Chapter 3: Musical (chairs) Hiro-chan!

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to us. Dammit.

Red: Would that not be AWESOME?!!

DemonClowSorceress: *sweatdrop*

BANG! CRASH! WHOMP!

Sasuke rolled his eyes, key poised to unlock his front door. Either there's a very big animal loose in there, or Naruto's trying to catch Hiro for a bath. Unlocking the front door, he yelled inside, "Hiro! Go with Papa and take a bath! Then you can play!"

Silence. Then came Hiro's "Chi!" of agreement, followed by Naruto's sigh of relief. The Uchiha rolled his eyes again and smirked. Dobe. Gotta know how to work the kid.

The damage to his living room was minimal this time; only four lamps had broken and the couch was flipped over on the coffee table. Not to mention the lack of food smeared into the carpet; the two fathers had learned early on that pouncing bathtime on Hiro during dinner was not smart.

For only having the kid about two weeks, Sasuke thought they were learning this parenthood thing at a reasonable rate.

He put away groceries and fixed up his war zone living room, then relaxed while hearing Naruto wrestle the unwilling squirrel into the bathtub. Sasuke chuckled; it sounded difficult. He knew Naruto would come out dripping wet while Hiro was fluffed and dried, since the blond doted on him. Truth be told, Naruto was a true mother down to his bones. Maybe because he'd never known his own, he was doing what he believed every mother should do with her child.

"Tou-chan*, can you come help?" called Naruto, sounding desperate. "How about you scrub his ears?"

"How about no?" replied Sasuke. "We agreed, you'd bathe Hiro. You practically ordered me not to help you."

"But now that he's gotten so big....."

Which, Sasuke realized, was true. When they'd found Hiro, he'd been a comfortable one-foot-tall baby, minus the extra fourteen-inch-tail. But after two weeks, he'd grown one and a half feet. There were growth spurts, but this wasn't normal.

Then again, he and Naruto as parents wasn't normal either. Go figure.

After fifteen minutes the familiar brown whirlwind that was Hiro barrelled into the living room and shot straight for his Tou-chan's arms. Sasuke hugged the little guy as Naruto went to dry off, dripping water like a kappa. "Hey Hiro. How are you today?"

"Chi, chi-chi-chi," chirped Hiro with a smile, tugging on Sasuke's sleeve. "Chi!"

"Is that the only word he knows?" came Naruto's voice from the bedroom.

"It's the only one he's saying." Sasuke held up Hiro. "Do you know any other words?" He tilted his head around. "Anything? Hello? Food? Papa? Tou-chan?"

Hiro opened his mouth, but nothing came out. So he nodded.

"You know other words?" Another nod. "Can you say them?" A shake this time, no. "Oh. Too bad."

A knock came to the door. "Anyone home?" called Sakura.

"Yeah, come in." She did and looked like hell. Her pink hair was frazzled and sticking every which way, and her outfit was wrinkled, like she'd slept in it. "Whoa, what happened to you?" asked Sasuke, pulling Hiro off his chest and settling him into his lap.

"Trust me, not in front of Hiro-chan." The honorific had stuck, even though Sasuke never used it. Sakura collapsed on the newly righted sofa, breathing heavily. "God, I'm so tired. Must be nice, having personal time off to help Hiro-chan adapt to life in Konohagakure. You too," she added when Naruto entered the room, dry and in a new black-and-orange jumpsuit. "The rest of us are getting hammered with lame-o C-rank missions, one after another. No breaks at all. I don't think Ino's brushed her hair in days. She looks worse then me."

"Sorry," said Naruto. Taking a seat on the floor beside Sasuke, he reached up and let Hiro run along his arm and stretch across his shoulders like a cat. "It shouldn't take too much longer. He's already toilet-trained and we've gotten him eating with chopsticks. Maybe a few more days and he'll be able to take care of himself."

"Chi," said Hiro.

Sakura leaned forward. "Is that the only word he knows?"

"No, but he can't say any others. It's like speaker's block, or something." Naruto rubbed the boy's head. "But don't worry, he'll figure something out. Won't you, Hiro-chan?"

"Chi!"

********

And so began the ongoing trial to teach Hiro how to talk. They started at the beginning; scrounging up some of his old picture books, Sasuke worked with the child on relating words with images. Naruto took over to teach him the alphabet and little words. Hiro was a quick learner, to the astonishment of both boys. By day four he was writing simple sentances.

But still no other word but "Chi," came out of his mouth.

Another week passed by, and Naruto was walking up to the Hokage's office, Hiro sitting on his shoulders, grabbing handfuls of his Papa's blond hair. He'd had another growth spurt - another two inches. Not to mention his ears had grown a little longer and his tail was furrier.

Tsunade looked up from her paperwork. "Ah, Naruto. And Hiro-chan, I presume?"

