Chapter 4: Some Kind of Angel

I'm standing in a grassy field with grass and flowers all around me. It's very peaceful here. I can make out a small house in the distance, and I can very nearly feel the heat of a summer's day. Two teeenagers were standing not even 10 meters in front of me, yet they did not seem to notice my prescence.

The male was trying to catch his breath by the looks of things. His hands were on his knees, breathing heavily, glaring up at the girl standing in front of him through long, greasy, black locks.

"You—will—pay." He managed to get out during the intervals between his breaths.

The girl laughed and it was like bells, her laugh. It also sounded oddly familiar. Her shiny black hair waved through the wind, and as she raised an arm to pin it back, I noticed something on her arms. Blue, spiraling marks that criss crossed up to just past her elbow.

Marks just like mine. In a different color.

"Oh, Severus." The girl said in her perfect, crisp way of speaking. "You know you would never do anything to me. You're not that stupid, even if you are a Slytherin."

The boy, Severus, glared back, but I could tell that he wasn't truly angry. This was obviously some kind of exchange between friends, or maybe siblings. They certainly did look much alike.

Severus had now drawn himself up to full height and raised his wand. A look of fierce determination was etched upon his face.

"Alright," he said, in a cool and drawling voice, "Meredith, have another go. I'm ready this time."

Despite his words, I could detect a tiny bit of fear in his voice.

Meredith giggled. "Okay then. I hope you enjoy this, brother."

She raised her arms, and the blue lines started glowing. Faster than a blink of the eye, the blue glow shot out towards Severus. He attempted to defend against it with his wand, but to no avail. The blueness enveloped him and lifted him off the ground, so he was now floating in midair. Meredith appeared to be controlling him. She made him do flips; she raised him high and low, apparently enjoying herself.

But, as abruptly as the blue glow had shot out, Meredith screamed and Severus fell to the ground. Meredith continued screaming as she was withering wildly on the ground. Severus rushed towards her, his face a mask of horror and shock.

"No!" His voice was cracked with agony and anger. "This can't be happening, it just can't be!"

Meredith's shaking stopped suddenly. She looked up at her brother, sadness and acceptance in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sev," she said, somehow keeping her composure. "There's nothing you can do. It's just my time, I guess. Goodbye."

And with that final word, the light went out of her eyes, the life left her smile. Meredith was gone, leaving only a ghastly corpse.

Or was it only a corpse? As Severus stared at her with no emotion in his eyes, the blue lines on the body's arms turned an inky black, and they appeared to be forming words.

Dead by Eighteen.

The words lingered just enough to be read, and then faded back into the arm, leaving no trace of marks, blue or black, in its place.

Something must have gone off in Severus' mind, something to bring him out of his cold reverie. Pain was apparent on every corner of his face, and tears were pouring out of his eyes. He bent down on his knees, grabbing what used to be Meredith's hand.

"Goodbye, Meredith," he choked out through his sobs, knowing it was far too late for her to hear, and that knowledge was killing him.

And then his face was emotionless again, and I was staring into a pair of dead, coal black eyes.

Some kind of angel was calling me back to existence.

"Leila, sweetie. You need to get up." She shook me softly, and I hovered between the worlds of reality and dream. My eyelids flickered, and suddenly I was staring into the eyes of my mother.

She smiled. "Good morning, sweetheart."

I wanted to return her greeting, but strangely, I couldn't remember what happened yesterday after my father burst into the room.

"Mum," I said, voice urgent, starting to panic. "What all happened yesterday? I can't remember anything!"

To my surprise, she kept on smiling, though it dimmed a little. "Well, that can be easily explained. You see, Professor Dumbledore gave you a potion to heal your bruises, but he was unaware that you were allergic to that particular Healing potion."

Oh. It was all coming back to me now: the inability to breathe, the red patches all over my skin, the coughing up of blood. It was obviously far from pleasant - so it was one of my father's favourite ways to torment me. The funny thing about potion allergies was that once the unpleasant effects had run their course, the potion still had the effect it was intended to. It was the perfect scenario for my father: Torment Leila, and keep Lily and Sirius from suspecting anything. He was damn lucky it was a healing potion…

But the way I remembered it…..was odd. I clearly remembered coughing up blood, yet I can't recall any memories of the pain that came along with it. It was as if my mind was detached from my body.

