
HAROLD
Nah, that vampire
judge, the one with The Sight, came in here this morning and told Reg
they were about to be canned.
("Thormash, Destroyer Of Worlds - DWTD Sound Engineer" superimposed on the screen.)
THORMASH
(Sobbing.) Oh, Reg, Reg! He's
gone!
MARTHA
(To THORMASH) There, there. (To the
camera) See what they've done? Broke poor Reg's heart… and
ours.
THORMASH
Reg, come back!
HAROLD
It
wasn't Reg's fault. They knew his abilities when they hired him. They
saw his resume, knew this was his first job. But they made him head
of the Sound Department anyway. They set him up to
fail.
--------------------------------------------
(Cut to slow-motion, closeup footage of THORMASH crying and MARTHA consoling him. The film has been run through special effects to give it an eerie, black-and-white cast. There is no corresponding audio.)
DAWN
Two lives shattered. And those left
behind can only try to pick up the pieces and struggle on somehow.
Hired with full knowledge of their abilities, and fired on a whim.
Can any of us feel safe in our own jobs? For the Groosalugg, I'm Dawn
Summers saying good night.
GROO
And I am the
Groosalugg. Good night.
DAWN
(Whispering) I said I'd
say it for you.
GROO
(Puzzled) I am capable of
announcing
myself.
--------------------------------------------
(Film ends. Cut to LORNE.)
LORNE
(Somewhat shocked,
forcing a smile.) Heh. Uh, thanks, Dawn, for that tongue-in-cheek
report. But now it's the time I know our contestants have been
anxiously awaiting!
ILLYRIA
(Somewhat flatly.) That
is right, Lorne. We can now reveal in no particular order two of the
couples who will be moving on to the next round. The first couple who
is definitely going on is…
(Dramatic chord plays, spotlights flash on and off at the various couples.)
(Music stops, the blinking spotlights settle to illuminate SPIKE and FAITH.)
(LORNE looks expectantly at ILLYRIA, who continues to stare at the camera. SPIKE begins to wither under the bright light, shielding his eyes with his hand.)
LORNE
(Whispering loud enough for
ILLYRIA to hear) I think that's long enough, Sweetie.
ILLYRIA
Spike
and Faith.
(FAITH, still holding the bouquet of flowers that she used in their dance routine, grabs SPIKE in a hug.)
(Cut to LORNE.)
LORNE
One more couple is definitely going
on to the next round. And that couple is…
(Cut to shot of remaining six couples as the spotlights flash.)
LORNE
cont.
Lilah and Angel!
(A white spotlight hits LILAH and ANGEL. She gives him a congratulatory squeeze, but his attention is focused in a glare towards SPIKE who smirks at him.)
(Cut to LORNE.)
LORNE
Five couples still await their
fate. Two couples are saved. Let's go backstage where Illyria is
standing by with them. Illyria?
(Cut to backstage, where ILLYRIA stands with FAITH, SPIKE, ANGEL, and LILAH.)
ILLYRIA
You
have been spared for the next round. What was going through your
small, half-breed mind when the spotlight--
SPIKE
"Small,
half-breed mind?" Oh, she's talkin' to you, Angel!
ANGEL
(To
ILLYRIA) Can you just knock it off with the half-breed stuff?
(Stepping menacingly toward SPIKE) And I was thinking we're going to
have to endure another week of Spike and his--
LILAH
(Grabbing
ANGEL's arm to hold him back.) Angel, we're on camera. Would you calm
down?
ANGEL
I don't care! I'm--
FAITH
Hey,
let 'em stew, Lilah. (Uses the bouquet of flowers that was a prop for
her costume to point at ANGEL.) If you wanna throw down, that's fine
with me, but if my dance partner misses a single practice, I'm comin'
after your ass!
ILLYRIA
Mr. Head Judge Baboo
and New Judge Drogyn The Imprisoner gave you both scores
that--
ANGEL
Why are you threatening me? He's
the one who started that fight yesterday!
FAITH
Maybe
so, but you know he can't help himself! You're mature enough to walk
away from this before my dance partner gets injured. He's
not.
SPIKE
(To ANGEL) Yeah! --No, wait. (To FAITH)
Hey!
FAITH
Shut up.
ILLYRIA
(Looking
toward the DIRECTOR) Your prepared questions hold no interest for me
or the contestants. (To CAMERA) I return your attention now to
the Host.
