Hey hey lovelies! I have NOT forgotten you! I just had done such a pisspoor job on this chapter so my beta reader had one hell of a job lol. So, the limp isn't the major point here, but it's there XD

Beta reader is still Ravanne!

H – Hypothermic

Set: After Chapter 7 (Ghost Sickness). In late season 5.

"Hey! Remember the pie!" Dean called out before Sam could close the door to their motel room.

"When do I ever..?" Sam bit his bottom lip and. "That was one time, Dean."

"Yeah but you said the exact same thing and you forgot the pie!" Dean warned, pointing accusingly with the remote control.

Sam rolled his eyes and closed the door behind him. The way to Dean's heart: Burgers, pie and women. Some things never changed, but there was a certain reassurance in that. It was a cold evening and Sam huddled deeper into his too-thin hooded jacket. He really should have put on a heavier coat. It took about fifteen minutes to walk to the store, but by the time he reached the little supermarket he was quite frozen.

"Help! Someone… help us!"

Sam had just finished his shopping and barely gotten out of the store when he heard a loud cry for help. He looked around and saw a cars headlights shining upwards instead of forward. He tightened the hold on the bag and rushed towards the lights.

"Oh thank God!" a young woman standing next to the overturned car exclaimed as Sam reached her. "My boyfriend is hurt!"

"What happened?" Sam asked, taking a quick assessment of the situation.

"Our car slipped on the icy ground and he lost control. He hit his head pretty hard."

Sam nodded as he knelt down and focused is attention on the injured man. He was barely awake and disorientated, but reacted when Sam forced the dented door open.

"Hey, you're okay?" Sam asked as he quickly checked the man for injury.

"Been better," the stranger groaned and pressed a hand to the side of his head.

"Have you called for ambulance?" Sam asked the woman who said that she had. Her boyfriend was losing consciousness and Sam became concerned that he might be more badly injured that he originally appeared. His body temperature was dropping and he appeared to be going into shock.

"Let's see if we can't make him more comfortable until help gets here," Sam said as he pulled off his jacket and carefully laid it over the injured man.

"Oh no, you'll freeze," the woman said worriedly.

"It's okay. He's the one who's hurt," Sam answered, trying to be as reassuring as possible. Thankfully they heard the sound of sirens not far away and Sam felt it was time to make a quick getaway. He and Dean needed to stay as far beneath radar as possible and he could not risk a run in with the police, even if he was the good guy here.

"Seems like the ambulance is here. He's going to be fine." Sam stood up abruptly and turned to leave. The young woman looked up at him, surprised at his hasty retreat.

"But…what about your jacket?" she asked, confused at how Sam was rushing away from them.

"Don't worry about it. It's old. I have to go though," Sam insisted. The ambulance was within sight and there was nothing more that Sam could do for them.

"O-okay. Thank you," the woman said appreciatively. She clearly was still surprised at how he was rushing away, but thankful for his help. She turned her attention back to her boyfriend, cooing reassuringly as the ambulance pulled up alongside the wreaked car.

Sam grabbed his bag and hurried away. He hadn't expected to be delayed and he knew that Dean would be annoyed if he didn't return quickly. He tried to ignore the ice cold wind biting through the thin fabric of his shirt. He shivered violently, but didn't slow down or let go of the bag even though all he wanted to do was find a warm spot to huddle down in. He didn't want to disappoint Dean again. Even though it was just a pie, it would make Dean happy and that was all Sam wanted now. After everything he'd been through, Dean deserved to be happy and Sam refused to be the source of any more disappointment or pain for his brother.

He would have shouted in relief when he spotted the Impala as he rounded the corner by the motel if his teeth weren't chattering uncontrollably. He knew that he'd been walking only a few minutes but it felt like hours. His arms and chest was hurting from the cold. His cheeks felt as if they were burning and he couldn't feel his hands any longer. He felt himself stumble, nearly falling but it was by sheer will that he kept on his feet. Sam nearly cried out in relief as he arrived at the door and his numb hands fumbled with the key as he tried unsuccessfully to get the lock to open. Sam finally managed to push the door open before Dean had the chance to start readying weapons at the sudden intrusion.

"C…cold," Sam mumbled and dropped the bag to the floor, desperately rubbing at his arms to warm his body.