"But I still don't remember….parts….of it." I told her, hoping she'd understand.

She sat down on the lime green comforter, and folded it back in a very motherly gesture. "Honey, that's because, Sev—Professor Snape gave you a potion, the Vires Silio Serum."

Ah, yes, I knew of that potion, of course. It was a great potion, incredible really. It enable the body to fight off virtually any kind of harm that might come to them by conserving energy by letting the mind rest. So basically, it was a potion that knocked you out to make you feel better.

I nodded. "But that potion is supposed to be really rare. Where did he get it?"

Mum hesitated. "He brewed it, of course."

I gasped. As well as being really rare, it was exceedingly difficult to brew. He must be a very good potion brewer.....but wait….

"Mum, when you say Professor…"

"Yes, he teaches Potions at Hogwarts."

"I see." I wondered, after this fiasco, if I would be able to go there. That had been one of the intentions with my plan, but I was still feeling doubtful that it would happen now.

Mum sighed. "Look, Leila, why don't you get dressed and we can discuss….events over breakfast?"

I understood "we" to mean more than just her and I. Then my stomach clenched horribly as I realized something...

"Mum!" My voice was more urgent than before. "What happened to…"

Her face was carved in stone. "Breakfast, darling."

"But what about Sir—"

"Breakfast!" She said, more firmly, and left the room.

Well, now I was alone with my thoughts. Which I knew wasn't a good thing because I really didn't want to dwell on recent events….

The dream. What the hell did that mean? I've never had one that was so clear, detailed. Also, I somehow knew I was in a dream, which was extremely weird….It was all extremely weird, and that didn't even include the dream itself.

It was creepy, to say the least. Of course, I've had nightmares before…mostly repeats of real life events - but never anything like that. The dream had nothing to do with me, though I suspected that it was a real life event. And I somehow doubted that the boy in the dream sharing the same name with the Potion's Master was a coincidence. Severus isn't a very common name.

And then there was the girl.

The girl with the same marks as me.

Did she possibly have the same fate as me?

Will I be dead before I turn 18?

Are my marks a curse?

What the hell is even going on?

I had a feeling I wouldn't know for a long, long time.

August 2nd. 1995. The Day After the Potters were discovered.

Sitting in the Potter's---oh how he hated to hear that name, even in his own mind—kitchen, Severus found himself, for some strange reason, thinking of the day his sister died. Meredith.

It was the first time he had witnessed death, though it would be far from his last. He remembered returning to school for 7th year and seeing those unnerving black horses pulling the carriages. But after a time, he didn't mind them. They reminded him of himself, in a way.

She would be one of the only girls he would ever mourn, besides Lily, of course.

But she's not even dead like you thought, is she? He thought bitterly.

It was quite a shock, to put it mildly, when he had met "Jimmy Porter" at the secret Order meeting. Apparently, he had overheard a conversation between Kingsley and Nymphadora and was interested in the Order. Severus was, of course, suspicious, but what could they do but let him come?

It wasn't a huge meeting, actually. It was only himself, Dumbledore, Minerva, Lupin, and Black who were present. Well, Potter and his sidekicks were upstairs, but Severus didn't count them. All the other members were on duty or had to work. "Jimmy" had picked a very convenient time to come. He had acted almost normally until he started to transform into James Potter before their very eyes.

It was clear that Potter Sr. hadn't expected that turn of events. Immediately after the potion wore off (Which only lasted 15 minutes - much shorter than Polyjuice usually lasts – so someone obviously had tampered with it), he tried to flee, but Dumbledore wouldn't hear of it. So while Severus rushed to grab Veriteserum, it was decided that they would travel to Potter's house to investigate. Severus was secretly pleased.

