IMPORTANT!
I just want to remind everyone to read the note about Pairings at the end of the chapter. You can skip the author's note at the beginning of the chapter if you really want to, but read the important note on pairings at the end.
OMFG, I'm not dead!
Okay, here's the story. I had half this chapter written at about the two week point, a week before I had to post this, but then I got slammed by a bunch of pre-exam projects, so even though I wanted to update all my stories at least once before exams, I only updated one. Also, I got writer's block on this chapter, and I couldn't get Tess's outfit right.
Still, I figured out the problem, and what makes my chapters (in all stories) switch from well-written to choppy.
Generally, I focus on going really in depth into one person's POV, so when I add other people in, the chapter gets messier and more choppy, because going from really in depth thought to normal dialogue is bound to seem...like the story quality is decreasing. It happened in this chapter, but this update was so late I didn't bother with it. I'm going to try and be more cognizant of it from now on. It might make updates a little harder, because I'll have to pay more attention to detail, but hey! The story quality will go up!
Chapter Four
Lavi stared up at the ceiling.
He'd tried counting backwards from ten, counting sheep, reciting the periodic table internally, listing off all the monarchs of France, and reciting the names of all the countries of Europe in reverse alphabetical order.
But nothing was working.
Nothing was stopping the immense flow of emotion that was flooding his mind and his heart and causing aches in places inside him that should never ache. Especially as a future Bookman.
Bookman...
Lavi hissed out a swear word and clenched his eye shut.
Hydrogen Helium Lithium Berylium...
How did this keep happening? How did the people he-could-not-love keep getting so hurt? How did they keep...
How did they keep putting him through this?
Carbon...Phosphourous...
How come he couldn't protect them?
Silicon...Magnesium...Dammit!
Lavi sat bolt upright, wincing as a sharp pain lanced through his skull, and clutching the sheets tightly.
Usually, he and Bookman went on missions together. It was sort of part of the agreement they'd had when they'd joined the Order. They could stay together. Do their recording together. Hold the rest of the Exorcists at an arms length. Close enough to smile at them, but not close enough to embrace them. True, he'd been separated from Bookman during missions, sometimes for a long time, but he'd always known where he was, always known that the Bookman could take care of himself. They rarely went on missions completely separated.
Except for this time.
This time they'd been on opposite ends of the Earth.
And now Bookman was in the intensive care unit of the infirmary, in a deep coma with life threatening injuries.
The internal turmoil that Lavi was feeling couldn't be topped. He had no idea how he was supposed to feel. Upset, because his dear Panda-jiji was in a state of near death? Apathetic, because he was Bookman Jr. without a heart? Anticipation, or dread, because as Bookman's heir, it looked like all the duties might fall to him? Or relief, because now he wouldn't have to tell his master that his Innocence had crystallized, even though Bookman had specifically told Lavi not to let that happen.
And then of course, there was that. His Innocence had crystallized. He'd completely given in to this 'Lavi' emotions and allowed himself to be swept up in the Innocence to protect his friends. He didn't know whether he should be ashamed or proud. He'd let down Bookman, but he'd proven himself as an Exorcist.
Just what was he?
Was he truly Lavi now? Had he completely given up on being a Bookman?
His emotions were in such a state of turbulence that he thought they might come spilling out of his head and stain the sheets. His traitorous thoughts pounded against his head, and he clutched at it with his hands, bending over in pain.
Dammit...cursed the redhead internally. What do I do? What do I do? What am I supposed to...
Gramps said to leave the Order if I crystallized...
But my training with Gramps isn't over, and he's stuck in the Order infirmary...
Gramps might die...
What do I do?
What do I do?
Lavi swore again, clutching his head tighter before his hands dropped to his sides, suddenly pounds heavier than they had been before, weighed down at the wrists.
The Bookman Junior had had headaches before, but this, this was something so dreadfully painful, this feeling like something was trying to drill it's way out of his head...
What the hell is this?
Lavi was shaking, the pain was building to such great heights, spots dancing in front of his eyes.