"What the hell! Where's your jacket?" Dean jumped up from his bed, shocked to see Sam standing there, shivering in nothing but his shirt. He didn't need to touch Sam to see that he was absolutely freezing. He quickly pulled the comforter from his bed and rushed to his brother.

"Acc…accid'nt," Sam sputtered and sighed as Dean pulled him into a warm embrace and wrapped him in the thick blanket. He managed to half carry, half drag Sam to the bed and helped lay down.

"Man w's hurt. Gav'im jac't," he tried to explain, pressing his icy face into Dean's warm clothed chest. Dean didn't say anything first. He just rubbed Sam's back, feeling his younger brother's body shiver.

"Leave it to you to get hypothermic on a 15 minute walk," Dean mumbled while looking around the room for something to help warm Sam.

"Got your pie," Sam pointed towards the bag on the floor. He felt his brother turn to look.

"Okay. So you're freezing half to death, but didn't let go of the pie? I'm glad you got your priorities right," Dean chuckled sarcastically and tugged Sam a little closer.

"You're welcome," Sam mumbled back, almost falling asleep in Dean's arms when his shivering began to calm.

"Ask me anything," Sam said an hour later. Dean had gotten him into a warm bath and then back into bed, wrapped up in every blanket Dean could find. Finally feeling comfortable for the first time in what seemed like forever, he watched his brother dig into the slightly squashed pie.

"Ummm…. Okay." Dean seemed to be thinking for something while chewing. It seemed that if pie was involved, all other considerations were relegated to a distant second place, Sam thought.

Dean notice Sam's bemused expression and demanded, "Seriously? You feel threatened by the pie?"

"Dean!" Sam groaned, flinging himself backwards onto the bed.

"I mean, you always complain when I want pie so I just wondered if you think I might love pie more then my own little brother." Dean asked with a serious voice, but the corners of his mouth twitched and belied his mood.

"Dean…" Sam groaned, pulling up the comforter to half cover his face. "I'm serious. I want you to ask anything you want the answer to about the six months you were down under," he insisted.

"You can say Hell, Sam. I wasn't in Australia," Dean sounded serious now, but Sam didn't emerge from his hiding place. Dean sighed, feeling the tension rise up between them uncomfortably.

"Sam, what's done is done. Why would I want to go poking at old wounds now?" Dean paced around the room uncomfortably before sitting down on the bed beside Sam.

"Because you deserve answers," Sam said softly.

"Does this have anything to do with last week?" Dean swallowed his last bite of his pie and focused on Sam who rolled over to face the wall, the blankets completely hiding him. Sam had seen some horrible things while in the throws of the ghost sickness, things that he hadn't been able to talk to his brother about. Sure, Dean wondered what had happened, but would it really do them any good to start dragging all this stuff back up again?

"I know… done is done. I can't take back what I did to you, but if getting answers helps..." Sam's voice trailed off. He felt Dean pull the blanket away, uncovering his face and gently turned Sam's head to face him.

"Are you sure?" Dean asked. He did a ton of questions for Sam. He wasn't sure he really wanted answers to some of them but he needed to know, but what he wanted more then anything was to fix things between him and Sam. There was a sense of relief that Sam was clearly trying so hard.

He had told Sam that he forgave him, but Sam hadn't accepted his forgiveness. Sam had told him that even though Dean said he forgave him that Dean didn't really mean it, and Dean had to admit to himself that Sam was probably right. Despite everything that had happened, Sam knew him better than anyone. Still, even though they hadn't come to the full forgiveness part yet, it warmed him to know that Sam wanted to earn it. He wanted Dean to be able to say it and mean it.

"I'm sure. Ask me anything. Just, be sure you want the answer because I will tell you everything." Sam moved his head a bit to rest better against the pillow. "No more lies, and no more hiding anything."

"Oh, I'm sure of that. We both know that when you come clean, you come too clean. Let's keep the full frontal to a minimum," Dean sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically, but gave Sam a crooked smile.

"Then let's do this," Sam insisted. "Go on. Anything you want. Shoot."

Dean was quiet for almost a minute, thinking seriously of what he wanted to ask. The whole time he looked at Sam, but Sam wouldn't bring himself to meet his gaze.