He didn't see why Potter and his friends had to come, though. Surely they could have a sweet little family reunion at another point in time? But no, Dumbledore insisted that Potter had a right to know. And apparently he had the right to take his friends along with him. Dumbledore's obvious affection for the boy was irritating. Sometimes Severus wondered if it clouded his judgment.

Though he never showed it, Severus was nervous and excited at the same time. He would be seeing them for the first time in 14 years, he really didn't know what to expect.

It certainly wasn't what happened.

Funny how it worked like that, Severus thought. You claim to have no idea what lies ahead, yet when events like this happened, you are overwhelmed by the sense that you were expecting something else to occur.

And he had thought he hated Potter before.

How dare he, how dare he, abuse Leila!

His own daughter.

August 1st. 1995. The Day the Potters were discovered.

Dumbledore watched as James, bound by magic, was force fed Veriteserum by Severus. He, who was rarely surprised by anything, was beyond shock right now. He could not see how it was possible for James, Lily and Leila to be alive. Unless…..no, he did not want to even think about it. So, master Occlumens that he was, though certainly not as talented as Severus, he pushed the matter to the back of his mind (a purely metaphoric phrase, for there can be no back nor front of the mind, which is a metaphysical thing, having no true physical substance,. Dumbledore believed that the mind, thoughts and memories, were separate from the brain).

He could not believe that James would turn child abuser either. Dumbledore supposed it had to do with being cooped up in one place, hiding, for 14 years….but why hide? Why pretend to be dead? Dumbledore had his suspicions, but would not say them aloud, for he knew first hand exactly how mistaken he could be.

They were in the Potter's sitting room. It was a large room, decorated in red and gold. True Gryffindors, he had thought with a smile when he first entered. Severus, of course, scowled, but that was never unexpected. James sat in an arm chair by the fireplace, eyes empty and no posture now that Severus had dosed him with Veriteserum. Lily stood in the corner, a fierce anger in her eyes. Dumbledore knew she blamed herself for not ever realizing her daughter was being abused. He didn't blame her; James had turned out to be even cleverer than they had previously thought; even Severus admitted that.

Ah, Severus. Dumbledore eyed the younger, troubled man. He had been through too much. When he had came to Dumbledore years before, telling him that he had a daughter with Lily, and she was a twin of James' son……Well, let's just say that that was one of the few occasions in which Dumbledore was shocked.

It was an unusual thing, in these modern wizard times, for twins to have different fathers. It was quite common before and during the Dark Ages, because they, in particular the Greeks, believed that the mother was simply a vessel for children to be born and was not involved in creating the child she bore. Therefore, the twins (or more, Dumbledore supposed) were thought to be of no relation. This had faded during the years of the Renaissance as witches and wizards, along with Muggles, learned more about, well, everything.

Severus himself says he was not quite sure how it happened. That had kind of disturbed Dumbledore at the time, but he had let him continue rattling off his tale. He had just left from a Death Eater meeting, and was already regretting ever signing up for it. After a particularly bad round of Crucios, he entered a bar and drowned his sorrows in Firewhisky. But he wasn't too far gone to miss Lily Potter enter the bar. Looking like some kind of angel, she sat down next to him (Severus was rambling, but Dumbledore had hung onto every word). One thing led to another, and somehow Lily was saying how much she missed him and wished he wouldn't have been a Death Eater, and Severus was saying how much he missed her and wished she hadn't married James. Neither of them knew that Lily was pregnant at the time, and neither of them remembered to use protection. Both of them were quite obviously drunk, and Severus said he regretted that his daughter was conceived that way.

Dumbledore smiled and marvelled at how much Severus had changed.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were upstairs, doing what, Dumbledore didn't know. It was quite a shock for Harry to realize his parents were alive, and that he had a brother and a sister. It turned out that Miss Granger had known all along that the Potters were alive, but James and Lily had made her swear not to tell anyone. Severus, now even more paranoid about James, suggested that maybe he had made her take an Unbreakable Vow and then wiped her memory. That would be cruel for anyone, even James, and Dumbledore found himself unwilling to believe it.