"Hiro-chan, this is Old Lady Tsunade," said Naruto, pointing to her. "She's a lot older than she looks, trust me. Say hi."

"Chi," said Hiro, waving.

"So, Old Lady, you called?"

She tore her eyes away from the fuzzy cuteness. Which was very hard for her. "Oh, yes. I have an A-rank mission that requires yours and Sasuke's particular talents and expertise. You have to get right on it."

Naruto looked up at Hiro, then back at Tsunade. "Um, we're still on personal leave time. Hiro-chan hasn't - "

"I'm sorry, but Konoha's safety trumps Hiro's adaptation," she replied gently. "Trust me, if someone else could do this, I'd assign someone else. But the rest of the Konoha Twelve are dead-tired, and I can't spare any jonin on this. You understand."

"Yeah." Konoha had become short-handed on ninja after Orochimaru's latest attack on Konohagakure. Rebuilding the village had progressed to where it was almost as it was, but the battle had taken its toll on the ninjas. Naruto nodded. "Okay. I'll tell Sasuke. We'll be here tomorrow bright and early to get our orders and start out. Where are we going?"

"Iwa - Stone Country."

"That sounds dangerous. And somewhat risky in that we're not even friends with Iwa."

"Which is why I'm sending you and Sasuke. The two of you have a gift for, shall we say, making friends in dangerous situations."

Hiro crawled down Naruto's face, blocking him from Tsunade. "Chi, chi-chi, chi!" chattered the squirrel-boy, shaking a finger at the Hokage. "Chi-chi-chi-chi, chiii!"

"What's he saying?" Tsunade asked, curious. The kid seemed upset at something; did he understand what we just said? she wondered.

"We're not sure. We've tried teaching him how to speak - that's why we're on leave," said Naruto, pulling Hiro off his face like a giant furry Band-Aid. "But all he says is 'Chi'. And he still isn't the greatest around people, and strangers creep him out, and we're still trying to get him to eat something other than nuts and grain, so - Hiro-chan, no!"

"Chi!" yelled Hiro, pointing to Tsunade.

A giant nut the size of Tsunade's chair crashed on top of her desk, breaking the sturdy wood in two. If Tsunade hadn't reacted as she had (shoving her chair back as Naruto said 'no') she could have been crushed. Her eyes widened in shock. The nut had appeared from out of nowhere. For an explaination she turned to Naruto.

"Um, yeah," he flustered, holding Hiro like a puppy. "About that.......Hiro-chan summons acorns whenever he's stressed out or scared or angry. We're trying to wean him from that impulse, but we need more time. A lot more time."

So he did understand, at least that his fathers are leaving, Tsunade thought. Intelligent little cutie.

*********

Sasuke found the entire thing very funny. He couldn't stop laughing.

"It's not funny! Hiro-chan could have hurt her!" Naruto snapped, smiling despite the fact. He shook a finger at Hiro. "Bad Hiro-chan! You cannot squash the Old Lady until I become Hokage! Got it?"

"Chi," said Hiro, looking very ashamed.

Sasuke stopped laughing long enough to pet the kid. "Relax, Hiro. I know for a fact that he's played better pranks on people than simply dropping heavy objects," he said, pointing to Naruto.

"Tou-chan! We're supposed to be disciplining Hiro-chan!" admonished Naruto.

Sasuke smirked, supporting his head in one hand, elbow on the table. "Yes, dear."

The next morning, Hiro accompanied his two parents to the Hokage's office. Tsunade saw him and quickly had Tonton go make friends. Soon the boy was riding the pig around like a furry brown knight while Naruto, Sasuke, and the Hokage talked business.

"I dunno if leaving Hiro at this time would be a smart idea," said the black-haired genius. "He still hasn't gotten used to life among people."

"Nevertheless, you two are the only ones qualified to take this mission who are not maimed, dead, or tired as hell," replied the fifty-year-young woman. "You have to go. It's a window of opportunity that will not happen again."

"And what about Hiro-chan? Who will take care of him?" asked Naruto, pouting. "You, Old Lady? Shizune? Who?"

Fortunately Tsunade had an answer prepared. "The Konoha Twelve are not going anywhere for a few days. They can exchange caretaking duties among themselves, and Hiro-chan doesn't have to even stop living in your house. Does that satisfy you, Mother Hen?"

Naruto crossed his arms, not saying a word, but scowling. Obviously he didn't like the situation, but in the face of such fact, he couldn't come up with a decent argument.

Hiro suddenly spoke up, still riding Tonton. But what came out of his mouth surprised everyone all the same. "Go."

Mouths dropped in shock. Tonton went "Buhi!" in her own special way and reared like a horse, before trotting over to give the kid back. Hiro got off his trusty porky steed and stood in front of his fathers, serious as pnemonia. "Go," he said again. "Go, chi."