(Cut to LORNE.)
LORNE
Is there a
reason we do this show live? And props to her for trying, anyway.
Well, as usual we took our cameras into the audience to see their
reactions to the dances, and here's what they had to say!
(Cut
to montage of Audience Interview
Clips.)
--------------------------------------------
(The FURIES float facing the camera with the dance floor in the background.)
FURIES
Mmmm…
Angel!
--------------------------------------------
(D'HOFFRYN, MAYOR WILKINS, and THE MASTER.)
MAYOR WILKINS
Another
great job by Faith! If she keeps this up, works hard, and keeps her
nose to the grindstone, well then, doggone it, I think she's gonna
win!
D'HOFFRYN
She's got a good chance. If
she can keep that vampire in line.
THE MASTER
Are
you implying that vampires are incapable of hard
work?
D'HOFFRYN
That one, yes!
THE
MASTER
Touché.
MAYOR WILKINS
Mind you,
I didn't like the way she threw herself at that vampire. Ulgh!
(Shudders.)
THE MASTER
Your Anyanka had a nice
routine.
MAYOR WILKINS
Yes, she did. At least she
wasn't dressed as a streetwalker like that Cordelia!
D'HOFFRYN
Oh,
don't even get me started on that "Addams Family"
routine.
THE MASTER
I rather liked her
outfit.
MAYOR WILKINS
Well, now, to be fair, the
routine itself wasn't offensive, was it? It's the reference to the
show that upsets you, not the routine.
THE MASTER
Why?
What is the reference?
MAYOR WILKINS
You haven't
heard of the "Addams Family?" Where were you in the sixties
and seventies? And the nineties?
THE MASTER
Underground.
Trapped. For 50 years. With no T.V.
D'HOFFRYN
It's
shows like that that give demons a bad name. They portray us either
as mindless killing machines or as laughable buffoons. If they're
really trying to use this show to create goodwill between the demon
and human communities, using songs like that is not the way to go
about it.
MAYOR WILKINS
Still, that show was
a hoot, wasn't it?
D'HOFFRYN
Oh, Lurch was the
best!
MAYOR WILKINS
And that Thing, what a
rascal.
--------------------------------------------
(Three
GENTLEMEN sit in their seats with bloody stumps where their heads
used to be.)
--------------------------------------------
(JOYCE SUMMERS and PRINCIPAL SNYDER.)
SNYDER
That sure is a
shame that Buffy fell out of first place.
JOYCE
That
was too bad. Poor Clem, they hurt his feelings. No wonder he had
trouble concentrating.
SNYDER
Still, they did pretty
well, huh?
JOYCE
They did.
SNYDER
Don't
worry, they'll do better next round. I'm rooting for
them.
JOYCE
Thank you. That's very kind of you to
say so.
(SNYDER smiles politely and nods. JOYCE smiles at the
camera. SNYDER starts to snake an arm around JOYCE's waist. JOYCE
smacks it away without taking her eyes off the
camera.)
--------------------------------------------
(Montage ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA in the ballroom.)
LORNE
Well,
we'll have to see who's disappointed when we reveal who leaves the
show tonight.
ILLYRIA
I tremor with anticipation.
But now, the time has come to reveal the results for two more of our
couples.
LORNE
That's right! --And surprisingly
sarcastic. Clem and Buffy!
(Cut to CLEM and BUFFY as a white spotlight hits them.)
LORNE
You fell from first
place on the Leader Board, but the judges still felt you danced well
enough to stay near the top. Did the voters agree?
(CLEM shuts his eyes tight and crosses his fingers. BUFFY smiles and puts her arm around CLEM's back.)
LORNE
They did. You're coming
back for the next round.
(CLEM opens his eyes and grins widely, and throws his arms around BUFFY as the spotlight fades.)
ILLYRIA
Harmony and Giles.
(Cut to HARMONY and GILES as a white spotlight hits them.)
ILLYRIA
The
judges found your Mambo to be unsatisfactory enough to place you at
the bottom of the Leader Board. Did the audience save you from the
Bottom Two?
(HARMONY clasps her hands in front of her in a begging motion. GILES waits emotionlessly.)
ILLYRIA
They
did not. You are in the Bottom Two.
(The spotlight changes to red and HARMONY deflates with a sad look on her face. GILES smiles as the spotlight fades.)