Minerva sat beside him on the plush couch, and Severus sat on his right. Remus and Sirius were sitting as far away as possible from James, as if distance would make it so they never knew him. Men often fell into the trap that if they avoided something, then it didn't exist. Dumbledore had fallen into this trap many times before, and one time the trap had ended in death.

But now was not the time for getting sentimental, or self-pitying, as Severus would put it. He stood up and sighed.

"I believe that it would be unwise to linger any longer, so we shall begin." He said, in his usual formal tone.

He turned on James, and James turned his empty eyes up upon him.

"Why did you hide from the rest of the Wizarding World after you died?" Dumbledore asked. That seemed like a good place to start.

His voice was rough and patchy, and he spoke in a manner that was not at all like James Potter.

"I thought it was best for my family. If we returned, alive, there would be too many questions we could not answer. Lily wouldn't like all the attention. And Dumbledore has always believed that even though Voldemort might get defeated, he would come back again. We decided to go into hiding until he was gone for good. We were sure that he would not be happy if we survived, and he would hunt us down."

Dumbledore nodded. The last part made sense, at least. He continued with the questions.

"Do you know exactly why you survived?"

"No."

"Did the Killing Curse make contact with you and Lily?"

"Yes. I didn't even have time to blink. All I saw before was a flash of green light. Then all of a sudden I was awake, with no memory of what happened after the curse hit. But I knew we had to get of there."

Dumbledore looked to Lily for conformation and she nodded her head ever so slightly.

Of course, Lily had said as much about escaping, but if James was a child abuser it didn't take much to believe that he lied to his wife. Dumbledore suddenly had a burst of curiosity and could not stop the question from escaping out of his mouth. He shrugged apologetically.

"Do you still love Lily?" She whirled around at him, shocked, glaring at him. Dumbledore supposed it was none of his business, but there was no stopping it now.

"Yes, I always have and I always will. She is the most amazing person I have ever met, and nothing will change that."

Dumbledore nodded again. He always believed, no matter how bad a person was, they had some good traits. Voldemort may be an exception.

"How did you pull off the ruse that you were dead?"

"First, we created the fake bodies. I transfigured some of the rubbish into clone bodies of Lily and myself before the Muggles arrived. There was no need to create a body for Leila, since barely anyone knew of her existence. We quickly apparated to the town Lily lived in when she was younger and pretended to be Jimmy Porter & Leslie Evans, an unmarried couple with a little baby. We knew someone who could make papers for us. We kept a stock of Polyjuice Potion on hand in case we had to interact with wizards."

One question always led to another. "Who is this person who got you "papers", as you say it?"

"Andromeda Black."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow but did not comment. Though not nearly as bad as her other two sisters, Andromeda had always been a bit….mischievous at school. It did not surprise Dumbledore that she figured out how to fake official documents. And, being a cousin of Sirius, she probably would have had contact with the Potter's before.

Dumbledore sighed. It was time to get to the more incriminating part of the interrogation. "How long have you been abusing Leila?" He felt Severus tighten beside him.

"Ever since Sirius was born. So about 11 years ago, when she was 4."

Dumbledore chanced a glance at Severus, and saw his face contorted with the utmost rage. He doubted the next question would make him calm down, but he had no choice in the matter.

"What all have you done to Leila, in terms of abuse?" Now Severus was clutching the arm of the couch very tightly.

"At first I only verbally abused her. I told her she was stupid and worthless because she couldn't ride a broom. I didn't know what was wrong with her. As she grew up, I began hitting her because she was always sarcastic, and reminded me too much of Snape. I made her take an Unbreakable Vow at age four that she wouldn't tell anyone about any…harm I would do in future or had to done to her. I made her take another one at 6, which forced her not to go to Spinner's End. I did not want her anywhere near Snape. Sometimes I make her take that potion she's allergic to…I can't remember the name of it. One time, when she stayed at Hermione's house for too long, I cut her wrists several times with a knife. I covered it up magically so Lily wouldn't notice. One time I took her out flying with me and I pushed her off the broom. I've done other stuff but I can't remember all of them."

