Title: A Little Less Torture and a Little More Hope…For Luke
Characters: Luke, Reid's heart, Casey, Katie, Chris and Bob
Rating: NC 17 Explicit sex talk and language.
Summary: This is the third and final part of Reid Slowly Tortures Chris.
A/N Special thanks to Daniel Snyder for inspiration in this chapter.
Disclaimer: These are not my characters.
All mistakes are mine.
Please let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.
While Casey and Luke were waiting for Katie to come over, Casey decided that he needed a little background on the whole Chris situation. His parents had mentioned that Chris had developed feelings for Luke, as a side effect of the heart transplant, but it seemed like they had left out many of the pertinent details. He felt that it was necessary to have as many of the facts as possible if he were to help Luke.
"So Luke, what is going on between you and Chris?"
"Nothing," Luke responded, coldly.
"Come on, man I need some background information if I am going to be able to help you."
"Really Casey there is nothing going on between Chris and me," seeing the look on Casey's face Luke decided that he better tell Casey what little he knew. "Alright, all I know is that Chris claims that Reid's heart is still in love with me and this is causing Chris to feel like he is in love with me, but I don't return those feelings."
"How did he tell you about these feelings? Did he come over to your house to tell you? Did he tell you when you were meeting with him about the neuro wing?"
Luke breathed a deep sigh, "no, Chris decided to tell me at the dedication for the Snyder-Oliver Pavilion, in front of the whole town. It was humiliating for me and I imagine everyone else, especially Katie. Chris ruined the whole night," Luke finished, bitterly.
"Why was Katie so humiliated? Were they still together when he made his big announcement?"
"Yes they were still together, and Chris being Chris hadn't bothered to share what he was feeling with Katie. Katie apparently noticed that Chris was staring at me and put two and two together. She then revealed that Chris had called out my name during sex with her," Luke said blushing bright pink.
Casey just stared at Luke as he told his tale, and then he burst out laughing at the idea that Chris had called out Luke's name at a most inappropriate moment.
Just then the doorbell rang. Luke, still glaring at Casey's laughter, went to open the door and let Katie come in.
At the sight of Katie, Casey just laughed harder. He knew that he was being an ass, but he couldn't help it.
"What's with Casey?" Katie asked.
Luke actually blushed a deeper shade of pink, but couldn't bring himself to answer.
Casey managed to gasp out between bouts of laughter," Chris called out Luke at a pivotal moment while he was with you?"
"Thanks Luke, it wasn't enough for everyone in town to know what happened; now we're spreading it to Carbondale?"
Casey instantly sobered up and looked apologetically at both of them, "don't blame Luke, I made him tell me what happened so that we can figure out a way to diffuse the situation with Chris. All I knew was that Chris had developed some feelings for Luke and that my dad had come over here to try to convince Luke to give Chris a chance. I needed to know what else had happened."
"Sorry Katie, I wasn't trying to embarrass you further," Luke added.
"So what did you do when you heard Luke's name? Did you kick his sorry ass to the curb immediately?" Casey wanted to know.
"No…he uh…covered. He said that he called out 'you' meaning me obviously, and I believed him, because that's what I wanted to believe. He had been putting me off for months, constantly making excuses not to have sex with me. I thought that there was something wrong with me and so I increased my efforts to be attractive to him. Obviously, nothing worked, presumably because I wasn't Luke," she said bitterly, feeling awkward and uncomfortable admitting these things, even now when really everyone must have figured it out.
"I'm sorry that you had to go through that, Katie," Luke said, wrapping an arm around her to show his support.
"Finally, I realized that it wasn't me and I tried to get Chris to see a specialist. I thought that there must be something physically wrong with him. Chris put me off, of course, and just blamed his lack of interest on stress. I believed him, because it was easier than blaming myself. Finally, the night before the opening, I attacked him, hoping to relax him and that's when he called out Luke's name. While we were at the opening I caught him staring at you and that's when I realized why he was no longer attracted to me."
"Right," Casey interrupted, wanting to keep the conversation going, while not allowing Luke to feel to guilty and Katie not to feel to bitter. "There must have been some good things in your relationship, after all you were engaged, why don't you tell us about the happier times so that we can understand how Chris operates while he is in a relationship."