A brain aneurism? Damn it Panda, I knew all that memorizing wasn't good for me...
The redhead let out a humourless laugh at his own comment, before the sound curled into a whimper.
What's going on...
What's with this pain...
What's happening...
What's happening...
What am I...
What do I...
God, just make this pain STOP!
From behind his closed eyelid, Lavi saw a flash of bright green light. The redhead winced and then relaxed entirely as the pain disappeared from his head.
Slowly, tentatively, he cracked open his eye.
The green orb widened as he took in the sight before him, trouble momentarily forgotten at the sudden turn of events.
Well, thought the redhead to himself, this is an interesting situation.
A girl was kneeling on his bed, staring at him intensely with unnatural green eyes. She was a redhead, like him, though her hair was long and wavy, flowing half way down her back. She was dressed somewhat gothic, with a long black strapless top that had a large black bow with red tied at the back and a thin red tie (like Allen's) tied at the front. She also had long black sleeves that weren't attached to her top and that fell to cover her hands. She was wearing red, thigh-length pants, with a black and red sash tied around it and hanging down on the side of her waist. The mixture of black and red gave her a rather morbid appearance, and her intense, inhuman green eyed-stare was making Lavi a little nervous.
Looking at her, Lavi could think of a hundred and one witty things he could say, a hundred pick up lines, the ever infamous 'STRIKE!', and a thousand other Lavi phrases.
However, at that moment, 'Lavi' was tired. 'Lavi' was mentally exhausted and was having a bit of an identity crisis while he was at it. 'Lavi' couldn't even begin to think of how he should reply to the situation, and instead, he could only respond in whatever way whoever the hell he was at the moment could think of.
He stared back at the girl dumbly.
And really, it was too bad that he wasn't doing the whole 'Lavi' thing right now, because really, she was beautiful, with those green eyes of hers that seem to glow, and 'Lavi' would have loved to be able to flirt with her.
In addition, he was also feeling –dare he say it?- truly attracted to her. Or something close to it. Maybe, comfortable in her presence? Well that was strange, seeing as he wasn't supposed to be close to anyone. His brain must be malfunctioning or something, or maybe his wacked up emotions were causing him to become attached to the first person he saw. Thank god Reever had left. That would just be awkward.
Oh, hey! There was some 'Lavi' humour! Maybe he wasn't completely lost.
The redhead was jerked out of his thoughts as he felt something warm touch his face and he looked to see that the girl had moved forward on the bed, so that she was almost sitting on his lap, one hand outstretched, the sleeve falling back to reveal a hand covered by a red ribbon, the exposed fingers touching his cheek slightly.
'Lavi' found himself frozen, staring into those glowing green eyes of this girl, who, now that he thought about it, could have been an Akuma or something. The at-the-moment-Exorcist spent a moment wondering where his Innocence was, noticing the lack of the warmth around his wrists before he was brought back to the present in a rather startling way.
It should be noted, that he had kissed girls before. It had been something that came hand in hand with some of the persona, and, hell, he'd gone pretty far, without any real emotional attachment of course. Still, none of those times, none of them, compared to this single kiss from this strange, possibly Akuma, red-headed, gothic dressed, green-eyed girl.
The feeling of the girl's lips against his was warm and firm. Not wet or mushy or the other unpleasant feelings that he'd experienced when kissing girls who seemed to enjoy slobbering all over him. There was no tongue or anything, and she seemed to be concentrating very hard, pressing against him tightly, her eyes open but narrowed slightly.
"Lavi' had the distinct feeling that he should break the kiss, and that he should have stopped it as soon as it began, but he couldn't shake this...comfortable feeling. This feeling that...this feeling of...trust? Was it trust? That this was a girl he could trust, no matter what persona he fit?
Finally able to push back some of the turbulence that had been disrupting his emotions and thoughts, Lavi noted that the girl had pulled away, finally breaking the kiss. The Junior Bookman stared at the girl, trying to reassemble his still jumbled thoughts and find something to say to this girl.