Dumbledore was disgusted and disturbed: abusing a child so much that he cannot remember all that he has done to her. This was not the James Potter he used to know.

"Were you drunk during any of this?" Sirius demanded suddenly, as if drunkenness would appease the horrible things James had done.

"No. I rarely drink."

This time it was Severus spoke. He did not speak in anger, but in horror and disbelief. His voice was so soft that Dumbledore had to strain to hear it.

"Why have you done this?"

"I'm not entirely sure, for loads of different reasons. Leila was never the daughter I've wanted her to be, and sometimes I've suspected that she wasn't mine, though I do not believe that Lily would cheat on me. And I hate being shut out from the Wizarding World. It just makes me so angry even though it was my idea. I take my anger out on Leila, I guess. She just always happens to be there and any little thing that she says sets me off. I try not to do anything in front of Lily though. I didn't want to upset her."

Dumbledore tried to stay indifferent. "Did either of your other children effect this?

"Yes. The fact that I lost Harry, my son, to go live with those Muggles…..it just added to my ever growing anger and unrest. And then Sirius came…and he was the most wonderful child I could've ever asked for. He looked like me, and he had obvious talent on the Quidditch field. My love for him diminished my love for Leila."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "So you did love her, a little bit?"

Yes, I do love her. I know I'm a monster, but I know there's nothing I can do about in. I've tried to fight it, nothing works. Leila probably thinks I'm lying when I tell her I love her or say something nice to her, but I'm not. I do love her, but there are times when I absolutely hate her. I'm a monster, and I don't know why."

Well, Dumbledore had certainly not expected that. He almost forgot his next question. But he had to act quickly, for the Veriteserum was starting to wear off. He could tell because James was getting his personality back and his answers were becoming longer and more opinionated.

He looked around at the people scattered around the room. "Do any of you have anything else to ask?"

They all shook their heads slowly, and he could tell that all of them were still in shock. He raised his wand and Stupefied James nonverbally.

"Albus." He turned and faced Severus at the sound of his name. "What do you suggest we do with him?"

"Well, what do you think we should do with him?" He said, as blue eyes pierced the black.

Severus was obviously annoyed, as he always was when Dumbledore threw his questions back at him.

"God, Albus, I'm asking you for a reason."

"And that reason being that you feel you are too biased to make a fair decision?" When Severus did not reply, Dumbledore continued professionally. "I don't think we should send him to Azkaban, not with Cornelius' attitude."

Severus' lips curled. "No doubt he'd find a way to blame Potter Jr. for it."

"Precisely. So I would like to avoid any transactions with the Ministry, if possible."

Severus nodded his agreement. Minerva spoke up for the first time. "Perhaps we should send him to the French prison? What is it, Empmalsur, or something along those lines?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, but I don't think a prison would help James very much."

Severus' carefully arranged expression quickly turned outraged. "Help? Help! Help, Dumbledore? We're supposed to be punishing him, not, God forbid, helping him! Have you lost your mind?"

"Severus, please calm down." He said, for Severus had stood up. He crossed his arms and obediently obeyed, though he did not look happy about it. "Severus, you listened to him. It is clear that this man was not completely in his right mind all of the time—"

"But even he admitted he was a monster, and there was nothing he could do about it!"

"Exactly. Do you really think he is completely all together from that statement? No. It is clear that he meant to do harm to Leila, yet I believe that he was not acting rationally. Yes, he deserves to be punished but that cannot be achieved by putting him behind bars."

Exasperated, Severus threw his arms up in the air. "Then I ask it again! What do you suggest we do?"

To Dumbledore's surprise, Lupin spoke up. "Maybe we could modify his memory?" He suggested in a tight voice, as if every word he spoke pained him.

Dumbledore nodded. "That idea has potential. Does anyone else have any ideas?"

They all shook their heads. So much for discussion. He sighed and pointed his wand at James again.

"I am going to send him to Hogwarts," He explained. "Until we reach a decision."