"You want to tell me about the first days, weeks after I went to Hell?" he asked carefully."You don't need to if it hurts to talk about it." He wanted to give Sam an out because he knew what he was asking was extremely painful. If it was even a fraction as bad as Dean suspected it had been for his brother, the last thing he wanted was for Sam to drag up all those painful memories.

"I don't care how much it hurts. I deserve it," Sam insisted.

"Don't say that," Dean said gently. Did Sam think that Dean wanted to see him in pain?

Sam inhaled deeply, and Dean could see him mentally going back to that moment when he'd watched his older brother be torn to shreds right before his eyes. Dean knew immediately what he was thinking about, because he'd worn that exact same look in his face at Cold Oaks.

"Bobby came into that room not long after Lilith had left and you were... dead." Sam swallowed deeply, trying hard to talk as emotionlessly as possible so that he could actually get the words out without breaking down.

"He cried too. I've never seen Bobby cry before," he muttered and hugged a pillow closer with one hand and looked up at Dean. "The couple of following days was a blur. I don't remember much. Bobby wanted to b.. He wanted to burn your body properly. I didn't." Sam was grimacing already, trying hard hold back the still raw pain.

"I had already started to try to find something to bring you back, but I needed your body to be kept safe so we buried you."

Dean watched his brother quietly as Sam told his story and struggled to keep the emotions from his face. He was never a person to show emotion or weakness in front of Sam when it was his little brother who needed someone to be strong for him, but right then it took every ounce of control he possessed to keep from reaching out for his brother. To touch his arm or grasp his hand. Anything to close the space between them.

"Bobby and I drove into the forest and found a little clearing away from everything. There was nothing out there that would disturb you and it looked like the perfect place. I don't know how long we were there, but it took forever to... to dig the grave. I didn't want Bobby's help, but he insisted and we took turns digging. I made a cross and tried to carve something into the wood, but I couldn't. I didn't know what to write," Sam turned over to his back and covered both hands over his face.

"When we were done I told Bobby to go home and I would come later. I wasn't ready to leave you. I didn't go to Bobby's though. I left and tried everything to get you back. I tried everything twice, but nobody would or could help. Even the Crossroads demon refused to deal. He said I didn't have anything they wanted," Sam's body was trembling and his voice was a rasping whisper..

"I gave up too quickly. I know. Everything felt even more hopeless and I decided to go after the one who had caused all of this." Sam didn't remove his hands from his face and Dean couldn't just sit there any longer. Not with his brother on the verge of coming apart completely.

"Sam. Relax. Come on," Dean sat down on Sam's bed and pulled his hands away from his face. His little brother's eyes were wet, but he wasn't really crying. His body was shivering though and his eyes were so far away and drowning in plain misery.

"Sam, please. I'm right here. You're not there anymore." Dean started to tap his cheeks, trying to get Sam to focus on him and not the memories.

"I know how it is to lose the most important person in your life, Sam. That's why I always refuse to think back on Cold Oak. I'm sorry I asked," Dean said gently and smiled sadly when Sam finally looked at him and even pouted.

"That's not the same." Dean was shocked by the near sneer on Sam's face and Sam tried to turn over and away from his brother, but Dean held him in place by his arms.

"Sam, you've got no right to tell me losing you didn't hurt as much as you losing me," Dean felt anger built in himself. At that Sam sat up, leaning on his arms so he was face to face with his brother.

"I'm not saying it didn't hurt, but how long did you have to stay without me, huh? You didn't need to bury me. You didn't get to feel the complete hopelessness that just wouldn't go away! You went out and got your deal to get me back. I had to live with you being gone!" Sam took a deep breath when he realized that he was probably hurting his brother instead of making things better.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, looking away. "I didn't mean that. It was just... I had never felt so hopeless and useless before. Whatever I did nothing was good enough and then that bitch came into the picture!"

Dean put his hands on Sam's shoulders when he heard his voice starting to crack at the thought of Ruby,

"Sam, it's okay. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Dean made a soothing massaging motion with his one hand and Sam took a deep breath.

"I'm not trying to get your sympathy here. I don't deserve that. Nothing I experienced was anything near Hell. I just want you to know what happened and why I did those unforgivable things." Sam was rambling and he only stopped himself when he saw the deep sadness in his brother's face.

"Next question," Sam quickly added before Dean had the chance to say something. He ran a hand quickly under his eyes to dry away coming tears and lay down again.

