Chapter 17: Cling-ons Are Not Welcome On Missions, Especially If I'm Being Graded!

By: DemonClowSorceress and Red

Disclaimer: We do not own Naruto. However, the Fur Fighters and all OCC's are figments of our psychotic pair of imaginations.

Valac: Oh, so, we're psychotic by affiliation?

Red: *big smile* You got it!

Kusaka: This explains everything...

DemonClowSorceress: Hey everyone, focus here! Let's not blurt to the world just how mad we are, shall we?

Kusaka: No, you're doing a bang-up job all by your lonesome...

DemonClowSorceress: STUFF IT, LIZARD GIRL!

Please enjoy!

"Chi-denka!"

Hiro twitched so hard, his head almost jerked totally sideways. Grinding his teeth in a silent snarl, he threw dirty looks at any Fur Fighter (mostly Tomoya and Shippo and Daisuke) who smirked or giggled when Momoka's shout announced her arrival. Everyone else very politely focused on whatever they were doing as she came skipping over and tackle-glomped Hiro from behind.

"Chi-denka!" she squealed, hugging him tightly. "What special-ful, wonderful things have you planned for this fine morning?"

Her shout, however, not only annoyed Hiro, but set in motion another chain of events that was completely avoidable, but nevertheless happened. Across the campground, Naruto sat up, wide awake despite just coming from the sleep of the dead, and said clearly, "Something is not right."

Sasuke roused somewhat less alertly, rubbing his eye with the heel of his palm. "What?"

"Something is bothering Hiro-chan." Quick as a flash (like a Yellow Flash, actually) Naruto shot from their tent and towards his cute little son. He saw Hiro disengaging himself from a red-brown thing and called out, "Hiro-chan?"

"PAPA!" Hiro cried, giving into the flight of his fight-or-flight instincts. For the first time since he broke the two-foot mark he scurried up his father's body until he stood on Naruto's shoulders, clenching handfuls of blond hair to keep stable. "Papa, make it go away! Make it go away!"

"Chi-denka!" Naruto's sensitive ears were assaulted by the confused shriek of Momoka as she jumped to her feet and tried reaching for Hiro. However, since she was only about two-foot-ten, her groping hands came nowhere near close to Hiro. "Chi-denka! Please come down!"

"NO!" Hiro yelled, dancing away from her hands and unintentionally stomping Naruto's shoulders painfully. "No! Papa, make it go away!"

By this time Sasuke had arrived, hair and clothes still mussed from sleep (He's not much of a morning person.) Spying Sakura and Hinata watching the goings-on, he made for them. "Wha's happ'nin?" he yawned. "What's that thing trying to get Hiro?" Then he saw Momoka clearly. "A squirrel girl?"

"That, as your acute genius senses have detected, is indeed another squirrel child," replied Sakura flatly. She was not a morning person either, but chose to take out her grouchiness on the Uchiha. "Hiro-chan brought her back during the thunderstorm last night. She's been squealing over him since she regained consciousness."

"How the hell did Naruto know?" asked Sasuke. "I couldn't even sense it."

"Because Naruto possesses a power we females like to call 'a mother's instinct'," Hinata said with just a hint of insult. "Therefore, he can foresee when Hiro-chan will need help long before you could even begin to think Hiro-chan needs help." With a smile that bordered on patronizing, she patted his arm. "Don't worry. It's a mother's thing; you're not supposed to understand, baka Tou-chan."

Meanwhile, Naruto was attempting to assess the situation while keeping Hiro from stomping his shoulders further. The strange new girl - he'd heard the name Momoka somewhere - was still jumping like a frog, her little hands reaching for Hiro. She had this rabid look in her eyes that the blond recalled seeing long ago, burning in the eyes of Sasuke's former fangirls. Aw crap, it's started again, he thought. Another damn fangirl. Must run in the family.

"Papa, what is it!" Hiro whined, now trying to climb on Naruto's head.

"It's a fangirl, Hiro-chan," explained Naruto as he extracted his hair from his son's fists. "Your Tou-chan had a couple dozen in his time. Don't worry, she's not dangerous, just tenacious."

Hiro's lower lip trembled in a scared pout. "I don't like it, Papa. Make it go away!"

"It won't go away, Hiro-chan. It hasn't learned that you're not infallible yet." Naruto put his hands on his hips and addressed the jumping squirrel girl. "Excuse me, but it's common manners to introduce yourself before pouncing on somebody."