But she beat him to it.
"I love you," she said in a firm, but small sounding voice.
Lavi blinked in surprise, opening his mouth to say something.
"Wait, wha-,"
"I kissed you right?" interrupted the girl, "That's what humans do when they love each other. So I love you, see?" she leaned forward again, attempting to once again press her lips to Lavi's.
This time, the Exorcist grabbed her shoulders, pushing her backwards firmly.
"Who are you? What the heck are you doing?" he demanded, somewhat half-heartedly, as he was finding it difficult to muster serious anger against the girl. She had the look of a lost puppy, steadfastly loyal and attached to the first person to show them kindness. Still, Lavi found it a little unsettling that he now had a strange girl straddling his lap, cute as she might be.
The girl looked at him, one luminescent eye burning, while the other had become hidden by a curtain of red hair over her face.
"Who am I?" she murmured, lifting her hand and reaching towards Lavi's face. "I want..." she leaned forward again, staring deep into the junior Bookman's eyes. "...you to answer that. You should know me."
Lavi blinked slowly, searching his extensive memory base for anyone remotely resembling this strange girl. As her hand touched his cheek, realization crashed into him like a runaway train.
Lavi's eyes widened and he shrank back.
No...no way! This is impossible! In all the Bookman records, there have never been records of Innocence...what's going on? What the hell is happening?
"LAVI!"
Lavi jumped as the infirmary door banged open and the girl on his lap whipped her head to the side, eyes narrowed. She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Lavi's neck possessively.
Allen dashed into the infirmary, skidding to a stop as he saw the scene before him.
"Uh...Allen!" stammered the rabbit, easily falling back into his old 'Lavi' habits. "This isn't what it looks like!"
"Your hammer!" exclaimed Allen before he could stop himself. Lavi blinked twice, looking down at the girl who now had her head firmly snuggled underneath his chin.
"Um...okay, maybe it is what it looks like," he muttered before looking back up at Allen, "How did you know that?"
"Well..." said the white haired teen nervously, looking behind him as another figure glided into the infirmary.
Lavi blinked twice and then closed his eye, nodding at nothing in particular.
Okay, so if this girl is who it seems this girl is, than that guy over there is Crown Clown, Allen's Innocence. Alright then. So we have my hammer and Allen's arm currently in human form and with us in this room. Okay, so clearly there is some logical way to explain this...oh who am I kidding. What the hell is going on?
Lavi's eye snapped open just as Lenalee ran into the room, followed closely by a green-haired woman who paused only to glare at Allen and Crown Clown.
Dark Boots, thought Lavi automatically, noting the red footwear on the woman's legs.
"Oh, Lavi!" exclaimed Lenalee, running towards his bed. "It happened to you too!"
"Apparently..." muttered the redhead, "What the heck is going on?" he said in a louder, more brazen voice, sliding off the bed and walking to stand in front of his comrades and their new editions. The girl, Tessei, it would seem, followed closely, moving to wrap her arms around his waist and firmly attach herself to his body.
"Our Innocence," said Allen softly, "Well, they're kind of...um...I think you can tell that they are...uh..."
"If you can't think of anything intelligent to say, don't say anything at all," growled the Dark Boots.
"Dark Boots, please be nice," pleaded Lenalee.
Crown Clown turned his head to glare at the woman, eyes like chips of silver. The Dark Boots glared back and Lavi could see the same crackling of electricity that appeared whenever Allen and Kanda started fighting.
Allen sighed and looked at Lavi, trying to peek behind the redhead at the girl hidden behind his back.
"Um...is...she...shy or something?" inquired the white-haired teen, causing the attention to be diverted to him and the Innocence he was staring at.
"Uh..." started Lavi, twisting to try and see the girl positioned behind his back. "...I don't...think so..."
"I don't have an interest," said Tessei, speaking for the first time, "In anyone that is not my Lavi." The girl peeked out from behind Lavi, glaring daggers at the other occupants of the room. "All of you," she said quietly, "go away."