He muttered, "Eoire Hogwarts hospitium!" and with a crack, not unlike the one made when one apparates, he was gone.

August 2nd. 1995.

I sighed as I looked at myself in my mirror. I knew I couldn't delay anymore. Having dressed myself, done my hair and brushed my teeth, I had no excuse not to go downstairs.

I'll admit it, I was nervous, apprehensive. I wouldn't know what to say to anyone besides my mother and Hermione. But, I reminded myself, standing here like an idiot was unlikely to help matters. So, after a deep breath, I walked out of the room and down the stairs.

When I got downstairs, I saw that since the kitchen could not hold so many people, breakfast was being served in the living room.

All eyes were cast upon me as I entered the room. I felt so awkward and I really wanted to sit down, but before I even got the chance to think about it, Hermione leapt to her feet and tackled me with a fierce hug.

All my tension eased as I hugged back and I laughed.

"Jeez, Hermione, kill me why don't you?" I said with a grin.

She stood back and looked at me with concern. "Are you okay, Leila?"

I rolled my eyes. "Stupid question," I told her. Because how could she think I was okay? Have I ever really been "okay"?

"Sorry! I mean, are you…" She broke off, not knowing how to phrase it.

"Yeah, 'Mione, I'll manage. Now let's have breakfast, I'm starved."

"Okay." She eyed me suspiciously, but led me to wear she was sitting next to Harry and Ron. My heart beat a little bit faster.

Couches and chairs were arranged around a huge table. Mum was sitting in an armchair, staring at me with concern. Snape and Dumbledore were sitting side by side on a loveseat, both determinedly not looking at me. McGonagall sat in another armchair, and Lupin & Black sat together. That left me, Hermione, Harry and Ron sitting on the couch.

The table itself was full of many different varieties of food. Everything from pancakes to French toast to bacon was laid out before us. I eagerly grabbed some bacon and eggs, and began to dig in.

After a few moments, I looked up at the 2 boys. They were both staring at me.

"Um, hi," I said, swallowing nervously.

"Hi," they said back. To my relief, they seemed as awkward and nervous as I was. Especially Harry.

It was as if the other occupants of the room weren't even there. In fact, they were not, but I did not notice them leave.

"So," I said, grasping at straws for a conversation opener. "How 'bout them Cannon's?"

To my great surprise, Ron then went on a rant about how this year was their year and just because 3 players were kicked out of the league and replaced with rookies didn't mean that they couldn't be great. Harry snickered beside him. He also seemed to gather some of that Gryffindor courage and talk to me.

"So, do you play Quidditch?"

I shook my head. "No, I tried it once….didn't end well. Let's just leave it at that." I said, smiling.

"Oh." He said, nodding. He now looked like he was at a loss for anything to say.

Ron entered into the conversation again. "Is that a piano?" He asked, pointing to the corner where my baby grand piano sat.

"No, it's a gigantic Cauldron Cake." I said with a grin. "Of course, it's a piano." I added at the look on his face.

"So you play?" He asked, curious.

Before I could say anything, Hermione burst in.

"She can play beautifully! And she can sing, too!" She said, a look of pride on her face. "Play and sing for them, Leila."

"Yeah, go on," said Harry, encouraging me.

"Mmhm," Ron said through a mouthful of a real Cauldron Cake.

Though I did not want to, I gave into the pressure. I walked over to the bench and sat down, shuffling my music. I thought a little bit about what song to play and then started into it.

"I'm holding on your rope,

Got me ten feet off the ground.

I'm hearing what you say,

But I just can't make a sound…"

A/N: Whoo, that was a long chapter! Almost 5000 words! I hope that makes up for the long wait. (: And it was pretty hard to write too…

The song Leila sings at the end is Apologize by OneRepublic in case anybody didn't know. (:

If you have been reading this story but haven't reviewed, or are just now picking it up, I urge you to review! I allow anonymous reviews. Please, please, please! And thank you very much to those that have. :D Also, if anyone has a song that they'd like to see Leila sing in this story, let me know…I won't make any guarantees though. Thanks again for reading!