A/N: Still don't own Twilight. Darn. This one has my two favorite characters besides Edward and Bella: Emmett and Alice! Whoo!

Bella/Alice

Bella. Bella! This is EXTREMELY important. Life or death! White or wheat! Chicken or beef! Paper or plastic!

More important than not failing high school?

Isn't everything?

What do you want?

I have an itch.

Isn't that like impossible?

No, silly. Not a physical itch. A mental itch.

Do a crossword puzzle.

You don't understand me at all.

You are impossible to understand.

I was taaaaalking about shopping! Which you would have gotten unless you were being purposely dense…

I would never. Hahaaa.

What?

I just remembered that SNL short with Andy Samberg. "Andy Walking".

I've never seen that.

He just like walks around asking people questions. Like "Who was the first president?"

George Washington.

Exactly. And people answer right but he flips out laughing because he thinks they are wrong.

What made you think about that?

He does one where he is like "Finish this phrase: The Declaration of Indepen_____"

Dence.

Ha! Yeah you are.

Emmett would appreciate that.

HEY! Why does everyone think I'm so dumb?

You're not even in this class, Em.

Um, yes I am.

No you aren't.

Then what am I doing here?

You tell me!

I apparently "wasn't paying enough attention" during today's class and I'm supposed to be "relearning it" during my "study hall". Psh.

Why did you put "study hall" in quotes?

What?

Never mind.

EMMETT.

Yep?

Why do I see you … you know… ing with Rosalie in MY CAR????

You know?

You know….

Haa. Maybe she doesn't. Have you met Edward?

That's mean. Also stop changing the subject. I still see it.

Get out of my future.

Get out of my car. Thank you.

Hey hey hey. What are we talking about?

Nooooothing.

Mean.

Ew! You're wearing that tomorrow?

Edward likes that sweater.

Um, so does Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Was she the blind one?

No, but good point. Mary probably likes that sweater too.

Helen Keller!!

No, Emmett. That has nothing to do with Little House on the Prairie.

Yeah, but she was blind. And deaf. So she would like Bella's sweater too.

What does deafness have to do with Bella's ugly sweater?

It's not ugly. And you shouldn't make fun of people with disabilities.

I will apologize to all of the deaf people in the room.

You better learn sign language first, though. And all of the blind people couldn't even know what we are talking about. Because we don't have one of those Braille puncher things. Also the deaf people wouldn't know either because they are not part of this note convo.

A: Who says "convo"?? B: It's still mean, and C: Just wait until I show Edward this note.

Like you could catch me.

Poo on you. Hey! We never explained that thing at the top of this page. You know what?

Bella.

Emmett.

Alice.

What? You guys are weird. Gak!!! What did she just ask me??

Metonymy.

Thank you.

You should really pay attention more instead of passing notes, Bella.

OH my GOD, Alice!!! You were the one who made me talk to you in the FIRST place.

I never knew you were such a slacker, Bella.

I'm not a slacker. You guys are distracting me.

Just wait until Edward hears. Mr. Perfect will be soooo disappointed.

Don't you dare tell him. And don't make fun of him for being so perfect.

Oops.

Ha.

I hate you both. I will get you back for that, Emmett.

Haa! She will. Watch out.

Pssh. You can't hurt me.

Did Edward tell you you're babysitting this weekend?

I don't waaaaaaanna! *Bella sticks her tongue out again*

That is really unbecoming, Bella.

Yeah. Only toddlers stick their tongues out. Also teacherguy is looking confused.

OHMYGOD. Guess what is Tuesday?

Oh dear.

I think I might be sick that day. Do you see the flu in my future, Alice?

Not a chance.

Edward said we could stay home if I wanted.

But whatever you will be doing then is the whole point of Tuesday.

Ew. We would just be hanging out.

Ha. Maybe little Eddie would be hanging out….of Edward's pants.

Can it, Emmett.

Ugh. This is so long.

That's what---

That's what she said!!!!!!!!!

I had it first!!!

Really guys? Really? You guys haven't matured at all in fifty plus years?

Nope.

I was obviously talking about the class. Pathetic.

So is Little Edward.

He's not happy. I would steer clear of him this afternoon if I were you, Emmett.

Hey! Isn't there an "Emmett is not ever allowed to say anything ever about Bella and Edward's personal life ever" rule?

Yeah, only you are just saying that because you are mushy gushy in love with him. Also you said "ever" like nine times there.

Emmett.

Alice.

Anyway, I feel a little uncomfortable discussing this. Especially because you guys shouldn't care. You know, on account of the fact that it's unnatural because you are his siblings???

Maybe you wouldn't feel so uncomfortable if you two would just ---

I don't think we need to pollute poor Bella's ears.

We're not talking.

Pollute poor Bella's eyes.

Poor Bella?

Yes. Poor Bella's not getting any.

Oh my god.

I'm sure that's what you would say. If you were getting any.

!!!! I meant "oh my god" as in "oh my god can we PLEASE drop this?"!!!

So why aren't you guys doing the nasty?

Wasn't that the bell?

Little Eddie's got stage fright? He is a 108 year old virgin, you know.

I'm not responding to any of your childish gossip.

I could give you some tips, Bella. I've got some tricks that totally drive Jasper wild.

EEEWEEWEEWW.

I thought you weren't going to respond?

You guys are disgusting.

Sex is a normal and healthy part of life. And it makes you happy.

I am happy, thank you very much. And so is Edward. We are both very happy.

But not as happy as you coooould be….

It's true. I mean, sex is basically just like exercise. And exercise gives you endorphins, which make you physically more happy. It's not really the same with vampires, but…

I'll go to the gym. Can we please change the subject?

Bella and gym? Ha. We'll go shopping. I've already got some great ideas.

We just went shopping. I have enough shoes, skirts, pants, tops, and dresses to last a lifetime. Eight lifetimes.

I'm talking about clothes to wear uuuuuuuuuunder those clothes.

Like layering? It's spring. I think it would be a little warm. I don't have Super Vampire Chilly Hands.

Oh my god, Bella. You are so naïve. Also Super Vampire Chilly Hands? Why is that capitalized?

Hey! I am not naïve.

Lingerie, young grasshopper.

Did you guys hear that?

Hear what?

Haaa!!

Hear what??

YOU GUYS!!

Edward had to excuse himself. I guess Alice imagining you in lingerie was a bit too much for him.

Stupid vampire hearing. I hate you both.

Whaaaat?

Yeah! I can't believe you guys. I asked and asked you all just to drop it and you wouldn't.

Flip out much, Bella? I didn't know it would be such a huge deal.

Well it is.

Sorry.

Sorry, Bella. Do you still love me?

Bella?

Aww, come on. You can't stay mad at us forever.

Bella!!!!!

What is it that's really bothering you?

I can't believe you would think that when you knew that Edward would be listening.

What?

You thought about me in lingerie and Edward saw.

Umm. So what?

What if I wasn't ready for him to see me naked?

What do you mean?

I don't really think it's fair that he gets to see me like that and I'm not going to even get a peek until our *gag* wedding night.

I didn't think.

Obviously. And what if he didn't like what he saw? What then? Can you imagine anything more embarrassing???

Bella! You're hawt! I'm really sorry, but I don't see why this is such a huge deal.

I'm sure I'll never know because he'll never say what he really thinks.

We were just goofing off. I'm really sorry.

Whatever.

I mean, it's bad enough that he is absolutely perfect and I'm absolutely average. But now he has seen my absolute average-ness. All of it. In lace.

Sorry. I really am. And I'm sure Emmett is too, but I'm pretty sure you didn't want him to see all of this.

Goodbye, Alice.