"Hey! Uh, that's not nice..." said Lavi, feeling confused and more awkward in the situation with each passing second.
"They all seem really protective," said Lenalee, noting the Dark Boots hand resting on her head. Allen nodded in agreement, noting with a blush the close proximity at which he and Crown Clown were standing. The white clown had moved close behind Allen, one hand grabbing lightly onto the back of the youth's shirt, as if ready to yank the teen backwards and into his embrace at the slightest hint of danger.
At least...he hoped that was why...
Is it protective? Thought Allen with a slightly darker blush. Or is it, possessive? And just what kind of possessive?
"Well that's great and all," said Lavi, interrupting Allen's thoughts as he eyed the girl attached to his waist with a perplexed expression, "but just what the heck is going on?"
The redhead detached Tessei's arms from around his waist (with some difficulty) and turned around to face her.
Once again, Lavi was floored by the girl. He was just so...so...taken with her. She was adorable, really. Looking to be about sixteen, with the tiniest hint of childish roundness around her cheeks, but the developing curves of a woman. And those bright green eyes...so familiar! Looking into them, he could directly see the bright glow of his Innocence in battle, the familiar green hue that it took on whenever activated.
Lavi swallowed and looked down, unable to conquer the warmth swelling in his chest.
The redhead was beginning to think this was all some sort of sick joke. A few minutes ago, he had been having a serious identity crisis as well as emotional turmoil, trying to figure out if he had emotions in the first place, and if it was okay to let them spill out every once and awhile, and now, he had absolutely no control over the blood rushing to his face, or the quickening of his heartbeat at the sight of this girl. This...warmth. It was so warm.
The Bookman part of Lavi's mind (the only part still functioning at full capacity) reasoned that these feelings were most likely superficial, and simply a product of the girl being Lavi's Innocence, with his blood part of her form and her very being tied to his.
But at the same time, the 'Lavi' part of his brain, (also known as the human part) was overwhelmed by this flood of new emotions. Emotions that had been firmly closed off for so long, and had only started to slowly, but surely leak out over the past year and a half, as if the Bookman dam that he had put in his mind was slowly developing cracks in it. Then, in Russia, it was like a floodgate in the dam had broken, and trapped emotions came spilling out. In the infirmary, he had been trying to patch the broken floodgate with tape, unable to reseal the emotions that had flowed out. And now...
Now, it was like the dam had up and disappeared. Just poofed out of existence. And now, there was a nice, calm, river of emotions flowing through the canals that had been dry for years.
It could have been nice, really it could have been. To allow himself to completely open up, to feel, but his Bookman persona was too deeply ingrained, and he was to used to locking away his emotions. To have them suddenly running through him like a wildfire, because of his Innocence, which he wasn't even supposed to be all that attached to...was not at all acceptable.
So, with great difficulty, Lavi pushed his emotions onto the backburner, and set out to discover just what the heck was going on.
"How are you...How did you..." he began hesitantly, swallowing as he lifted his head and once again met the girls gaze, "Why exactly are you suddenly...corporeal...sentient...whatever." he stammered, lowering his gaze as he once again felt his emotions spiral out of control.
Tessei blinked slowly, tilting her head to the side and once again allowing a curtain of red to fall over one side of her face. She moved forward swiftly, reattaching herself to Lavi's waist, this time from the front.
"You ask like you expect me to know," she murmured, burying her face into his chest. "I don't. I just know that I am here, you are my Lavi and I must protect you. Always. And be with you. Always."
Lavi blushed as Tessei tightened her grip and those foreign and unwelcome emotions came rushing back.
"Indeed," said Crown Clown, stepping forward and tugging Allen backwards so that the youth fell into his embrace with a surprised squeak, wrapped up tight in the Innocence's white cloak.
"You are our Exorcists. Without you to mediate our power, we are all but ineffective against the forces of Dark Matter," he said, either oblivious to, or ignoring Allen's embarrassment at his position, holding the youth tightly against him.