"I guess I should thank you for not burning my body," Dean quipped, hoping that his gallows humor would break the tension and he patted Sam on the chest.

"You're welcome," Sam answered without laughing back. Dean let his hand rest on Sam's chest a bit before standing up and lay down on his own bed just a few feet away from Sam. He turned onto his side so the two of them were facing each other.

"Did you fight any monsters while I was gone?" Dean asked curiously and Sam had to think a little.

"About a month before you came back I went to see Bobby. You can imagine how pissed he was." It was Sam's turn to chuckle now. Dean grinned, very well able to imagine just how Bobby would have reacted

"When he calmed down I agreed to help him with a little case in that little town we always drive by when we go to Bobby's. I thought it would be a good idea to do a regular hunt, just to keep myself grounded."

Dean nodded to show that he was listening. He wished Sam has stayed with Bobby the whole time, but didn't say anything. He knew Sam wished he had done thing differently and saying so would only have hurt Sam further

"What was it?" he asked curiously.

"Some kind of demon, we thought. Or maybe a metamorphic creature. It was either possessing animals or turning into them. I don't remember much about that hunt," Sam said, his eyes closing and his brow furrowed.

Dean immediately became concerned, wondering at what had happened to Sam. He had a feeling that he wasn't going to like the answer.

"Something went wrong. The creature had become something big when it ran at me. I think it was a bear or a horse or something. Anyway, it knocked me in the head for the next thing I know I woke up in a hospital a couple of weeks later," Sam's features relaxed as he breathed slowly.

"What!?" Dean shot up in the bed, not bothering to hide his concern. "You were in the hospital for a couple weeks?" he demanded, gaping like an idiot.

Sam opened his eyes tiredly. "Longer, but I'm not sure just how long. Bobby told me I had been in coma for almost two weeks."

Dean sat frozen in bed, staring at Sam who seemed oblivious to Dean's reaction. His brother had been in a coma and nobody had said a word to him.

"Why...why didn't you tell me?" Dean swallowed hard and lay down again. He had to remind himself that it had happened a long time ago now and Sam was fine. Well, maybe not quite fine, but he would take anything else over a little brother in coma.

"You'd been to Hell, Dean. I thought you had bigger things to worry about." Sam actually snorted and opened his eyes. "Dean, does it matter? I'm fine now. Shit like that happen and worse shit happen after it so... let it go."

Dean hated this. He hated how Sam was just writing off anything bad that happened to him as unimportant. "I have another unpleasant question," Dean said, feeling guilty that he needed to ask what was gnawing at him , but Sam only nodded.

"When and... well, why did you start drinking it?" Dean didn't need to specify what "it" was.

They lay on their beds, starting at one other for a long time before Sam finally spoke.

"Ruby started to train me. If I was going to take on Lilith, I needed more than just the blade. The night you died proved that. I was a bad student and I couldn't get it to work. I just started to get massive nosebleeds, like with Samhain," Sam explained, reminding Dean how hard it had been to take out such a high-level demon. "I even passed out a few times. I was pretty useless," he explained, flushing a little in embarassement.

Dean didn't say anything, struggling to keep any emotion from showing. Passing out was the least dangerous thing here, besides it wasn't like Sam hadn't done that before.

"One night after another unsuccessful try..." Sam paused. He left out what exact day. He didn't want to remind neither himself nor Dean of what he and Ruby had done in his weakest moment. "That night she explained to me one reason why I just couldn't get my powers to work right and I just took the bait like the useless shit I am." Sam was getting angry, and Dean knew that anger was directed no so much at Ruby, but towards himself.

"I hated it. I hated how it tasted and how it made me feel even if I was able to take out demons. I knew that it was dangerous and by the time you came back I hadn't been drinking any blood for a few weeks. I managed to say no for a while until Ruby managed to persuade me to start drinking again because I..." He swallowed deeply and sat up suddenly.

"What?" Dean demanded, sitting up and leaning close, trying leaned down as much as he could to try and catch Sam's eyes. Sam waved his hand, motioning for Dean to come closer. Dean got out of bed again and sat down next to his brother again.

"I was so convinced that you were weak," Sam admitted. He knew Dean knew about that already, but he had to clear things out before it ate him up from the inside. He regretted whatever he had done with Ruby, he regretted whatever he'd done to other people and he obviously had the guilt of starting the apocalypse too, but as stupid as it would sound to anyone else, what he did and thought of Dean all those months was what made him most ashamed.

