Chapter 5

Mac looked up when the mail girl dropped interoffice envelopes and a stack of papers on his desk at his elbow.

"Thank you," told her as she left.

She gave a quick smile, but was in too much of a hurry to stop. Mac started opening envelopes until he spotted a thin one from HR. He opened it and smiled. Maybe this news would get Adam to finally talk to him.

Mac got up, heading for the A/V lab.

#

Adam stared at the computer monitor. Had someone come in and asked him what he was doing, he couldn't have told them. His mind had drifted away and he'd lost track of time. Luckily, the printer started spitting out the results of a search he'd begun two hours ago. The sound of it warming up and pushing paper out drew his eyes to it, breaking his trance. He reached up and scratched his bearded cheek. It took a month to grow his beard back the way he liked, and two months for his hair to get to a length he could get his style back. But in three months, nothing had been able to scare away the ghost of his past, and that ghost left him tired and feeling isolated.

He got up, grabbing the walking cane leaning against the desk. The pain to walk on his healing leg was a dull ache, but his doctor insisted he use a walking cane for another month. Adam picked up the papers and returned to his chair.

He didn't see Mac come to the door, or hear him step into the A/V lab. Adam glanced over the results and then slid them into the case file at his elbow.

"I just got the paper work back for your leave of absence," Mac announced.

Adam turned his chair, looking up at him. Mac waited for a response, but after a minute, he knew one wasn't coming. Mac sighed a little. Ever since Adam had returned to work, he didn't speak unless he had to. But around Mac, his willingness to speak was even less. He practically had to order Adam to speak if he wanted any response. Since Adam had come too at the accident scene and found out Mac had been involved in his father's death, he'd kept his distance from Mac. Someday Mac hoped he could understand how people could care so much for people who abused them so brutally; but for now, he just kept the anger of Adam's reaction to himself.

"HR approved your three month leave of absence. Are you going to do something special?"

Adam shrugged a little.

Mac gave up trying to get him to talk. He walked over, looking at the file. "How's it coming getting into Kevin Baker's email account?"

"I'll have it in another hour," Adam answered.

Mac nodded a little. "Good. Let me know."

Adam didn't answer.

Mac turned and walked to the door. He stopped. Yes, he had told himself to just let Adam get through his anger, but in reality, he couldn't do that. He had to say his peace. So he turned back around.

"How long are you going to be mad at me?"

Adam turned his chair, staring at him.

"I know you want me to be sorry for killing your father, but I am not sorry, Adam. I know you're mad at me for it, but that day your father forced me to make a choice. He was a stranger, you are my friend. I chose to save my friend's life. And if you want to be mad for that, fine. But I won't apologize for it."

"I'm not mad at you." Adam turned back to his work.

Mac stood for a minute. He had expected the conversation to take a completely different course.

"Then why are you giving me the silent treatment?" Mac took a couple steps back into the room.

"I just don't feel like talking."

Mac looked out of the room. He wasn't comfortable with feeling conversations with most people, so this wasn't really territory he wanted to venture into. But he had to know what had changed Adam.

"Adam, I don't understand. Help me with that."

Adam dropped his hands to his lap, hunching over. Mac walked up, finding he'd closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I—"

"When my dad was alive, I would see him sometimes, even when he was in jail. But now he's dead, and I know because I watched them bury him. But now… Yesterday, at the crime scene, I opened a closet and a coat and broom fell out, and I saw him reaching out to strangle me. He's everywhere now."

Mac stared at him. All this time he'd thought Adam was angry, and he was angry in response. Finding out that Adam was running scared from a ghost, and didn't know what to do about it, made Mac feel guilty. He should have asked this question sooner. He should have reached out. He should have been the friend he just claimed he was. Yet, his pride wouldn't let him tell Adam how guilty and sorry he felt.

Adam looked at his hands, quietly saying, "I guess I'm going crazy."

That shook Mac out of his guilt-wallowing. "Sometimes people impact us so much that they leave an imprint on us. Time will rub that imprint off. In the meantime, I'm here when you think you see him. Just call, any time. You don't have to get through this alone, Adam."

The young man looked back up at him. He had hope in his eyes. It was the first emotion Mac had seen in months.

"Are you sure? Someday it will stop?"

Mac should have expected a question like that and been better prepared for it, but he hadn't. He weighed his options. One was to say he just knew and leaving it at that. One was telling Adam how he knew, and exposing his own secret. So just how good of a friend did he feel Adam was?

"Good and bad people can leave an imprint like that on us. I saw Claire every day for years after she was killed. It's been nine years, and I don't see her very often any more. When I do, it's just the back of her, but I don't try to catch up to her anymore like I did those first couple of years. It doesn't surprise me as much anymore."

Adam looked away, staring at the desk. Mac decided he should have chosen the 'I just know' answer.

"If you need to talk, my door is always open." Mac turned, walking away.

"You should go with me," Adam said.

Mac turned around. Adam slowly rotated his chair until he could look squarely at Mac. The dark look he usually wore had lifted, but old Adam wasn't quite back.

"I'm sorry?"

"You should go on my leave of absence with me. I'm going sailing for two and a half months. Why don't you come? It's all expense paid."

Mac smiled. "No, Adam, but thank you. You enjoy your trip."

The dark look was back before Adam had turned away. Mac guessed it was the look of a scared, lost boy. A trip away from the city would do him good.

Mac walked out of the lab and headed back to his office. He passed a lab. Inside Lindsey and Danny were working together. From the way they were smiling, they were teasing each other. Mac slowed to a stop, watching them. Danny noticed him first and stopped what he was doing. Then Lindsay noticed. Mac looked away.

Realization hit him hard – he had just made the wrong choice. That dark look wasn't scared or lost, it was disappointment. Adam had taken his story about Claire to heart, had recognized Mac's need for someone to reach out like Mac should have done for him, and did what Mac hadn't. Despite his own pain, he was offering to help Mac. Adam was disappointed that his attempt to help had been rejected.

"Mac?"

He looked up at Lindsay. She looked worried.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes. I just thought of something."

He headed back to the A/V lab. He found Adam typing at a speed Mac knew he'd never match. Lines of code quickly filled one screen and on the other, windows opened and closed in response.

"Of everyone you could have asked, why are you asking me to go?" Mac asked.

Adam stopped, turning his chair. He answered so quickly it was liked he'd been waiting for the question. "Because you're my friend, and it sounded like you needed a break too."

Mac considered the answer. Then he considered the opportunity he was being offered. He could rectify three months of thinking Adam was angry and doing nothing to fix it. He could even find the old Adam and bring him back. And maybe, for once, he'd be able to tell Adam that his behavior during his kidnapping and in the bank made Mac very proud of him.

"I pay for my groceries and help with other expenses. I know you can afford it, but I insist."

A faint smile crept onto Adam's lips. Maybe it wasn't as big as Mac would like to have seen, but it was a start.

"Food and fuel. I cover the rest. Deal?"

"Yes. For now. I'll go turn in the request and see if I can get it approved."

Adam nodded.

"Do you have any destination in mind?"

"I'll point the bow south. We'll see where the wind takes us."

"I like that plan." Mac left the A/V lab again.

When he passed the lab with Danny and Lindsay in it, he exchanged smiles this time. Some mistakes were easier to repair than others.