"What our form is is irrelevant," continued the Dark Boots, moving behind Lenalee to wrap her arms around the girl tightly, resting her cheek on top of the girl's head. "As long as we are with you, and we protect you and synchronize effectively with you, than it doesn't matter what shape we take."
Way to dodge the question, thought Lavi with an inward eye roll, though he didn't protest Tessei snuggled tightly against him, resigning himself to the situation with a sigh.
For now, he thought firmly, I'll...allow this for now. But I've really got to think about this. Am I an Exorcist, or a Bookman? The line is blurring and with my Innocence suddenly...alive like this...it just makes everything more complicated.
Lavi's stomach twisted painfully, as some of the emotional turmoil that had been plaguing him before returned.
Gramps...oh damn, Gramps. I can't even think about that...I just...can't think about that. But, damn, I wish I could talk to him...but what would he say? Would he make us leave...and what would happen to Tessei? If we left, we would have to return our Innocence to Hevlaska, but I've crystallized, and besides, leaving Tessei-oof!
Lavi looked down as Tessei hugged him to the point of pain, looking up at him with sad and scared eyes.
"Then don't leave," she whispered, quiet enough for only the two of them to hear. "Don't leave. Let me stay with you. Please. I love you. You're my Accommodator. Stay. I don't have anyone else, I love you. Stay. You can't leave. You can't." She hissed the last part, yanking on Lavi's shirt and pulling him down to her level so she could once again capture his lips in a kiss.
Barely registering Lenalee and Allen's gasps in the background, Lavi fought back his surprise at the stolen kiss as he realized what had just occurred.
She...read my thoughts?
Haha...haha...haha...so how was that?
Yeah...Tessei is my fave Innocence to write for, because she's the most complex. I'm going to have so much fun with her and Lavi...
Oh, apparently Tessei is a fanon name for Lavi's hammer, (thanks Angel Fantasy!) and I prefer using that then 'Big Hammer, Little Hammer'.
On another note...
IMPORTANT NOTICE ABOUT PAIRINGS!
Okay, um, don't assume that because Tess is all over Lavi that the story is going to be a definite Innocence/Accomodator pairing thingie, because it's not. There is a reason that Tessei acts the way she does, and I absolutely can't wait to go further into it! Squeee!
But what I mean to say, is that this isn't going to turn into a Yaoi or a Yuri. There's clearly going to be some 'shounen-ai' and 'shoujo-ai' scenes, but that's just because of how attached the Innocence are. It's not necessarily 'romantic' attachment, and it's not going to evolve much past what you saw in this chapter.
...
I think.
Okay, you wanna know the real story? I have absolutely no freaking control over this fanfic. I had no plans to make it so damn Yaoi-ish. But the damn thing just wrote itself! So while I am trying to not make it awkward for my readers who haven't been sucked into the slash fandom, the characters are unpredictable, and they may just decide one day...
Crown Clown: Hey, Natcat,
Ntct:...yeah.
CC: I'm going to kiss Allen.
Ntct: Um, no. See I can't write Yaoi (my brain implodes whenever I try) and besides, I have some readers who-,
CC: BITCH, PLEASE. I said I'm going to kiss Allen!
Ntct: D: NUO! Not the face!
CC: Alright! I got the laptop!
DB: Yes! Now I can do anything I want to my Lenalee!
Mugen: Heh, sexiness. Now I can go molest my Kanda!
Tess: Hmph, I've already hacked it. Didn't you see me molesting Lavi all chapter?
Ntct: (bleeding from headshot)
So...yeah. *cough* (Consider that a sneak peek of Mugen for next chapter. I meant to include Kanda in this chapter, but then I felt bad for the wait, so...)
The romance/slash level of this fanfic is debatable. If I get beaten up and shot by wayward characters I'll try and post a warning at the beginning of the chapter.
Anyhoo, it's Suuummmmer! And I have a job. Full time. Five days a week. But, no homework! (well...one summer long project that's worth...all of my grade...) So I'll have time to write! (ish. Maybe. We'll see.)
xoxo, natcat5 ;p