How To Become A Girl
Chapter Five
It's been a month now. Since I officially met Alice and Rosalie, who, by the way, hangs out with me comfortably every single day. I love Rosalie, too, like Alice. They're really awesome. It's been a month since Jasper's "revenge" party. One hell of a night, huh? But I say, it was fun, though. And it's been a month now since that night. Since that guy, took advantage of me. It wasn't rape. Not really. It's not like he forced it. I'm pretty sure I participated, too. I was just not as aware at that time as I am now. I mean I was drunk. And probably he was, too. Alice and Rosalie made me promise to take the pregnancy tests for a month, every week. Just to be sure. My period is expected the day after tomorrow. So I'm really waiting for that to happen.
Right now, I'm in the library. I've been doing this, too, for a month now. I love books and when I'm here, everything feels different. It's like I'm being taken away from the real world, giving me a chance to sit back and relax. Give my head some peace time, you know what I mean? Whenever I'm with Alice and Rosalie, everything seems to be passing with a blur. Like we're riding a sports car or something and I usually get exhausted by just watching them shop, plan stuff and talk.
Oh yeah, Rosalie's dating Emmett now just as Alice is dating Jasper. And I'm totally fine with it. Alice and Rosalie have been the best among all the others that my buddies have dated. And it seems that Em and Jazz have found their matches. Like their "forever". Not my word. Em and Jazz used that when they talked to me one time. I actually thought they sounded gay for one moment but, hell, they're happy so am I. For them, at least.
I checked my watch for the time. I sighed as I realized that I only five minutes left before I meet Al and Rose by the gate. Come on, time to go back to reality. I told myself. I put the book, that I've been reading, back on the shelf and logged out.
It's a Friday night and that means that we'll all be going out. First, I have to go shopping with the girls and then we do something crazy. Last week, we did truth or dare. This week they wanted to hit the bar but I'm not sure if they'll let us in. Or maybe they'll use their names, Whitlock and Brandon, again. And some money, probably. Just like before when we decided to eat out and the tables were all taken. They hated it but they really wanted to eat there, so they did it.
As I was logging out, a guy who seemed oddly familiar, stood next to me. He was way too tall for my 5'4'' frame. And as I looked up, I thought I'd recognize that wild hair. But it was dark the last time I saw that hair, so I wasn't really sure.
"Excuse me, ma'am." He cleared his throat.
Okay. I'll take my chances. Edward Cullen? But hey, there are a lot of guys around here with a British accent and wild hair. It's kind of the in thing nowadays.
"Hold on, sir." The librarian, who I learned to be Mrs. Cope, held her index finger up at the man next to me.
I was waiting for my library card.
"Here you go, Miss Swan." She smiled warmly at me before handing me my card and turning to Mr. Wild Hair.
He seemed to have frozen in his spot. I felt him stiffen when Mrs. Cope said my name.
"What can I do for you, Mr. Cullen?" She smiled at him, too, just like she did to me and then pushed back her glasses.
Now it's my turn to freeze. Chance taken.
Holy--! No frickin' way. What do I do? What do I do? Think. Think. Think. This might be my only chance to get to him. I haven't seen him since the party, meaning I've never talked to him about that night. I will most definitely not let him get away this time. And then there's Alice and Rosalie waiting for me. But I'm pretty sure they'll understand. Okay. Do this now. Hold your head up, Bella.
I turned around to face him just about the same time he turned to me, too. "Oh. Hey, Edward." I greeted him. "I haven't seen you in a while."
He gave her his card before smiling back at me. Cue swoon. "Bella."
"Mind if I talk to you for a moment when we get out? It's really important." I smiled icily at him.
"Sure." He faced back the librarian.
I waited for him. Mrs. Cope was really running slow, no offense. They should get her an assistant. After a couple of minutes, he was done and he let me out the door first.
Damn it! I couldn't wait to confront him.
"Is there anything you need from me, Bella?" He asked me.
Oh yeah. Can I have my cherry back, you asshole?!
"Hmmm..." I pretended to think. "Let's see."
He looked at me intently.
"Ah! Right. I need you to tell me the truth." I looked into his eyes. Awesome green...Snap out of it, Bella. "Did something happen between me and you on that one night?"
He didn't answer. He merely looked away.
"Edward," I tried again. "Did something happen?"