(Cut to LORNE.)
LORNE
Another
couple saved, one couple in the Bottom Two. Three more couples await
their fate, but let's go backstage where Illyria's waiting with those
who know their results.
(Cut to backstage where ILLYRIA stands
with CLEM, BUFFY, GILES, and HARMONY. FAITH and SPIKE sit on the
couch in the background,
and ANGEL and LILAH stand behind the
couch.)
ILLYRIA
(To CLEM) Do not embrace
me.
CLEM
Right. Sorry. Okay.
ILLYRIA
Are
you happy that you will be continuing to the next round?
CLEM
Yes!
Yes! Oh, yes. Thank you! I'm so happy!
(CLEM starts to throw his arms around ILLYRIA, but stops when he sees her warning gaze.)
CLEM cont.
(Calmly.) Um, yes. Very
happy.
(ANGEL is slowly reaching his hands down toward SPIKE's neck.)
ILLYRIA
Do you not feel that dropping from
first place calls into question your ability to win this
competition?
CLEM
Oh, no, not at all. (Shakes his
head earnestly.) All that really matters is making it to the next
round. Spike and Faith were in last place in Round Two and now
they're in first!
(CLEM turns to wave at SPIKE and FAITH, who return the wave. ANGEL quickly withdraws his hands.)
ILLYRIA
Harmony
Kendall and Rupert Giles, you have gone from near the bottom to near
the top, and are once again near the bottom. How do you feel
now?
HARMONY
Disappointed and scared.
GILES
(Under
his breath) Relieved.
(ANGEL once again sneaks his hands toward SPIKE's neck.)
ILLYRIA
Rupert Giles, do you
not wish to continue in this competition?
HARMONY
(Eyes
wide and threatening tears.) You wanna lose?
GILES
What?
Oh, dreadfully sorry. No, o-of course not. I, er, will always try my
utmost to perform as well as possible and, ultimately, to win this
competition. However, given that, if the voters do not wish for us to
continue, well, I do have a Watchers' Council to get back to
running. There are many, many Slayers, and the Council could do with
having me back. But I will represent the Council in this competition
as best I can.
(FAITH is bapping ANGEL's hands away from SPIKE with her flower bouquet.)
ILLYRIA
So winning the
trophy is of secondary importance to you. I blame you not. The trophy
is unappealing, and the contest is trivial.
GILES
No,
I, er--
BUFFY
I'm sure Giles wants to win just like
everyone else. It's just not the only thing in his life. All of us
have other commitments. I have my slaying, Harm--
(GILES shakes his head emphatically at BUFFY.)
BUFFY cont.
I
don't have my slaying. (GILES nods.) …'Cause it's wrong.
Apparently. So very, very wrong. An' I didn't know what else Harmony
has to do, anyway.
(HARMONY, distracted, sees FAITH hitting at ANGEL and walks over to her. She takes the bouquet from FAITH like a parent taking an annoying toy from a child, effectively ending the tussle. HARMONY returns to stand next to GILES.)
GILES
Because
of the truce between the human and demon worlds for the duration of
this competition.
BUFFY
(Unenthusiastically) Oh.
Yeah. That.
ILLYRIA
An interesting
revelation. I return you now to the Host.
(Cut to LORNE in the ballroom.)
LORNE
She's actually being a co-host
tonight! But speaking of the truce between humans and demons, with
many people watching our show now, we've decided to send Harmony and
Giles out to a Los Angeles Galaxy soccer game to do a little PR, and
to help show that humans and demons really can get along. Our
reporting team of Dawn and Groo tagged along. Let's see what
happened! (To DIRECTOR) Did anybody pre-screen this one?
(Cut
to film of soccer
game.)
--------------------------------------------
(DAWN standing in the stands at a soccer stadium. Fans are milling about, and the game is being played on the field.)
DAWN
Dawn
Summers here with my partner Groosalugg where Harmony and Giles are
here to do a little bit of
PR.
-------------------------------------------
(Cut to DAWN interviewing GILES on the field before the game.)
DAWN
As
a representative of the Watchers' Council, it makes sense that you
were chosen to be the first to begin doing PR. What do you hope to
accomplish with this visit?
GILES
Well, Dawn, we
hope to show that humans and demons really can live in some sort of
peace.
DAWN
And do you think attending a soccer game
will help to achieve that?