"Chris is very determined about getting what he wants. I remember when our relationship started that he wanted me to just be over Brad. He is the one that pushed me to take off my ring," she said sadly. "Looking back, I'm not sure that I was really ready to take that step, but Chris made it clear that I had to do it, and so I did."
""Wow, he sounds like kind of a bully, wasn't that a clue that maybe he wasn't the one?" Casey inquired.
"Yeah, I think that should have been a clue, but Chris can be incredibly charming and I really like being in love. Brad had been dead for several months by that time, and I really wanted to feel something other than sadness and Chris offered me that. In retrospect, I really think that Chris was never meant to be anything more than a transitional guy in my life. I feel like a complete idiot. The best thing that has come out of that relationship is that I now feel really ready to move on to someone new."
"Okay, so let's recap, Chris is a bit of a bully, charming, and ultimately dishonest, is that about right?" Casey asked.
"Yes, but he really did help me to get over Brad. He gave me that final push so that while Brad will always be a part of me, I know now that I can love again without losing him. Does that make any sense?"
"Yeah, Katie it does," Luke responded giving Katie a little hug.
"Do you think that maybe being with Chris would help you get over the loss of Reid? I mean I know that Chris isn't the greatest guy, but he does seem incredibly sincere when he talks about the love that he feels for you. He seems completely in awe of the connection he feels for you because of the pull of Reid's heart. Don't you think that it's worth exploring on some level?"
"Dude, Katie makes a good point. I know that you are not in love with Chris, but it is hard to walk away from someone who has such intense feelings for you. Since it's Reid's heart you might even feel like you are with him, and not really Chris."
Luke looked at his friends who both had such hopeful expressions on their faces, that instead of feeling pressured he felt supported.
"I could never, ever be with Chris," Luke began quietly. "If I'm honest there is a part of me, maybe even a large part of me that wants to be with Chris, simply because he has Reid's heart. My God, it's Reid's heart! When Chris talks about how he feels about me it almost feels like Reid is reaching out for me begging me to be with him, even if it is only through Chris."
Katie and Casey nodded encouragingly at Luke, who looked so distraught as he explained this to them.
"I could never use Chris that way; it would just be far too cruel to have a relationship with him for just to be closer to Reid. If I were with Chris under these circumstances and then somehow fell in love with Chris that would kill me. Chris has already taken so much from Reid, first Reid's life, then his heart and finally his job. If I let myself be with Chris the burden of betrayal would be too great for me to bear," Luke paused to let the weight of his words sink in. "I think we can all agree that I can be very self-destructive when pushed. I don't know how I would react, but I know that it would kill me, figuratively, if not literally. I just can't defile Reid's memory in that way. He would be so disappointed in me if I imploded which would only increase my downward spiral." Luke said with tears running down his face.
Katie immediately got up and hugged Luke as tightly as she could. Casey came over and gave him a manly thump on the back.
"You can never be with Chris. I never really thought of how negatively it could affect you emotionally. I'm so sorry that I even suggested it," Katie declared. "Please forgive me."
"Dude, you've got to explain that to Chris. I'm sure that once you explain this to him he will leave you alone. If he doesn't I will explain it to the rest of my family and make sure that they keep him away from you," Casey stated emphatically.
Katie worried that Chris was far to selfish to just leave Luke alone, even though it was clearly in Luke's best interest that he do so. "I promise to run interference as well, if anyone else gives you grief about Chris, all you have to do is tell me and I will set them straight," Katie stated fiercely, knowing that above all Reid would want Luke protected. It was the least she could do to honour her best friend's memory.
Luke smiled at his friends. It felt so good to have people around him that were clearly on his side.
Katie was the first to notice that Luke looked exhausted. She quickly remarked that she needed to get home to check on Jacob. Luke smiled his thanks for her thoughtfulness and hugged her good-bye.
"And then there were two," Casey joked lightly. "Do you think that I could crash here tonight? I was planning to stay with my folks, but I am still too angry with my dad to face him. If it's a problem at all I can go stay with my Granddad," Casey added hastily not wanting to be an imposition.