So fast it was like she teleported, Momoka was in seiza position and bowing to Naruto. "Please excuse my rudeness," she said demurely, all traces of rabid hero worship gone from her voice. "My name is Momoka. I am one of Chi-denka's attendants. It is a pleasure to meet you, Naruto-sama."

"Sama?" Naruto repeated the honorific, unable to stop himself from smiling smugly. "I like it." Then he remembered the situation. "Um, Momoka, was it? Well, I don't think you understand that Hiro-chan's name is not Chi-denka. It's Hiro-chan. He's my son."

But Momoka was persistantly insistant. "Chi-denka is the sole heir of the Squirrel clan, and I am his trusted vassal! I have searched for him for over six moons and have now only found him. Now that he is found, I must remind Chi-denka of the mission for which he is responsible for!"

Hiro's ears pricked up. "Mission?"

"Mission?" Naruto said a split second later, his face darkening. "Excuse me, little girl?"

Her hands flew up to cover her mouth. "Oh no, I wasn't supposed to say that!" she squeaked. "Um...um...um!"

Surprisingly, it was Kusaka and Valac who came to the rescue. The red-haired boy yanked out the crystal that hung around his neck, which flashed like a camera flashbulb once. The flash was as effective as a flash grenade, blinding the older humans completely. In the confusion, Kusaka grabbed Momoka by the tail and ears and hauled her into the woods. "Meet in the woods," she hissed to Valac as she passed, who nodded.

The Fur Fighters, knowing when to turn tail and flee, likewise followed Valac into the thick press of trees. When the Konoha Twelve regained their sight, not hide or hair of the Fur Fighters remained. At first there were questions - mostly how did the children manage to get their mitts on a flash grenade - but it was chalked up to nothing and left alone.

"Now spill it," Daisuke ordered Momoka, elbowing Kaname to put her down on a rock. "What's this mission you were talking about?"

"Is it anything like the mission Tenshi-chan was talking about?" Hiro asked. "We have to save the world or something."

Momoka twisted her tail in her hands nervously. "I am not sure," she said. "I am not one of the Chosen like Chi-denka, so I don't know anything - "

"Then why did you shoot your mouth off like that?" snapped Hiro. "Papa gets really worried when I'm involved in dangerous stuff, and Tou-chan gets overprotective! I don't want to be smothered again if I can help it!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Momoa cried, bowing seiza again. "I was instructed to only remind Chi-denka of his mission. I didn't realize that he didn't remember!"

Kusaka grimaced at the squirrel girl. "Little fool. Those who are Chosen rarely retain the fact they are when they cross over. It takes time to remember, and he hasn't been over long enough to remember!"

"'Saka, chill. For an ice queen, you sure have a hot head." Valac cut in before Kusaka could bite the girl's head off. "Look squirrel, its obvious you know more than that, so spill." When Momoka didn't respond and sat there fidgeting, he growled at her, "Now. Before I make a barbeque meal out of you!"

Momoka stared up at Valac from her haphazard position on the rock, eyes wide, no doubt in her mind that this scary boy - Valac, she assures herself is his name - will make good on his threat. "Well you see," she began, "it's not that I won't tell you...it's that I don't know very much at all."

"Come again?" asked Kaname, looking almost as pissed as Valac was becoming.

Momoka flinched in fear. "It...it has to do with the Nine Tailed Gods."

"What're the Nine Tailed Gods?" asked Hanika, munching on a carrot.

"They are nine creatures of power, who descended to this earth to preserve the balance between Man and Nature," said Momoka solemnly. "They have existed since the beginning, and they hold limitless power the likes of which we cannot begin to fathom."

Tsukasa crossed his arms. "So, what does that have to do with this 'mission' thing?"

Momoka took a deep breath. "In recent years, the Tailed Gods have been - hunted," she said in disbelief, as if the concept was entirely alien to her. "Seven have already been captured and sealed within a monstrous vessel to be used for some nefarious purpose. All I know is that the Chosen were sent to this world to free them and restore the balance before calamity strikes here."

"You said that seven have been captured," said Hari. "What are the other two then? The ones still free?"

But Hiro spoke up before Momoka answered. "D'you mean Kyuubi and Shukaku?" The squirrel girl nodded. "Then Papa and Gaara-nii-chan are in danger?"

"I don't know!" Momoka admitted, wringing her hands again. "All I know is that the captured Gods are in a dark, scary prison and that One-Tailed and Nine-Tailed Gods are to be protected from the scary man!"