GILES
I think anything
that gets exposure for our television show will help to achieve that.
If the general public's first encounter with vampires and demons are
as celebrities, rather than as someone chasing them down a dark
alley, I think they will be more receptive to the fact that not all
demons are
evil.
-------------------------------------------------
(Cut to shot of GILES and HARMONY on the field during the pre-game ceremonies.)
STADIUM P.A. ANNOUNCER
Now, ladies and
gentlemen, let's introduce two celebrities who are joining us for the
game tonight. From the hit show "Dancing With The Demons,"
it's Rupert Giles and his vampire partner, Harmony
Kendall!
(Applause from the CROWD. HARMONY beams, basking in
the celebrity, and waving to the CROWD with both hands above her
head. GILES smiles uncomfortably and nods his head instead of
waving.)
--------------------------------------------------
(Cut to DAWN interviewing a pair of teenage girls on the stadium concourse.)
DAWN
So who are your favorites on the
show?
GIRL 1
Ummmm, I don't know. Maybe Spike?
GIRL 2
That Clem is so weird! And the host guy! But
he's kind of funny too. It's just all really weird.
GIRL
1
Yeah, but some of the guys are hot.
DAWN
Is
there anything about the show you like? Besides the hot guys?
GIRL
1
Um, well some of the audience comments are kind of
funny.
GIRL 2
The audience people are so weird! And
that vampire judge freaks me out.
GIRL 1
The co-host
scares me.
GIRL 2
Yeah, she's really weird
too.
GIRL 1
Yeah,
weird.
----------------------------------------
(Cut to DAWN interviewing GILES sitting in the stands.)
GILES
I
thought that introducing Harmony as a vampire was a bit much. I mean,
I know that the show is getting good ratings, so people are getting
used to the idea that demons are real, but are they ready to be shown
a real live-- or dead-- vampire in person? At a sporting event? Where
there could have been panic and a stampede? But fortunately, no one
panicked and I think most of the men there were more interested in
Harmony's somewhat revealing outfit than they were in her feeding
habits. (Smiles sheepishly.) And the women we met seemed rather more
interested in the fact that I could dance than the fact that I am
head of a council that fights monsters and
demons.
-------------------------------------------
(Cut to shot of HARMONY and GILES sitting at a fold-out table on the concourse, autographing publicity photos of the entire cast. GILES signs and hands a photograph to an older teenaged boy.)
GILES
There
you go.
BOY
Which one are you?
GILES
(Pointing
at the photo.) I'm that one there. In the corner.
BOY
(Nods
toward HARMONY, who is signing a photo for someone else.) Which one's
she?
GILES
She's actually on the opposite side from
me. (Looks at the photo and points.) Right there.
(The BOY takes the photo and rips it in half, dropping the part that GILES signed onto the ground as HARMONY finishes with the other fan.)
BOYGROO
You are familiar with the dance
competition.
WOMAN
Oh I think it's really exciting.
I watch it every week. But I don't get why some of the people dress
up like monsters. Anyway, it's nice that Giles and Harmony are here
but I was really hoping Angel or Gunn would be here.
GROO
Angel
and Gunn are your favorite warriors?
WOMAN
Angel and
Gunn are hot.
GROO
I have indeed seen Gunn sweat,
but Angel is actually quite cold. I know. I have fought with
them.
WOMAN
You fight with them? How dare you!
They're nice boys!
(Camera cuts away from GROO's puzzled
frown.)
------------------------------------------
(Cut to GILES and HARMONY signing autographs. An attractive middle-aged woman approaches GILES.)
GILES
Er, ah, hello.
WOMAN
I
love you on that show. I think you dance beautifully.
GILES
Erm,
yes, ah--
WOMAN
Can you make this out to
"Desiree"?
GILES
(Nods)
Y-yes…
DESIREE
There's nothing more sexy than a
man in a tuxedo-- who can dance as well as you.
GILES
Isn't
there?
(GILES looks down at the photo and signs it, then hands it to DESIREE.)
DESIREE
Thanks. Maybe I'll get to
see you dance in person sometime.
GILES
Well, er,
tickets to the show are uh, available.
DESIREE
Well,
thanks, Rupert. (Walks
away.)
HARMONY
Smooooooooooooth.
---------------------------------------------
(Cut to DAWN interviewing HARMONY in the stands.)
