Chapter 4: Love and other worries

Slowly they went back.

Over and over again Merlin looked at Mary, trying to say something but then changed his mind and remained silent. Mary on the other hand thought about how to put the question she longed to ask into quite harmless words.

Finally she could not hold back any longer: "How long have you known you were different?"

Shocked Merlin turned around, his face snow white, and looked around to make sure that nobody had heard something because Mary had not even come up with the idea of lowering her voice.

Behind them they could hear a mix of laguhter and coughing, followed by an unfortunately well known voice. "Pardon me?"

Arthur stepped towards them, watching Merlin amused and waited for an explanation, a big grin on his lips.

The young magician bobbled around, not knowing what to say without making everything worse for himself.

Mary realized that her actually harmless question must have been somewhat catchy and wanted to help Merlin. "Uhm, every boy wants to be a knight and a hero while Merlin is fine with the way he lives." She nodded, pleased with herself.

"Ah" , Arthur said laughing to Merlin. "So you will be happy to hear that you have to polish my armour and also muck out the stables." He slapped Merlin on the shoulder as an encouraging gesture, gave Mary a friendly smile and went on on his way.

"Thank you very much", Merlin said angrily to Mary and she lowered her head knowing her guilt, her face blushed.

"Sorry", she said sheepishly.

Merlin opened the door and stumbled into the room while Mary sneaked after him and closed the door silently. It remained silent for several seconds.

"You have to be careful", Merlin finally said, almost whispering. "You never know who might hear you. If someone has only the slightest suspicion and takes it to Uther the smallest, even faked evidence is enough to be doomed. And to be killed."

He just stood there, turned away from her. As he raised his hand towards his face Mary sowly walked around him to look at him. He was pale, had tears in his eyes.

"What happened here?" she asked in shock.

Merlin looked at her, deep into her eyes.

"You better go as fast as you can", he warned her.

"She has just arrived", Gwen's voice sounded from the door. Like being caught in the act the magician and the Lady stared at the maidservant.

"Do you have a secret?", Gwen asked slightly annoyed.

"No, no", Mary answerd quickly before realizing that this might have been too quick. So she added the explanation: "Merlin just wanted to tell me a bit about Camelot."

"Why?" Gwen continued asking.

„Uhm", Mary tried to procure some time for her to think. Merlin took over the thinking for her: "Mary has heard some stories about the recent events."

Gwen sighed, seemed to remember unlucky times like Merlin.

"It wasn't always nice", she said and added quickly: "But it's not that bad to live in Camelot. Whatever happens, it's the safest to be here."

Merlin had to cough all of a sudden.

Confused Mary looked from Merlin to Gwen. Very different emotions were visible on their faces. The one seemed to be angry, hurt and the other disappointed, unsure. But both seemed to be filled with grief. A tickling went down Mary's back. Something just happened. Then she saw how Merlin stared into nowhere, a smile on his lips. He looked up, nodded to the women and said: "I have to go. We'll meet later for sure."

So he disappeared but not as sad as before.

Mary looked after him, shaking her head. "I would have loved to hear that conversation", she just said.

Gwen looked at her in surprise: „What conversation?"

"Uhm, I mean, it seemed to me like he just went from sad to happy. That must have been the result of a soliloquy." Mary congratulated herself on this brilliant explanation.

"Why should he have been sad?" Gwen asked.

Mary stared at her: „You will not stop asking questions until you have the right answer, will you?"

Gwen was grinning: "If it works, it's good."

The Lady did not smile. Even if Merlin's facial expression had changed after the internal conversation, Gwen still seemed sad.

"Something must have happened here. Apparently you do not suffer less than Merlin", she said seriously, sat down on the bed and gestured Gwen to do the same.

The maidservant hesitated, seemed to be unsure whether to trust a stranger or not. But then she sighed and sat next to Mary.

"A lot of things are happening here", Gwen finally said. "Sometimes it's a magical creature causing riots, sometimes it's a simple human who turns out to be evil or just disappoints you."

„Well, I prefer magical creatures a lot more", Mary said nodding. "They are so intersting and some of them are a lot nicer than people think." Encouraging she looked at Gwen and flinched as she noticed her surprised look.

"So I have been reading", Mary said quickly which brought her another surprised look. "Have heard of?", she corrected herself halting.

"You are strange", Gwen said to her but did not give a sign on whether she had seen through Mary or not.

"That is why everyone likes me", the Lady said cheekily and grinned at the maidservant who finally had to laugh.

She became serious again and looked at Mary thoughtfully, narrowed her lips to a slit, laid her hands in her lap and stared at her knees.

"You know", Gwen said, " I could live with those creatures. And those evil humans, witches and sorcerers have never hurt me, like those humans I had faith in the most. I was the maidservant of the Lady Morgana. Until she disappeared. I don't know where she is, if she is alright, if she is still alive. And that hurts a lot. And Arthur is not a big help. Either he avoids the topic or he talks around it. But I know how much it gets to him."

Mary could not help it. She just had to giggle, although the first part of the story had been quite sad.

„You and Prince Arthur?", she said making a great effort not to laugh.

Gwen flinched, her face blushed and she was slightly embarressed.

"Not in the way you might think now", she tried to save the situation.

That was when Mary really had to laugh.

"Prince Arthur loves a maidservant. The in love maidservant is angry with the prince. Add Merlin to that and the secret-mongering is perfect."

"Merlin?", Gwen asked wondering. "What has Merlin to do with that?"

Mary bit her lips, clawing her nails into her knees.

"Uhm, he seems a bit…well, I mean he's also just a boy … and …", she stumbled without knowing where to go with this.

"Oh yes", Gwen said. "It wasn't easy for him either. There was this witch and she put a spell on him, so he did not know what was right and what was wrong anymore. She was very powerful. But they burned her."

Mary looked shocked and shattered at the maidservant. Gwen was talking about a burning like she was talking about something that was right, something good. Something that just had to be. They seemed to live in very different worlds after all.

"Not all magic is evil", Mary said quietly, softly and took Gwen's hand. "In the end, love is said to be magic too." The Lady smiled encouraging. Gwen had tears in her eyes, but they already dried away.

"It is getting late", Gwen finally said, got up, made the bed, took one final look around and this time Mary could see a glimpse of joy in the maidservant's face.