Mei actually shuddered on the spot, her ears laid back flat against her skull. "W-W-What scary man?"

Momoka looked around and said, quite solemnly, "His face is covered...by an orange lollipop mask."

Dead silence. Then Kaname sniggered. From there, it was catching. Pretty soon all the Fur Fighters were laughing their little butts off, some even rolling on the ground (like Shippo and Tomoya and Mei) and a couple fighting to breathe (Daisuke and Hikari and Tsukasa).

Only Hiro was silent, because he recognized Momoka's description. The memory of going after Ita-nii-chan rose to the top of his mind, and the faces of the Red Cloud Club cycled through his memory. The scary man after Papa and Gaara-nii-chan...is Mask-baka? The useless shuts-up-when-kicked-in-the-head ultra-annoying completely useless Mask-baka?

Valac caught his breath and noted how late it was getting. "Hey, we better get back soon. Isn't today the start of your guys' big exam?"

"Ohmygod, you're right!" Hiro shouted. "Fur Fighters, back to camp!"

Back at Camp

Iruka only twitched slightly when the Fur Fighters pulled a reappearing act in the very back of the group of cadets. He threw a scathing look at Naruto that read Oh, so NOW they show up? that Naruto only shrugged at.

And unless Iruka was seeing things, there appeared to be another one of the furry little runts tagging along with the group. Naruto had of course told him about Momoka, so it wasn't a problem, but rather a complication. He had chosen the testing groups already, so now he had to readjust. And he'd seen the way the Fur Fighters had gotten along with the other children - when push came to shove, they stuck together.

"Okay then!" he said, clapping his hands to get everyone's attention. "I'm going to call your names and what group you're going to be in for the exam. Pay attention!"

One half-hour and several complaints later, the Fur Fighters found themselves divided into four teams and a pair. Hiro was not happy to have Momoka with him, but he had Shippo as well. Daisuke and Kaname had been placed together along with Hanika, who looked very uncomfortable being with the fox and bat. Tsukasa was grouped with Tomoya and Valac, and Hikaru and Hikari were teamed with Mei. Hari and Kusaka found themselves paired together, which neither really commented on.

"So now that we've all been placed in our teams, let's begin the exam." Iruka pointed in the direction of the stream, hidden from sight by the woods. "Each team will recieve a map, a compass, and a clue to what they must accomplish. Your objective is to locate the hidden treasure in the woods and return it to the base camp across the stream. But be aware that the chaperones will be adversaries, trying to prevent you from reaching your goal. There will also be traps along the way, and maybe half of you won'y make it to the base." This announcement was met with some surprised murmurs. "But don't be afraid. There won't be any usage of serious or dangerous jutsu on you. Strictly E-level jutsu."

"Which can be lethal among experienced ninja, which they are," murmured the realistic Kusaka. A couple kids exchanged scared looks.

Iruka pointed to the table where Miss Yoshino was sitting. "Get your clues from Miss Yoshino. You have four hours to complete this exam. Start - NOW!"

The teams of cadets quickly swarmed the tables and grabbed their clues. As soon as they had what they needed, they raced into the forest. Iruka checked his watch and marked what time it was, then sat and made to wait for a long time.

It was after noon-thirty when the first squawk came over the radio. "Team thirteen, fifteen, eighteen, twenty, and that pair of girls just made the first checkpoint. None of them have their treasures."

Kakashi smirked behind his face mask. "I told you. They're fast, but they're not that good." He held out his hand. Iruka slapped a bill into his palm and grumbled as he checked off the teams. "Aw, don't be that way Iru. Tell you what, why don't we make another bet?"

"Don't do it," remarked Yoshino without looking up from her calligraphy. "He's gonna cheat you again."

The silver-haired jonin chuckled. "You wound me, Madam Nara. I was merely going to say that I don't think those kids are going to finish the exam."

"Everyone finishes the exam," said Iruka. "It's almost impossible for them to fail."

One eyebrow rose on Kakashi's face. "Have you even seen their teammwork? It's nonexistant."

"I put them on teams that balanced their individual talents - "

"But not as a whole," finished Kakashi. "They don't get along well with others. They barely get along well with each other, some of them."

It was soon evident that many of the teams were being picked off one by one. Screams, shouts, and crashes echoed through the woods as cadets fell victim to the traps and ambushes set by the Konoha Twelve. Iruka amused himself by talking to Kakashi and betting on which teams would make it to the base camp first. Miss Yoshino practiced some calligraphy and sometimes spoke with them, but mostly she kept to herself.