HARMONY
Giles
was getting tired in practice so I guess this is a good break for
him. I guess that happens to you when you're old. I'm glad I don't
have to worry about getting old anymore. I'm gonna look young and
pretty and thin forever-- unless I drink too much blood, I guess. I
mean, look at Angel. Maybe I should only drink the blood of thin
people. Less fattening that way. Anyway, Giles tried to explain the
soccer game to me but it was real boring. I don't think these teams
are very good 'cause nobody's scored a touchdown yet or whatever. But
we got to meet that one movie guy so that was kinda
cool.
-------------------------------------------
(Cut to HARMONY and GILES on the field before the game, meeting the players.)
HARMONY
You're who?
DAVID
BECKHAM
I'm David Beckham.
HARMONY
Oh, you're
that guy in the movie! I didn't see it. Did you get
bent?
------------------------------------------
(Cut to DAWN, standing with a middle-aged man who seems quite pleased to be interviewed by her.)
DAWN
So, do you watch the
show?
MAN
Uh, the show with the Demons? (DAWN nods
and smiles, tilting the mic forward encouragingly) Nah, dancing's not
my thing. The wife likes it.
DAWN
So you never see
it?
MAN
Nah. (Sees DAWN's disappointment) Maybe if
they got sports stars on
it.
------------------------------------------
(Cut to GROO interviewing a 13 year old boy.)
BOY
Yeah, I like
Illyria. She's cool.
GROO
You admire the
co-host.
BOY
And Faith. She's cool
too.
GROO
Actually, as I was trying to explain to
that woman, Illyria and Faith would be rather warm,
whereas--
BOY
Most of the dancing's kind of lame,
but Illyria doesn't dance, she likes to fight with swords. And I
think she's probably gonna kill somebody before the show ends. Maybe
she'll kill that host guy. That'd be cool.
GROO
You
see, only the vampires are--
BOY
Oh, and that'd be
cool to see Faith actually stake a vampire.. And maybe she'll
fight with Illyria.
GROO
…the vampires are
cold-blooded, and--
BOY
And maybe if Illyria kills
Faith, she'll take on Buffy next, she's a slayer too,
right?
--------------------------------------------------
(Cut to DAWN interviewing GILES while standing on the concourse, with HARMONY in the background surrounded by men and signing autographs.)
GILES
I think that this event will
definitely boost Harmony's confidence for our routine this week. At
least it seems as if we'll have quite a few people voting for us.
Perhaps I should get back there and help Harmony sign photos.
DAWN
I
think she's got it covered. Or, just enough uncovered. She
might just get you some votes. (To camera.) And remember, half the
scores come from the audience, so keep watching and sending in your
votes. Back to you
Lorne!
--------------------------------------------
(Film ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA in the ballroom.)
LORNE
Well,
looks like someone's winning a few popularity contests. What did you
think of that segment, Illyria?
ILLYRIA
The Houston
Dynamo have no chance to repeat as champions now that David Beckam
has been conscripted to the Los Angeles team.
LORNE
(Eyes
wide.) You continue to amaze me, Blueberry Muffin.
ILLYRIA
The
most mundane and insignificant tasks seem godlike to lesser
beings.
LORNE
There's the Illyria we all know
and love. But now, three more couples await their fate.
ILLYRIA
Two
of the remaining three couples will escape elimination. The third
will suffer in the Bottom Two.
(Cut to shot of the three remaining couples on the stage. A dramatic chord plays, and spotlights flicker on and off of all three.)
LORNE
(From
off camera.) Sebassis and Willow! The judges called your routine
commendable and enjoyable. But did it keep you out of the Bottom
Two?
ILLYRIA
Xander and Anya. Your routine, too, was
called "enjoyable." But did the voters enjoy it enough send
you to the next round?
LORNE
Gunn and Cordelia! Your
Addams Family routine landed you in a third place tie on the Leader
Board. Will you be there for Round Four? Let's find out now. The
first couple who will definitely be continuing is…
(Pause.)
LORNE
cont.
Gunn and Cordelia!
(GUNN and CORDELIA give each other a hug as the spotlight fades from them. Cut to a split screen with XANDER and ANYA on one side, and SEBASSIS and WILLOW on the other.)