"No, don't be silly. Please stay. It will be nice to have the company," Luke stated warmly. "Can I ask you for a favour though?"
"Sure" Casey replied.
"Can we just hang out and watch TV and not talk about anything emotional?"
"Thank God! I was starting to feel like a girl," Casey joked.
"Uh… Casey are you hungry? Why don't we order a pizza?"
"Pizza sounds great!"
The two friends spent the rest of the night eating pizza, cracking jokes and watching TV. It was the best night that Luke had had since Reid had died. That night Luke went to bed with a smile on his face for the first time in far, far too long.
One week later Casey went back to school and Ali in Carbondale. Luke was both sad and relieved to see Casey go. One solid week with Casey was a lot, but he was grateful that their friendship was finally back on track.
The day after Casey went home, Luke had to go to the hospital for his annual appointment with his nephrologist, Dr. Markey. The appointment went well and while he was given a requisition for blood and urine samples, if they all came back within the normal range he wouldn't have to come back for another year.
Luke was just on his way out to the parking lot when he heard his name called by a familiar voice.
Luke heaved a sigh and turned around to greet Bob Hughes.
"Luke, I was really hoping to run into you today."
"How did you know I would be here?"
"Dr. Markey and I are old friends and he mentioned that you had your yearly appointment today."
"Isn't that a breach of doctor patient confidentiality?"
"Oh no, not at all, Ron and I are old friends and he just mentioned your appointment in passing. He didn't give me any medical details at all. So I was wondering if you had time for a quick chat. I don't have an office here anymore, but I would be happy to have coffee with you in the cafeteria. What do you say?"
Luke sighed, again, "how about we walk over to Java and have coffee there. I don't like to spend anymore time than is absolutely necessary in the hospital."
"Sure, let's go to Java. The coffee is much better there than at the cafeteria anyways," Bob said, smiling at Luke.
The two men walked quickly over to Java in silence. Each man lost in his own thoughts. Luke wondered how long he would have to listen to Bob, before he could politely excuse himself and escape. Bob was busy trying to get his thoughts together so that he could present his argument quickly before Luke bolted.
When they entered Java, Bob was relieved to see that the place was nearly empty, which would allow them some privacy for their talk.
"What kind of coffee would you like, Luke?"
"Large non-fat latte with extra foam, please."
Bob quickly ordered Luke's latte and his own large regular coffee with cream and sugar.
Once they both had their drinks, Luke led them to a table that was in the corner near the door. Luke wanted to make sure that he had easy access to an exit.
"So," Bob began "I hear that Casey was in town last week and that he chose to stay with you."
"Yes he did. It was great to see Casey again. School seems to be agreeing with him, he told me that he is getting good grades and that he is really enjoying his classes."
"Yes, yes he's seems to be doing well, but that's not really what I wanted to talk to you about. Tom seems to feel that you are angry with him and that you have turned Casey against him and the rest of the family. Kim and I didn't even get to see Casey while he was here."
"I didn't ask Casey not to visit with you or anyone else in his family. I don't have that kind of power over him, or anyone else. I am angry with Tom and it was Tom's treatment of me that upset Casey. So if Tom is looking to blame someone for Casey's anger he should start by looking in the mirror. I suggest that you do the same," Luke responded starting to stand up.
Bob just gaped at Luke for a moment before realizing that Luke was about to leave "sit down Luke Snyder; I want you to explain that last remark. Why would Casey be angry with me? I have barely spoken to you in months. You behaved terribly at the opening of the new wing, you didn't even give your speech, but I covered for you and let it go because I realized that Chris's declarations must have shocked you."
Luke sat down wearily, "you really have no idea what you have done, do you? I am angry with you because of how you treated me while Reid was dying and right after he died."
"What are you talking about? I behaved professionally. I have nothing to apologize for."
"Reid was your colleague, he saw you as a mentor, and you always seemed to care about him as well. Do you have any idea what it meant to him when you recommended him for the position of chief of staff? Even when you later recommended Chris as well, he understood your position. He admired you so much that he was determined to get Chris a new heart. Yes he did it for Katie and for Chris, but he also did it largely for you. He gave his life so that Chris could live, and when he was near death, when we had our last moments together he made sure that if he was a match then Chris would have his heart. Can you even contemplate the sacrifice that he made so that your son might live?"
