So my mood's been down lately. My mom and sister can be bitches and my dad's been an ass lately and not called. I had a fight with my best friend, but we're good now haha. Also, SOLs are here. Joy. So everyone's been pressuring about getting those and making sure they're ok. Hell, my teacher even asked me if I wanted to take another 45 minutes to review all 60 questions because I had an hour left. Haha. I said no.. xD But enough about me. You're here for Brooke and Lucas, not me, haha, so here you go.
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Last time: "Everything ok?" I composed myself and offered the best smile I could. "Perfect." If only.
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I'm Not Over
Brooke's POV:
Why did this have to happen to me? I hated it. After eating our dinner and watching a couple movies, I decided it was time to let Haley go back to her life. I didn't tell her my realization yet, it wasn't time. She was probably still registering the fact that Lucas and I had kissed even I didn't seem it a big deal. Maybe because Lucas and Peyton just broke up? It could be a reason. Either way, staying there any longer might make me tell her more of my thoughts, and I loved Haley dearly, I did. I just wasn't ready to talk about anything just now.
So, at the early time of nine thirty, I was home, in my pajamas and sitting in my room. A Friends marathon was on, so I tuned into that. At first, my mind kept wandering, unfortunately, to all the events that took place today. That wasn't something I liked to keep thinking about. It wasn't healthy, not for me. But thankfully, the beginning of of the third episode, my attention was captured. It stayed like that until the time of eleven, where I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. the days events were taking a huge toll on me. The fighting, the confession by Peyton last night, the kiss, and my realization. Hell, it was enough to wipe a person out. So i turned the tv off and curled up under my blanket I had around me.
In a few minutes, I was asleep, though I wished I had stayed up longer, because my dream was one I didn't feel like reliving.
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Gavin Degraw's 'More Than Anyone' was playing in the backround. I was dancing with Lucas. Now, I loved being in his arms, don't get me wrong, even now, when I was annoyed by the fact that Peyton had questioned if I loved Lucas and the fact that she had feelings for him, the confession, still replaying in my head, I still felt wonderful. He could tell I was annoyed, and before he talked, my eyes were set on the people around me dancing.
"So you going to tell me what this is about?" He questioned me and I looked at him.
"Maybe you should tell me about it."
Lucas looked away for a minute and then gave me a look. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked me softly.
I didn't know how to continue, so I just let it out. "Peyton told me some things about the two of you." I commented as we spinned around, dancing.
He sighed silently and looked down, then lifted his head again, not looking at me at first. "Brooke," He started. "I that you're worried about my past with Peyton. But you've got understand the circumstances this time. You know?" No, I didn't know. What does he mean? "I mean, God, she was bleeding and she thought she was going to die. I mean, the kiss, it-it meant nothing."
I stared at him, my eyebrows furrowing. Kiss? "What kiss?" We stopped dancing. I was still staring at him. "Did you kiss her again?" Great, this was perfect.
He didn't say anything. His eyes said it all. He had kissed her. Lucas, MY Lucas, had kissed Peyton. Again! This was just perfect. He stared at me, his eyes saddened a bit. I permitted myself one look over at Peyton, who was dancing with Coop. So that was where all the emotion came from. That's why she had told me she still liked him, because she had kissed him. I took a step back from him, looking at my so called 'boyfriend' again and I silently scoffed to myself, walking away and leaving him standing on the dance floor, alone and standing still.
He found me searching for my purse a couple minutes later in the room we had set up for the wedding party, the girls.
"Look, Brooke. I need you to listen to me, ok? I understand that you didn't know about the kiss and I'm sorry for springing it on you but I meant what I said. It didn't mean anything." Did he just say that?
We had been traveling from the small tables, well, I was, in search of my bag and he was following me. My head snapped up and I looked at him with accusing eyes. "A kiss always means something."
"Ok, well, maybe you're right. But it wasn't a romantic moment. You'd know that if-"
"If what? I was there?" I cut him off. "As you so sweetly pointed out at the party-the party that I threw for you-I wasn't there, was I?" My voice was hard. He had hurt me so bad that day. I could still remember how I felt even though I hated the feeling. He had been the one to leave me in the first place. He had practically just took off running while Coach Whitey shoved me into the bus. How the hell could I have been there?
His head lowered and he stared at the table for a minute. I was about to throw all these purses at the wall; he handed me another one. "Is it impossible for you to forgive me? I forgave you." I gave him an incredulous look.
"For what?" Yes, for what? Please, enlighten me.
"For sleeping with Chris Keller."
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I had woken up with a start then. I hated that day. The day before I broke up with Lucas. I could feel the emotions piling up as fresh as the day it happened. My eyes glossed over just like they had that day. I remember not even worrying if my makeup was going to smear. I had felt hurt, deeply hurt. He had brought up something we both hated. I couldn't...I still can't, believe he did that. I was drunk, he was with Rachel, I don't even remember what had come over me.