"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to...I was drunk and you were, too. Obviously. But I was less drunk. And we were in the pool. And everything got heated up. And then we were just doing it. I...you...I...sorry...And then I realized what I did and I didn't know what to do. So I...damn it! I...walked away, okay? And I'm really really sorry." He stuttered.
I let out an exhale. I felt like forgiving him even though he just did the heaviest thing for me. I don't know why. He seemed so sincere about his apologies. And we were both drunk. So, we weren't aware. But he walked away. He left you in a predicament. You had to deal with it alone. So unfair of him and not nice.
I pinched my nose bridge in frustration and I clutched my stomach when I felt it scream hunger at me.
"Oh my god. Are you pregnant?" His eyes widened like saucers.
"I doubt it." I shook my head. "But I'm still checking. It's been a month now, you know. I'll know the final results later."
He ran his hand over his face. "Tell me, okay? Whatever comes out. Tell me."
And what trust you just like that? Ha! No, no, no, no, no. I don't think so.
But he is the possible father of my possible baby. Ugh. This is getting more and more frustrating.
My phone rang. I looked at screen to see Alice's name flashing. "Hello?" I answered.
"Bella! Where are you?" Alice was panting.
"Just wait for me. I'm coming soon. Give me a couple more minutes." I told her.
"O-kay. Hurry up, please."
I snapped my phone shut and faced Edward again.
"Are...we...okay, Bella?" He knit his eyebrows together.
I wanted to smooth out the creases that were forming. But my mind told me not to feel sorry for him. He was my suspect and I was the victim.
"It's not that easy." I looked down.
"I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you."
"I told you, not that easy." I narrowed my eyes into slits. "I better go." I turned around. "See you around, Edward." I said coldly at him. And I walked away from him. I had to show him that I can walk away, too. Part of me hoped it was true, that I'll see him around. But I know it's not right to feel this way to a person who just took what I've been guarding with so much effort ever since I was born. It wasn't right.
I walked to Rose's car with an unbelievably slow pace. The one that, if I was in my right mind, would annoy the hell out of me and also the one that's perfect for just thinking. Thinking about Edward Cullen. I don't know why but I feel like forgiving him. But like I said, it's not right. And I still feel like punching him in the fucking face, too.
"Bella! What took you so long?" Alice asked with worry.
"I just bumped into somebody." I looked down, afraid that my face might reveal something.
"Okay. You're acting weird, honey. Either way, we better get going. You still have to take your last pregnancy test." She pat me on the shoulder before pushing me in the car.
"Hey Bella!" Rosalie greeted as soon as I hopped in. She was as excited as Alice. But she was also more patient.
"Hey Rose." I smiled weekly at her.
I found myself thinking again. About Edward. About me having a baby. About my job...
Yeah. Alice and Rose have been helping me a lot with that, too. There's this interior designing company that they've been getting me into. Structures and Designs. They want me to get a position there, even though it was just a assistant to the boss. I already had my first interview last week. If they like me, they will most likely call me back soon for a second round. But I doubt that. I think I failed the first one. Well for one, I was wearing a simple outfit. And Alice was screaming at me at the top of her lungs for not wearing the proper attire. Now she's got a hold of me and she's not letting go until I fix that for the second round.
So we got to the house on time, thanks to Rosalie's manic driving abilities. If we were in Forks, I wouldn't have allowed her to get to that speed but then again, we aren't. And then they saw the unopened box. And I think Alice wanted to scold me for having really bad fashion taste and not opening the box. She was telling me one time that I wasn't a "gangsta". I wasn't as convinced as she was. Hahaha. Just kidding!
Finally, when I was in the bathroom doing whatever I needed, first up was the pregnancy test. I was sitting on the toilet impatiently as I waited for the result to show up.
Negative.
I let out a breath of relief as I stood, threw the test away and headed for the shower. Now that I was covered with a thin sheet of sweat, I wanted my water cold. And so I let it run cold. And damn, did it feel so good.
I brushed my teeth twice. Just a habit I picked up from my dad. Washed my face again before I dried my self with a towel, wrapping it around me afterwards.
Rose and Al were chatting animatedly when I stepped back into my room.
"How was it?" Rose asked first.
"I got a..." I pretended to look bad. Like sick. "negative."
"Are you sad about it, Bella?" Alice looked at me with a sad face.
"I'm damn happy about it." I broke into a face breaking grin.
They both laughed and jumped with me. Alice was the first one to drop on the bed, followed by Rosalie.
"Um, guys? I need to dress up." I pointed at myself and the towel.