"Come back, Base One. This is Neji."

Kakashi gave the younger sensei a look. "Ten says he's got one of the teams." He touched his mike. "This is Base One. Go ahead, Neji."

"Kakashi, I've got Team 13 here all trussed up and down for the count." Some heated swearing was heard in the background, primarily aimed at the Hyuuga. "And two of them are not happy about it."

Iruka looked down at his clipboard. In black strokes were the names Team 13 - Daisuke, Kaname, Hanika. He rolled his eyes. "You've gotta be kidding me," he said to Kakashi. "It's a one in a thousand chance that they're gonna - "

Another squawk, this time over Iruka's mike. "Base One, this is Shikamaru. I've got Team 18 here in a pit, the cats and the dog. I'm bringing them in."

Yoshino rolled her eyes when her own mike went off, Lee announcing that he had Team 15 - Tsukasa, Valac, and Tomoya - and was coming back with them. Kakashi's went off again when Sakura reported in, saying she had the final team, Team 20, consisting of Momoka, Hiro, and Shippo.

By now Iruka was beginning to wish he had some extra-strength headache remedy to take, along with maybe half a bottle of sake.

At the end of the exam, everyone was lined up for a grade. Only one group actually completed the assignment - Hari and Kusaka, who managed to evade capture, find their treasure, and make it to the stream base. Several of the other groups got three-quarter or partial credit for finding their treasures, or evading capture, or showing aptitude and skill.

But the four teams of the Fur Fighters failed. Needless to say, this pissed off certain members of aforementioned teams.

The tents were not a happy place to be that night. Daisuke and Kaname were not even speaking to each other, sitting cross-legged in opposite corners. Shippo was morose, nursing his injured tail and not even touching his dinner. Tomoya huddled on his cot, trying to curl up in himself, his raccoon tail hiding his face. Mei lay under her bed, whimpering as she listlessly gnawed a bone. Hanika nibbled a carrot, her eyes fastened on the ground. Hikari and Hikaru were curled on their blankets, tails over their faces and ears flat, eyes watching everything without blinking.

Hiro kept throwing dirty looks at Momoka, angry that she had messed up so badly. Her incessant chattering and inability to watch where she was going had made her walk right into Sakura-nee-chan's trap, and Shippo had been hurt because of it. Not to mention they had failed the exam. Papa and Tou-chan must be so ashamed, he thought, ears drooping. Stupid Momoka! Why did she have to be here TODAY of all days!

Kusaka glanced over the silent group of children, then returned to her shogi game with Valac. "Well, today could have gone better," she remarked offhandedly, not bothering to lower her voice.

"Says she who actually passed," Valac replied, moving a piece. He was still smarting from a newbie move that had cost his team the exam, and wasn't feeling particularly friendly to his long-time friend.

"Passed? No, we completed the exam," she clarified. "We didn't pass. Hari wouldn't cross the stream."

The snake girl stirred on her cot, then settled again. "I had to use a tree to cross, and I do not care much for heights," she said. "I am a snake-girl. The ground is my domain."

"I got to the camp with the treasure, so we completed the objective." Kusaka moved another piece, putting Valac's knight in jeapordy. "But we all failed to pass."

"Should've been a walk in the park," grumbled Kaname, his black wings shuffling before pulling tight against his back again.

Daisuke's tail lashed angrily. "It would've been, if some idiot hadn't gotten in my way."

The bickering seemed to break an invisible string of tension among the Fur Fighters. Everyone started arguing, telling each other what they had done wrong and how they'd messed up. The voices overlapped and grew louder, melding into a confused and angry babble of noise that threatened to transmute into physical violence. Only Kusaka and Valac were not involved, continuing their shogi game as if in their own little bubble of silence.

But their arguing drew the attention of some people. Specifically Naruto and Sasuke, who were camped close by. Exchanging a look, the couple headed over to the tent and saw absolute pandemonium inside. Sasuke just looked over the scene and tried to think of a plan. Naruto was more a man of action.

"ALL RIGHT, ALL OF YOU SHUT UP AND GO TO YOUR COTS, NOW!" he yelled over the bickering. The startled children instantly stopped and looked at him, deer in headlights look being the predominant expression. "DID YOU HEAR ME? I SAID TO YOUR COTS, NOW!"

Sasuke watched as the fourteen children immediately obeyed. And now they will learn just how much of an evil bitch Naruto can be when he's mad, thought the Uchiha. I'm actually surprised he's being so calm. I wonder what lecture he has planned for this occasion?

