How To Become A Girl

Chapter Ten

I let out a sigh.

People started dancing. I saw Alice pull Jasper into the middle of the hall. Rosalie stood up, too, pulling Emmett with her. I gave her a smile for some sort of encouragement. She was ecstatic. I chuckled. So...I'm left alone again with Edward. Why do people like doing this?!

I slumped into my chair feeling exhausted and bored.

"Bella?" The way my name rolled out of Edward's lips made me feel weird and uncomfortable.

"Yes?" I turned to him.

He scrunched his eyebrows and said, "Nevermind." He stood up then, walking towards the other direction.

Sigh. Now it's just me. And now I really feel so alone. At least when Edward was here, I knew I had some sort of company. A part of me argued that I shouldn't be here. That I should've agreed to Jasper's first decision. To fake sick. But this time I don't have to fake sick because I literally feel sick now. I could be at the JW palace, playing Wii, eating food, reading a book, calling my dad, sleeping...Seriously, I feel solitary. I leaned my chin on my propped up hand and continued sipping champagne. My stomach grumbled with hunger. I clutched it and thought about standing up to get food from the buffet table. And just as I was about to, Edward came back with two plates of food. My eyes widened as he set the first one in front of me. I looked at him then raised an eyebrow.

"Um. I wasn't sure what you wanted. So I got you some of each and if you want something, I'll go back and get it for you. There's also dessert." He placed the other plate on his side.

Really? Edward's doing this? Is he for real? I wonder what he ate...

"Wow." Clearly, was there even a reason to hate him at the moment? "Thanks."

"Sure." He smiled that crooked grin.

Damn you, Edward! I gave him back a smile. I looked at the plate. There was about 5 different dishes on my plate. There was chopped steak, I think, some raviolis, some veggie salad, some baked chicken and some of what looked like seared tuna.

"Aren't you going to eat?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "I'm fine. I'll eat when you're done."

"Come on, I'll share the plate." I moved the plate a little towards him. It was now between us. I had to shift my position to the side so that I would be facing him.

Share a plate? Share a plate?! I don't know where that came from.

"No, no. Eat, Bella." He tried pushing the plate back but I stopped it.

I picked up my fork then stabbed the steak. I took a piece and ate it, licking my lips as the juice oozed out. I took time to chew it, taking a sip from the served wine.

"Your turn." I swallowed.

"Are you trying to be funny? Just eat." He smiled.

"Fine. If you're not going to eat independently..." I took a piece of the ravioli and held it up to him. I pointed the fork towards him. "then I'm feeding you."

He chuckled. "Why do you care now?"

He was right. Why in the world did I care if he ate or not?

"Because, I wouldn't want to be responsible for your death just because I didn't feed you." I moved the fork closer to him.

He narrowed his eyes before taking the bite.

I smiled. "See? Is it that difficult?"

He chewed and he gulped. He let out a short laugh. "Hmmm. I suppose not."

"Now pick up your own fork and eat." I flickered my eyes to him before motioning to his fork. I started eating seriously and so did he. These stuff are delicious! Compliments to the chef! I remembered my father's attempts at cooking. Culinary is just really not for him. Thoughts of him, though, relaxed me to an extent. I ate one-fourth of everything and Edward didn't surprise me that he finished the rest.

He replaced the clean plate with the dessert plate. A huge slice of what looks like cheesecake. Obviously, he didn't just get it for me. I wouldn't be able to finish that. But that wasn't really what caught my attention. It was topped with fresh cherries! My favorite cherries! But it sent shivers down my spine. Cherries were also the main attraction of that night. That one night that Edward and I, who I am face to face with right now, spent together.

"It was just some plain cheesecake. You pick the toppings but since, I remembered how much you like cherries, I thought I'd get them instead. I can go back--" He explained.

"No. Cherries are fine. I do love them." I smiled. I picked up one cherry and popped the whole thing in my mouth. I removed the tied stem from my mouth afterwards and the seed, too. I cut a small portion of the cake and ate it, too. I found him staring again.

Hasn't anyone taught this guy that it's rude to stare? Especially if the person's eating?

"What?" I asked him.

"Nothing...it's just..." He didn't finish his sentence by eating a cherry and leaving the stem out. He threw out the seed and ate a part of the cake, too. There was a smear of the cheesecake on the side of his mouth.

I laughed at him.

"What?" He looked at me.

I pointed to the spot on my face that mirrored the smear. His hand went flying on his face but he always missed that spot. So I did it for him. I used my thumb to remove the stuff away. He leaned on my hand as I accidentally cupped his jaw.