"Yeah. About that, Bella..." Alice looked at me. "Why the hell haven't you opened that box? There are a lot of good stuff in there. Damn. Why didn't I notice?" She murmured to herself the last sentence.
"I don't know. I told you before, I'm not dressy." I shrugged. I expected her doing that anyway. I wasn't so surprised.
"Oh come on, Bella. You're missing out on a lot." Rosalie said.
I shrugged again.
Alice searched through my bedside table for something sharp. She came across my keys and used it to open up the boxes. "Let's see..." She picked up pieces of garments from the box. Examining it as a professional.
Oh no. They are not going to dress me for tonight. No. I will not allow that. I'll allow the interview because, I admit, I need help there but tonight? No, no, no, no, no. I don't frickin' think so.
"What are you doing, Alice?" I asked her.
"Looking for something to let you wear. I need Rose." Rose scurried to her side and they both searched through the clothes.
"Um, guys? I already have something to wear." I pointed at the closet with my thumb.
"What? Your "gangsta" wear? I don't think so, Bella." Alice's eyes narrowed into slits at me before going back to the box.
"Alice...Rose...Please? Can I wear what I want?" I almost whined.
"Not tonight, Bella." Alice shook her head. "Ah! Here." She held up a pink sequined dress. It seemed to catch the light in every angle. No way. That will attract too much attention and it's too short.
Is she fucking kidding me?! I am not wearing that!
"I can't wear that. I'm sorry, Alice. But I just can't." I shook my head as I adjusted my towel.
"Why not? You've got a great body. Show it!" She looked at me.
I instantly felt a pang of guilt wash over me.
"Because I will look inapt in that." I lifted my free hand towards the dress. "Just please. Let me wear whatever I want." I pleaded. Man, this is bad.
"Okay, okay. Today will be the last, Bella." She lifted her index finger to point at me.
"Fine." I knew that agreeing would be a bad thing. I guess, I just have to find my way out of her schemes every time.
They both hurried out with sad expressions on their faces as I closed and locked my bedroom door.
I got my loose black shirt from my closet and my safe skinny jeans. As I was dressing up, I passed by the full body mirror and I saw myself in my underwear. I'm thin. Like model thin, I think, but I never showed anything to anyone. Yeah, maybe Edward but I didn't really now. Anyway. I turned to my side wondering when I'll ever gain weight. I clutched my tummy.
The baby...Should I tell Edward that he has nothing to worry about now? No. He walked away. And if I was having a baby, it means he walked away from that, too.
Somehow, I felt bad. I felt bad for not having something there. I've been waiting for a month and hoping. Yet, nothing came out of it. I was relieved, of course, but I suddenly feel empty, hollow.
I shook my head, pushing the thoughts away and returning to dressing up. I ran downstairs, surprised to see everybody ready. Wow. Was I really that slow today?
Alice eyes lit up a little. Huh. Jasper.
"I'm ready." I took a deep breath.
"Oh. Wow. I never imagined your body to be that thin...and gorgeous. Your shirt is too baggy, though. But your legs...damn!" Alice and Rose eyed me up and down and up and down until I got annoyed. I thought I should feel insulted with her "thin" comment until she added "gorgeous" in.
"Shut up, Al." I looked at her with a long face. Then my phone rang.
I picked it up and some familiar voice came up on the other line.
"Is this Isabella Swan?" The voice asked.
"Yes." I said, my voice almost trembling. I could see all my friends stare at me with curiosity.
"This is Heidi from Structures and Designs. We were just wondering if you're still up for the job?" Ah. Right. Heidi. The one who interviewed me the last time.
"Of course." I bit my lip waiting for her response.
"Are you free tomorrow after lunch? The boss wants to talk to you." As soon as the words, "the boss", spilled out of her lips, I was pretty sure I trembled so bad.
"Y-yes. I-I'm definitely available." I tried composing myself. No luck, though.
"Alright. Come to the office at around two in the afternoon." And she hung up.
I dropped on the bed and I noticed that their faces haven't changed a bit.
I looked at Alice, first, who tried to figure it out until I couldn't hold it back anymore.
"Interview. 2 P.M. Tomorrow." I told them. Especially to Alice.
She squealed like crazy! And they laughed. They all laughed going to the car. It was so contagious that I found myself laughing, too, after a few moments.
Hey guys! Tell me what you think, okay?
Again, height for Bella is 5'4''. :D