Challenge Day Part 3 For A Friend

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or If You Really Knew Me

"If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm in foster care, my dad's in jail, my mom just got out of rehab and wants me to go live with her. If you really knew me, you'd know that when I was little she would lock me in a closet when she was high, you'd know that a lot of shit happened last year with coach Carson [A/N I was too busy with school to watch season 9, yeah high school fucking sucks ass, so I don't, nor do I wish to catch up on what happened with KC or the others.], you'd know that I cheated on my girlfriend last year and I'm sorry, you'd know that my life is being held together with tape and that I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything. I regret it all and I wish I had never messed up anyone's life."

I didn't really see any sincerity but I guess with all that shit, you wouldn't really feel all too comfortable telling anyone anything. I guess he meant it, he just didn't want to show that he did.

Adam spoke next, his story wasn't anything that he hasn't already told me, but every time he tells his story, you can't help but feel for him. "If you really knew me, you'd know how hard it is to be an FTM. You'd know that my step brother [A/N yea people that's what I heard, on like MM that's probs why they are in the same grade] is a football super star, he has every opportunity to have a perfect life and he keeps screwing it up. And I'm jealous of him for that. If you really knew me you'd know that my mom still sees me as her daughter and she can't let it go, you'd know that sometimes I think that things would just be easier if I was a girl, but when I'm her I'm not happy, I burn myself. It's not something that I can control, and sometimes I wish I could just be...normal."

Fitz was up next, could someone like him actually have enough of a heart hiding behind that black hole in the middle of his chest to actually be hurting on the inside? I didn't think so either, "I'm not doing this." He said emotionlessly.

Drake came up to him, "Dude, don't you want to get all of that hurt off your chest? We all have things that we're hiding, things that we don't want anyone to know, but it's more of a challenge to keep things inside than to tell someone what's wrong in your life."

"I won't do it." He stood up a left. Drake sighed, "Alright, man."

Everyone in the group looked at me, oh shit, it's my turn. Thank you very fucking much Fitzy boy.

"Okay, if you really knew me," Clare squeezed my hand, "you'd know that last year [?] my girlfriend and I got into a fight, it got messy and she took off on her bike only to get hit by a car, if you really knew me you'd know that when I was 9, there was this bully, and his favourite game was making my life a living hell and no matter how fast I ran, he was always faster. You'd know that nothing in my life has gone right, I've fucked up every good thing I've ever had and just for once, I want something that I can hold onto."

I was fighting back the lump in my throat and I was holding onto Clare for dear life, I finally had something that I could hold onto, someone I could depend on, and if something's going to ruin it. It'll be over my dead body.

This end note comes to you in 4 parts (Long Ass End Note, Pick What You Want To Read)

Part 1- I'm sorry that I haven't been updating as much, I've been severely unmotivated to write after Esther died, she was only a year older than I was and she didn't deserve to go. I would like to thank all of the people who have given their condolences to Nerdifghteria's loss, you know who you are and I thank you for your love, support, patience, and understanding of my situation. I would like to dedicate this chapter to the very very very few friends (real life friends) that have supported me through this tough time. You have no idea how much it actually means to me. Especially to one friend in particular that probably saved my life the night I found out Esther was dead. If it wasn't for you, I might not be here right now. Thank you. For Savannah, I know what you're going through, I know it hurts and I know it sucks, your too nice and good of a person to have all this shit happen, just know that I'm here for you. You're never alone.

Part 2- School starts on Tuesday September 7th, I will be taking such difficult courses as Anthro., Phsyco., and Socio. 3M and Intro to Canadian Law 3M. There will be little to no time to write. I apologize in advance.

Part 3- I am still editing and reviewing stories, you can private message me and ask me to do so for your story. But don't ask for advice then tell me I'm wrong, that's fucking stupid. Also, there will be one last chapter, it will be the Cross The Line thing they always do. I'm not sure if I want a happy ending or not, they're so unrealistic and cliché I'm sick of happy endings that never really happen.

Part 4- Dear Munro Chambers Fan girls, (not the real fans I'm talking those girls that are like "OMGZ i ToTeS LURRRVEEE UU! I wANa hv ur BAYbAyZ!") this is my message to you http:/ royalassassin . tumblr . com / post / 1038055185 / dear-fangirls (without the spaces and reblog if you agree) Regards, Me.

OKAY ALSO! Can I say that when you're writing a fan fic about Degrassi and you try to describe Toronto, can you do your research? Seriously it's annoying living in this city and reading stories that are completely off. Don't try feeding me bs like "Degrassi is unrealistic so it's okay" (It's actually not, it's more realistic than most stuff out there so that holds no water) or "It's a fan fic it's not supposed to be realistic." Stop making excuses to do any fact checking. I get it if for the sake of the story you need to add a building that's not there or something like that but everything else, there's no excuse.

As always, Rest in Awesome Esther.

Best Wishes.

Nicole