Sasuke looked from Naruto, to Hiro, and back. Then he reached down and ruffled between Hiro's squirrel ears. "The kid has spoken. Let's go."

Hiro nodded and even helped his fathers out the door, pushing them out by the backs of their knees due to his size. "Go, go go go, go go chi," he kept saying, overusing his new vocabulary. "Chi-chi, go!"

"Okay, okay, we're leaving," said Sasuke. "C'mon, dobe. He wants us to leave now." Naruto nodded while looking very proud, and they both left.

********

Hiro watched his fathers leave the village and suddenly felt very alone. A silly feeling, since he was surrounded by other tall-humans, but hey, it was a human thing. Hiro still saw himself as a squirrel.

These tall-humans were very complex, to his way of thinking. Then again, everything about these humans was complex to him. Eating with sticks, sitting on a white bowl to do nature's business, and getting cleaned on a regular basis, along with eating strange foods that were not acorns, were just a few things Hiro didn't understand about this strange world of tall-humans.

But he loved his Papa and his Tou-chan. So he tried very hard to please them. After all, they cared for him. They'd rescued him. And they'd given him a home. Papa reminded Hiro of a playful fox, always caring, always watching out for him. Tou-chan was more like a wolf, aloof and alone, but protective of his pup. Between the two of them, Hiro felt very loved and wanted.

Hiro's thoughts were suddenly interrupted when the tall-human-girl-Sakura picked him up expertly. "Hi, Hiro-chan!" she chirped. "I'm Sakura-nee-chan. We'll take care of you while those two boys are away. Okay?"

He nodded. This Sakura-nee-chan was a nice tall-human-girl. She was being honest with him.

She turned to face the other tall-humans. "These are your other nii-chans and nee-chans. We'll switch you off so you can hang with all of us."

Hiro waved to the tall-humans shyly. They all looked so different, but very, very nice people. They also were grouped in threes, for the most part. All the tall-humans looked at him very proudly, just like Papa and Tou-chan did. The tall-human-girls looked at him with Papa-like adoration as well.

"Don't worry, it's gonna be fun!" Sakura-nee-chan said. "Ready, Hiro-chan?"

There was only one word to say. "Go," Hiro said, nodding.

First he was taken to Sakura-nee-chan's house. Her room smelled like pretty things, like sunlight and cherry blossoms. Hiro liked it immediately. Especially her big, fluffy bedspread, which he jumped onto and snuggled up on, purring like a kitten. He rubbed his face in the smooth fabric and smiled. "Chiiiiii," he breathed. So soft......

"I see you like my bed," said Sakura-nee-chan from her desk. Hiro nodded. "Good. Well, we've worked out that you'll spend today with me, and then you'll go to Kiba-nii-chan's house. His mom's an animal doctor, so she'll give you a check-up. Okay?"

Hiro only understood a few words, but if it meant meeting someone new, he was game for it. "Chi," he agreed, falling asleep in a ball.

And that's how it was for the first few days. After Sakura-nee-chan's turn ended, Hiro was handed over to Kiba-nii-chan. He liked Kiba-nii-chan, and Akamaru. The large dog didn't scare him, contrary to what the tall-humans thought. Hiro rode Akamaru all the way to Kiba-nii-chan's house, which smelled like lots of dogs and three tall-humans. But even then the tall-humans were more like dogs. He made friends with the Inuzuka pack and let Kiba-nii-chan's mama examine him. She said he was human, but more like a squirrel, and his fur wouldn't come off. But why would it? Hiro wondered. I'm a squirrel.

After Kiba-nii-chan, Hiro was traded off to Hinata-nee-chan. Hiro recognized her from what Papa had told him - a shy girl who always used to follow Papa around. She was very quiet, but very nice to Hiro. He met her younger sister, and her Papa, before meeting Neji-nii-chan, who Hiro found out was related to Hinata-nee-chan. Hiro also picked up several new words from his stay with the Hyuugas, coupling them with words spoken in the Inuzuka household and the small words Sakura-nee-chan had taught him.

But he still said no more than "Chi."

After Hinata-nee-chan and Neji-nii-chan, Hiro stayed with Ino-nee-chan. He liked Ino-nee-chan's the best so far, because her family sold pretty-smelling flowers. Hiro had seen flowers in the forests, but these were prettier. He even helped Ino-nee-chan in the shop, picking the freshest flowers for her to arrange and putting the bouquets out of the way. Ino-nee-chan would then hug him, and Hiro loved to be hugged. So he kept helping even after he got pricked by stem-thorns**.