ILLYRIA
Sebassis and Willow. Xander and
Anya. One couple will continue to the next round, and one couple is
in the Bottom Two. The couple definitely moving on to Round Four
is…
(XANDER looks at the floor, biting his lip. ANYA looks threateningly at XANDER. WILLOW shuts her eyes tight and grimaces, and SEBASSIS stares stoically at the camera.)
ILLYRIA
cont.
Xander and Anya.
(WILLOW winces. ANYA tries to hug XANDER, but he reaches out to squeeze WILLOW's hand and gives her a sad "I'm sorry" look. SEBASSIS pats WILLOW on the back as the red spotlight hits her and SEBASSIS.)
LORNE
So
there we have it: the Bottom Two for this round is Sebassis and
Willow along with Harmony and Giles. We'll find out which couple is
eliminated next. But first, earlier this week, Illyria sat down with
someone who knows what it's like to be eliminated: Lindsey
McDonald.
(Cut to film of
interview.)
--------------------------------------------
(ILLYRIA and LINDSEY sit in a special interview set backstage, with their chairs arranged in a "V" shape so that they face toward each other but also face the camera.)
ILLYRIA
Your
partner Darla is not here. Where is your partner, Lindsey
McDonald?
LINDSEY
She decided not to come along.
She's still a bit upset.
ILLYRIA
As well she should
be. Your scheme to win the affections of the audience failed and you
have been eliminated. What do you have to say for
yourself?
LINDSEY
Well, we would have preferred to
have gone farther in the competition, but it's always hard to
anticipate how the audience is going to vote. We could have been in
first place but still voted out.
ILLYRIA
But you
were not. You were among the lowest ranked of the
contestants.
LINDSEY
We weren't last, though. Spike
and Faith were, but they didn't get voted out. Look, I knew we'd be
near the bottom as far as the judges were concerned. As I said
before, it was a calculated risk. It just didn't quite pan
out.
ILLYRIA
Perhaps you should have planned your
strategy better.
LINDSEY
It doesn't really matter.
Sure, this is a dance competition, but no one's really here to see
who the best dancer is.
ILLYRIA
Your response
confuses me. Is this not a contest of skill?
LINDSEY
Well,
yeah, but the ability to dance isn't the most important skill here,
is it?
ILLYRIA
Is it not?
LINDSEY
No.
Look, regardless of their skill all the contestants are getting
something out of being here.
ILLYRIA
Explain.
LINDSEY
For
one thing, I used to be dead.
ILLYRIA
Yes. I have
observed that many of the contestants are formerly deceased. The
judges as well.
LINDSEY
And that's just the
beginning. Win or lose, we all get something much more out of
this.
ILLYRIA
Yes? What is
that?
LINDSEY
(Chuckles.) You really don't know, do
you?
ILLYRIA
You dare to laugh at--
LINDSEY
The
answer is "celebrity," honey. We get
celebrity.
ILLYRIA
"Celebrity?"
LINDSEY
There's
lots of shows like this, and many people will take part in these
shows just to revive a flagging career. Or to start a career to begin
with. Television has been a pretty powerful medium to make people
popular. It can even take a creep like Angel and make him a hot
commodity.
ILLYRIA
Are we popular?
LINDSEY
Yes
we are. The show has been getting good ratings in its first few
episodes, though it's been kind of tricky calculating viewership for
all the different dimensions where we're broadcast.
ILLYRIA
These
viewers determine popularity, as in the audience
vote.
LINDSEY
That's just for the contestants. But
everybody on the show, the Judges, Lorne, you-- we all benefit
from the popularity.
ILLYRIA
Perhaps that explains
the giant images of the Host and me that I see on walls and buses and
signs. Although it insults me that his image is larger, and in front
of, mine.
LINDSEY
Well, he is, as you say, the host
of the show. But yeah, you check the trade papers, and the show isn't
reaching all the demographics, but it's definitely getting a
lot of demons and humans to tune in. So it'll have a significant
effect for a lot of our futures.
ILLYRIA
And this
makes us more powerful.
LINDSEY
Yeah, I guess you
could say that.
ILLYRIA
This has been enlightening.
You will teach me to read the "Trade Papers" so that I may
reach more "Demographics."
LINDSEY
Sure,
I'll show you as soon as we're done here.
ILLYRIA
Then
we are done here.
--------------------------------------------
(Film ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA in the ballroom.)
LORNE
I pity the "demographics."
It's too bad Darla was unavailable. Maybe we can catch up with her
next week.