But right now, it didn't matter. I realized the moisture in my eyes had brimmed over and I was crying silently now. why had I fallen for him again? This was a sign. The dream was a sign. One reminding me that time after time he would always go back to Peyton, always. I knew it. There was no use fighting it. I was right. People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end. Well it wasn't me and Lucas, it was Lucas and Peyton.
I was just torturing myself more, because my tears were falling faster and they were fatter. How I managed to keep myself quiet and not to wake Sam up, was a miracle to me. But my tears kept flowing, and I felt I needed this. He had hurt me when we were together, and even now, five years or whatever time later, he was still affecting me. Dazzling me, making me fall for him; He even made me cry now. And he didn't even know it. My tears were starting to slow now. I don't know how long this had been going on. Thirty minutes? Probably was more but I didn't feel it. My head wearily turned to the clock on the bedside beside me. It read 3 A.M. I distinctly remember seeing 2 A.M. when I had first woken up. Well, I guess time does fly by, not just when you're having fun. When you're depressed as well.
I curled up again, the tears were coming much slower now. One or two falling every three minutes wasn't that bad. I stared towards my windows that the curtains were holding closed. What was the world doing now? Most people sleeping right? Some partying, and maybe, there were some like me. Staring out their own window, broken hearted, wondering the same things I was. The world was funny like that. You could say one thing and immediately say 'jinx!' because someone else in the world is saying probably the same thing right now. In the same language or not.
I found my eyelids heavy, but I couldn't go back to sleep. I wasn't gonna be able to. The fear of the dream was keeping me up. I didn't want this whole waking-up-and-sobbing thing to happen again. I don't think I had the strength or the tears for that. They had all been shed tonight. They didn't need to come back for the same reason. For Lucas Scott. Thinking about it, I was now wondering how many times, how many nights I had actually stayed up crying at night, all night, for the blonde haired boy that captured my heart Junior and Senior year and I was just finding out now that he never gave it back. Too many. I couldn't remember all, but the ones I did were just too many. I'm guessing that's what love did. Make you do crazy things, make you cry, make you happy. It depended on your situation, and mine was probably the one-sided type of love. Worst kind there could be. You love someone, and they don't love you back. I doubt Lucas loves me like I love him. We're friends in his mind. And after we broke up senior year, he's thought us that way. It was my fault I even let him go. If not, would things be different? Would we be married now? Kids?
Maybe, maybe we'd just be broken up after realizing we never actually really were meant to be, and I'd might be in the same place I am now, or in the place of happiness where we're the best of friends and everything's ok. But there's no such place as that. There could never be. That would only be one of two perfect worlds; the other being one where we're together and everything's right. Perfect worlds didn't exist unless in it's in the mind.
All this thinking was wearing me out and pretty soon, I felt my eyes droop and close against my own will. But I found out soon, after falling deep into sleep, the rest of night was dreamless, which was fine by me.
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Lucas' POV:
The rest of my day was spent uneventful. Which actually surprised me, the way my day had been going so far I half expected Lindsey to show up and beg me not to marry Peyton. Ha, what a Field Day she would have learning I wasn't with the blonde anymore and we broke up, she lost our baby and I kissed my ex girlfriend. But she didn't show up and that was something I was happy about. I didn't need anything, but she wouldn't come back. It's been, what, five months? For all she knew, I was happily engaged. But that was ok, just meant she wasn't about to bother me.
The only sleep I got was a three hour nap after I got home. After that I couldn't sleep. My mind just kept bugging me. The question that kept repeating over and over was the one about why did I kiss Brooke?
Why exactly?
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It seemed like many hours I contemplated this because before I knew it, the sun was breaking through the night sky and it was five in the morning. A run might do me good. I decided that, so no matter how tired I was, I forced myself out of bed, got changed and plugged my iPod in. My feet went outside and instantly started jogging, turning into a run after a couple minutes of jogging. The air was fresh, the music in my ears kept me going. For a minute I forgot about the problems I had. I remembered I was the Lucas the loved running and playing basketball. The way I was before the whole real drama started. I guess in some ways, it brought me good things. I got closer to Nathan and had two good relationships with Peyton and Brooke. If it wasn't for me, Haley would probably be dating another guy instead of being married to the love of her life and Nathan wouldn't have been changed because of her. Jamie wouldn't be here. But there was always bad. The love triangle, the whole Dan wants to be a better dad. But that was the way it would always be. High school was like that, and the life we lived now, well, that was just how it was. Life couldn't be changed.
By the time I got home, it was seven in the morning. I had left around five thirty. An hour and a half wasn't bad at all. At least my mind cleared for a bit. But there had to be something else to keep my mind off again for a bit. Then I remembered Sam. I was drunk, so I vaguely remember that she was the one to take me home. I had to thank her... but she lived with Brooke. Nope, I wouldn't go. But today was a school day, if I waited until later, I might go crazy, and when I got there, Brooke could be there. Of course, she could be there now, but she could be at the store, or still asleep. Sam was an early riser from what Haley told me, so it seemed my only chance was now.