Day 5 saw Hiro staying with Shika-nii-chan's family. Shika-nii-chan's mama loved Hiro at first sight, cuddling him like a giant teddy bear while telling off Shika-nii-chan's papa about something. Hiro spent most of the day fidgeting beside Shika-nii-chan (who looked like ) while he and his papa played an odd game on a board of wood with small pieces of wood cut in triangles***. But he still learned more words, which made the stillness easier to handle.

After Shika-nii-chan, Hiro went to Choji-nii-chan's house. There he was treated to so much good food, he actually ignored the nuts he had collected to sample Korean barbeque, ramen (which Papa always ate if he could) and other delicious tall-human foods that he'd never seen, smelled or thought of tasting before. It wasn't long before Hiro felt so full he almost burst. And that was only for lunch. Dinner was more of the same tasty goodness. Hiro also picked up useful terms for cooking and remembered the foods' names, so he could ask Tou-chan to make the same dishes when he and Papa came back.

The next day was a joint day for Lee-nii-chan and Ten-nee-chan. Ten-nee-chan (who reminded Hiro of a panda with her hairstyle) gave the little boy a kunai knife and taught him how to hold it without cutting himself. When he could do that, she then gave him a shuriken throwing star and repeated the process. Lee-nii-chan (who reminded Hiro of an owl with his big eyes) then taught Hiro how to kick and punch. "But only in self-defense," both tall-humans told him repeatedly. "Never attack. Not until you can defend yourself."

And Hiro remembered.

A week after his fathers left, Hiro was playing with Shino-nii-chan's bugs (i.e. giggling as the bugs tickled him mercilessly) when another nii-chan approached the two. Shino-nii-chan stood up and faced this person, who looked about the same age as him. "What are you doing here, Sai?" he asked in his deep voice.

"I came to see the newest addition to Naruto and Sasuke's family," came the reply. Hiro turned to look at the new nii-chan. He kind of looked like Tou-chan, the little boy realized, but wasn't Tou-chan. This nii-chan's hair was shorter and flatter, and his clothes weren't the same as Tou-chan's. His face was pale, like ice, and Hiro could tell that the smile on it was false, an imitation. For some reason, Hiro felt the fur of his tail bristle. This nii-chan was bad news.

Sai came over, but stayed a reasonable distance away from Hiro. "So this is Hiro-chan," he said, smiling that horrible fake smile again. "Cute. A squirrel from a fox and a wolf."

"Sai, please leave. You're scaring Hiro," said Shino-nii-chan.

And Sai was. Hiro was two tail shakes away from summoning a huge acorn and squashing the pale-faced scary person like a bug under a rock.

So Sai backed away and bowed. "All right. It was nice to meet you, Hiro-chan." And he left.

Hiro immediately jumped up to Shino-nii-chan's shoulder and gripped his white hood, shaking in fear. Shino-nii-chan petted him awkwardly (he wasn't a very touchy-feely person, Hiro learned) and headed back into Konoha.

The Konoha Twelve gathered and discussed what the meeting had meant, all while making sure Hiro was okay. He rather liked being worried over - the extra petting and hugging wasn't bad, to his way of thinking - but what he wasn't liking was the fact that he could understand almost everything being said.

"Why was he looking at Hiro?" asked Kiba-nii-chan in a growl. "That puppet-faced guy...."

Ino-nee-chan shrugged. "Maybe he was gathering intelligence. Root is still looking at Sasuke as a traitor and Naruto as a monster." (A.N. they all know Naruto is the Nine-Tails) "Maybe they're looking for leverage."

"They so much as breathe on Hiro-chan wrong," said Hinata-nee-chan with uncharacteristic anger, "and they'll get my foot rammed in the place where the sun don't shine." Kiba-nii-chan winced and took her hand, smiling crookedly.

"He's still creepy, even though he's trying to assimilate," said Ino-nee-chan. "I mean, that fake smile of his....." She shuddered. "Ugh. Like looking at a china doll."

Ten-nee-chan twirled a kunai on her index finger. "He better not get Hiro-chan into trouble," she said.

"What's taking Sasuke and Naruto so long?" wondered Sakura aloud. "They never take this long on an A-rank mission. Maybe they ran into problems?"

Hiro pretended not to understand, but he felt a shudder run through him. Something bad happened to Papa and Tou-chan? His ears flicked like a cat's when irritated by a fly. But Papa and Tou-chan are strong. They wouldn't leave Hiro-chan**** alone. No, they'll come back.

So he held onto that thought - that Papa and Tou-chan would never abandon him - and kept his spirits high.

Hope you like the chapter! Please review! And yeah, went a little OCC on Hinata, but hey, she needed a backbone anyway, I think.

Author's Notes

*Tou-chan - means father in Japanese, JIC. It's how Hiro differentiates between Naruto (his Papa) and Sasuke (his Tou-chan)

**Hiro means roses, but he didn't know flower names.

***Hiro is explaining shogi at the best of his ability.

****He refers to himself in the third person.