"Yes of course, and I am now and will always be very grateful to him."
"You say that you are grateful to him, but when he was wheeled into the hospital, no one took care of him, no one even tried. I kissed him and one of the machines started beeping and all of a sudden you and John started turning off all of the machines and Tom insisted that I sign over Reid's heart for Chris."
"Luke, I know that it was upsetting to you then and clearly it still bothers you now, but as a medical professional, I can assure you that there was nothing more that anyone could have done. Reid's death was tragic, it's always tragic when a young person dies, but it was no one's fault. Maybe Tom was a bit more aggressive with you than was absolutely necessary, but he was terribly worried about Chris. Surely, you can understand that."
"I wonder if you would feel the same way if the person who had died had been Kim. Do you think that you would be content that everything that could be done was done for her, when no one did anything? How would you feel if the doctor's just started turning off the machines that were keeping her alive, less than a minute after you had been kissing her?"
"Luke, that's not a fair comparison and you know it. Kim and I have had a lifetime together. We have children and a family. You and Reid were just getting to know each other."
Luke glared at Bob with such venom that Bob grabbed the table to steady himself.
"You're right, Bob it's not the same. It wouldn't be nearly as sad if Kim died, simply because you had all of those years together. Reid and I were just getting started. The enormity of my loss is so much greater than yours will be when Kim dies. I know that you will be sad when she dies, and I will try to treat you with more respect than what you have shown me."
"What are you talking about now? Please stop talking about Kim dying; it's painful to imagine her gone."
Luke rolled his eyes, "yes I imagine thinking about Kim's death is upsetting, think how much worse it is when the person you love is actually dead. When I said that I would try to treat you with more respect than you treated me, I meant that I might actually try to support you in your grief that I might actually come to Kim's funeral."
"You are upset because I didn't attend Reid's funeral? Chris was just recovering from surgery; surely you can understand that I needed to stand by my son?"
"Yes I know, everyone was so consumed with the drama that was Chris, which he created for himself, that no one could take even a moment to say a final thank-you and good-bye to Reid the person responsible for saving Chris's life."
"Luke, please don't try to rewrite history. You knew how thankful we all were and are that Reid was a match for Chris."
"Believe me I know that you are grateful that Reid was a match for your precious Chris, what you don't seem to comprehend was the enormity of the loss of Reid, not as an organ donor, but as a person. You treated Reid like he was just a handful of spare parts. Valuable to you only in his capacity to aid Chris, and that is a very disturbing perspective for me."
"Of course I felt the loss of Reid personally, he was a great surgeon, probably the best that I have ever seen and I think that you know how much affection I had for him personally, but people die, Luke. This is one of the harshest realities in life. People die, good people die all of the time and it is up to the living to make the best of it and move on."
"I'll try to remind you of this uplifting pep talk when Kim or any of your other family members dies," and with that he stood up and left Java. He could barely hear Bob calling after him, "Luke, you're young; you'll find someone new to love. Maybe even Chris…You've got to move on…" Luke just kept walking and didn't stop until he entered the lobby of the Lakeview and checked in.
As soon as Luke got into the room he began to pace. He was so angry that his whole body was shaking. He couldn't believe how awful his conversation with Bob had gone.
"Fuck Bob Hughes, Fuck Tom Hughes, and Fuck Chris Hughes," he practically shouted in the empty hotel room. Luke had had enough, he decided it was time for him to confront Chris and have it out once and for all.
Luke opened his phone and quickly dialled Chris's private line.
"Hello," Chris answered a little breathlessly.
"Hi Chris it's Luke," he stated coldly. "I'm at the Lakeview and I want to see you, how soon can you get here?"
"I can leave now and be there in five minutes. Do you want to meet in the lobby?"
"No, I'm in room 415, come up when you get here," Luke said slamming his phone shut.
Chris was so excited that he was going to be alone with Luke that he chose to ignore the cold tone of Luke's voice. 'He's probably just as nervous and excited as I am. Tom had seemed so discouraged after he had talked to Luke, but Dad must have really gotten through to him.' He would have to call them both later with the happy news.