Naruto crossed his arms as he looked over the children sitting formally on their cots. "I am very disappointed in all of you," he began. "Very disappointed."

Oh, he started with the Disappointed Prelude and a repeat. A strong start.

"This exam was to test teammwork, and I saw very little out there. You are all friends, so why couldn't you help each other out? Why did you all try to be number one? There is no 'I' in 'team', you know."

The "no I in team" bit? Kinda lame, but I won't tell him that. The friend nudge was a nice touch, though.

"But Papa, the teams we were put on sucked," said Hiro with a whine. "It wasn't fa - "

"Uzuha Hiro, don't you dare whine to me about fair," Naruto said dangerously, getting that pissed-off glint in his blue eyes that had spelled doom to more than one enemy. "The first rule of being a ninja is that you do not whine about your orders, and you most certainly don't bitch about what team you get put on."

There's the pot calling the kettle black, Sasuke thought, recalling their first missions as Team 7.

"Your team is what keeps you alive," Naruto continued. "You depend on one another, learn from each other, and certainly grow thanks to what everyone on it has to teach you. Through the missions and the times you have together, you begin to understand and accept and like the people on your team, even if you hate them at first."

I take it back. He made the "no I in team" bit work. Sasuke smiled to himself. And now, for the clincher.

Naruto looked over the children again, who were now looking very ashamed of themselves. "I want each of you to think long and hard about what you did wrong today and how it affected your overall performance. When you know, come and see me. I'll be up until midnight." A final look, a nod, and Naruto left the tent with Sasuke right behind him.

When they entered the tents shared by the Konoha Twelve, everyone looked up at them. Sakura asked, "So, how did it go?"

"On a scale of lame to impressive, he went beyond mom-worthy," remarked Sasuke, sitting down to read his book. "I was impressed. I had flashbacks when Mom scolded me for breaking a vase when I was six. He was good."

"Of course I was," Naruto said, affronted. "I'm insulted you were grading me."

"Was he like my mom?" asked Shikamaru.

Sasuke shrugged. "I've never seen your mom scold."

"She doesn't. She uses frickin' mind torture and makes you submit to her will."

"Then no, no mind torture was used." Afterthought. "But there was a fair bit of guilt-playing and psychology."

"Naruto can use psychology?" said Ino, astonished. "Wow, now I'm impressed."

The blond fox boy threw up his hands in defeat. "What, does everyone here still think I'm an idiot who can't grasp the basics of motherhood?"

"Yes," came the unanimous reply.

He glowered. "Fine then. You think none of them will do what I told them to?" he asked, now focusing on Sasuke, who felt the weight of the question and what it may - or may not - impact what he got for the rest of the night.

But thankfully he was saved. Kiba looked to the tent entrance as Akamaru gave a small bark. "Someone's here."

A black ear poked in, followed by long black hair. "Um," said Mei shyly, "may I come in?"

Late that Night

Hiro stayed up, much later and far past his bedtime then ever before, watching the rest of the Fur Fighters shuffle over to his Papa's tent and tell. He sat on his cot, sullen and defiant and sure of his own actions. As he watched his friends one by one sell themselves out, he stayed still and held fast to his anger.

Momoka had made them fail. He knew that, and he was sure he was right. So Hiro sulked and stayed up all night nursing this grudge.

Sometime during the night, long after everyone else had fallen asleep, Hiro jerked into awareness when he heard a strange noise outside. He cocked his ears towards it, but was unable to identify the origin or what it even was. His curiousness got the better of him, so he snuck out of the tent and went to investigate.

The woods were cold and breezy after being cooped up in the tent for the afternoon. Hiro inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with the crisp clean air. A light wind ruffled his fur and tickled his skin, and Hiro realized that, in his haste to investigate, he'd forgotten his shoes. I'll be right back anyway, he thought, shrugging. Besides, it's good training to walk barefoot through the woods. Sniffing the wind, he followed his instincts and ventured into the forest.

A.N.

My goodness, it's finally finished!

Red: It's because you didn't light a fire under your lazy butt and write!

DemonClowSorceress: Screw you! I had writer's block! I didn't see you helping at all!

Red: Not my thing! I'm the Muse-chan. You're the Author-chan. I inspire you.

DemonClowSorceress: Then do your damn job and INSPIRE me, dammit! *coughs* ahem, anyway...hopefully more chapters will be up soon!