I quickly took my hand back and cleared my throat. I kept eating cherries to prevent myself from saying something and thinking about what just happened. It was unexplainable. The energy that surged was just a little stronger than before. I wondered how it would've have been if he touched me in places I couldn't even imagine, now. Was it stronger? Oh crap.

Stop thinking, keep eating. Stop thinking, keep eating.

Thank god, Alice and the rest came back to the table they were giggling and they sounded so happy. But they stopped once they noticed the silence that passed between me and Edward. Jasper and Emmett stood up to get food and Rose and Al stayed there and watched.

I let out a sigh.

Soon enough, Jazz and Em came back with two different plates each. Wait. Didn't Edward just almost do that? What did it mean? What did it mean? They gave one each to Rose and Al and they placed down their own. I looked at the clean plate in front of us and the plate that still had some cherries and cake. Would they notice that we shared? Would they say something about it? I couldn't blame Edward this time. I offered back the food. It had 'my fault' written vividly on this.

It was quiet. Really quiet that it's not that cool anymore. It wasn't just quiet, there was also some tension in the air. I sat there on my seat until I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and at the same time Edward stood up too.

"I think I need some fresh air." I said at the same time that he said, "Excuse me." Our words were incoherent to the rest of my friends as they collided. I could see them look at us with shock on their faces and gaped mouths. We both turned around to head to different directions. I didn't care anymore where he went. I went straight for the gates of heaven. As soon as I was out of that building, I let out the breath that I've been holding.

I found a bench and sat on it. Trying to relax, cooling myself with the breeze. I could feel some lose strands softly whip my face. I didn't feel like crying. I wasn't disappointed. I just felt like I've been trying to swim to the surface of the water. I needed to breath. There was some sort of struggle. I just couldn't tell what it was, really. I let myself relax for a few more moments...Letting myself breath it out. I'm treading now.

I was expecting Jasper or Emmett sit next to me. I'll even expect Alice and Rose. But then, just as usual. I was wrong again. I mean can't he see that I needed some time off him?

"I'm sorry about a while ago, Bella." He whispered.

"Don't worry about it." I smiled weakly at him. It wasn't his fault. I touched him this time.

"Tell me it's alright."

I wish I could...but it just brings up a lot more.

"It's alright." I looked at him. I didn't dodge his eyes this time. A part of me argued that it was wrong that I let myself drown. But I didn't mind it. His eyes looked back at me the same way I did to his.

"Okay." He exhaled.

My friends started exiting the hall one by one. I stood up wanting to go back to them. But I saw the serious stares and connection between the two participants of each couple. It seemed like it was a sin to disturb whatever they had. Then I remembered Edward. I turned to face him. He was standing on his own two feet already.

"I gotta go." I told him.

"Okay. Goodnight, Bella." He nodded. He took a step closer.

They've already walked past us. I didn't know if they purposely ignore us. It seems like it, though. Because they didn't let their eyes wander around. And that was suspicious enough for me. They went for the limo so quick, I wouldn't have noticed them if I didn't look past Edward.

"Goodnight." I smiled, stood up and followed behind them.

And now I felt lonelier than ever. They had love. I didn't. And I felt so empty, so left out. I couldn't blame them, though for making me feel left out. It was the glory of love. Hey, I might've never been in love but I think I know how that works. And I'm getting scared...

The drive was quiet as usual. I concluded that maybe they just don't really want to talk when we're inside the car on the way home. Too much love tension going on, maybe? I looked out the window as different colors passed by in a blur.

Wondering...when I'd actually get a taste of love. I mean, I got a taste of some but I really wouldn't call that lovemaking.

When I got home, I went straight to my bedroom, locking myself in. Right now, I need some space. Some air. And if Alice and Rose were here to ask me about tonight, I might unintentionally leash out my wrath to them. Not good.

I dressed down hurriedly, not caring if I've ripped a part of the expensive and elegant cloth that they wrapped around me. I took off the hair accessories, not caring if I've pulled out strands of hair. I let the water fill the tub. I think this would be good for tonight. And as soon as I hopped in, I let all thoughts leave me. Everything. And I let myself drown.

I hadn't notice that I've fallen asleep in the tub. I let one round of water run on me and then drained the tub. Man, I've never felt this exhausted. I dressed up in my comfy long pajamas and huge shirt. I dried my hair unmindfully and gave the clock a glimpse.

2 A.M.?! What time did we arrive at home? How long was I asleep in the tub?!

This is going to kill me tomorrow.

There! Three chapters for today again. Did you like it?