My shower I took lasted fifteen minutes with an extra ten to get changed. I was done in record time, racing against the clock because honestly, I didn't want to talk to Brooke at the moment. I mean, how was I to explain myself, because that's where our conversation would lead if I saw her. I didn't even know my own thoughts so I had no way to tell her anything. All I knew was that I kissed her and there could be a reason behind it, but I wasn't sure what that was just yet though. All this I thought on the way to Brooke's house. And before I could become a coward again, I got out, walking up to the front door and knocked lightly. I hoped Sam could hear, because if I knocked louder, Brooke might answer and I already explained my reason for not wanting that.
Luck was with me so far because Sam opened the door. Apparently she was getting ready to leave because she was dressed in school clothes and her book bag was slung over her shoulder. Her expression was confused and she raised an eyebrow when she saw me standing there. "Well, you sure look better than the last time I saw you." She commented, adding a small smirk in there.
I only smiled and shook my head a bit. "Yea, hi to you too." She only shrugged, stepping aside a bit and after I walked in the doorway, closed the door. I didn't go too far in the house, because if I did, it wouldn't be as easy to just turn around, grab the doorknob, and leave. "I came here to thank you." I stated my case.
The mini Brooke, yea, I remembered it, offered me a small smile and nodded her head once. "it's no problem. I mean, I'm sure you wouldn't want any of you Tree Hill hotties to see you like that. They'd bring on the 20 Questions crap over you. And with your drunken state, I'm pretty sure you would've either said the truth or said something far from the truth." Damn, this girl was good.
I let out a soft chuckle and nodded slightly. "You may have a point, but how did you get there."
"I was at the diner then walked around a bit. Jack was with me and he noticed you go in there, so we sat outside of Tric for a while before he decided it was time to go home. He left, I walked in, and I think you might remember the rest." Well, I can say one thing. The girl had a knack for shortening things up.
I nodded and ran a hand through my hair. "Well, still, thanks. Does Brooke know-"
Sam immediately shook her head, her eyes widening a bit. "No. And don't tell her please. I don't want her thinking I'm sneaking out to bars late at night. I had actually snuck out that night." I raised an eyebrow. I thought she was getting better. "Hey, a kid needs a little rebellion now and then." she defended herself, sticking her chin up a fraction of an inch.
I shook my head with a small smile and placed my hands in my pockets. "I won't tell her." I promised her, and she grinned in response.
"Lucas?" Brooke's voice floated to us and my head snapped in the direction it came from. Damn it. I should've cut this short. 'Thank you for helping me get home.' 'you're welcome' and I should've been gone. Now she had caught me. She was in her robe, a grey one I've never seen her in before. Her hair was a mess from her putting it up so hastily and she was staring at me in surprise. Sam was watching the two of us; her head snapping from her to me and back again. Finally, she got the hint that she wasn't involved in this conversation but I wished she didn't. I needed someone there so she didn't bring up the incident.
"Well, school's calling my name. See ya Brooke. Lucas." She nodded once at the both of us and she was gone. We were alone.
"Brooke," I started, but she shook her head slightly. I noticed the circles under her eyes, very dark as if she hadn't slept. And around her eyes it was red, as if she had been crying.
"Just go, please." She whispered.
This took me by surprise. She didn't want to talk? Wait, I thought she'd want to. I'm guessing what ever the reason was, it had something to do with her puffy eyes and no sleep thing. Now I wasn't going to budge. Brooke may have been a person I wanted to avoid at first, but I needed to know what was wrong. I cared about her. I shouldn't leave her like this. "Brooke," I tried again.
She bit her lip and shook her head again, walking to the door and opening it. "Please." She whispered and looked down. This wasn't over. I made me way over, walking to the door and walked outside; the door shut behind me. I was going to find out, I wasn't about to leave Brooke like this.
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Brooke's POV:
My previous dream flooded toward me as I saw him there. He said my name and I shook my head. I told him to leave. I couldn't see him, not right now. I didn't even care that he wouldn't or would want to talk about the kiss. I didn't. It only hurt me much more than it should have and that was the reason I didn't need him there. He spoke my name again, and even in the concerned tone he said it, it still sounded perfect coming from his lips, his voice.
I couldn't take it. I walked to the door, opening it and that was the best hint there was to say 'Get Out.' "Please." I pleaded, my voice a whisper and he walked out. As soon as he left, I shut the door, locking it and my eyes glossed over. I couldn't let him have this effect on me. It was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He was in love with Peyton. And there was only one reason or two I was staying in Tree Hill. Sam and the Naley family. I couldn't leave Haley or Jamie and even if we didn't talk a lot, Nathan was still close. I'd just have to suck it up. Great.
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whoo! Another chapter finished. Sorry if at the end it gets lame. My fingers hurt from typing cause I was working on this all day haha. But it's worth it. I'm pretty pleased with this chapter but leave reviews to let me know what you think. :)