ILLYRIA
That is unlikely. Your human
assistants cannot match the speed of a vampire.
LORNE
Probably
not. But now the moment of truth has arrived, and it is time to
reveal the results for our final two couples.
(Cut to SEBASSIS, WILLOW, HARMONY, and GILES standing on the stage under red spotlights.)
LORNE cont.
(From off camera.) After
totalling the judges scores and the viewers' votes, the couple with
the lowest combined score and therefore leaving the competition
tonight is…
(WILLOW buries her face in her palms, as SEBASSIS continues to pat her back. HARMONY bounces and shakes the bouquet of flowers nervously as GILES rolls his eyes.)
LORNE
cont.
Sebassis and Willow.
GILES
Oh, bloody
hell! (Grabs the bouquet from HARMONY and hits her in the chest with
it, pretending to stake her. HARMONY disappears into a pile of dust.
The CROWD gasps. LORNE gasps. GILES stands dumbfounded.)
LORNE
You
staked Harmony!
GILES
I--I didn't mean
to…
WESLEY
You can't do that!
OZ
I
think he just did.
GILES
But I don't see how, I
mean, I just hit her with this bouquet of--
(GILES drops the bouquet in shock. It clatters on the floor as the flowers fall away to reveal the wooden stake hidden within.)
DROGYN
That
is the bouquet of flowers the Slayer used in her routine with the
Vampire.
GILES
Oh, dear. I'd wondered where she'd
gotten it from.
LORNE
I ask again, we broadcast this
show live WHY? Well, kids, this is… unprecedented. What do
we do now?
SEBASSIS
The witch child and I will take
their place and remain for another round.
WILLOW
Yeah,
we could do that! We'll do better next time!
ILLYRIA
You
have already been eliminated. Do not disgrace yourself with
groveling.
WILLOW
(Angrily) I wasn't--
LORNE
Okay,
kids, settle down. Wes, you're the Head Honcho. I'm gonna haveta ask
you for a ruling.
WESLEY
Unfortunately I do not
believe there is anything in any dance competition handbook regarding
the staking of one's partner.
DROGYN
That is true.
The rules do not even state that one must wear shoes. Or even
clothes.
OZ
(Looking pointedly at GILES.) No, it
just kinda goes without saying!
GILES
Look,
it was an accident! The Producers can just bring her back-- it's not
like half the participants on this show aren't dead
anyway.
WESLEY
Yet rules are rules, Rupert. And I
would have to think that one of the most cardinal rules, written or
not, is that one is not to stake one's partner. I believe I'm
going to have to think this over long and hard, in consultation with
my fellow judges.
LORNE
Um, so…?
WESLEY
We'll
have to get back to you, I'm afraid. I don't want to make a snap
judgement here. We need to make certain that we do this right. Much
is at stake here.
OZ
No pun intended.
ILLYRIA
There
is nothing to discuss. Rupert Giles put his partner to the stake, so
Rupert Giles should be put to the stake. (To GILES) Or, if you
prefer, I have a sword in my dressing room.
DROGYN
That
punishment seems extreme, Old One. It was, after all, accidental. We
should discuss this off camera, and announce our decision on the next
show.
WESLEY
Yes, yes, quite right. We will do as
Drogyn says, Lorne.
ILLYRIA
(Eyes narrowing.
Growls.) So be it.
LORNE
Well, there you have it,
folks! A dramatic finish to a dramatic round. We hope you'll join us
to find out what the judges decide on the next episode of DANCING
WITH THE DEMONS!
(Roll end credits.)
Author's
Note:
Just a note to everyone reading along here, I'm sorry
this episode ended up getting posted late. It's been more difficult
to keep up the weekly schedule lately and with upcoming travel and
other things I thought it would be better to put the show on hiatus
rather than keep running episodes behind. So the next episode will
start again at the end of July.
Perhaps in not very good timing I also wanted to thank everyone from the Wanton Folly Awards for the Runner-Up WIP award here. I promise this story won't stay a WIP. It'll definitely be getting its ending this year. Someone has also kindly nominated my Day in the Life of PuppetAngel story in Round Two for Best Characterization so thank you very much!
Also, I wanted to mention that my beta yourlibrarian has been nominated for Best Beta over at the SunnyD Awards (as is this story). Pop on over and vote for her, ( http sunnydawards com / vote html )but do it soon since voting wraps up May 13.