"You're everything but weak. You went through something I couldn't begin to imagine, but I only saw what Ruby wanted me to see. What I wanted to see. I wanted so badly to be right," Sam was keeping eye contact now unlike earlier.

"I mean, you did come back different, but you'd been in Hell and what did I do? Crap all over you. I just..." Sam was stopped by a hand over his mouth and another on the back of his neck. Dean's eyes were sad, but his face had a hint of humor on it.

"Sam, please shut up. You're rambling now. Let me talk, ok?" He waited for Sam to nod before removing the hand over his mouth.

"One. Yes, you were a bit of a dick at times," Dean stated, shrugged a little. He saw his brother wince, but didn't protest the assessment.

"Two. You were addicted to demon blood. What do addicts do? They come up with excuses and blame everyone other than themselves." Dean knew he was being a bit harsh, but he felt a bit of relief that Sam nodded in agreement. Sam was no longer trying to reflect his deflect his responsibility in his actions.

"And third, I was weak," he admitted. Sam was shaking his head, but Dean just tightened his hand over Sam's neck, keeping his brother's attention focused on him. "Yes, I was. You know as well as I do what I mess I was. Even if I had a reason for it, I wasn't in the condition to fight a fucking Apocalypse!" Sam was still trying to shake his head in disagreement,

Dean smiled tightly, feeling something in him relax slightly now that he had finally admitted his own weakness. "Look… We both were weak. We both got played and we both had a role in starting the Apocalypse. I started the breaking of the seals. You let Lucifer out. We both suck. Okay?" Dean took a deep breath and his expression was quite a weird mix of misery and humor. He kept his hand on Sam's neck as his little brother lowered his head and let it hung. They were quiet now, listening to the distant sound of one or two passing cars not far from the motel. There was the sound of TV in a room over them and some muffled loud talking from a room further down from them.

"Can I forgive you now, Sammy?" Dean asked seriously, gently kneading at his little brother's neck. "I think I'm ready to forgive." He offered his brother a gentle smile, wanting Sam to see that he was sincere.

The smile fell a little when Sam shook his head.,

"Not yet. I mean, I would do anything for your forgiveness, but even if you feel ready to forgive, I don't earn it. Not yet. I need to work more for it to be earned."

Dean sighed and messed up Sam's hair even more,

"You're such a chick," he muttered and Sam glared at him. "Well you are."

Sam rolled his eyes before stiffening. Dean sat up straighter, on alert. Then suddenly Sam sneezed violently, which caused his big body to jump a little and making the bed creak. Dean stared at him, his mouth agape as Sam ran a hand under his nose.

"Well, that was anti-climatic." Dean shook his head and stood up. "You're not getting sick on me, kiddo." He grabbed Sam's shoulders and pressed him down onto his back and tucked him in with the blankets. Sam didn't say anything, but huddled in on himself and sighed and closed his eyes. He heard Dean shuffle around the room and shutting off lights.

Dean stood between the two beds for a few seconds before grabbing the blanket from his bed and went over to Sam's and laid that over him as well before settling down beside him. Despite his little brother's huge frame, all tucked in Sam didn't take much space and Dean could squeeze in next to him.

Sam didn't say anything, afraid that if he did he would only cause Dean to move again and he didn't want that. He wanted to be warm and safe, like he'd always felt with Dean when they were younger. He wanted to know that all of what he had talked about today was in the past and Dean was really there. He was still unable to believe that he actually had his big brother back. He had been too busy being a monster last year to think over what he had gotten back.

"Sam?" Dean's voice interrupted his train of thoughts. Sam raised his head a bit to see Dean looking at him.

"I appreciate what you did," he said sincerely. "It's good to know that my little brother is back," He gave Sam one last smile before lying down.

Sam didn't say anything, but nodded too. It didn't take long before the two Winchester's were sound asleep, nestled together in a too-small bed in a motel room in the middle of nowhere.

The way to Dean's heart: Honesty, his little brother and pie.

So, what'ya think?

Also, if you have any suggestion on a limp for "U", "R" and "Q" - Lemme know! If you already have given me ideas for those - shoot again! lol.