Chris then packed up his office and told his secretary that he was leaving for the day.
He then headed for the parking lot and drove the very short distance to the Lakeview. He could easily have walked, but he didn't want to waste any more time.
As soon as he entered the Lakeview his level of excitement grew. He was beaming. The people around him started to give him funny looks, but Chris was too preoccupied with himself to notice. As soon as he got to the fourth floor he had to force himself not to run. As he reached room 415 he paused momentarily worried about what was going to happen next. 'What if Luke doesn't enjoy sex with me? Oh, who am I kidding everyone likes having sex with me. What if I don't like having sex with Luke? Now that was a real concern, but his heart was yammering away like crazy, so he was pretty sure that he was in store for an amazing orgasm one way or another.' He knocked on the door.
Luke answered immediately, which Chris took as a sign that Luke was just as desperate to see him as he was to see Luke.
"Come in," Luke all but commanded.
"Hi, Luke," Chris said shyly. "I was surprised, but really excited to hear from you."
"Uh huh," Luke answered coldly. "So I heard that you wanted to have sex with me. Is that true?"
"Yes," Chris answered taken slightly aback. He hadn't expected Luke to be so direct, he had thought that Luke would try to romance him, at least a little bit, but maybe men didn't need that sort of thing.
"So do you want to fuck me or do you want me to fuck you?" Luke asked in that same cold tone.
"Uh…is there a difference?" Chris asked starting to feel a little uncomfortable.
Luke rolled his eyes at Chris. "Yes there is definitely a difference. I'll ask you an easier question. What exactly do you want to do to me?"
All of a sudden Chris's heart started beating like crazy and he could hear Reid's voice say all of these things in his head. Words like suck you, eat you and fuck you kept repeating in his head as if they were on a loop.
"Uh…I guess I want to do all the things that Reid and you did together," Chris answered lamely.
"Well that's not possible because Reid and I never had sex."
"Oh, of course not, I just meant that we could make love the same way that you two did," Chris said apologetically and immediately knew that he had said the wrong thing when he heard Reid cackle inside his head.
"Christ you're an idiot," Chris heard a voice say and he wasn't entirely sure if it was Luke's or Reid's or quite possibly both.
"I don't understand what you're saying."
"Reid and I never had the chance to actually have sex. We would get close and something would always get in the way. I'm sure that we would have had amazing sex when he returned with your donor heart if he hadn't been killed."
"Oh my God" was all that Chris could respond with.
"So Chris what exactly do you want to do to me?"
Again the visions returned and he kept hearing Reid say 'suck me, suck me, suck me.'
"I'd like you to suck me," Chris whispered, looking at Luke's mouth and thinking he might actually enjoy it.
"So you want me to put your penis in my mouth and suck you off?" Luke asked to clarify.
"Yes" was all that Chris could answer as the word was reverberating throughout his head in Reid's voice.
"What are you going to do for me? Are you going to suck my dick at the same time?"
"Yes" screamed Reid inside Chris's head. "No" is what Chris replied. He hadn't actually thought too much about Luke's penis, but he knew that he didn't want it in his mouth.
"Did you want to give me a hand job?"
"Yes" was Reid's enthusiastic response. "Maybe," was Chris's more tepid one. He'd never touched another man's penis, but he had had plenty of experience with his own so he felt fairly confident that he could touch Luke's.
"Do you want me to eat your ass? Stick my wet tongue in your hole and begin to stretch you out?"
"Yes, yes, yes," was Reid's reply and the feelings of arousal and excitement suddenly swept through Chris's body and he heard himself say "yes" breathlessly.
"So you want me to fuck you, then. You want me to put one, two and then three fingers in your ass and stretch you out so that you're ready to take in my huge, throbbing cock?"
"Yeeesssssss" came Reid's response. Chris started to say yes as he was swept away by the feelings of desire converging on his ever hardening dick, "wait, what do you mean stretch me out, why would you have to stretch me?"
Luke just stared at Chris "are you insane? Do you have any idea how much it would hurt if I rammed my rock hard cock up your ass without preparing you first? Have you ever had anything up your ass before?"
"Like what?"
"Your fingers, someone else's fingers a dildo, anything?"
"No, no of course not," he said somewhat indignantly.
"Well then you need to be prepared, it's going to hurt no matter what, but without preparation it will hurt like hell."
"What do you mean it's going to hurt? Sex shouldn't hurt it's supposed to feel good."
"It does feel good, but pain is part of it. Haven't you thought about what sex with me would actually be like?"
"No, not really, does it hurt for both of you, maybe I should have the other role."
"So you want to eat my ass, prepare me with your tongue and then with your fingers and then ram your cock up my ass?"
"Oh God, Yesssssssss" was Reid's reply. "You want me to put my tongue in your asshole? Is that even sanitary? Ew, I don't think so," Chris said feeling his cock deflate.
"So really you don't want to have sex with me then do you Chris?"
"I don't know, this is all so new to me. Reid is really into all of it. You should hear how excited he is inside my head. Maybe we could just start slowly so I could get used to all of this. I don't want to lose you. This is all just so overwhelming for me. Weren't you scared at all when it was your first time?"
"Yes, Chris I was scared, I think that everyone is, gay or straight. All new experiences are scary, but I was curious and not disgusted by any of it. The look on your face when I suggested that you lick my ass was pure disdain. You're not gay, Chris."
"Well then what am I? I'm not straight either. I could barely touch Katie after Reid's heart took over. I don't want to be with anyone but you. I feel warm inside every time that I think about you. I dream about you all the time. I was so excited when you called me today. If we take it slowly I'm sure that I could get used to the physical side of things. I'm sure that I would enjoy a blow job from you." Chris felt himself harden at the idea of Luke's mouth wrapped around him; he decided that he should take off his pants so that Luke could see his prize.
"What are you doing? Keep your pants on. I am not going to blow you, not now and not ever. I was never going to have sex with you, Chris."
"Then why did you ask me to come here?"
"I wanted to talk to you and I wanted to see how far I could push you. Why you would think that I would want to be with someone who was simply putting up with the physical side of things is beyond me. I have been there and it's not healthy for me and it wouldn't be healthy for you either.
"I don't want any sort of relationship with you. I am simply not capable of the level of betrayal having a relationship with you would be to Reid."
"Reid? Reid wants you to be with me, he must otherwise I wouldn't be feeling what I'm feeling."
"I think that you're wrong. You took everything from Reid, first his help, then his life, then his heart and finally his job. If you took me as well there would be nothing of value of his that you hadn't taken. I can't be a part of that."
"Then why is his heart torturing me in this way? Why won't he just let me go?"
"I think that he's doing it for me. He would never have chosen to leave me behind and alone. Reid truly loved me and he would want me to be happy and complete. The fact that it's torturing you and making your life hell is just a bonus for him."
As Luke spoke to Chris he felt an overwhelming warmth encircle his body, it was as though Reid were standing behind him hugging him tightly. At that moment Luke knew that Reid would always be with him and that he would be okay.
Chris heard the words that Luke said and heard Reid laugh out loud in his head. At that moment he knew that Luke was right. Reid was fucking with him and wasn't about to let go.
"Good-bye Chris," Luke said, dismissing the other man.
"What? How do I get Reid to leave me alone? I want to have a full life? I want to fall in love with someone the way that Reid fell in love with you? How can I do that with him inside my head, fucking with my emotions?"
"I don't know Chris. You're going to have to work that out on your own. You took everything from Reid; you even tried to take me, why would you expect him to have any sympathy for you?"
"It's not fair, Luke, it's not fair."
Luke just laughed, "go talk to Bob about this. I'm sure he'll be ever so helpful about the fairness of this situation. Now please leave, and don't send any more of your family members to talk to me. We're done."
"Good-bye Luke," Chris said as he exited the hotel room. Chris realized that he no longer felt the pull towards Luke; instead what he felt was empty, almost dead inside. He had a terrible feeling that Luke was right. Reid was fucking with him for fun and the torture was not nearly over.
Two months later, Luke packed up his car and waved good-bye to his family and headed to Boston. He had felt it necessary to start a new life, and Boston seemed like the perfect place for him. After all that was where Reid was from. As he drove away, he had a big smile on his face as he heard Reid say, "come on Snyder, let's go home."